Saturday, May 23, 2009

Three Colorful Balloons



It was a Disney day, the pale blue sky was dotted with perfectly shaped clouds and birds were tweeting. Somehow because it was a Disney day and I was basking in the early morning sunshine on the train platform the wait for the metro-north during rush hour wasn’t so bad. Maybe it was something about the contented look on my face that had attracted his attention. Of course I was content! I’d had a great weekend and the absolute final paper of my life as an undergrad was secured in my book bag and the end of the school semester was a day away. Life was good!

I felt it before I saw it. I looked up. If it’s at all possible for a stare to have some weight on it then his stare was obese. From several feet away he stared. I looked to either side of me and then behind me. He was staring at me and I wasn’t ready for it, honestly I wasn’t.

I was being stared down at by a man in a clown suit and clown makeup as he held onto three brightly colored balloons. It was a Coulrophobic’s worse nightmare come true. My beloved Jackie with her fear of clowns would’ve pissed on herself. The commuters did their best not to stare at him; instead they stole sideway glances at him. I cursed the fact that I’d left my camera at home. I studied him from the top of his red curly wig to the shiny tip of his red leather clown shoes. I had to smile. He didn’t smile back he just continued to stare. He was giving me the creeps. I text messaged my supervisor at Legal Aid just in case …


Me: If I don’t come in to work today a man in a clown suit and make up kidnapped me while I was waiting for the metro north.

She: LMAO. I’m glad you’re coming in today I missed you.

Me: That’s sweet. I’m dead ass serious btw

She: Okay, can u tell what race / color? I’m thinking green, purple, or orange.

Me: He has a red 'fro with make-up like Ronald Mc Donald. God, this is like Stephen King's "It".

She: What does he want?

Me: I don’t know. He keeps staring at me and he’s holding 3 balloons.

She: Maybe he’s trying to figure out if you’re a kid or an adult so he can give one of them.

Me: Screw you.

My train pulled into the station and I lost him in the surge of commuters. Several minutes later I felt it again. The stare. I looked up and he was sitting across the aisle from me. He was still staring at me, still holding the balloons and he was still creeping me out. He stared at me during the entire 15 minute train ride. Finally my stop came up and I got off the train. As it pulled away I watched as he ducked his around the three colorful balloons and watched me walk down the platform.

Labels: Embarassing Moments, subway stories

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Posted by @ 10:45 AM
5 comment from:  Unknown,  Darla,  Anonymous,  frum,  Mia,

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Blindman & The Taser Gun

Sometimes life hands you the perfect adult diaper moment and you’ve just gotta thank God for being there to witness it…

It was the height of the early morning rush hour as the blind man with the cane attempted to make his way on the crowded platform. The tapping of his cane on the platform gave everyone ample warning and time to step back and let him through, everyone except a female with a major attitude problem.

The blind man’s cane touched her leg and she let loose a string of curses at him. She pushed his cane causing him to lose his balance and crash into her. That seemed to infuriate her more and she threatened to slap fire out of his ass. The man said nothing to her as he straightened himself up and regained his composure. She got in his face again despite her fellow passengers telling her to lay off the man. She slapped him and then gave him a slight shove; several passengers reached out and prevented him from falling. Still the woman wouldn’t lay off of him. As she continued her tirade the blind man reached into his back pocket and pulled something out. His hand landed quickly on her chest and he tasered her not once but twice. As she fell to the floor he slipped the taser gun back into his pocket and made his way onto the waiting train.

No one made an effort to stop him instead a wall of laughter and cries of “Oh shit, oh shit!” went up around the women as she laid on the platform twitching as a stream of urine ran down her pants leg. Good Lord I love this city!

Labels: subway stories, taser gun

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Posted by @ 9:08 PM
6 comment from:  DannieS72,  don_veto,  Mia,  Anonymous,  DNR,  Mia,

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Hell left the back door open

I hate when hell leaves the back door open. It’s been disgustingly hot and humid for the past week. Heat like this is a breeding ground for a cornucopia of bad fashion decisions. It was Friday we were in day I dunno what of the heat wave and the strain of the heat was showing on everyone’s face. All eyes seemed to be focused on the darkening sky. The weatherman had been predicting cooling thunderstorms all week and it looked as if they were finally headed our way. A flash of lightning and then a gentle rain begins to fall and in the distance the rumbling of thunder could be heard. The rain makes more people than usual head into the subway. It’s the height of rush hour and the train is so crowded that if someone fainted they’d have no room to land. It’s a bad day to ride the subway and an even worse day to be wearing a tube top.

The ride is bumpier than usual it seems that the train tracks are protesting the weight of the train by trying to push us off them every time we make our way over another section of track. The train suddenly lurches forward causing a business man to lose his grip on the pole he’d been holding onto. Instinctively he reaches out to grab something to keep himself from falling back onto the people standing behind him. Unluckily for the young woman in front of him he grabbed her tube top pulling it down exposing her boobs to the entire Bronx bound # 6 train. He turned bright red and quickly apologized to the woman. I’m sure part of him was scared witless that the pretty Latina would turn around and beat him down beyond recognition. She pulled up her top and covered “the girls” with the speed of light while the majority of the people around her pretended not to notice even though a few chuckles here and there rippled among the crowd. She looked around the car giving those who dared stare at her the evil eye and quickly went back to reading the latest Harry Potter book.

The majority of passengers made their way off at the next stop and the young woman slid into the nearest available seat. When the doors closed she looked up and caught the eye of an older grand motherly looking woman sitting across from her . The older woman arched her eyebrows and raised her finger in the air at the young woman and with her thick Spanish accent offered the young woman some advice in the form of gentle scolding.... “ That is why you’re supposed to wear a bra at all times. I know for a fact that they sell bras for those tube tops, next time invest in one. Yes it is hot pero no pa tanto para estar casi desunda en la calle ( it’s not for all that to be practically naked on the streets ) Ustedes la junventud de hoy no tienen verguenza, no usan la cabeza (the youth of today has no shame, they don’t use their heads).” The young lady said nothing she quickly lowered her head her and pretended to read. Her eyes filled to the brim with tears threatening to splash down on her book at any moment.

Labels: subway stories, summer in nyc

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Posted by @ 4:33 PM
3 comment from:  christina/ohio,  DannieS72,  Just Jane,

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Subway Encounter

My father was riding the subway into work and looked up several times from his newspaper to see a man staring at him. He sized the man up; he was around the same age as my father (45), his clothes were worn, his hair and beard in need of grooming. While he wasn’t dirty or smelly it was obvious he had seen better days and was homeless. There was something oddly familiar about the man. When the man noticed my father was staring back at him he looked down as if he were ashamed. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen this guy somewhere before.

As the train pulled into my father’s stop he got up and approached the homeless man. He smiled at the man and held out his hand, “Good Morning my name is William. The man said nothing and as they shook hands my father pressed a ten dollar bill into the man’s hand. “Take care of yourself man.” and stepped off the train. Just as the subway doors closed the homeless man stood up and said, “Thank you Johnny.” He felt as if someone had punched him in the gut and stared at the train as it pulled out of the station. Johnny was my father’s childhood nickname.

Suddenly he knew why the man had seemed familiar. They had been childhood friends. The man’s name was Michael and within their clique Mike was known as the brain. He was an honor student with dreams of being a doctor. Dad recalled their childhood and the outrageous pranks their group pulled off together. The one that made them legends within the halls of their school took place during their senior year. It is one that the senior classes still try to top to this day. The one where they carried off Brother Richard's 1973 Volkswagen Beetle in the middle of the night and parked it several blocks away from their parochial school making the poor Jesuit monk think his car had been stolen.

Dad couldn’t get over what he had seen on the train and it affected him all day. He even called his parents out in Florida and told them what he has seen hoping that they might know the whereabouts of Mike's family. Dad has been unable to get his encounter with Mike on the subway out of his head. When he spoke to my mom about it his eyes filled with tears. He is worried about his old friend. He is now determined to find Michael again and to help him. My father has an intimidating presence, only those of us that know him are aware of the sensitive man that lies behind those beautiful green eyes.

Labels: subway stories

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Posted by @ 2:51 AM
11 comment from:  Spontaneousnessity,  Laila K,  Mia,  Nooni,  Anonymous,  Just Jane,  Wendy aka Cheeky,  Anonymous,  DannieS72,  Emory Mayne,  Mia,

Monday, October 02, 2006

Mass Transit Stories

There are so many things one can say about riding the mass transit system in New York City; it’s a separate universe from the rest of the city. While riding the subway you’ll often see mini soap operas, slices of people’s lives. The vignettes only last as long as it takes to reach the stop of the players or the audience. Here’s a couple that I was privy to…

Saturday: “Yo those niggas are stealing our culture!”

Reina and I were on the subway on our way home alongside a group of white suburban rocker kids down for a night of clubbing in the city. The kids were irked at what they were seeing. Urban trends are slow to reach the ‘burbs so what they were seeing was new to them minority ghetto fab kids rocking converses, leather wrist bands and chains on their jeans, oh my! This has long been the standard uniform of hard core rock and punk followers. But not too long ago when it became alright for rockers and hip hoppers to admit that they were influenced by and were feeling each others music did the line between the two musical genres become blurred. Artists like Jay-z and Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit and Method Man started recording together creating mashes. All this mashing started having an influence on fashion as well. The suburban kids on the subway were not feeling that at all. They were downright unhappy about it.

“Yo son these niggas are stealing our culture yo!” Theys be rocking the chains and shit . Yo that shit is ill son.” While the white kid raged on about the urban kids “stealing” their culture he was speaking in pure ghetto hood slang. I’d like to point out these kids looked like the closest they’ve ever been to the hood is watching “ Boyz in The Hood” on DVD.

As the kid kept popping crap he kept delving deeper and deeper into urban hood lexicon. I just looked at him and started laughing and in my most ghetto-est of ghetto-est accents; “Yea son then niggas stay jocking the rocker culture yo waddup with that son?” I said to Reina who just started cracking up, “Shhhh Mia!” Just then some black kids in “rocker” gear got on the train and the white kids reverted back to proper English not once did the word “nigga” escape their lips. Smart kids! The 34th street station came up and they got off.



Sunday: “I am GOD!”

I was on my way to meet Angie when this lady got on the bus with her 6 year old son. She asked him to sit down just in case the bus came to a sudden stop or something. The kid didn’t want to sit she tried explaining to him why it was important for him to sit. She touched his arm trying to get him to sit.

Boy : Don’t touch my face!

Mother : (calmly) I didn’t touch your face I touched your arm. Please sit down.

Boy: you’re NOT my father you can’t tell me what to do.

Mother : Look right now I am God!

I expected the mom to launch into the “I brought you into this world and I will take you out of this world” speech but she didn’t. Instead the brat decided to tell his mother off. They continued to bicker back and forth.

Mother : I will not tolerate the behavior that your father does now sit down!


The bus driver and a few of the passengers looked like they wanted to slap the stuffing out of the kid. To be honest he was plucking my last nerve as well. If I had dared to talk like that to my mother as a kid I would be sitting here typing this out while wearing dentures.

Mother : Look you’re starting to piss me off

Boy: No YOU’RE starting to piss me off!

“SLAP!” and all fell silent. The child said no more, he didn’t even dare wail in agony. He looked at his mother in shock. God had spoken. The bus stopped and I had to get off.

Labels: bus stories, subway stories

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Posted by @ 1:42 AM
5 comment from:  The Krispy Dixie,  don_veto,  Karmyn R,  christina/ohio,  DannieS72,

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Butterfly

I was riding the subway to school this morning when several Boriqua teenaged girls caught my attention. Two of the girls looked like ghettofab video vixens in their gauchos, way too low tops and espadrilles. Totally inappropriate for the Noah’s Ark weather we’ve been having. Their gold jewelry accented their gorgeous tan complexions. Every spiral curl was perfectly formed and in place despite the rainy and windy day. The fact that they took great pains to apply eye shadow and kohl eyeliner around their amber colored eyes showed. Their make up was flawless. They were beautiful and they knew it. They had the look of confidence and pride that went with knowing that as they stood in the middle of the subway car all eyes were on them.


The third girl sitting across from where they were standing hadn’t quite blossomed yet. Her skin was pale, her eyebrows needed to be done but she had nice features. Her pretty long hair was pulled back in a pony tail which made perfect sense considering the weather. In short she was a plain Jane with potential. It was obvious she was still at that self conscious stage of her teens, insecure about her appearance. I could tell what she was thinking just by her expressions and her body language. She stared at the girls in front of her. She seemed in awe of them as if that’s what she wanted to look like, that’s how she wanted to dress.

Then I saw her catch a glance of herself in the subway window. She was not happy with what she saw. She hung her head down almost ashamed to look at the other girls but she did and once again I could see her comparing herself to them. She avoided glancing at her reflection again. My heart ached for her. Once upon a time I was her. I wanted to hug her and tell her it was okay, her time to shine would come. I wanted to tell her that what she was looking at was the result of hours of fussing and primping. I wanted to tell her that true beauty came from within but that’s something she'll learn on her own. Most of all I wanted to stand her up before her reflection in the glass again and point out all that was beautiful about her. I wanted to tell her that once upon a time I too had been a caterpillar. I wanted to promise that soon she’d emerge from her cocoon a beautiful butterfly but I said nothing. Instead I watched her until my stop came up and here I sit the day almost over and I am unable to get that girl out of my head.



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Labels: advice, new york, subway stories

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Posted by @ 1:17 AM
3 comment from:  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Emory Mayne,  Just Jane,

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Jesus Christ !

Sometimes I have a party and no one is around to invite so i’m stuck enjoying it solo. This was the case late last night. I was reading a novel by Margaret George titled “Mary, called Magdalene” while on the subway on my way to meet a friend. I was just at the part where Mary Magdalene meets Jesus for the first time and noticed that the train was pulling into a stop. The doors opened and in came this man that was the spitting image of the Hollywood version of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ Superstar. He had brown shoulder length hair with soft waves, his eyes were a shade lighter than my own kind of amber colored and his skin even though it had a hint of color was also about 1/2 a shade lighter than my own. I was amazed, our eyes locked and I imagined that I was not the first person to think that he looked like Hollywood Jesus, Jesus Christ Superstar.

Just then the theme to Jesus Christ Superstar began running through my head

Jesus Christ Superstar smiled gently at me and I smiled back, quickly looking away because I was about to laugh. The series of coincidences before me was just too funny.

Bless me Father for I have sinned I look at this man before me and have the need to break out into a chorus of "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Now this is the part when having no one to invite to a party comes in. If I had been in the company of Reina or Jackie I can only imagine the jokes that would have been flying out of my mouth. I know, I know I'm going to hell, mea culpa baby, mea culpa.

The fact that Jesus Christ Superstar was standing before me and I was reading a book on Mary Magdalene and that my proper name happens to be Maria, which means Mary in English (Mia has been my nickname since birth) and that I was born on Christmas day was not lost on me. Just then I remembered that my grandpa's given name is Jose (Joseph) and my mama's name is Magda. Oh man I could feel a fit of giggles coming on. I struggled to hold my laughter in. I tried to go back to reading the book, it wasn't working I couldn't concentrate I kept reading the same lines over and over again. I felt the weight of someone's stare. I peeked over my book and once again locked eyes with Jesus, he was staring at me again. He looked as if he wanted to say something to me, his lips parted slightly as if to speak A blessing perhaps? Maybe he was going to turn my Snapple into wine?

Just then he noticed the cover of the book I was now covering my smile with. He looked at the title... then at me and tilted his head slightly to the side and gave me a smile as he arched his eye brow at me. I tilted my head and arched my eyebrow in an imitation of him and it caused a warm smile to spread over his face. I felt a small laugh escape my lips,which made him laugh as well just then we pulled into my stop.

Father bless me I'm headed out into the world. Times Square to be exact.

I stood up and noticed Jesus checking me out, when I looked back Jesus was staring at my butt I’m sure that’s against one of the commandments. As I made my way off the platform I found myself humming "Don't Know How To Love Him" I made myself laugh again thinking about how it would be to date this Jesus look alike. Can you imagine living with him? "WTF Jesus! You can raise the dead, walk on water, feed the multitudes with a few fish and some bread but you can’t remember to put the toilet seat down?!"

::Jesus Christ Superstar::
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::Don't Know How To Love Him::
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Labels: religion, subway stories

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Posted by @ 1:52 AM
7 comment from:  Gem,  TotallyHappened,  DannieS72,  Mr. Khurram,  DannieS72,  Mia,  TotallyHappened,

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Pop my cherry...

I was riding the subway home and there were a couple of teenaged girls talking about sex and babies. One girl in particular was talking really loud. I think she wanted the entire number 2 train to know she had lost her virginity. I guess someone was giving out prizes for announcing the loss of ones virginity. I remember once upon a time not too long ago when talking about the loss of your virginity was done over a bag of Cheetos and a cold Pepsi in your friend’s room. I guess they missed the memo on that one because this chick made it a point that everyone including the deaf guy standing by the door heard her.


The girls couldn’t have been older than 15 years old and because they were really loud everyone within ear shot of our section could hear them and were making the most uncomfortable facial expressions. Kind of like when someone farts really loud in a crowded place and people pretend not to notice. It was a priceless moment.


Girl A: He didn’t pop my cherry the first time I had sex. He didn’t pop it right.
Girl B: You gotta remember it’s just a muscle and will close again.

Girl A was Hispanic and her bf was African -American and she went on and on about what beautiful babies they would have. Girl B was African American and she expressed her desire in finding herself a “fine Puerto Rican papi” so she could have babies. Ahhhh to be young and stupid again…lol

Labels: subway stories

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Posted by @ 4:36 PM
3 comment from:  Aisha,  Emory Mayne,  Mia,