Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, May 16, 2005

We've been recording our history, in order to leave it to the younger generations so that one day when they look at it they will know where they came from and who their people were. This is my great-great grandmother Antolina Valle, a full blooded Taino Indian born in 1871, Puerto Rico and died 101 years later in New York City. Posted by Hello

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Tweaking the nipples and King George was ghetto....

The past few weeks have been kind of hectic, studying for finals, handing in term papers….they’ve gone by in a blur. A few moments stand out in terms of joy and giggles…

I got an “A” on my abnormal psych. term paper, totally unexpected but well earned, busted my hump on the darn thing.It was the highest grade in the class.. Whoot! Whoot! In history class we had this project due on revisionist and anti-revisionists and World War I… I was totally lost on that one. The whole class was having trouble with it, even the class nerd was perplexed. So much so that the professor gave us an extra week to do the assignment when he saw we were all having trouble with it. When the papers were handed in he gave them back with no grades, the man wasn’t thrilled… all except mine I got a “C” on it. If I had handed in a stronger paper my grade would have been higher. Honestly I was so sick of the damn thing I know I really didn’t give it my best… I could have done more.. but at the same time I was working on a dead line for my abnormal psych paper, studying for a couple of exams and I couldn’t see the forest for the trees with the revisionist paper. I can’t complain a C is not too bad,okay it’s not great but considering no one else got a grade on the damn thing I’m a happy ‘rican.

One of my Egyptian friends Ahmed was just diagnosed with Hepatitis C, he got it from a blood transfusion… their blood screening system is not as stringent as ours. I’m hoping he will be fine and that his wife and baby didn’t catch it as well…. On a happier note another one of my friends Mahmoud just got his visa approved and will be here by the end of the summer. I intend to make him fall in love with NYC much the same way he made me fall in love with Egypt and the people out there.

Okay now here’s a moment that just stands out because it’s one of those “ you gotta laugh” moments. My friend Reina has this thing about my breasts; she loves my bras and the support they offer. She and I are the same cup size it’s just that genetics have been kinder to me in terms of firmness and perkiness… I was spending the night at her crib a few nights ago and was in my pj’s when she comes up to me and cradles my boobs.. and starts whining , “Damn Mia I want these bras, this one is great look at the way they hold them way up there.. What bra is this?” I looked at her and said, “Reina I am not wearing a bra… let go of my boobies, what you want to tweak my nipple while you’re here too?” When I told her that she let go of my boobs so fast you would’ve thought they were radioactive, we couldn’t stop laughing.

After watching “The Madness of King George” last night , I’m convinced he was “ghetto” back in the day before there was ghetto. He had a thing for ending his sentences with “what what” which is basically the same as “wha wha” that’s used to punctuate a phrase in ghetto slang… Everytime he said "what what" it gave me the giggles... It was my phrase for the whole night.... lol I loveddddddddddd this movie.. wha wha!!

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Friday, May 06, 2005

Mom and The Mormon

Awhile ago I wrote about my grandfather being a smart ass, well it seems that his daughter, my mom inherited the trait as well…

My mom had just finished the housework and was about to sit down and have a cup of coffee and a croissant with my grandfather, when the door bell rang.

On the other side was a small platoon of Mormons, the head Mormon was a white lady holding a clip board. When she saw my mom she said, “Buenos Dias, Feliz Cinco De Mayo ! Eres la senora Suarez?” and showed my mom the clip board with what seemed to be the whole neighborhood’s Hispanic population listed on it. My mom gave her the raised eyebrow look and was about to tell the Mormon she spoke English when the lady seemed to be possessed by the ghost of Spanish Past. Her Spanish was HORRIBLE !
For some odd resaon she thought that adding an "O" at the end of every English word magically transformed it to Spanish! She didn’t let my mom get in a world in edgewise. She asked if she could come inside because she wanted to talk to my mom about God’s plan for her. My mom let her in thinking "this should be fun".The lady kept talking Spanish to my mom assuming that my mother spoke no English. So my mom played along. Mom offered her a a cup of coffee and a croissant… and the lady replied (in Spanish) that she LOVES Spanish food. My mom looked at her like she was stupid and replied (in Spanish), “ "Oh how wonderful we Puerto Ricans are extremely proud of the fact that we invented the croissant!" The Mormon had no clue that my mom was pulling her leg. The Mormon sat down and began talking about her church and their mission in the neighborhood. Her spiel was interrupted by the ringing of the phone, it was my dad calling to check in on my mom, “ Hey hon, nothing much just sitting here listening to this Gringa massacre Spanish , by the way she wished us happy Cinco de Mayo , I dunno I guess we all look alike to her.. I’ll call you back in a few love ya too.” The Mormons jaw was on the floor she got all flustered and tells my mom (in English), “Why didn’t you tell me you spoke English?”, “You never asked if I did. You saw my last name and assumed I didn’t” and then the Mormon attempting to patronize my mother exclaims, “You speak it so well!!” adding a big toothy cheesy smile at the end. My mom replied, “I should hope so considering I was born and raised in this country and my parents were raised here as well.” and flashed an equally cheesy smile at the Mormon. The Mormon then told my mom, “ I just love your culture.” And my mom replied, “Really? What do you like about it?” The Mormon was looking mighty uncomfortable when my mom added, “ By the way I’m Boricua, a Puerto Rican we don’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo and we didn’t invent croissants I believe the French did… but thanks anyway.”

The Mormon became became flustered and asked my mom if she would be interested in having someone from the church come by and talk to her. My mom replied, “No thanks and please for the love of all that is holy do not attempt to ever speak Spanish again. What you did to my language is a sin and should be illegal, not to mention insulting.!” and with that showed her to the door.

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