Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A Drooly Stolen Kiss


L-R: Reina, Magz,and Angie

A group of us went out on Saturday night to celebrate the end of the term. Btw if you’ve never had mojitos please by all means treat yourself to one a few. Just watch it ‘cause they tend to sneak up on you.

I am happy to report that even though our group consumed a lot of hooch there was no burning fingers, street puking or tucking and rolling like last time. However there was a drooly stolen kiss…

The time had come to go home and I went outside while the others got themselves together the lounge was hot and crowded I needed some air. I was standing outside in a slightly drunk buzzed state enjoying the late night breeze when this drunk guy approached me and started hitting on me. He spoke to me in thick slurred Dominican accented Spanish which I had a hard time understanding and no it wasn’t because I was drunk buzzed, so stop arching your eyebrow at me. It’s just that I’ve always have had a hard time with Dominican accents especially when the person is drunk and I am drunk buzzed. That just complicates things.

Not wanting to be rude I told him I was waiting for my girlfriend thinking he’d move on. Nope it didn’t buy the gay ploy; it must have been used on him before. He continued to hit on me. Just then the phone rang it was my friends; the block was so crowded they couldn’t see me. I gave them a landmark and jokingly told them to hurry up before I beat the drunken man down with my cell phone. For the next few minutes which by the way can seem like an eternity when you’re being hit on by a drunken guy, he was my weaving body guard. Seeing my friends approach I gave him a small goodbye wave and started to walk towards them. Just then the drunken guy leaned in said something I couldn’t make out and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, depositing quite a decent amount of drool on my face. Thank God for there were people nearby to save me otherwise I might have drowned in it. My reaction was a startled one I didn’t know whether to kick in the shins or laugh. In the end I had to laugh wiping my cheek with the sleeve of my hoody.

Sunday afternoon Reina insisted on interrupting my hangover movie to ask if I was still drunk… Attention Reina I was not drunk. I didn’t sing Winnie The Pooh did I? No I didn’t. That means I was not drunk, tipsy perhaps but not drunk. Everyone knows I sing Winnie The Pooh when I’ve had a wee too much to drink and there was no “Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff. He's Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh Willy nilly silly ole bear” coming outta my mouth and if memory serves me right I didn’t call out “Ohhh Christopher Robin” to any of waiters in order to get their attention.

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Posted by @ 12:27 AM
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

My skin


I recently had a convo with a Dominican kid about our respective dating habits and he was telling me of his preference for white skinned women, despite being dark himself or as he put it a “ dark chocolate color.” Wtf was his father Willie Wonka? I reminded him that there is beauty in all women regardless of color and that he should give props to the trigueña woman. After all countless of Latino composers have written songs about the allure of our piel canela, the beauty of la mujer trigueña. I tell him I feel sorry for him that he allows his romantic life to be ruled by a color palette.

He pointed out that my last boyfriend had been white as a matter of fact quite a few of the guys I’ve dated have been white. I told him that it’s not a preference with me it’s just the way things have worked out. For some odd reason I mostly attract white guys, occasionally a Latino will hit on me but it’s mostly the white guys. I love the way my mother jokingly words it, “them white boys sure do love them some Mia.” Sho’ ‘nuf mama. I told him that too many of our fellow Latinos have the same mentality that he has preferring our fair skinned sisters over the dark ones. I am an equal opportunity dater… skin color, religion, nationality; it doesn’t matter to me. I look at the soul, the mind, the heart. The skin, the outer being is just packaging much like a candy bar; the wrapping may be nice but what you really want is what is inside of the wrapping.

I reminded him that as representatives of our people in this case Dominicans and Boriquas, he surely must realize that some of our ancestors were Africans. He scoffed at me, how I dare suggest that we have an ounce of African blood in us. Where did he think he got his coloring from, a crayola box? Denial is not just a river in Egypt my brother. ¡Tu no eres blanco! (you're not white)

I wear my skin color with pride; people spend a small fortune on bronzing products, risking skin cancer in tanning booths just in the hopes of obtaining my skin color. I rub cocoa butter into my skin and it shines like copper reflective of my black, olive, gold, red, and yes even white skinned ancestors blood running through my veins…. They are all reflected in my coloring, my features…. My skin is homage to my Taino forefathers, my Nigerian great great great grandfather brought to Puerto Rico in chains on a slave ship. My Berber and Arab ancestors whose names are still being carried on by my family, my Guanche ancestors from Las Islas Canarias who immigrated to Puerto Rico in hopes of building their fortunes…. From the proud Spaniards of Albacete to the humble jibaros of Borinquen they each have left their legacy imprinted on my skin and my features. I have no trouble loving my skin because within me flows the blood of many a great people; within me flows the history of a people. I am the result of love transcending the boundaries of color, race and religion. When I look at my skin that’s what I see ….love.

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Monday, May 29, 2006

Mia Explains: Memorial Day


Yeah man it’s that time again time for Mia to explain the holiday…


Memorial Day, is a United States federal holiday originally called Decoration Day, is a day to remember those who have died in our nation's service. It began first to honor Union soldiers who died during the American Civil War. After World War I, it expanded to include those who died in any war or military action. In the Spring of 1866, Henry C. Welles, a druggist in the village of Waterloo, NY, suggested that the patriots who had died in the Civil War should be honored by decorating their graves. General John B. Murray, Seneca County Clerk, embraced the idea and a committee was formed to plan a day devoted to honoring the dead. Townspeople made wreaths, crosses and bouquets for each veteran's grave. Now the day appears to have expanded to include any person who was ever a service member who has since died, and observances of the day appear to be dominated by still-living veterans.


As Americans I think we sometimes have a tendency to take our troops for granted. I am reminded of the danger they face everyday as I watch the evening news or read the paper. Our soldiers are never far from my mind or my heart. Even though I don’t believe in this war I do believe in our troops and respect their courage. Every time I hear on the news that a soldier has been killed I pray to the heavens to keep my friends and family in Iraq and Afghanistan safe , I pray that all of our troops be kept safe after all they are my brothers and sisters too.

People join the service for a variety of reasons wanting to serve their country, as a way out etc. No matter the reason one thing is evident they love what they do, what they represent, they love their country. Certainly they do not do it for the love of money because a soldiers pay is nothing to brag about and if you ask me that’s a damn shame. Please take the time out today to in some way honor our troops past and present.

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Saturday, May 27, 2006

Mia Then and Now



Opinionatedinjerzee started up this meme and Champ has tagged me for it as well. Yes I was a child of the '90's loving the look of hats well into my late teen years.

I was 8 years old in the photo. I don't think I will ever live this outfit down. I picked it out all by myself. I had an obsession with that damn hat, I wore it every where! Come to think of it I had one in every color they made!



And here I am all grown up and it's been years since I've worn a hat.

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Posted by @ 9:52 PM
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Friday, May 26, 2006

My Dreams


My dreams often leave a strong impression on me and it is my belief that they are a reflection of what’s going on in my life. They often play out like movies; the cinematography dazzles.Something along the lines of an Ang Lee film. This week my dreams have left me with a feeling of peace.They've also left me with a feeling that something new is headed my way something wonderful I can feel it, something life changing it’s either that or the pizza I just had for lunch, take your pick.

I was awakened at 3:00 am by the smell of flowers and freshly cut grass.I'd gone to bed exhausted so the fact that anything could awaken me was amazing. The sudden appearance of the scent startled me, I sat up in bed and gladly breathed it in. After a few seconds the scent was gone just as suddenly as it had come.I laid back down and snuggled into my blanket. I closed my eyes and felt myself drift off. In my dream I saw a light so bright it hurt my eyes to look at it directly. I could see neither nothing around it nor beyond it just the light. Then all of a sudden I heard a man’s gentle voice say, “Everything will be alright.” And I awoke.I actually had a smile on my face and I felt so peaceful, I felt free.

Later on during the day I was on the subway with Reina on our way to school to pay next semester’s tuition. The dandelion seeds being blown all over The Bronx like little parachutes were just too much for my allergies, my eyes were irritated. I laid back my head and closed my eyes just to rest them. I must have drifted off for a second. I saw a long haired man dressed in white he was standing in front of me inches from my face. He looked into my eyes and laid his hand on my head then he leaned in and kissed my forehead. It was a gentle kiss the kind a father lays on his child. My eyes flew open and I jumped up and said, “Oh shit! Reina I’m going to die that’s it I am going to die!” My sudden movement and the look on my face made Reina laugh, “What?!” I placed my hand on her arm and said, “It’s official final’s week has made me crazy! I am going crazy!" I told her what had happened and she looked at me and moved away from me, “Hey! You’re not supposed to move away, you’re supposed to move closer and comfort me!” The damn slore thought it was hysterical me losing my mind at such a young and tender age. I’ll get her back, I feel a rash of how do you keep an idiot in suspense moments coming on.

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Posted by @ 2:14 PM
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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A Chinese man doing yoga on your neck


Have you ever had one of those “special” moments? No I’m not talking about one of those “awwww” moments that brings tears to your eyes. I’m talking about one of those (insert finger quotes here and lower voice to a whisper) “Special” moments. Those moments that leave you feeling like you should be wearing a helmet and riding the short yellow bus to a school that has classrooms with 2 teachers per every 9 students. Yeah man one of those special moments.

After Reina and I took our finals yesterday we bumped into Angela and a couple of her friends and decided to chill together for a little bit. We were walking down the street when all of a sudden Magz said to me,”Mia is that a Chinese man doing yoga on your neck?” I turned to look at the Chinese man she was talking about practically giving myself whiplash; there was no Chinese man there. I was still looking around for the Chinese man doing yoga on the down low when Reina chimed,"your neck she’s talking about your neck.” Then it hit me “ohhh! Doy!” I’d forgotten I have a fairy in a lotus position tattooed on the back of my neck .

I got the yoga fairy while visiting a friend in Michigan and it’s my least favorite tattoo. I'd been told that this tattoo artist was fantastic and his portfolio seemed to support it. He loved my other tatz and my piercings and agreed to fit me in even though I didnt have an appointment. I wore an open shirt with a tube top underneath to give him easy access to the nape of my neck and when I took off the shirt he said I had a beautiful neck and shoulders and immeadiately began massaging my neck and shoulders in order to have me relaxed before he inked me...that should've been a hint for me to bounce right there.


The whole time he was tattooing me he kept telling me what beautiful skin I had and complementing me on my coloring. Hey man what can I say? I was blessed with the melanin that gives me that bronze look. Throughout the entire process my friend had been giggling like a banshee smoking weed. I thought she was just being giddy due to me being there and having someone besides her imaginary friend to talk Spanish to. I was wrong, it turned out Mr. Hottie Gringo Tattoo Dude had a woody, a hard on; his flag was flying full staff the entire time he was doing my neck. I have to admit I thought I felt something poking me in the back but I thought it was his knee. I guess his um “situation” affected his ability to give the tattoo his all because it looks very little the drawing my mother made (my tattoos come from sketches she’s made). When I got home I got it fixed but there’s only so much they can do, and that’s why despite the fact that peeps think my fairy in lotus position tattoo is adorable it remains my least favorite tat which is why I tend to forget I have it until people mention it. That's my excuse for yesterday's "special" moment, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

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Posted by @ 1:21 PM
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Last Term Paper


This morning I stared for a few minutes at the vase on my window just trying to absorb the beauty of the flower and enjoy the silence.It was all ending today. After several days of looking at nothing but research material, studies, data, statistics, bar graphs and charts it is over! My 25 page psychology paper entitled Behavioral Changes in College Students due to Academic Stress is finished! I’ve just handed it in, it was the official last term paper of the semester and I have just taken my last final which means this semester is ovaaaaa! Can I hear a Hallelujah and Amen people?! Come on say it louder Hallefreakinglujah Mia is free at last, free at last thank Allah almighty Mia is free at last!

I’ve been going to bed at ungodly hours trying to squeeze every minute I could out of the day in order to accommodate the time needed for this research paper, as well my other term papers in addition to studying for finals. I’ve been awake to greet the sun on several occasions and have it say, “Wtf are you still doing up Mia?” At night the moon has teased me filling my darkened room with moon beams that showcased my bed and pillows….the stars seemed to twinkle brighter over my window beckoning me lay my head on the pillow. Well tonight I will be teased no more because I am hitting that bed the way Whitney Houston sucks on a crack pipe, long and hard baby long and hard.

This morning around 3 am in my hour of need and in front of my keyboard typing in my sleep I heard the familiar “you’ve got mail”a friend emailed me this little guy…which made me burst out laughing and woke me up right away allowing me to correct what I had typed in my sleep and finish the last paper….


Hey man what can I say I love me some Spiderman but a dancing Spiderman at the end of the term? Whoot Whoot babyyyy! Whoot whoot!!

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Posted by @ 1:52 PM
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Monday, May 22, 2006

Eau de Childhood


When I was a kid I used to LOVE Play-Doh, I used to drive my parents crazy for requests for the stuff, they'd always by me the large multi packs. I'd make fake nails, mustaches, and snakes. I'd sculpt faces and stack coil on top of coil to make a bowl or a cup. Play-doh just opened up my imagination yeah man I loved Play-Doh.

Okay I can’t front I still love the stuff. Only now I get my Play-Doh fix via my little cousin he has tons of the stuff in all colors. One of the things that I liked most about play-doh other than the feel of it was the smell of it. I never knew a kid that didn’t like that smell. I always felt that it should be bottled and made the official scent of childhood. Well it seems that the folks at Hasbro (the makers of Play-Doh) had the same thought and have released “Eau de Play-Doh” in honor of Play-Doh’s 50th anniversary. Supposedly it smells just like the clay! It’s selling for 19.00 a bottle and available at Sephora.com. Yeah I gotta check this out.

I'm sure everyone has a scent that brings them back to their childhood a scent they treasure ... maybe perfume makers could give my favorite childhood smells a try...
New Barbie scent…that’s the light aroma of plastic that hits you when you open up a package containing a brand new Barbie. I’d also like it very much if they could bottle the scent of Oreos and Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies. But most of all I wish they could bottle the smell of playing in an open hydrant on a scorching summer day with your friends on the upper west side or the smell of Miss Lorenzo's kingergarten class back at PS 145 on a spring day. She always kept the door that led to the playground open and a sweet breeze carrying the smell of flowers and freshly mowed grass from the nearby projects would waft in and mingle with the combined aromas of cafeteria food and the parents association cookies and coffee that were down the hall from us. That smell was so comforting to a 5 year old sitting in class.

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

I'd missed my dad


He returned yesterday after being in Florida for a week on family business. We’d been worried that he’d be snatched up by those renegade alligators terrorizing Florida. Ma warned him to stay away from the water.

While he was gone she’d been skipping too many meals, unable to sleep. I had an ear ache and he wasn’t around to make it better. My exercise machine popped a band almost decapitating the cat across the room. His 100 lb plus dog the very same dog that broke my laptop screen awhile back jumped in my lap as I was typing a paper slamming his massive paw onto my F10 button sending it flying off my laptop and under the sofa. I couldn’t fix it, I put it away awaiting his return.

As soon as he came in he hugged her, he kissed her, and twirled a long ringlet of her hair in between his fingers he’d missed her. He kissed his children and asked for the whereabouts of his oldest, that would be me. He unwrapped the aloe vera plant and the fresh oregano he’d brought his wife from his mother’s garden and gave each of the kids a gift he’d picked up for them. After putting his suitcase away he went straight into the kitchen. He was not happy that she hadn’t been eating properly while he was gone. He put on a pot of water and threw in some pasteles grandma sent . He made her favorite meal grilled chicken breast, arroz con gandules and a salad. An hour later he led her to the table feeding her from his plate despite there being a plate in front of her. “It tastes better this way”, he said kissing away the little bit of pastel that had gotten on her lip.

After dinner he turned his attention to the missing F10 button it couldn’t be fixed a tiny hinge was missing. It will have to be taken in to be repaired. He fixed the band on the exercise machine replacing the piece that had snapped. His oldest child walked in, he hugged me and asked how my ear was, “it’s okay now. Lingering in his arms, I said “Father you are forbidden from ever leaving this house again!” He laughed and kissed the top of my head as he hugged me tighter and smiled at mom. I was glad that he was back home from his trip I'd really missed my dad.

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Friday, May 19, 2006

The $7.00 Wedding Ring


At 19 Maggie was the youngest district manager in the history of the company she worked for. Rumor had it she was the youngest in the city of New York.The problem was that at 19 she looked like she was 16 and she was sensitive about it. Despite growing up in the same neighborhood they'd never met. Twenty year old William first spotted Maggie in the middle of small crowd talking to some salesmen.He would later say that it was love at first sight for him. That spring had been a bad one for the chain,their stores had been getting robbed every couple of weeks just before their 1 am closing. One manager had been killed and a couple injured. William had been sent there to keep an eye on things. Maggie was there on what was supposed to have been her day off over working herself as usual. She'd just finished a 16 hr shift covering for an employee who'd been fired the night before. Maggie glanced appreciatively at William but the fact that he kept staring at her got on her nerves. She finally walked over to him and introduced herself to him. “Oh you’re Maggie?! I’ve heard of you! You’re the kid manager right? ” “Yup that be me.” But he already knew who she was; he had asked as soon as he spotted her. "You're a cute kid." "Oh into kids are you? What are you a pedeophile? I'm a woman not a kid." Yeah he'd heard about that smart mouth of hers too.

From that day on William made it a point to stop in at the store on his way home. He kept asking her out and she kept turning him down. One of Maggie’s friends had a massive crush on him and after having made drinking plans with Maggie invited William to tag along with them without telling Maggie. When the girl’s boyfriend showed up at the lounge uninvited and looking less than thrilled Maggie and William decided to leave. William offered to walk Maggie home, they stopped for some ice cream laughing over what had just happened. The walk home lasted 7 hours. As the sun came up they went into his favorite diner for breakfast and Maggie started discussing her plans for the future and asked him about his “ Im going to marry you”, Maggie thought he was joking.


They’d been dating for a few months when William began the daily ritual of proposing to Maggie her answer was always "no". He swore to her he was going to wear her resistance down. She didn’t want to get married. The commitment scared her and she wasn’t sure if she loved him enough to spend her life with him. Then one day Maggie told William about her friend the cashier they'd gone to the lounge with. She had gotten pregnant by an ex-boyfriend but didn’t find out until she was several months into her new relationship and was now afraid. William couldn’t understand what the big deal was, “If the guy really loves her it shouldn’t matter who the baby’s father is. The baby is a part of her, it’s growing inside of her, if he loves her he will love the baby too.” It was at that moment that my mom knew she loved him. When he asked her that night to marry him she said,"yes". Papi almost fainted, he asked her 3 more times as he hugged her just to make sure.

Maggie dragged her feet in planning the wedding. She hadn’t set a date or picked a dress. Both sides of the family were nagging away at her to move her ass. The only thing she'd done was the license. William didn’t want to press her he knew she was petrified of marriage given all she had seen as kid so he let her take her time. His parents loved her. As fate would have it they'd actually met her before at her job. They'd known her for about a year. William's father had wanted to introduce them to each other but Maggie had declined the offer.


It was their day off and the wedding license was due to expire in a couple of days. He knew that she wasn’t keeping track of that and that’s when he made his move. “How about we go down to Canal and pick out our wedding bands?” he asked. Her outfit for the day consisted of her favorite jeans the ones with the holes at the knees and the frayed hem, William’s navy blue Izod sweater thrown over her white shirt button down shirt, William's tie and her white skippys. Her long curly hair was up in a pony tail with the odd ringlet out here and there. William was wearing his usual dress slacks and dress shirt even outside of his uniform you could still peg him as a cop. Just before they were leaving a friend knocked on the door,”Hey Willie told me you guys were going shopping at Canal can I tag along? I’ve got to pick up a copy of my birth certificate”

They spent the morning hopping from store to store before Maggie finally found a set she liked but the jeweler wouldn’t have it in William’s size until the following week. They left a deposit on the rings. They then headed to Centre street so Carmen could pick up her birth certificate which just happened to be in the same building where the marriage bureau was located. On the way there William stopped to check out some sterling silver jewelry from a street vendor. Maggie loved silver so he picked out some dangly silver earrings for her and a silver band with a tribal pattern ring for each of them. Her ring cost $7.00 dollars and his cost $10.00 he put the earrings on her put kept the little bag with the rings in his pocket.


While Carmen stood in a wickedly long line to apply for her birth certificate William excused himself to use the phone he’d just been paged from work. Twenty minutes later returned with a couple of white carnations, “some Hari Krishna guy is outside handing them out” and placed the flowers in my mother’s hair. A few more minutes passed and Carmen decided it was best if she came back another day it was just too crowded. “Boogie let's go to the 2nd floor and check the expiration date for our license.” When the got to the 2nd floor he told Maggie to have a seat while he went to check it out. She was surrounded by couples dressed in their best; some had regular clothes but the tip off were the few women there in bridal gowns that’s when she realized what was going on. The panic set in her eyes looked teary and her face was flushed and she bolted.

My father caught up with her in the lobby. They spoke for a few minutes she cried, they laughed and finally he told her how it had been destiny that had led him to her. His parents had tried to hook them up...It had been her day off she wasn't supposed to be working that night... He wasn’t supposed to be the one at her store the night he met her, it was supposed to have been his partner but he came down with food poisoning. He told her how he had fallen in love with her the first time he’d seen her and asked her to take care of him that he wasn’t too sure he could make it in this world without her and then he got down on his knees and proposed all over again in front of a crowd of strangers.

There was no wedding dress, no photographers, no family; just mom in her ripped jeans, and papi in his dress slacks and when he slipped a $ 7.00 wedding ring on her finger she cried. Twenty four years later she refuses to replace that ring. My father has brought her many fancy replacements over the years some fancier than others but she refuses to wear them preferring her $7.00 wedding band instead.

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My Mother's Knife


I watched my mom as she prepared dinner, her favorite knife in hand and it occurred to me that despite the countless knife collections she has this one knife is the only one I have ever seen her use. It was a part of a set my dad brought from a street vendor on his way home from work 24 years ago. It was the show piece of the set, none of the other knives had the same handle. People always admire her knife and ask where she purchased it from because they want one too. My dad has been unsuccessfully looking for a replacement knife just like it for years; it is almost as if only one of those knives was made.


I looked at the knife and noticed the handle is worn from years of use. Then it hit me that the very first solid food my siblings and I had as babies was prepared with the help of this knife. This knife has been used in the preparation of every single meal my mother has made for the past 24 years. There are 24 years worth of love and laughter embedded into that handle fused with the wood and the stainless steel rivets holding it together.

My mother claims to cook only for those that she loves which by the looks of it means everyone because she feeds everyone that comes in through our door. It is her personal philosophy that when you prepare a meal for someone it is more than just sustenance you are offering them in reality you are giving them a piece of yourself.

Mind you my dad is no slouch when it comes to cooking,he did it professionally for many years in fact he’s been cooking longer than my mom. My pops is a great cook but you can taste the difference in their food even when they prepare the same dishes using the same recipe. My mom says it’s because papi doesn’t use her knife. I think it’s because mami’s joy for life and aura finds its way into the food as she prepares it. When she cooks she always entertains us with stories of her childhood and the history of the dish she is preparing. Our kitchen is always filled with laugher and wonderful aromas. People always tend to linger over our dinner table long after the meal has been finished. Whenever I invite a friend over they always ask, “Did ma cook?” they love her food.

I once had a bf whose mom had passed away several years before; his family was very dysfunctional they were not into displays of affection. As a result he found all the hugging and stuff that goes on in my house odd. One day he was sitting at the table helping my mom peel potatoes for dinner and my mom put her knife down and came up behind him and hugged him. She kissed the top of his head and said “I love you pio pio (her nickname for him, slang for baby chick) you’re such a good boy.” His reaction to this day still chokes me up. He lowered his head and started crying. He raised his arm to my face to show me his goose bumps. He later told me his own mother had never hugged or kissed him, she had never told him she loved him. Even though we are no longer a couple he still remains devoted to my mother, he still calls her “ma”. He’s even tried looking for a knife like my mother’s because it reminds him of her.

I'm starting to think the knife has magic powers because whenever my mom takes her knife in hand my father always appears out of no where as if by magic and tells her, “Babe be careful I don’t want you to cut yourself.” I guess his loving warning is a talisman because she’s never cut herself using that knife. However I’m a different story. When I was around 9 years old I was slicing a bagel with that very same knife and it slipped cutting the palm of my hand. I ran like a pendeja (coward) to the bathroom without showing mom. I panicked I wasn’t supposed to handle that knife without supervision. When I opened my hand to wash it off in the bathroom sink I saw the cut and the blood and got woozy and promptly fainted in the bathroom. Shortly afterwards my parents noticed I was no where to be found and my dad went looking for me and found me face down on the bathroom floor ceramic tile pattern embedded in my face. I’ve never lived that down to this day my parents tease me about it. Oh yeah and by the way I have never touched my mother’s knife again.

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Posted by @ 10:28 AM
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

DXM


We interrupt today’s update to the latest Mia tortures Reina saga. Instead I will attempt to get a little serious here and impart some knowledge on the masses especially moms out there with teenagers about the dangers of DXM. No DXM is not the newest rapper on the Ruff Ryders lable...please read on....


According to research done by The Partnership for a Drug-Free America more than 11% of children 12 – 17 are using and have used illegal drugs in the past year. One in eleven teenagers (9%) or 2.2 million young people have intentionally abused cough medication to get high. So what is in these cough medications that make it so appealing to those seeking a quick high? The answer is Dextromorphan, which is found in cough medicines that are labeled with “DM” or “TUSS” in it. Dextromorphan also known as DXM is a synthetic drug chemically similar to morphine, approved by the FDA as a cough suppressant in 1954. Drug manufacturers developed and began putting it in cough syrups in the 1970s as a suppressant that would be less addictive and have fewer side effects than the narcotic, codeine. There are over 100 over the counter drugs that contain DXM among them; Robitussin, Delsym, Pertussin, Drixoral, Vicks Formula 44, Triaminic, Coricidin, Sudafed, and Contac not to mention the countless generic and store brands as well that contain DXM.


DXM users will drink between three to four bottles of cough syrup in one day sometimes more. Some of the DXM abusers prefer to use Coricidin tablets over cough medicine because of the taste; they take 20-30 Coricidin tablets at once to get high. Coricidin is an acetaminophen pain and fever reducer. Poison control experts consider the most dangerous in large amounts to be “Coricidin HBP”, which contains an additional antihistamine that makes the abuse of it riskier than with other DXM products.

DXM is also a central nervous system depressant, it is often used in combination with other drugs such as marijuana, ecstasy, or alcohol, which only increase the dangerous physiological effects. The reason behind DXM’s popularity is due to its easy availability, and affordability in comparison to other drugs. There is no risk factor of getting arrested when purchasing and using it. It is also discreet no one would think twice if they see a kid with a bottle of cough syrup in hand as opposed to some weed. The most common source of abused Dextromethorphan is “extra strength” cough syrup, which typically contains 3mg of the drug per milliliter of syrup. DXM has gradually replaced codeine as the most widely used cough suppressant in the United States. DXM is available in pill form, lozenges, gelatin capsules; powered DXM is also sold over the internet. This form of DXM is preferred by DXM abusers for several reasons no cough syrup taste, they can get high quicker because the drug is in its pure form as opposed to being diluted with other ingredients in medication.

The effects of DXM differ with each dose and individual. Some experience a mild stimulant effect with hazy visual perceptions at low doses of approximately 2 ounces. Then there is a sense of complete dissociation from one’s body at doses of 10 ounces or more. The effects typically last for six hours. Like all drugs abusing DXM does have harmful and deadly side effects. Some of the effects experienced with using DXM have been reported are as follows: enhanced awareness, impaired judgment, loss of coordination, loss of consciousness, irregular heat beat, dizziness, nausea, seizures, panic attacks, psychosis, brain damage, and addiction. High doses of DXM can cause the inability to move arms or legs or to talk, slowed breathing, cerebral hemorrhages, stroke, comas, and even death. In addition, individuals risk hypothermia if they use the drug in a hot environment or engage in any physical activity that causes a rise in body temperature for example sports, or dancing.

Despite the fact that DXM when used properly is a non-addictive medicine the potential for addiction exists with extended abuse. Like with any drug a person becomes dependent on there are withdrawal symptoms experienced by the addicted DXM user. Withdrawal symptoms include restlessness, muscle or bone aches, insomnia, diarrhea, vomiting, and cold flashes with goose bumps. According to The Partnership for a Drug-Free America, poison control experts point to a four-fold increase in abuse cases since 2000. These cases primarily involve school-aged kids and young adults, especially those who are part of the clubbing and “rave” scene. Like all drugs DXM has it’s own slang terms. Among dealers and their customers DXM is known as Dex, DXM, Syrup, Triple-C, Vitamin D, and Tussin. Robo-ing and robo-tripping are terms used to describe the act of taking the drug. People that drink cough syrup to get high are known as “syrup heads” and the term “skittles” is used to describe DXM in its pill form because of the colors of the pills are reminiscent of the popular rainbow colored candy Skittles.

There aren’t many studies or articles about DXM being abused as a drug because this is fairly new. It is a silent addiction and tends to go unnoticed. Parents are more concerned with their kids using marijuana, tobacco and alcohol. This is the type of stuff they look for when they enter their child’s room a so a bottle of Robitussin in a kids room is easily over looked when they are more concerned over drug abuse. A bottle of cough syrup or a package of flu medication can be explained away easily and no one would doubt the person’s word, after all no one thinks of cough syrup as a potentially addictive drug. As with any drug the reason behind its abuse tends to vary among individuals. For some it’s a way to escape their problems, others give in to peer pressure or just want to experiment and get caught up in it. I personally know a 23 year old man who is addicted to DXM. Knowing him made me curious to learn about the abuse of DXM . He never experimented with drugs in his life, never even smoked a marijuana joint. Now he is a syrup head consuming several bottles of cough syrup per day and purchasing DXM in pill form. I’ve warned him about the harm he is doing to himself but he is caught up in his addiction and I worry that this will serve as a gateway to other drugs for him. He has already started mixing the drug with alcohol and he has inquired about buying ecstasy pills. He’s even asked me to get high with him only to be given my evil eye in response. I won’t even drink cough medicine or take pills when I’m sick and this fool thinks I’m going to take meds for fun? The man is outta his mind, I’ve seen him go through withdrawal symptoms when he doesn’t have it and have watched his sweet nature and charming personality be altered when he is on it. He was exposed to DXM while living in California. His brother’s 15 year old step-daughters turned him on to it. These girls had access to the drug in cough syrup form and Coricidin via their medicine cabinet. They were using it almost everyday and going to school high.

This shows how important it is for parents and teachers to informed and educated about DXM. The best way to keep kids away from drugs is for the parent to be actively involved in their child’s life and to talk to them honestly about the drugs. If you simply tell a child that drugs are bad without offering anything else it just makes them curious like Eve and the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Parents have to sit down and explain in detail and offer examples as to what drug use can lead to. For example I don’t do drugs and the reason for that is simple. At an early age I think around 7 or so my parents began talking to me about the danger of using drugs. They would point out the local drug addicts to me and tell me how their life had denigrated due to their drug habit. They would point out the nose bleeds or mood swings of the local cocaine addicted businessman this is how they educated me as to the effects of drug on my body. By the time I got to the age where kids start experimenting I had no interest in drugs at all.

The key to keeping a kid away from drugs is education, honesty and communication within the home. When my parents started talking to me about drugs my mother admitted to having experimented with marijuana as a teenager she also told me why she no longer smoked weed. She was honest with me and things like that tend to remain with a child and give them the strength to walk away from peer pressure. Sadly too many parents are afraid to talk to their own children about this stuff instead they take the head in the sand approach thinking that if they don’t talk about it, it wont happen at least not to their child. The current statistics I quoted in the opening of this post stated that more than 11 % of children ages 12-17 have tried and are currently using drugs. I guess that proves the head in the sand theory wrong.

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Monday, May 15, 2006

It's going to cost you more than a dollar..



When I was in high school the must have thing for the guys was a Kama sutra sexual positions handout that was printed on a sheet of paper. They'd carry it around in their pockets folded into a square and pass it around during class. The reaction was always the same the boys would leer and point out the ones they wanted to do and the ones they had done, the girls would gasp and giggle.

The printed handout that kept so many of us cracking up at Stevenson is making a come back with street vendors.. A couple of nights ago I saw a vendor with a cardboard sign advertising the Kama sutra print out, he had a copy of the print out taped to his sign and below it $1.00

I was several feet away from him when this outrageously drunk lady stumbled onto the side walked looked up and saw his sign. Without missing a beat she said in a beautifully slurred English accent, "Oy that's going to cost you more than a dollar love!"

The vendor just stared at her for a split second and began cracking up, I was dying!
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20 Things You Don't Know About Me


I was tagged by Champ for this meme.

20 Things You Don’t Know About Me

1. Despite my parents being born and raised in New York, Spanish was my first language I didn’t learn English until I was 5 and had to be placed in Bilingual Education. My grandmother felt it was important for me to learn Spanish first she didn’t want me to be like my dad and his family who barely spoke the language.

2. I am very shy.

3. I love motorcycles

4. I love history and archeology


5. I rarely wear shoes, 99 percent of the time I am in sneakers.

6. I went to a dinner party at Geraldo Rivera’s house when I was around 13 and watched him stare all night at my much older friend Carmen’s (she was 20) huge bosom all night. He looked especially thrilled whenever she would laugh and her boobies would jiggle.

7. I tended bar one night at a charity event and spent the night serving booze to the likes of Edward James Olmos despite the fact I was a minor and not old enough to drink.

8. I carry a couple of bucks in change in my back pack with me to hand out to the homeless people I come across every day. As a result I jingle when I walk.

9. My hands are so small I have to wear children’s gloves.

10. I once dreamt with God I couldn’t see him in my dream it was too bright, but I heard his voice. We had a conversation about life in general and when I woke up suddenly I had the only smile on my face.

11. I have a passion for roller coasters.

12. I wear cartoon character socks with everything.

13. I have a huge collection of hooded sweat jackets, my uncle Hassan hates everyone of them.

14. I have a huge collection of cartoon character pj bottoms which uncle Hassan also hates.

15. I wear my hooded sweat jackets and cartoon character pj bottoms as an outfit to walk around in the ‘hood because I know it drives uncle Hassan crazy and aunt Nora and Said love it when I do. They love the fact that I get away with driving him crazy…lol It’s pay back for walking around in his tighty whities when I stay over their house. He knows it grosses me out to see him in his drawers.

16. I get physically ill if I eat breakfast first thing in the morning.


17. My favorite colors are red and white.

18. I hate bananas

19. If a fly lands on my food I won’t eat it. BTW I meant the food not the fly. Wait I won’t eat the fly either… oh you know what I mean!

20. My feet are so small I wear kid’s sneakers.

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Saturday, May 13, 2006

Jesus Christ !



Sometimes I have a party and no one is around to invite so i’m stuck enjoying it solo. This was the case late last night. I was reading a novel by Margaret George titled “Mary, called Magdalene” while on the subway on my way to meet a friend. I was just at the part where Mary Magdalene meets Jesus for the first time and noticed that the train was pulling into a stop. The doors opened and in came this man that was the spitting image of the Hollywood version of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ Superstar. He had brown shoulder length hair with soft waves, his eyes were a shade lighter than my own kind of amber colored and his skin even though it had a hint of color was also about 1/2 a shade lighter than my own. I was amazed, our eyes locked and I imagined that I was not the first person to think that he looked like Hollywood Jesus, Jesus Christ Superstar.

Just then the theme to Jesus Christ Superstar began running through my head

Jesus Christ Superstar smiled gently at me and I smiled back, quickly looking away because I was about to laugh. The series of coincidences before me was just too funny.

Bless me Father for I have sinned I look at this man before me and have the need to break out into a chorus of "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Now this is the part when having no one to invite to a party comes in. If I had been in the company of Reina or Jackie I can only imagine the jokes that would have been flying out of my mouth. I know, I know I'm going to hell, mea culpa baby, mea culpa.

The fact that Jesus Christ Superstar was standing before me and I was reading a book on Mary Magdalene and that my proper name happens to be Maria, which means Mary in English (Mia has been my nickname since birth) and that I was born on Christmas day was not lost on me. Just then I remembered that my grandpa's given name is Jose (Joseph) and my mama's name is Magda. Oh man I could feel a fit of giggles coming on. I struggled to hold my laughter in. I tried to go back to reading the book, it wasn't working I couldn't concentrate I kept reading the same lines over and over again. I felt the weight of someone's stare. I peeked over my book and once again locked eyes with Jesus, he was staring at me again. He looked as if he wanted to say something to me, his lips parted slightly as if to speak A blessing perhaps? Maybe he was going to turn my Snapple into wine?

Just then he noticed the cover of the book I was now covering my smile with. He looked at the title... then at me and tilted his head slightly to the side and gave me a smile as he arched his eye brow at me. I tilted my head and arched my eyebrow in an imitation of him and it caused a warm smile to spread over his face. I felt a small laugh escape my lips,which made him laugh as well just then we pulled into my stop.

Father bless me I'm headed out into the world. Times Square to be exact.

I stood up and noticed Jesus checking me out, when I looked back Jesus was staring at my butt I’m sure that’s against one of the commandments. As I made my way off the platform I found myself humming "Don't Know How To Love Him" I made myself laugh again thinking about how it would be to date this Jesus look alike. Can you imagine living with him? "WTF Jesus! You can raise the dead, walk on water, feed the multitudes with a few fish and some bread but you can’t remember to put the toilet seat down?!"

::Jesus Christ Superstar::
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::Don't Know How To Love Him::
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Posted by @ 1:52 AM
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Friday, May 12, 2006

Peeps like you, me and Mrs. Shapiro from down the hall


It is my opinion that Bush The Younger is either possessed by or channeling the spirit of the world’s ugliest cross dresser J. Edgar Hoover. It’s the only plausible explanation that I can come up with for his new found love of spying on Americans. His latest spying venture involves data mining our phone records. Our beloved government is secretly collecting the phone records of peeps like you, me and Mrs. Shapiro from down the hall. The government is building a data base with all of this information looking for any patterns that might suggest terrorism. AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth began turning over records of tens of millions of their customers' phone calls to the National Security Agency right after the WTC attacks. These are the same people that have been listening in on our phone convos as well.

When I first heard about this story I looked out my window thinking that I had time traveled back into communist Russia. My eyes swept the skyline looking for the tell tale landmarks … aha there was the statue of liberty (Hola chica!)… there’s the empty spot where the towers once stood….wait, wait ohhh yeah there it is the Empire State Building! Nope I was still in the good ol’ USA circa 2006. It’s hard to see what has become of this country under the leadership of Bush The Younger. Everything this man does is under the guise of stopping terrorism. “George did you eat the last piece of cake? Yes Laura I did it was part of my war on terrorism. We have information Osama is hiding in the basement of the Duncan Hines Cake plant!” Eventually he’s going to have to stop hiding behind that bull snot war on terrorism excuse.

Many of my friends have said,” Well maybe 911 wouldn’t have happened if the government had been monitoring phone calls.” WTF?! What are you some white right wing Christian conservative from the red states?! Mira cante pendeja despierta! See now you know I’m really irked because I just got bilingual on y’all. Bush is getting away with all of this crap because of the public’s obsessive fear which thank you very much has been fed filet mignon from the table of fear by el presidente and the media on a daily basis. Color alerts for terror… red, orange, magenta wtf man who thought of this crap Rainbow Brite?!

The truth is a painful one but oh so true…the war on terrorism that Bush is fighting can never be won, as long as there is a nut case out there with an ax to grind and people willing to listen to him no one is really safe in any part of the world. If terrorism were something that could be defeated wouldn’t Israel be as safe and secure as a ham sandwich in a synagogue? The truth is if we continue to lose our privacy and be all passive about in because it is being done the name of security then we have already lost the war on terrorism.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Blogging Chicks



I've joined Blogging Chicks . They have a very intersting roster of female bloggers. Check out their blog roll and if you're a blogging chick come on and join us!

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Posted by @ 8:19 AM
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NEVER EVER judge a book by its’ security guard uniform



They say New York is full of 8 million stories most likely that number needs to be revised to reflect our last census count but since that’s the quote people are familiar with let’s stick to that. New York is full of 8 million stories; some mundane, some so complex they sound as if they were written by Hollywood. This is just one of those stories....

“Ben” has worked in my apartment complex as a security guard for the past 8 years. Everyone here adores him, he is such a gentleman. Some of our more snooty tenants also look down on him because he is just a security guard. As if that was something to be ashamed of. Whenever I see Ben I am either rushing out to school or work, so all we ever have time is for mini convos as I cross the lobby and he walks me to the main door.

Yesterday was different,we got into a deep conversation about my plans after graduation. I have been offered a chance to obtain my MA while in the Peace Corps. I’m kind of torn right now as to what I am going to do b/c they may not be offering my major. I figure I’ll decide after this semester is over. I was discussing this with Ben and he expressed his concern for my safety in Africa and told me I should at least have a basic knowledge of the language of where I am being sent to. He then offered to tutor me in languages. It seems that Ben holds a degree in languages and speaks 10 languages fluently. I had heard him speak Spanish here and there to a few of the tenants in passing but had no idea that he actually spoke it fluently. It seems I was about to discover a side of Mr. Ben couldn’t have imagined even in my wildest dreams….

Until the 1994 military coup he had been the secretary of transportation in his native Gambia. He was in the United States as a political refugee, because he had been to social security earlier in the morning he had all his paper work attesting to this with him and proudly showed it to me. He is also a part time translator for a big midtown law firm. It turns out that the security job is something he does as a favor to the owner of the building because he had helped him so much when he had to start over in this country.

So the lesson for today is one that bears repeating NEVER EVER judge a book by its’ security guard uniform. Yeah I'm talking to you Latonya and the lady that lives across the hall from her!

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Dance Evolution


I LOVED THIS!! Enjoy...

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Monday, May 08, 2006

Silly String birth control


For some odd reason my friends always want to discuss intimate details of their sex lives with me. They often tell me things that leave me shocked, confused or gasping for air due to heavy fits of laughter. The following conversation falls into all three categories. Her name has been changed because too many people at school read this blog. I was on my laptop working on a paper when I got an instant message…


Friend (12:22:16 AM): i fogot to tell u

TwinkleToezMia (12:22:18 AM): what?

Friend(12:22:28 AM): i did a demenstration of that form shit to k

( WTF obviously this chick never won a spelling bee)

TwinkleToezMia (12:22:37 AM): what?

Friend (12:22:46 AM): u know that stuff that gets hard in ur poop to block sperm

TwinkleToezMia (12:22:55 AM): WHAT? LMAO

(Did she just say something about her poop? Wtf?!)

Friend (12:23:00 AM): yo that shit got full with air and it flew

Friend (12:23:00 AM): lol

Friend (12:23:04 AM): and it got all over us

Friend (12:23:05 AM): lol

(I have no idea what the hell this chick is talking about I am so confused)

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:09 AM): what’s that?

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:16 AM): foam?

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:27 AM): ur poop?

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:33 AM): spermacide?

(the picture that is forming in my head is not a pretty one)

Friend (12:23:34 AM): poo poo

(poo poo? I think she means vagina but I am not sure, well at least that’s what I hope. I'd hate to think that at her age she’s messing with her own feces. )


TwinkleToezMia (12:23:37 AM): oooh, lmao

(yeah okay I was right it poo poo in her special little world means vagina. Why not just say vagina what are we like ten years old and practicing cuss words out in the playground?)

Friend (12:23:38 AM): ayee nena

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:44 AM): I’m like wtf u put it in your butt? LMAO

Friend (12:23:48 AM): lmao

Friend (12:23:49 AM): no

(I still have no clue as to what she’s talking about but I know it’s a form of birth control )

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:51 AM): u never showed me what the doctor gave u

TwinkleToezMia (12:24:11 AM): well does it work?

Friend (12:24:15 AM): lmao

Friend (12:24:26 AM): that shit flew all over the bed all over his shirt

Friend (12:24:27 AM): lol

Friend (12:24:30 AM): my shirt

Friend (12:24:31 AM): the bed

Friend (12:24:33 AM): the wall

Friend (12:24:35 AM): the mirror

Friend (12:24:40 AM): my pic frame

Friend (12:24:45 AM): it was soo funnny

Friend (12:24:47 AM): I WAS DYING

( I picture the magic bullet flying all over the room like an escaped helium balloon in it’s prime. )

Friend (12:25:09 AM): yo if u were there u would have been dying too


TwinkleToezMia (12:25:10 AM): LMAO WTF

(I’m not sure if I am picturing the correct thing )

TwinkleToezMia (12:25:17 AM): u gotta show me this crap

Friend (12:25:26 AM): yeahh

Friend (12:25:27 AM): yoo
Friend (12:25:30 AM): i think i did it wrong

Friend (12:25:45 AM): cuz yo that shit flew like a torpedo

Friend (12:25:54 AM): that shit could have taken out an eye

(the image of her wearing an eye patch at school and having to explain why she looks like a pirate sends me into a fit of laughter)

TwinkleToezMia (12:26:09 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:26:47 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:26:55 AM): it was soooo fucking funny man

Friend (12:27:04 AM): that shit got on his neck n face

Friend (12:27:07 AM): on my face

Friend (12:27:11 AM): yo it flew eveyrwhere

(wtf was she throwing her birth control at him, like silly string?)

TwinkleToezMia (12:27:26 AM): LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:27:37 AM): I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT UR TALKIN ABOUT LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:27:53 AM): LMAO

Twinkletoezmia (12:28:01 AM): Is it the diaphram?

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:08 AM): look it up on the internet please

( I still have no clue as to what form of birth control she’s talking about, just then something shiny distracted her and she changed the subject)

Friend (12:28:19 AM): I GOT A FUCKING HICKEY

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:22 AM): where?

Friend (12:28:26 AM): IM MAD


TwinkleToezMia (12:28:29 AM): where?

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:35 AM): don’t let ur mother see it

(Even though her mother is well aware that she is sexually active she doesn’t need a visual reminder of it. Especially when you consider she hasn’t left her house all day so that meant that the guy came over while the mother was at work. Stuff would get fugly with a quickness! )

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:39 AM): tell her it was me, I bit u LMAO

( I was not thinking clearly when I said that)

Friend (12:28:43 AM): it on my fucking tit

(where was this child raised in a back alley some where? It’s breast..repeat after me breast only thugs and trash use those vulgar terms )


TwinkleToezMia (12:28:44 AM): na chill man she prob think we lesbians. Lmao


TwinkleToezMia (12:28:46 AM): oh thats nada

( I figure that unless she walks around her house topless or flashes her mom like I’ve been known to do to mine she’s fine. Na she’s not the type to flash her mom. The hickey will not be discovered.)

Friend (12:28:48 AM): it looks black and blue though

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:51 AM): oh ok well i didn’t do that

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:52 AM): DAMN

Friend (12:28:58 AM): he bit me

Friend (12:29:16 AM): it fucking hurts

TwinkleToezMia (12:29:25 AM): lol damn

TwinkleToezMia (12:29:31 AM): does he have buck teeth?
Friend (12:29:51 AM): no

TwinkleToezMia (12:29:53 AM): lol ok

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:08 AM): the thing u used was it a diaphram?

Friend (12:30:17 AM): no nigga

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:18 AM): i wanna see it now

Friend (12:30:21 AM): it's a form

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:27 AM): FOAM OR FORM?

Friend (12:30:31 AM): that u stuck up ur pussy hold

(wtf? How vulgar! She can’t say the word vagina preferring to say poo poo instead but she can say p____y? )

Friend (12:30:37 AM): foam

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:41 AM): ooooo LMAO

Friend (12:30:41 AM): and it gets hard

(wtf is she sticking up there spackling compound?!)

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:41 AM): HA

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:42 AM): LMAO

(The mental image of the foam flying all over her room making a mess all over the place and winding up in her eye just killed me. I couldn’t stop laughing. I was crying and gasping for air in between my fits of laughter)

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:43 AM): OK

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:46 AM): LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:47 AM): OMG

Friend (12:30:48 AM): clear

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:48 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:30:49 AM): lol

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:49 AM): LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:31:21 AM): Were u finished when that happened?

Friend (12:33:14 AM): noo we were done he was already leaving

Friend (12:33:19 AM): and he was like what's that

TwinkleToezMia (12:33:20 AM): oh ok

TwinkleToezMia (12:33:21 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:33:22 AM): and i showed him

I still have no clue as to what foam she was talking about but as cluesless as I was it felt good to laugh like that. At that particular moment I really needed it the paper I was working on was stressing me out. Thanks friend!

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Posted by @ 8:44 AM
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Saturday, May 06, 2006

Life Lesson: E-mail and Merlot Don't Mix


I love the TLC commercials featuring the “life lessons” figurines. I recently saw the E-mail and Merlot don’t mix commercial and it reminded me of one of the most hysterical moments in my life. My friend and her boyfriend had a hella mega wicked knock down free for all kick ass argument. It was about to turn into the ugliest break up in the history of mankind. Now everyone knows that the remedy for a situation like that is to call all of your girlfriends and have them bring over some ice cream and watch a sappy movie and have a good cry. However this is El Bronx, that stuff don’t rock out here, that’s strictly WB 7th Heaven stuff. El Bronx heffas are hard core, they've been through the pain of failed relationships. They carry the scars and are damn bitter about it too. El Bronx heffas commiserate ghetto-style, Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey is shunned in favor of Alize and Bacardi con Limon and anything else that will dull the senses. Sappy boo hoo chick flicks are banned, instead they whip out a deck of cards and play Poker or Spades. In between hands they down shots of Bacardi followed by some fruity drink. The evening is filled with badmouthing men, in particular the guy who has hurt the beloved home girl.

The call was made to The Bronx chapter of The Man Haters Association; they rode in from the four corners of El Bronx some came by livery cab others by bus and train. They arrived armed with enough cheese doodles, booze and man hatred to fuel a war of the sexes. The Man Haters Association meeting had been in full swing for several hours when my friend’s gaze came to rest on her WebTV box. She decided that she wanted to pour her feelings out to him. Pour her feelings out to him via e-mail. The problem was that she was drunk out of her mind. We all tried to talk her out of it telling her to wait until she was at least sober, but she wasn’t listening.

One of the cool things about WebTV was the way you could hook up your email signature to look like web pages. The background to her email signature was black and there was a dancing macaroni that was doing the Macarena as Ricky Martin’s Cup of Life played. She sat down in front of her key board and went to work.The more she got into it the more she cried and the more booze she swallowed. It was a vicious cycle of words and Bacardi. Her eyes were all puffy, her nose was red and her drunken ass could barely keep her balance on the chair. Her facial moisturizer was the snot and tears that were running down her face simultaneously. As bad as I felt for her I was fascinated by the dancing macaroni, I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

Needless to say the next day she regretted sending the email out to her ex boyfriend. I don’t remember much of what happened afterwards except she cried for weeks but man oh man I remember every detail of that dancing macaroni down to the color of the gloves on the hands at the end of his little spindly arms. To this day whenever I hear the opening strains of “ Cup of Life” I picture the dancing macaroni in my head and it makes me laugh.

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Posted by @ 12:01 PM
4 comment from: Blogger DannieS72, Blogger Champ - Love Hound, Blogger The Don ®, Blogger Mia,


Friday, May 05, 2006

Mia explains: El Cinco de Mayo...


Today is a holiday el Cinco de Mayo so for those who regularly read this blog you know what that means it’s a “Mia explains the holiday” post. First off the bat Cinco de Mayo is becoming big in this country kind of like St. Patrick’s Day in that even the non-Irish celebrate it. However a lot of non-Mexicans celebrating it don’t really know what it’s about. So in my attempt to bring about world peace while sipping on a ice cold corona I present to you the following as explained to me by a former Chicano boy friend of mine. Yeah man Mia has a weakness of the vatos trust me you’d get a lil weak in the knees too if you were serenaded…

The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, I repeat NOT MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY. That day is on September 15th that’s when Mexico declared it’s independence from the mother land (Spain) in 1810. You’re probably asking yourself so, why Cinco de Mayo? Look anytime you’ve got an army of 4,000 Mexicans kicking an army of made up of 8,000 traitors and French solider it is time for a celebration and that’s what happened on May 5, 1862.

The Spanish, English, and French had landed in Mexico five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas. Under the Emperor Napoleon who detested the United States, the French came to stay. They brought Hapsburg Prince Maximilian and his wife Carolota with the intent of having them rule the new Mexican empire. Napoleon's French Army had not been defeated in 50 years, and it invaded Mexico with the finest modern equipment and with a newly reconstituted Foreign Legion. The French were not afraid of anyone, especially since the United States was embroiled in its own Civil War.

The French Army left the port of Vera Cruz to attack Mexico City to the west; they assumed that the Mexicans would give up should their capital fall to the enemy.
The Mexican army was under the command of Texas-born General Zaragosa, and the cavalry under Colonel Porfirio Diaz. General Zaragosa ordered Colonel Diaz to take his cavalry, out to the French flanks. The French then sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz and his men, who proceeded to kick their frog leg eating asses. The remaining French infantrymen charged the Mexican defenders through sloppy mud from a thunderstorm and through hundreds of head of stampeding cattle stirred up by Indians armed only with machetes. When the battle was over, many French were killed or wounded and their cavalry was being chased by Diaz' superb horsemen miles away. The Mexicans had won a great victory and that's what Cinco de Mayo is all about.

Here’s some music to help celebrate el Cinco de Mayo…it’s my parents wedding song.. Si Nos Dejan…

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Posted by @ 10:22 AM
3 comment from: Blogger Jane, Blogger laila, Blogger Mia,


Thursday, May 04, 2006

Drowned Alive: David Blaine



New York illusionist David Blaine is preforming one of his amazing stunts at Lincoln Center and since it's a short walk from my school I went to check him out. On Monday (May 1st) he went into a water-filled bubble and hasn't come out since. The plan is for him to be in there for seven days and nights. Lest you think he's the anti-christ or something the boy has tubes providing him with air and food.

As of yesterday I heard he's suffering from the one thing he didn't anticipate which is the prune skin off of his hands is peeling off. OUCH! He will conclude this event by attempting to hold his breath underwater to break the world record of 8 minutes, 58 seconds.These are a few photos I took while I was there.





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Posted by @ 8:42 AM
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Lincoln Center Fountain Posted by Picasa

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I love the fact that this chick was sitting at the fountain reading and bubble boy on the other side merit her attention. Must be a good book! Posted by Picasa

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I felt they should've thrown some fishies in there just to add some color Posted by Picasa

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Living life in a fish bowl Posted by Picasa

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Bubble Boy Posted by Picasa

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Posted by @ 8:27 AM
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I have a guy that looks just like him bobbing up and down my fish tank. I wonder if they are related?

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Boy in The Bubble David Blaine  Posted by Picasa

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Cup of Sleep...


I’ve been up to my eyeballs in term papers, projects, studying and it's affecting my sleep. I've been getting very little of it and having the oddest dreams. I decided to take a day off since my latest paper “Battered Women Syndrome as a Legal Defense” was 90 percent complete all I had to do was write my conclusion. I decided to head out into the world! I had tickets for a VH1 show taping “World Series of Trivia”, it’s airing sometime during the summer. It was the first time in like a month that I was doing something not related to school.

Maybe it was the after effect of the fresh air, or too much sugar in my system but when I got home that night and took a look at my almost completed paper, the paper I’d been working on for a week I hated it. I was not feeling the damn thing at all. I decided to rewrite the paper from another angle I figured at most it would take me an hour after all I had all the research material on my laptop. I’d probably need some additional research I looked at the clock it was 10:30 I was confident I could do this; it definitely was the sugar talking. By the way the paper was due the next day.

Whenever I’m pulling a late night despite my protests my mom stays up to keep me company. I have to admit looking over my laptop and seeing her there makes me feel a lot better. She has this thing about not being able to sleep in her bed unless she knows we are all asleep in our rooms. Even when I go out it doesn’t matter how late I come home my mom will wait up. Whenever I spend the night at Reina’s or Aunt Nora’s I’ll call my mom when I am ready to go to bed so she can rest easier. Even though my dad says she tosses and turns all night when one of us spends the night away from home.

It was almost 4 am and my paper was almost done. Ma was headed to the kitchen and asked if I wanted anything, feeling thirsty I intended to ask for water at least that’s the thought that formed in my head “yea ma can you bring me a cup of sleep please?” She turned around looked at me and started laughing. I didn’t understand why she was laughing. I hadn’t realized I asked for a cup of sleep. It was decided right then and there I needed a couple of hour’s worth of sleep. I got up a few hours later finished the paper just before I had to head out to school. While proof reading it I came across a statistic that I typed in as I was dozing off … “a woman gets battered every 12 seconds, beat them once a week.” When I read it I burst out into laughter, five minutes after correcting it I was still laughing. I honestly do not know what the “beat them once a week” was about but it still cracks me up every time I think about it.

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Posted by @ 10:49 AM
3 comment from: Blogger laila, Blogger Emory, Blogger Mia,


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Bush and his inner voice

It’s no secret I actually like Bush The Younger he never fails to crack me up. As a leader he sucks but you can’t front the man is a funny albeit most of the time it is unintentional. I also look forward to his impersonator Steve Bridges whenever he’s on Jay Leno. So this video of them together at the correspondent’s dinner is like heaven for me. Bridges is supposed to be Bush The Younger’s inner voice lord knows it’s not his conscience.


I haven’t stopped laughing ever since I saw it.

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Stephen Colbert goes to Washington…

Oh man I've always loved Stephen Colbert but after his performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner I think I may want to carry his babies... he basically said what the majority of Americans are thinking. Except he got to say in front of Bush, and the media. Two thumbs up!


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Posted by @ 11:47 AM
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Monday, May 01, 2006

Bronx Botany supports a day without Immigrants


Flor Blanca 3 Posted by Picasa

We were asked to wear white in support of illegal immigrants today. Today is being called "A Day Without Immigrants" immigrants nationwide are being urged to boycott work, school, and shopping as part of a nationwide protest of legislation passed in the House that would make being an illegal immigrant a felony. The boycott has been planned for awhile. It seems that someone leaked word of it to the botany out in The Bronx. I had never noticed so many white flowers in my 'hood before. It seems nature was supporting the boycott as well...


















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Posted by @ 3:35 PM
3 comment from: Blogger laila, Blogger Just me, Blogger Mia,