Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Blonde Moment


A friend from Louisiana emailed me a photo of her modeling her soon to be wedding dress. The dress tightly hugged my Cajun curvaceous friend’s body. Coming from such a huge cultural melting pot like NY I tend to forget not all places are enmeshed as we are. The following “blonde” moment is a result of that.


Me: you need to buy a faja for the dress.
Friend: What’s that?
Me: my bad, that's a girdle in Spanish.
Friend: Ooh, I like that word better. I'm going to start saying that...so is that Cuban or Spanish?

Labels: blonde moment, friends

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Posted by @ 4:53 PM
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Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Dresser

Names have been omitted in order to avoid embarrassing the subject of this true life tale.

Stretched out naked in his bed he smiled at the thought of the woman of his dreams. As he went through the evening’s events with her he became aroused. Unable to reason his arousal away he decided to do something about it. He moved his dresser in front of his door as a precautionary measure against his roomies. He padded silently back to his king sized bed stepping over his discarded briefs and settled into bed. Deciding he needed a visual aid he fired up his mini laptop and opened up a PG rated photo of the woman he’d described as a walking wet dream. He placed the laptop on his stomach and went to work recalling her smile, the sensual sound of her voice and laugh.

Deep in the throes of his masturbatory fantasy he moaned the woman’s name loudly several times. Unfortunately one of his roomies just happened to walk past the young man’s door at that precise moment. Fearing that his friend was ill the room mate pushed against the door. Hearing the noise in the hall his second room mate rushed out to see what was wrong. Upon discovering that the door was blocked the roomie panicked and attempted to kick in the door. When that didn’t work he got a small ax out of the closet and began hacking away at the door and finally was able to kick the door in sending the dresser crashing to the floor.

It was an old dresser and the landing wasn’t kind and it was damaged. The young man on the bed was too far gone into his orgasm and yelled out the young woman’s name again. As he lay there on the bed shuddering, lap top on his stomach, sheets a mess, stomach and thighs drenched with this own seed the room mate ax over his shoulder stepped over the dresser and fully entered the room. The young man looked up and stared at the damaged door and dresser. He’d been so wrapped up in the moment he had not noticed the door being kicked in. For days he’s been unable to control the raging hard on that hit him at the thought of her. The door and dresser would have to be replaced but it was so worth it he’d thought to himself. He also made a mental note to tell his new crush about the door and dresser. Just imaging her embarrassed reaction to his teasing made him want her all over again.

The second room mate stepped in took one look at the scene and began yelling. He stalked over to the young man on the bed still holding his semi-erect member and stared at the computer. The young woman in the photo was a friend of his. Someone he had introduced to the great masturbator. The roomie reached out and smacked him on the head. “Don’t you dare!” he warned. The young man looked up at his room mate wordlessly then gave him a huge shit eating grin. The room mate stared back and shook his head, “Damn, I hope she is at least going to make an honest man out of you.”

Several hours later the young man’s mother arrived and surveyed the damage. “What happened” she asked. The young man shrugged and smiled sheepishly at his mother. Several days later a new dresser arrived to go with the nifty new lock on the new door.

Labels: friends, sex

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Posted by @ 12:03 AM
2 comment from:  Stela James,  Stela James,

Friday, January 29, 2010

Touché

My best friend Jackie and I have known each other since forever. To an outsider reading our Face Books or eavesdropping on our conversations our affection for each other is not an obvious thing. Why post words of encouragement or send hugs via an app when an insult will do just as nice?


Our insults are not limited to FB we also text each other through out the day in between our phone calls. I thought I’d share some of our text messages from the past week. The messages are in their entirety.

Monday

Mia: I'm cold whore

Jackie: We already know you’re a cold whore

Mia: Touché


Tuesday

Mia: Sloreeee

Jackie: Fuck youuuuu

Mia: Not nice

Jackie: Eh whatevaaaa


Wednesday

Jackie: Bitch!!!

Mia: I’ll shank u


Thursday

Mia: Bitxh
You’re such a bitch the c didn't even want to be next to u

Jackie: Fuck you


Friday

Jackie: You're a miniature bag of whore

Mia: Lol aww good things come in small packages

Labels: friends, jaclyn, text messaging

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Posted by @ 7:23 PM
8 comment from:  Anonymous,  lani,  Mia,  Anonymous,  Darla,  Vivaciousx3,  christina/ohio,  Mia,

Friday, January 22, 2010

Hand Sanitizer

We’d just finished having our eyebrows done when “T” informed me that she wanted to stop by a store before our next stop because she needed to purchase something. I was thinking more along the lines of some gum. Turns out she was talking about stopping in an adult store for a pocket rocket



As soon as we entered we spotted the artistically displayed pastel colored dildos on the counter nearest the door. "T" reached out to touch one and then quickly pulled her hand back when she saw a drag queen in an outrageous paisley dress approaching us. “Honey, it’s only a rubber dick. It’s not going to hurt you, don’t be afraid to touch it.” The drag queen said over her shoulder as she opened the door to leave.


“T” has this sweet innocent face and if you had to go by the looks of her you’d be hesitant to ever drop an “F” bomb around her for fear of hurting her feelings. In reality the girl is a freak. In fact she has a PhD in freakology. I however must have the word bellaca stamped on my forehead because despite the fact that "T" was the one peering into the glass display case loaded with personal massagers, hand cuffs, edible underwear and candy flavored lubricants the sales clerk addressed me.

“T” tore her eyes away from display case long enough to explain to the clerk what she was in the market for. While the clerk showed "T" all of her merchandise she flirted with me. I can be kind of dense when it comes to people hitting on me so I didn’t realize it right away. When it finally dawned on me that she was indeed hitting on me I dismissed it telling myself that it was my imagination.

The clerk laid her hand over mine, “I’ll be right back baby I’m going to get something from the back” she said to me.

“Dude, she is hitting on you!” "T" said when the clerk was gone.

“Really?” I replied

“Damn you are so slow.”

Before I could make with the witty comeback the clerk showed up with her purse and pulled out a personal massager from it.

“This is my toy." she said as she strapped it around her denim clad hips and then switched it on . “The massager rests on your clitoris and you press down on it."
She then reached for my hand and pulled it towards her “personal area”. We waged a little tug of war for my hand. I attempted to pull it away while she placed it on her massager.

“Feel the massager vibrating?”
"Yup sure do…can I get my hand back now?"

She held my hand tighter and applied more pressure to the massager.

“See you can control the degree of your massage.
“Wonderful, can I get my hand back?” I said as I attempted to regain custody of my hand.
“I call my toy Mia”

I yanked my hand back so hard the clerk almost fell into the display case. I held my hand up and muttered, “handsanitizerhandsanitizerhandsanitizer” several times.

“Mia?” "T" said as reached into my messenger bag and squirted Purel all over my hands.

“Yes, her name is Mia.” the clerk replied with smirk on her face.

I wasn’t sure if the name was a coincidence or if she had heard "T" call me by name and was just messing me. I quickly decided it was a coincidence.

"T" looked over at me, “Did you hear that M…”
“ Woman, hand sanitizer!” I cut in before "T" could say my name.


"T" decided against that massager and purchased another one instead. As we walked out the store the clerk called out to me, “Have a nice day Mia, hope to see you again!”

"T"’s eyes opened wide and her mouth formed a perfect “O”. I felt myself blushing and gave the clerk a tight lipped smile and pushed "T" out the door. "T turned around to face me her mouth was still open and I just knew she was going to say something.

“ Hand. Sanitizer. Please. ” I said.

Labels: friends, pocket rocket, shopping

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Posted by @ 4:41 PM
2 comment from:  Darla,  Stela James,

Monday, January 18, 2010

We Prefer The Term "Little People"

You think she would’ve learned her lesson about tossing the “M” word around. My best friend had misdialed my number and had gotten a harsh reprimand when she continuously asked that “the midget” come to the phone. Jackie refused to accept that she had the wrong number and the person on the other end of the line took offense to being addressed as “the midget” and being bombarded with wise ass cracks about midgets.

She was on her way to take a final several days later when she called from the bus stop. “Good morning midget!” she happily exclaimed before turning around and meeting the angry glare of a midget who was standing several feet away from her.

“Uh oh” she whispered into the phone and quickly explained what had just happened. “Serves you right you slore,” I chuckled, “we prefer the term little people!”

Labels: friends, wrong number

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Posted by @ 1:59 AM
1 comment from:  Darla,

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I’ve been forced to change my opinion

She was six and he was eight when they met in elementary school.
There was something different about him she sensed, she’ll accept me he sensed. From day one they were inseparable; they shared everything from lunch to nail polish.



In junior high school he did something amazing, he ”came out”. At the age of twelve he had the balls to do something many adults never have the courage to do. He said out loud what many had suspected and what Caitlin had known since first grade, Jose was gay. More than that he felt he was a girl in a boy’s body and began taking tentative steps to living his life as a female. Caitlin nicknamed him Christina after their favorite singer. The instant the first insult was thrown at Jose Caitlin was there to lay a verbal beat down on the person who dared to spew hate. She also developed a wicked left hook in response to those who wished to go beyond the verbal. Her hands on approach to Jose’s defense earned Caitlin the nickname “The Pit bull” a nickname that still follows her to this day.


Eventually the kids at school with a lot of prompting from Caitlin and school staff accepted Jose. Not all but enough and those who didn’t accept what he was learned to keep their hate to themselves unless they wanted to deal with the wrath of a tiny strawberry blonde and Jose’s many in school advocates.


They dreamed of having their own fashion line and every afternoon they’d hang out in Caitlin’s room designing and sewing outfits and handbags Caitlin would eventually wear to school. Jose sought refuge in Caitlin’s home. He was accepted there, he wasn’t so lucky at his own home. His mother attempted to beat out the “gayness” out of him with whatever she could lay her hands on bible, belt, broom, bats nothing was off limits when it came to beating the demon she felt resided in Jose out of him. The school took notice and Children’s Protective Services was called in and Jose was removed from his home.

He was shuttered from foster home to foster home for several years. In high school he found a loving home that accepted him and wanted to adopt him he also began attending the Harvey Milk High School. Jose now known as Christina was taking steps to become a woman and was living life as a young female. She was thriving and Caitlin was at her side every step of the way.

One year ago December several days had gone by without Caitlin hearing from Christina. Caitlin was worried; they usually spoke several times a day every single day. All of Caitlin’s calls were going straight to voice mail.

It was late Christmas night when Caitlin got the call. Christina had been killed several days earlier. She’d been the victim of a gay bashing. My sister grew up that night. If I ever doubted that a broken heart could be heard my doubts were laid to rest that night. What followed were months of depression and crying at the mere mention of Christina’s name.

Last week my sister finally visited Christina’s grave. It was a sort of closure for her. The very next day she took part in a school debate on gay rights. There had been no plans for her to take part but when she heard anti-gay rights sentiments being expressed on the podium she couldn’t hold back and begged to be heard. What followed was an impassioned speech that came from the heart. When she was done she was given a standing ovation. I was told that there wasn’t a dry eye in the audience. She’d moved them, even managed to make some re-think their stand on gay rights.

Once upon a time I thought my baby sister was born to make the world a prettier place. I’ve been forced to change my opinion. Caitlin was born to make changes in this world and it has nothing to do with her artistic talent.

Labels: friends, gay rights, sisters

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Posted by @ 3:00 AM
1 comment from:  frum,

Friday, January 08, 2010

Monsters On The Plane

The plane had been in the air for less than twenty minutes when I was struck by the beauty of the clouds. Psycho Chick had taken her medication so she was relaxed and ultra mellow. The female next to us was one big bag of jumbled raw nerves.



I took a break from taking pictures and peered out at the wing a little smile crossing my lips.

“What are you looking at?” Psycho Chick asked.

“I’m looking for monsters. ” I replied.

“You’re weird.”

I shrugged my shoulders and laughed.

“And yet you seek me out, so what does that say about you?”

She reached into her purse and pulled out a bottle of pills and shook them at me

“I’m under psychiatric care.”

“Damn skippy you are.”

“Seriously what’s the deal with the monsters?”


“I watched a lot of Twilight Zone as a kid and whenever I’m a plane I always remember this episode where there’s a monster is on the wing of the plane.”

Psycho chick had never seen the episode I was talking about or the Twilight Zone movie in which they redid the Nightmare at 20,000 Feet episode. I went into great detail explaining the story and compared the TV version to the movie version.

“Man that sounds scary!” Psycho chick said when I was done.

“Hell yeah, especially in the movie version when he breaks off a piece of the wing!”

I hadn’t realized the female next to us was listening in on our convo until I heard a whimper. I winced and stage whispered, “Ah maybe now is so not the time to be discussing this.”

Psycho Chick turned around in her seat and stared at the frightened passenger and quickly turned back to me.

“You think I should offer her a Xanax?”

“Are you freaking nuts?! You can’t offer someone one of your pills that’s drug dealing!”

“I’m not going to charge for it I’ll give it to her for free!”

“No. She might have a bad reaction and freak the hell out on this plane. Keep your damn pill pushing ways to yourself . ”

Psycho Chick turned around a stared at the woman again who was now praying.

“She’s praying!”

“Really?”

I leaned out to look at the woman and sure enough she was praying. Her eyes were closed tightly and she was deep into an Our Father. Never one to interrupt a person’s special time with the head cheese I waited ‘til she was done and introduced myself to her.

For the next thirty minutes or so we talked and the woman was actually rather calm until we hit some turbulence. The woman let out a yelp and pulled a blanket over her head and began to pray again. Psycho Chick then leaned over me to look out the window.

“What are you doing?” I asked as she elbowed me in the boob.

“Looking for monsters.” She replied mischievously.

Our fellow passenger took a break from praying to mutter, “Monsters?”

I shook my head at my friend, “Don’t make me hurt you psycho chick.” I shot back.

Labels: friends, road trip

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Posted by @ 12:24 PM
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Thursday, January 07, 2010

I Hope He Has A Big Box

The phone rang and Jackie told me that Carl her husband had an Alzheimer’s joke he wanted to tell me. Carl is always good for a laugh. The fact that he sounds just like Christopher Walken cracks me up even more. Btw Carl has taken to calling me “Margaret” as payback for me nicknaming Jackie “Agnes”. I put the phone on speaker since The Yeti (my boyfriend) was in the room with me.



Jackie: Margaret!

Mia: Yes Agnes?

Jackie: Hold on Carl is coming to the phone.

Carl: Hello, who is this? Margaret?

Jackie: Carl, it’s Margaret

Carl: What…what do you want?

Mia: You were going to tell me a joke.

Carl: What joke?

Mia: The joke you were going to tell me.

Carl: What are you talking about?

Mia: What do you mean what am I’m talking about, what are you talking about?

Carl: Bah!

Carl clucked his tongue and handed the phone off to Jackie without saying another word.

Mia: Huh? What was that all about?

Jackie: Nothing.

As Jackie and I continued our conversation Carl could be heard in the background repeating the brief convo we had just had over and over again. As he listened to Carl rambling on in the background the Yeti began to laugh. Several seconds later a light bulb went on over my head. Ohhhhh I get it! I finally "got" Carl’s Alzheimer joke.

Eventually the Yeti stopped laughing long enough to tell Jackie that I’d had another “blonde moment” and that he was going to start collecting my blonde moments.

I hope he has a big box.

Labels: friends, special moments

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Posted by @ 2:29 PM
3 comment from:  Tiff Oh Nee,  frum,  Amanda,

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

They Can Tell?

Sometimes I have “special” moments. I’m not talking special awwww warm fuzzy moments. I’m talking about brain temporarily on hiatus moments. Case in point my best friend Jackie and I were shopping and stopped to look at a display of wigs.




“Mia, the best ones are human hair wigs. The wig makers prefer virgin hair.”

This is the part where my brain took a hike. I thought about what Jackie said for a quick second and snorted.

“What?”

“Virgin hair Mia they prefer virgin hair it’s better to work with.”

“Jackie, how do they know when a woman’s been uh sullied? What once you have sex your hair texture changes?”

Jackie threw her hair back (not a wig btw) and laughed so loud I felt the vibrations in my bones. When she finally stopped and wiped the tears from her eyes she stared at me.

“Mia…”

“What?!”

She stared at me again with what appeared to be a smile reserved for the mentally incapacitated. Slowly my brain began functioning again. I smiled sheepishly at her as I felt my cheeks turning red.

“Ahhh that’s not what you meant by virgin hair is it?”

She shook her head no.

“Um let me guess…you meant hair untouched by certain chemicals like hair dye right?”

Jackie slowly nodded and inched closer to me to put her arm around my shoulder. I’m never going to live this down I thought.

“Mia…”

I raised my hand to stop her from saying anything else and slowly turned my eyes back to the wig display.

“Shut up Jackie.”

We said nothing for all about 10 seconds before I muttered “Virgin hair” and we both burst out laughing so hard we ended up having to hold onto each other for support.

Labels: friends, special moments, wigs

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Posted by @ 9:33 AM
3 comment from:  christina/ohio,  DoberDawn,  Anonymous,

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Horror movies, Minorities and Hollywood Clichés

Some friends and I were having lunch and somehow or other the discussion turned to horror movies, minorities and Hollywood clichés.

“Mia, do you think in today’s Hollywood would any of us make it out alive?”

“You’d be the first to go” I told Tanya.

“Me? Why?”

Five heads turned towards her at the same time with dismayed looks decorating their faces.

“What do you mean why?” I asked

“Why would I be the first to go?”

“Duh, because you’re black!” One of the girls pointed out.

Tanya thought about it for a moment and then nodded her head in agreement.

“Yeah but you’ll go down with a fight laced with mad slang because blacks are always street tough and speak fluent ghetto.” I said.

The group chuckled. I jerked my head at the pretty blonde sitting next to me.

“This one would be next because you know white girls especially pretty blondes with big boobs never can seem to run without tripping and falling. Even dust motes prove to be problematic for them when they run. Oh and when they do get up they only fall back down again a couple of seconds later. I think it’s the boobs….it throws them off balance.”

More laughter and head nodding by my friends followed my comment especially when the pretty bosomy blonde glanced down at her rack.

“What about me Mia?” my Chinese friend asked.

“You’d last longer than any of us would because you know Asians are geniuses. You’d know who the killer was and how to stop him with a blade of grass and a stick of gum.

“Ha take that home girl!” she said to our black friend.

“Uh uh don’t get cocky there girl. No one likes a cocky Asian in these flicks. If you’re cocky that means you’re down with a gang. We’re not doing gang banging in this flick.” I said, “You’d last longer but you’re still going to die. But you’ll go down with some pretty impressive martial arts move. Cause you know all Orientals know kung fu.

“What about you how would you die?” someone asked.

I paused for a minute to think of my options…but after a quick memory scan of movies and videos I’d seen in my life that had Latinos in them there was only one option left for me…

“I’d be done in by hormones because you know Latinas are always horny. I’d probably be feeling myself up in a seductive way in a barely there outfit for no plot enhancing reason other than to show my body. Then the door knob to my room would jiggle. Naturally I’d run to the door without thinking twice about the fact that my friends have been dropping like flies. I’d ask who is it and yet despite the fact that there’s no answer and that somebody is slamming their body into the door trying to break it in my dumbass would open the door.

“Why?”

“Because I’d be thinking that it was some hot guy I’d flirted earlier with that was dropping by for a taste of my Latina heat. I’d fluff up the boobs and open the door. By the time I realize that it’s the killer in the room with me the most I’d get to do is go for his face with my blood red talon nails. That’s how the Chinese character would know who the monster was by the way.

“What you mean?”


“Well because she is so brilliant she will notice a fleck of my pomegranate red nail polish on the killer’s cheek from when I tried to scratch him. You know that 99 cent nail polish never holds up well. It always chips and peels.”

“So if I’m dead who fingers the murderer?” the movie’s genius asked.

“The killer leaves you for dead and goes off to find his next victim but you oh my little genius would manage to scrawl the killer’s initials in blood as you take your last breath and leave instructions on how to kill him to boot.”

“Wow Mia I’m the shit.”

“Yes you are my friend and don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.”

Labels: friends

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Posted by @ 10:27 PM
7 comment from:  Anonymous,  Anonymous,  Darla,  christina/ohio,  Unknown,  DoberDawn,  Mia,

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm Waving The White Flag

Ever had a song stuck in your head? Well that happens to me a lot sometimes with songs I’m not particularly fond of …that’s the worst.

A few years ago when I was working the night shift at a department store Journey’s Greatest Hits was getting heavy play on the store’s system. Thanks to hearing it at least 8 times a day for the entire summer I got sick of the song. Until recently I had managed to successfully avoid the song.

That changed this summer, the song has been stalking me in television commercials, lounges, and dance clubs. While in Atlanta recently I heard it played four times in the space of two days and that’s not counting hearing it twice in the airport. Once while waiting for my flight in Atlanta and once after I landed in New York.

I made the mistake of letting a few people know about my issue with the song. News travels fast. When I arrived in New York my yeti made sure to download it and torture me for an entire weekend with it. My friends being the sweethearts that they are began text messaging me snippets of the lyrics and when that got no response they posted the lyrics and video of the song on my face book. My sister not wanting to be left out kept blasting the new dance version of the song over and over again in her room. Luckily for her the bedroom door was locked or I would’ve throttled her.


A couple of weeks go by and my friends and yeti have finally grown tired of messing with me. The song is finally out of my head. I'm a happy female. I’m at a small lounge down south with some friends a couple of them born and bred southerners. “You know Mia if you yell Free Bird out in any bar here in the south they’ll blast the song.” One of my companions drawled in that cute southern accent of hers. “Seriously? I thought that only happened in movies.” They assured me that it was true and they all encouraged me to give it a try. In what I can only describe as a dumb brunette moment I yelled,“FREE BIRD!” over the hip hop song that was playing.

The DJ looked up over to where we were smiled and pointed a finger in our direction. Wanna guess what song quickly interrupted the song that was already playing? Give yourself a big ol’ pat on the back if you guessed “Don’t Stop Believing”. I didn’t get Free Bird people what I got was set up.

The song is once again stuck in my head. I’m throwing in the towel. I’m waving the white flag! I’ve decided not to fight it anymore and to just embrace it. Come on people sing along with me!
“Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world She took the midnight train goin' anywhereeeeeee….”

Labels: Don't Stop Believing, friends, music

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Posted by @ 8:48 AM
3 comment from:  Darla,  frum,  Mia,

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Pay Back is a Short Woman Named Mia

Oh good you’re awake!” mom said as she entered my bedroom.
“Barely” I mumbled.
“I got this message at 5:30 this morning. It’s obviously for you.”
“Me?” I asked as she thrusted her phone at me.


Several months ago I gave my mother my cell phone. Occasionally s she gets a call or a text message here and there from people who I haven’t heard from in close to forever.
I read the message...

“Mi amore I miss you so fuckin much.
Hope u alright n god I wanna go back home.
Oh mia mia mia u gotta stop torturing me like this
When you gonna let me marry u”

“Well?” she said as she handed me a cup of coffee. The woman is a goddess she knows I can’t think without that first cup.

I took a sip and then slowly shook my head, “I have no clue who this is.”

“Are you serious, just how many men other than the Yeti want to marry you?”

“That have this number?”

“Mia honestly!”

“What ma can I help it if I’m popular?”

She gave me “the look”. I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a big smile.

“Ma I was joking… swear to God I was joking!”

She walked away shaking her head mumbling she’d raised a miniature female Casanova. That by the way is so far from the truth in glows in the dark. I messaged the number back and included my new number. A few minutes later I got a call.

“What do you mean who is this?” the English accented voice said.

“Hey! What do you mean what do I mean? You know what I mean. That’s not your number and you messaged my mother’s cell phone!”

“Yeah well darling I left my phone back home in London and I couldn’t remember your new number and I couldn’t go another two weeks without talking to you. I figured your mum would give you the message.”

“Where are you anyway?”

“ Dubai, I told you weeks ago I had to make this trip.”

“Ahhh…”

“You forgot?”

“Yeah I did. Sorry. So how’s the trip?”

“Bloody awful. I am bored out of my mind and I miss you terribly.”

“Dude you’re in Dubai how could you possibly be bored?”

“Easy, all my hosts do is eat and pray. I’ve gained weight, my jeans are fitting me tight and my bloody forehead is getting rug burns from touching the carpet every time I pray.

“Well some women find that sexy. The rug burn on the forehead thing. I’m not saying I’m one of them mind you. ”

“Mia I can’t believe you didn’t know it was me! How many men do you have proposing marriage?”

“At my old number or this one?”

He let out an exasperated sigh.

“Why do I bother asking?”

“Because you live for my smart ass replies?”

“That was a rhetorical question Mia.”

“Oh well that my friend was a rhetorical response.”

His laughter rumbled over the phone and as I listened to it I couldn’t help but laugh as well. Even though my infatuated friend had my mom mistakenly thinking I was a some sort of player I was glad to hear from him. Besides payback is a short woman named Mia.

Labels: friends, phone

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Posted by @ 1:34 AM
6 comment from:  Anonymous,  Mia,  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Mia,  Darla,  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,

Friday, May 29, 2009

Commercial Break

My cell phone rang, it was my friend Ursula. It had been a couple of weeks since I’d seen her.

Me: Hey Ursula, what’s up?

Ursula: Listen, I’m not really in the mood to talk I’m watching this TV program.

Me: Oookay

Ursula: Next thing you know we’ll be blah blah blah and we’re yammering away on the phone all night and like I said I’m watching this program and don’t want to miss any of it.

Me: Uh huh

Ursula: So let’s cut to the chase…when am I going to see you? When are we going to hang out?

Me: Tomorrow?

Ursula: Ok, I’ll call you tomorrow morning to get the details. I might bring my boyfriend.

Me: Okay

Ursula: Bye

Me: Uh bye

When the call was over I stared at the phone for several seconds and broke out chuckling when I realized I had been a commercial break. Hopefully she multi-tasked and got herself a snack while she was on the phone.

Labels: friends, wtf moments

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Posted by @ 11:39 PM
0 comment from:

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Omnipotent Ones Were Just Waiting For Me To Let Down My Guard

For years my friends have teased me about how the oddest things always seem to happen when I’m around. We’ve been locked inside of an out door running track... stalked by an ankle humping Chihuahua... chased through the subways by a gang of angry looking ASL signing deaf mutes... followed by a giant Kotex with wings all over the village on Halloween. Lately things have been quiet. I thought that perhaps the pantheon of mischievous gods who’ve enjoyed messing with me felt I was no longer worthy of their attention. I was wrong. The omnipotent ones were just waiting for me to let down my guard.


As I walked past the man I heard him say something to me. Despite my headphones I’d heard him and I was knew he was talking to me because he was looking dead at me. I removed my headphones and he repeated what he’d said. Holy Monkey! At that exact moment one of my friends decided to text me.

She: What u doing?

Me: feels very disturbed with the vulgar message a looney told her while she passed by.

She: So now you’ve got my interest...lol what was the message?


Me: Let's just say it has something to do with licking a certain lady part lmao

She: Oh wow... what the hell? I'm sure u provoked it lmao j/k

Me: What? I had my headphones on I was like did I just hear right?
Riverdale is full of crazy people!!!!
Ughhh oh yea and while I'm waiting for the bus, dude lifts up his shirt rubs his belly meanwhile his fly was wide open!!!
I was like what the hell? Lol
I couldn't move anywhere I was at the damn bus stop! Lol

She: Lmao... sounds like u need some mace lol.
I see u haven't lost ur knack to attract the nutcases lol

Me: Please you take the cake!!
Remember that homeless guy with the bongos?
" IIIIII love you perup-pa-pa-pommmmm!!" Lmao

She: Naw that was the combination of the 3 of us lol

Me: Yea I loved how u left us behind! Lol

She: I just sped up, ur so dramatic lol

Labels: Embarassing Moments, friends, new york

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Posted by @ 9:58 PM
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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

And You Will Always Be My Bitch

For months we’d been inseparable. Our friendship had been forged with pre-dawn conversations, desert romps, and more booze than my liver cared to recall. Prone to laughing at my antics he encouraged them no matter how much his older brother, my Aunt Nora’s husband scowled. Attend an official city hall function hung over and rocking outrageously loud pajama pants? Of course you should he’d responded equally hung over as he handed me a pair of colorful socks.

He introduced me to hookahs and hashish and I introduced him to alternative rock and salsa dancing. He held out his hand for one of my CD’s, “Give to me the crazy music Mia” he said late one night as we hit 90 on a stretch of deserted road somewhere in between Cairo and Alexandria. He cranked NIN’s Closer to an obscene decibel and smiled at me, “Habibti You’re my best friend!” he had yelled into the night. “And you’re my bitch!” I’d yelled back. I knew then that we’d be friends for life

Fast forward two years later April 2008; our friendship is tighter than ever. Due to our conflicting schedules it had been months since we’d seen each other. He’d left me a voice mail, “I miss you. I really need to see you“ and this is how I found myself sitting in a restaurant exchanging Christmas presents in April. He laughed when he read the inscription below his name on the Zippo lighter I’d gotten him. 'Salaam (peace) Homie' it read. “I will only use this lighter from now on” he vowed as I snapped a picture of him with the new digital camera he’d gotten me.

“Habibti (my beloved) I want to marry you.” he announced.
He caught me off guard with his proposal. My eyes darted around the room wondering who the hell he was talking to. He inclined his head towards me making it clear I was the one he was talking to and about.

My eyes narrowed, focusing on the folded napkin in front of me, “Did I miss something?” I asked.

“You’re my best friend; you know I’ve always said this…and I love you this you know as well.” He replied.

I cleared my throat, uh no I didn’t. Well maybe I did but I never thought he was serious. I nodded my head and watched as he lit his cigarette.You know now would be a good time to pick up the habit I thought to myself.

I decided to play it cool, “I have friends who think you’re hot, I could hook you up.”

He smiled and shook his head, “Your friends think I’m hot?”

I nodded my head. His entire body shook from his deep laughter. When he finally stopped he gently grabbed my chin and brought my line of vision to his face a gentle smile crossing his face, “I want YOU not your friends.”

“ Holy monkey.” I leaned back in my chair and gave him the ill look. What woman doesn’t long to hear words like that? It was a damn shame they were wasted on me.

“Would it be so bad to be with me? You know I would give you everything, the moon and stars if you asked.”

“Dude, why would you even want to go there? You know I have a boyfriend.”

“Why not? You’re like an angel to me and you drive me crazy. ”

“And you’re like a brother to me.”

He picked up my hand running a finger along the sapphire and diamond ring he’d given me several years before. He looked into my eyes, unable to find what he was looking for within them he dropped my hand and nodded his head in acceptance.The waitress arrived with our food. He picked up mini puff pastry spinach thingy. He attempted to feed me and I backed up. Now that I knew how he thought he felt having him feed me was too intimate.

I narrow my eyes and wrinkled my nose, “I can feed myself.”

He sighed in response, “It’s never bothered you that I’ve fed you from my hand before.”

“Yeah but…”

He waved the pastry in front of my lips, “Open for me. It’s your favorite.” I crossed my eyes at him and he laughed as I opened my mouth to accept the pastry.

“So what’s secondly?” he said as he grabbed my hand.

“What?” I asked when I was done swallowing and pulled my hand away.

He smiled and took my hand back, “Habibti you said first of all and where ever there is a first of all a secondly follows.”

“Can’t we just drop this subject?” I asked.

“No because I’m wondering what the secondly is about.

“Ay fine.” I had to stop and think for a minute as to how to phrase what I wanted to say without hurting him.

“I’m just a substitute for the one you really want.”

He opened his mouth to protest but I held my finger up gesturing for silence.He’d been in love when we’d met. He’d dated her on the sneak all through college but his mother hadn’t approved of the girl. His mother however had approved of me. She’d been crazy about me ever since she’d met me as an eight year old. “Fight for your love, fight for your woman! Screw what your mother wants!” I’d snapped at him the night his family had decided he would not be marrying the girl.

“Besides I am not your type you said so yourself.”

“What, When the hell did I say this?” he asked.

I sighed and took him back down memory lane.

“When we met, you looked at my piercings, my tats and said, “you’re a crazy girl, I could never be with someone like you.” I said. He laughed at my dead on imitation of his Arab accent.

“I never said that!”

“Yes you did. Ask your brother. ”

”Was I drunk?”

I laughed, “Nope. You were sober as a mosque mouse.”

“And I said that?”

“Yes.”

He sat quietly for a few seconds obviously going over our first meeting. I could see the hamster in his head turning the wheel.

“You have a black heart!” he exclaimed.

I nearly choked on my soda, “Huh?! What the hell, I thought I was an angel?”

“Yes you are but you have a black heart for holding that remark against me. I was an idiot.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and leaned his head towards me as if he were telling me a secret,“Is that why you never allowed me to kiss you?”

“Honestly ?”

“Yes, always truth between us.”

“I never saw you that way. You’re my aunt’s brother-in-law. You’re like family.”

“You know Mira was right, she said you’d break my heart” he responded.

Okay that shocked me. “When was this?”

“Remember the night you wore that black top?”

Ah yes the infamous black satin top. You would’ve sworn that I was walking around topless from his reaction. The top was a sleeveless v-neck number, nothing none of our female friends and at least two of the gay guys wouldn’t have worn. That night was the first time he’d seen me dressed up and wearing make-up. I recalled the teasing his reaction had drawn from our friends. His jaw had dropped and he’d stared…really stared. I remember wanting to punch him in the face especially when he growled at me to cover myself up and buttoned me up to my neck in his suit jacket despite my loud and colorful protests.

I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders. He looked hurt, but I pressed my case. I argued that what he was feeling for me a result of loneliness and it was not love. Not to mention his family accepted me and nothing would please them more than to see us married. I was an easy way out for him. I made a proposal. I’d work on his mother and he’d call the girl and kiss major ass in order to get her back into his life and this time he’d man up and stand up to his family. He seemed hesitant to go along with my plan but I refused to give up. When I was done I sat back in my chair feeling really pleased with myself.

He shook his head and stared at me for a second. I fluttered my eyelashes at him playfully and he smiled at me.

“So about this boyfriend, do you love him habibti?”

“Yes.”

“Really?"

“Dead ass.”

“So I’ve lost you huh?”

“You never had me in that way. You’ve always had my platonic love, respect, and friendship.”

He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his broad chest and just stared at me and then a smile slowly crept along his face.I returned it with a big cheesy grin of my own.

“So how about it, are we still friends?” I held my hand out to him he looked at it for a second before taking it and placing a kiss in my palm.

“Best friends. I’m not going to stop calling you Habibti you know this, yes?”

I laughed, “and I’ll never stop calling you my bitch.”

April 2009:
My plan worked. He’d married in January and had just returned from a three month honey moon. Once again we were exchanging Christmas gifts. He’d gotten me a hyper zoom lens for my camera. I was one ecstatic Mia. He pulled me onto this lap and wrapped his arms around me hugging me tightly.

“I love you Habibti.” He said. “Tell me you love me.”

“Like trailer trash loves deep fried Twinkies” I said.

He laughed and kissed my nose.

“Thank you.”

“No prob.” I said stood up and took another seat.

“I am going to be a father.” He announced as he stood up and sat on my lap. I let out a grunt. Dude was heavy. His wife had conceived during their honeymoon. The urine wasn’t even dry on the EPT stick when my Aunt Nora had called me with the news from Egypt.

“I know.”

“You did?”

I nodded my head, “They called me.” I pushed him off my lap, he was cutting the circulation off my legs.

“If it is a girl we’re naming her after you.” He said.

I jumped up out of my seat in excitement.“ I am so going to spoil that kid!”

He pulled me towards him. I put my hands out to stop him.

“Are you going to hug me again?”

“Yes Habibti.”

“Hold up let me at least pop a birth control pill before you do. I’m not taking chances with you. You’re like a fertile myrtle right now!”

He threw his head back and laughed yanking me into his arms hugging me tightly dropping a kiss on top of my head.

“ You give me so much joy. You will always be my Habibti.”

“and you will always be my bitch.”I mumbled against his chest.

Labels: friends

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Posted by @ 1:30 AM
4 comment from:  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Mia,  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Everyday Was An Adventure

My friend was talking to me the other day about the soon to be removal of her braces.


Mia: I dated a guy with braces once.

Friend: You did?

Mia: Every kiss was an adventure.

Friend: Huh?

Mia: Oh yeah I never knew if today was going to be the day my lip got nicked and bled. It was all very exciting!

I opened my eyes wide and shivered wiggling my fingers in the air. She laughed long and loud.

Friend; Oh man you’re sick.

Mia: What can I say? I live dangerously.

Labels: friends

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Posted by @ 10:00 AM
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

THE INTERNET IS TRULY A MARVELOUS THING ISN’T IT?

My friend and I rarely say hello to each other on the phone anymore we talk to each other through out the day so much via text and instant messaging that it’s one long conversation with small gaps in between. When we chat online he swears he can ‘hear’ my NY accent. “ The internet is a marvelous thing” he is forever saying.


Friend: Surely you’re not sleeping?

Mia: Not quite. I was drifting off

Friend: Oh so then my voice will be the last thing you hear before you fall asleep. I like that.

Mia: Most likely unless someone else decides to call me.

Friend: Dream killer

Mia: Sleep spoiler. What’s up?

Friend: So I was checking out your blog and noticed the Irish theme for this month.

Mia: Uh huh

Friend: Was that done with me in mind?

Mia: No

Friend: Lie to me

Mia: Oh well then….of course it was!

Friend: Now say it for me.

Mia: Say what?

Friend: You know, tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. You know what I want to hear.

Mia: Let me get a pint of Guinness?

Friend: Well that too but I meant the other thing I taught you M'AINGEAL .

MIA: CÁ BFHUIL AN LEITHREAS ? (WHERE’S THE TOILET)

FRIEND: NO, THE OTHER OTHER THING.

Mia: Oh! Erin go braugh! (Ireland forever)

Friend: That’s the one.

Mia: You know it’s always great to talk to you but I know you didn’t call me all the way from London to comment on the theme of the month or to hear the few words you’ve taught me . So what’s up?

Friend: Are you really, really, truly tired?

Mia: Exhausted, but curious …spill.

Friend: I’m having trouble with a paper for my philosophy class. I needed a break and decided that the sound of your voice was sorely needed.

Mia: I snore therefore I sleep.

Friend: Smart arse

Mia: True that, but I be a smart ass who got an A in philosophy.

Friend: You did?

Mia: Yes indeed. Would you like me to help you out with the paper?

Friend: Now why would you do something as sweet as that?

Mia: Are you saying I’m not normally sweet? Because if you are I’ll smack you next time I see you.

Friend: No, no not at all you my love are inherently sweet. I’m counting the days by the way.

Mia: Until I smack you?

Friend: No smart arse until I see you. I've missed you and we are going to have a great time!

Mia: Yup.

I slid out of bed and walked over to my desk

Mia: Let me turn on my computer and we can instant message each other while we work . Otherwise this call is going to cost you mega pounds.

Friend: You’re worth every shilling.

Mia: Yeah, you say that now but when your broke ass has no funds to treat me to a night at the local pub you’ll regret these calls.

Friend: Never, like I said my friend you’re worth every shilling.

Mia: Buttering me up…hmmm you’re really struggling with this paper aren’t you?

Friend: Yes, but I don’t want you to get out of bed and interrupt your rest.

Mia: I’m not going to be able to get any sleep if I know you’re struggling with this.

Friend: Good lord woman no wonder I love you so.

Mia: Ditto my friend. Besides I know you, you’ll go nuts and start pulling your hair out.

Friend: That’s true

Mia: And bald is not a good look on a 26 year old just ask Prince William.

Friend: That’s cold

Mia: Exactly, this is why I’m going to make some hot chocolate.

Friend: Sounds good I think I’ll do the same.

Mia: When is this paper due by the way?

Friend: Tomorrow.

Mia: Flippin’ procrastinator!

Friend: Look whose calling the kettle black!

Mia: I don’t procrastinate…I just put things off…til the last minute.

Friend: No wonder you got an A in philosophy.

Mia: Exactly. I’m going to make mine coffee we have a long night ahead of us.

I made myself a cup of instant coffee yeah I know fresh brewed is better but I was being lazy. Hey I am entitled. I went back into my room and logged onto my messenger.

Friend: Oh there you are!

without missing a beat we hung up our phones and continued our conversation via instant messenger

Friend: Isn’t it cool that we can have hot chocolate and work on a paper together while you’re in New York and I am here? Thank God for the instant messenger!

Mia: Ah yes the wonders of the internet.

Friend: Are you being sarcastic?

Mia: Me? Never.

Friend: Sure sure. Let’s get to work.

Mia: Knock yourself out show me what you got so far.

FRIEND: M'AINGEAL?

MIA: YES?

FRIEND: THE INTERNET IS TRULY A MARVELOUS THING ISN’T IT?


Several hours later we were exhausted to the point of blurry vision but we were finally done. With a little help from me my friend had written a paper he could be proud of. I have to admit being able to help him when he’d needed it made me feel good and it wouldn’t have been possible without the internet. So yeah the internet is a marvelous thing. Makes me wonder though how on earth did long distance friendships sustain themselves?

Labels: friends, internet

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Posted by @ 12:08 AM
2 comment from:  Mia,  Anonymous,

Monday, February 23, 2009

Mr. So & So and The BBM

The names in this story have been disguised to protect the embarrassed. Personally I thought it was one of the funniest things ever. Especially in light of the fact that the main character had been mistakenly detained by the police a few days earlier after a fight broke out in the subway station between 2 rival high schools. The main character however doesn’t seem to share my sense of humor but I love him anyway.


It was late afternoon and Mr. So and So was hard at work in his cubicle when the big black man walked into the office a determined look on his face. The man was tall and built like a pro-wrester he looked around the office, his eyes darting around in search of someone. Several heads popped up out of their cubicles.

“May I help you?” someone asked.

“I’m looking for Mr. So and So” BBM replied.

Mr. So and So slowly unfolded his 6ft frame from his chair. He looked over his cubicle and stared at the big black man. He didn’t recognize the man and was clueless as to how BBM knew his name.

The office manager approached BBM and asked, “Why are you looking for Mr. So and So?”

It was obvious to everyone there that the big black man wasn’t part of the Clearinghouse Publisher’s Sweep Stakes prize-mobile crew especially since he wasn’t carrying a huge card board check and Ed McMahon was nowhere in sight.

“Are you Mr. So and So ?” BBM asked.

“No” the office manager replied in his crisp British accent.

BBM stared at the office manager. Mr. So and So was Hispanic obviously this white man standing in front of him was not Mr. So and So.

BBM noticed the turning of several heads in the direction of Mr. So and So and he smiled. Thanks to them he was certain he knew who Mr. So and So was.

“Who are you?” the manager asked .

“I’m the nigga that’s going to beat the shit out of Mr. So and So.”

“Why?” the manager asked.

“He’s been fucking my girl.”

“Who’s your girl?” Mr. So and So asked, not the wisest query when faced with a jealous BBM if you ask me but nobody did. The fact that Mr. So and So was bumping uglies with so many women that BBM’s girlfriend was just another insignificant piece of tail seemed to enrage BBM even more than he was already.

BBM glared at Mr. So and So as he stormed his way across the floor his long legs eating up the carpet. Given the size of the two men this would go down as the clash of the titans.

BBM was feet away from his goal when Mini Man (he’s barely taller than me and rather wiry) came out of nowhere and flew through the air like an avenging ninja and judo chopped BBM right across his windpipe. Deprived of air BBM went down like a ton of bricks. Security arrived within seconds and circled BBM and Mr. So and So was ushered into his supervisor’s office.

“ I must admit I’m surprised given the fact that you’re always talking so much about your girlfriend.” The office manager said to Mr. So and So.

Mr. So and So looked up in astonishment at his supervisor he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His supervisor stared back waiting for Mr. So and So to say something.

“Are you fucking his girl?” he asked.

“No! I’m not fucking anyone! I don’t know what he’s talking about. Ask him who is girl is.”

The manager stepped outside the office and spoke to BBM. He came back in and supplied Mr. So and So with the woman’s name. Mr. So and So shook his head, he didn’t recognize the name. Until that moment he’d assumed that BMM must have been the new boyfriend of one of his many female friends. Since the police had shown up and were ringing BBM the supervisor felt safe in placing Mr. So and So in front of BBM.

Mr. So and So addressed BBM, “Dude, I don’t even know her.”

BMM scowled at Mr. So and So. He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket found what he was looking for and tossed the cell phone at Mr. So and So’s feet.

“So what is your number doing in her cell phone?” BMM asked.

The office manager bent down and picked up the cell phone and handed it to Mr. So and So. It was the number to his direct line. Mr. So and So stared at it for a second.

“She must be a customer." he told BMM.

The supervisor walked over the nearest computer and accessed Mr. So and So’s accounts and sure enough the woman’s number appeared there. After looking at his notes Mr. So and So remembered her.

“I’ve never met your girl friend. She called about renting one of our storage units. She said she was leaving you and wanted to come into the nearest facility. I scheduled a visit for her. She must’ve kept my number in her phone in order to call me back.”

BMM looked heart broken. What a crappy way to find out you’re about to be dumped. No one wanted to press charges against him considering the circumstances so BMM was free to go.

Later on while Mr. So and So and I were talking I joked that considering his police detention and this incident he was living his life wrong and just in case he should inquire as to where Mini Man had gotten his judo skills and sign up for a few classes. Mr. So and So was not amused. Of course it didn’t help that I was laughing hard as hell picturing Mini Man flying through the air. "You're so messed up Mia!" he fumed making me laugh even more.

Labels: friends

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Posted by @ 1:19 PM
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Friday, December 26, 2008

Where's The Toilet?

The sun and I were still asleep when my phone rang.

“Mmmhello ?” I croaked into the phone.


“I forgot how sexy your voice sounds first thing in the morning.”

“I don’t take obscene phone calls this early. Please hang up and leave your heavy breathing at the sound of the beep.”

The caller laughed a deep rumbling laugh. I’d know that laugh anywhere besides only one person I know of would dare call me so early... I smiled and snuggled deeper into my pillows. This was an international call I wouldn’t be long on the phone with my friend so there was no need to open my eyes.

"Lá breithe shona duit m'aingeal”

“Que? (what)” I asked.

"Lá breithe shona duit m'aingeal."he repeated as if saying it again would enable me to understand.

“Gesundheit. That sounds serious you may want to take some medicine for that. ”

“It means happy birthday my angel in gaelic.”

“ Ohhh, gracias...that’s thank you in Spanish.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Yes."

“Good, I wanted to be the first to wish you happy birthday.”

“Mission accomplished. Merry Christmas, did Santa bring you everything you wanted this year?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, a certain woman is still in New York and not here with me.”

“I hope Santa leaves her a lump of coal in her stocking.”

“Have you checked your Christmas stocking for any coal my love?”

“Ha-Ha, you are so funny.” I said with a dash of sarcasm.

“I’m going to let you get back to sleep now. I’ll talk to you tonight after your birthday party and you can tell me what Santa and the birthday elf left for you.”

“Okay”

“Hey”

“Yes?”

“Gráím thú…I love you”

“Cá bfhuil an leithreas ”

He laughed so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear.

“Where’s the toilet?”

“It’s the only Gaelic I know.” I replied.

Labels: friends

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Posted by @ 1:28 AM
2 comment from:  Anonymous,  Mia,

Friday, December 19, 2008

Deity Will Do Just Fine

Monday :

She: Are you coming to Thursday’s class?

Me: Yes

Tuesday:

She: Are you coming in on Thursday?

Me: Yes


Wednesday :

She: Hey you, are you coming in tomorrow?

Me: Yes

Thursday :

She: Are you coming in tonight?

Me: Na, I found out I don’t have to since I presented my paper last week.

She: Please come in.

Me: But the professor said I don’t have to.

She: Mia pleaseeee

Me: Why are you so anxious for me to come in?

She: PLEASE!

Me: Why should I make the 2 hour ride to school if I don’t have to?

She: I’ve got to present my paper and I need you for moral support. I won’t get nervous if I present the paper while I’m looking at you.

Me: Print out a picture of me and attach it to your report.


She: Liz is going to be there.

Me: Oh.

Liz is the resident know it all. Whenever one of the students presents a paper Liz heckles them. I swear the professor must give Liz points every time she manages to fluster a student.

She: Mia you divine goddess, please, please, with sugar on top?

Me: Divine goddess?

She: Yes.

Me: Major or minor?

She: Major of course! Huge, major goddess.

Me: What are my powers?

She: Only you divine goddess have the power to hold me back from smacking her in the mouth if she acts up.

Me: Meh. That’s it? Obviously we have differing ideas on what major powers are. The ability to conjure up fat free southern fried chicken and fat free Lady Godiva’s now that’s major power. Stopping you from popping a wannabe brainiac in the mouth is not a major power.

She: You’ve never seen me when I get angry.

Me: True that.

She: Are you coming to class tonight?

Me: Depends, is there beer attached to this gig? Because you know goddesses need tribute and nothing says worship more than the tribute of booze, spicy Buffalo wings, and song.

She: Yeah a beer tribute will be offered. We can go to the pub after class.

Me: Na, it’s cool I forgot we’re going out pubbing tomorrow night. I can only inflict but so much damage to my liver just before my birthday.

She: Okay then your Guinness is on me tomorrow night.

Me: Hmmm.

She: So is that a yes are you coming to class tonight?

Me: Fine, I’ll be there.

She: You’ve got to sit up in the front. I want to look at your face and focus on you.

Me: You scare me seriously you really do. Besides I hate sitting in the front. The professor always wants to get all chatty with me.

She: Liz sits in front and I want you next to her.

Me: Okay.

She: All hail Mia the goddess!

Me: Simmer down there she hulk.

She: As you wish goddess.

Me: Pft. Please there’s no need to use my formal title. Deity will do just fine.

Labels: education, friends

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Posted by @ 12:26 AM
1 comment from:  christina/ohio,