Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Well I'll be a Monkey's Niece !

Scientists released several studies today comparing the genetic coding for humans and chimpanzees. The studies stated that 96 percent of our DNA sequences are identical. The other 4 percent appears to contain clues to how we became different from our closest relatives in the animal kingdom, they said. These were several key points of the study were:

•Small but crucial differences: The researchers said the results confirmed the common evolutionary origin of humans and chimpanzees. Out of the 3 billion base pairs in the DNA coding for chimps and humans, about 35 million show single-base differences, and another 5 million DNA sites are different because of insertions or deletions of genetic code. Waterston estimated that 1 million of those coding changes are responsible for the functional differences between humans and chimps — thus defining our humanness.

•Six new genetic frontiers: Scientists identified six regions of our DNA that appear to have evolved dramatically over the past 250,000 years — including a "gene desert" that may play a role in nervous system development and also has been linked to obesity. They said a seventh region that showed notable change contains the FOXP2 gene, which already has been linked to speech in humans.

•Brain genes key: A comparison of gene expression in various tissues indicated that most of the genetic changes occurring during the evolution of chimps and humans had neither a positive nor a negative effect. However, the testes in the males of both species showed strong evidence of a positive effect. Also, genes active in the brain showed much more accumulated change in humans than in chimps — suggesting that those genes played a special role in human evolution.

•Primates' risky business: Scientists compared the chimp and human genomes with those of mice and rats, and found that both primates carried a greater amount of potentially harmful genetic coding. They speculated that such coding may have made primates more prone to genetic diseases, but also more adaptable to environmental changes.

•Clues to diseases: The genomes contained hints that the chimpanzee genetic code has been attacked more frequently than humans by retroviral elements — such as those present in the HIV virus. Scientists also noted key differences between the genomes that may affect susceptibility to viruses, the workings of the immune system and the progression of diabetes and Alzheimer's disease in humans.

I wonder how the intelligent design people are going to feel about this? Hmmmmm got evolution?

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Posted by @ 5:38 PM
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The Dog Days of Summer...

As the dog days of summer end and all of the kids in my house get back to school I somehow think that all of our pets will miss us. Not pictured our cats Elvis, Van Goh, and our guinea pig Gizmo.

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Posted by @ 3:59 PM
2 comment from: Blogger programmer craig, Blogger Mia,

Make a Donation...

If you want to help those affected by this tragedy please contact your local The Red Cross or make a donation to them via their website There is also a drive going on for cell phones. If you have an old cell phone your not using please donate it. They are giving out the phones in The Gulf areas affected by Katrina to the eldery and ill so that they can contact emergency services Phones For Life

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Posted by @ 11:15 AM
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648 dead, 322 hurt in Iraq bridge stampede

BAGHDAD, Iraq - At least 648 people were killed in a stampede on a bridge Wednesday when panic engulfed a Shiite religious procession amid rumors that a suicide bomber was about to attack, officials said. It appeared to be the single biggest loss of life in Iraq since the March 2003 invasion.Read the article

It's turning out to be a really sad day today. Makes you wonder about the higher beings plan for this planet.

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Posted by @ 11:08 AM
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"I fear it's potentially like Pompeii."

It’s always been a dream of mine to head out to The Big Easy (New Orleans) for Mardi Gras but it’s always conflicted with school. I’ve always been fascinated by this city, it’s history and accent. I can’t believe that it is gone. “I fear it’s potentially like Pompeii.”, former Mayor Morial was quoted as saying. My heart aches for these people.

Here's The NY Daily News coverage on what is going on inNew Orleans

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Posted by @ 10:49 AM
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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A Sentimental Mush Sits Among Them...

Today was the first day back to school for me. What joy! Actually I lucked out I’ve got a pretty decent group of professors. One of the classes I’m taking is Deviant Behavioral Psychology and the entire class is made up of women, well okay we have ONE dude. I kind of pity his butt when we all start PMS’ing. I know it’s a stereotype but one that causes me to smile when I think about it. Poor guy he better run while he has the chance.

I kind of feel like a film critic in this class; the professor informed us the class will consist basically of us watching flicks like Monster, Requiem For A Dream and analyzing the main characters. Here’s the thing though I’ve seen all of the films she listed for us and ummm I’m kind of not looking forward to watching Requiem For A Dream with the entire class. The reason being, that the book made me cry. I don’t mean little tears and a sniffle here and there I mean big ass sobs. Did I mention I was reading this book on the subway? I had people staring at me as if I were a lunatic. Wasn’t too bad though, a few people offered me Kleenex. Once a guy spotted me across the train and he had the same book too. He looked at me and made the universal grimace meaning sadness. Yup he knew what I was going through. He could feel my pain.

When I saw the movie for the 1st time it was worse. Five minutes after the movie ended I was still sitting and crying,my body wracking from sobbing so much. My eyes were all puffy from crying and my nose was red. I was the picture of loveliness. Oh man I was a mess! I vowed never to see it again. Then one day (dammit) wouldn’t you know I was with Guaynette , the movie came on and she made me watch it with her. I figured okay I can handle this… a duhhh I’ve already seen the damn movie. Oh man was I wrong. This time my eyes started getting all teary as soon as the lead character came on. So now I’m having a dilemma… am I prepared to see this movie with a group of fellow students and my teacher? People I will be sharing classes with all semester see me crying like a blitch and boogering up in class like a kid who’s been told there's no tooth fairy ? God help them all for they do not know the sentimental mush that sits amongst them.

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Posted by @ 9:48 PM
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Hurricane Katrina

I’ve been watching the coverage of Hurricane Katrina and am speechless. The devastation is heartbreaking. The looting that’s going on by heartless idiots is infuriating. The bravery shown by rescuers and survivors is inspiring.

Read more about what’s going on in New Orleans as a result of Katrina. Make a donation

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Posted by @ 7:59 PM
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I wonder which cell phone cam she used?

Can you imagine ordering dinner in this guy's restaurant? You should hope that was just his finger in your salad. Reminds me of something I read that was linked on Miss Mabrouk's blog... He is believed to be restaurant owner Dan Hoyt, co-owner of a couple of raw food restaurants called Quintessence here in NYC. Currently he and his lil'chef are on the run from the cops after he reneged on his promise to go to his local precint and have a chat with the cops. Maybe he was afraid to ride the subway over there?

Read the entire story.

I wonder what was the name of the cell phone she used b/c I never got photos this clear with mine!

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Posted by @ 4:15 PM
1 comment from: Blogger Tarek,

World's Oldest Woman ....

Hendrikje van Andel-Schipper, a former needlework teacher born on June 29, 1890, died in her sleep at a nursing home in the northern Dutch town of Hoogeveen. She was the oldest woman in the world according to Guinness World Records.

When contacted on the River Styxx The Grim Reaper was quoted as saying, "It's about fuckin' time! I was starting to think she was immortal." Eddie Izzard's "Death and Hopscotch" monologue could be heard playing in the background. (see Favorite Comics link on right to hear monologue)

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Posted by @ 9:51 AM
6 comment from: Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous,

Discovering Sex and The City

All my life I have been a later bloomer. I think in part because I was born 3 months premature and have been trying to catch up ever since. I didn’t walk until I was 1, didn’t get my first tooth until I was 13 months. The only thing I have ever done early was talk , and write. I started writing a novel on vampires living in Belvedere Castle on Central Park when I was in 2nd grade.

Sex and The City was on the air for several years and finally went off the air I don’t know how long ago and NOW is when I’m getting into it. At the time it was on I wasn’t interested in the adventures of a bunch of 30’ish white horny women. Now i'm discovering Sex and The City...late bloomer what did I tell ya?

Last week while at my friends house I caught a Sex and The City re-run and I loved it. Turns out my friend has the whole series on DVD and we’ve been watching a few episodes every night since.

My friends who were really into the show would always tell me that I reminded them of the Carrie character on the show. Not ever having watched the show I was clueless. Last night as we were starting on the Season 5 DVD a couple of my friends started the Mia is Carrie discussion again. One of the girls called out to my mom and asked her which character was most like me, “Carrie” my mom yelled out.
So with that resolved we then discussed as we were waiting for the intro to stop which of the series character mirrored each of us the most. Hands down we felt Guaynette was Samantha, Jackie was Miranda, Reina was Charlotte and despite me disagreeing they all thought I was most like Carrie. I think it’s the writing and the sarcastic sense of humor that makes them think that.

Well now that I’m almost done with Sex and The City maybe I should check out The Sopranos I’ve never seen that show either.

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Posted by @ 9:04 AM
1 comment from: Blogger D,

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Thunder & Lightning Caused By The Holy Rollers Bowling League

I was reading in the paper today that 64% of Americans reject the theory that humans evolved from earlier primates and 54% believe that a god created us as full blown human beings. Here’s the thing though theres people in this country that want this stuff taught at school. I don’t see what’s so wrong with that. When we’re done with that we can then move on to other things… like ummm the fact that sun revolves around earth, the world is flat and that’s why so many boats have gone missing around the Bermuda Triangle, they fall off the earth! Electricity is really magic, and gravity is really God holding us down with his mighty hands to keep us from floating away. And of course my personal favorite that thunder and lightning is actually caused by The Holy Rollers Heavenly Bowling League comprised of Jesus and The Apostles!

Here’s a few articles I found interesting on the subject...
    Kant Vs. Dwarwin
     Terristrial Soup
     Evolution Vs. Religion
    The Evolution Controversy

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Posted by @ 1:16 PM
3 comment from: Blogger ritzy, Blogger programmer craig, Blogger Mia,

I'm Not Saying a Darn Thing...

Some people just invite ridicule...

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Posted by @ 12:33 PM
3 comment from: Blogger programmer craig, Blogger Mia, Blogger D,

God Has a Plan For My Vagina...

It seems now that vaginas now have an official spokesvagina who has been busy blogging A Vagina’s Monologue

According to the spokesvagina, “If you adhere to God's plan for me, I will in return bring you great joy. Great joy that comes with much honor and respect. Joy that comes with no burden of guilt. Joy that cannot be explained to anyone who has never experienced it.”

First of all I wasn’t aware that God had a plan for my vagina.
The vagina goes on further to state that she is a perfect gift from God. Excuse me but I thought that vagina was part of the standard issued equipment that came with being born a woman. Since it’s a gift does that mean we can exchange it for like a better vagina if it gives us any trouble?

“I'm not sure if anyone has told you any of this. Many adults no longer respect me and indoctrinate you young people with lies." What someone’s been spreading lies about the vagina?!! How dare they!! I found the whole idea of the talking vagina kind of disturbing. I wondered wtf type of person sits there thinking of a speech for her vagina to write. Read the post if anything it’s good for a laugh.
The blog reminded me of a Pedro Almodóvar film called “Habla Con Ella” where there’s this scene where this man steps into a giant sized vagina.. it was a great flick but the image was disturbing…lol

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Posted by @ 12:19 PM
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Grateful Perv

( Perv on Subway whacking off)

I was reading The New York Daily News link on Miss Mabrouk’s blog about a guy whose picture was taken by a girl as he was masturbating in front of her on the subway. When I read the story in the paper yesterday morning it didn’t hit me, but today when I saw it on Ritzy’s blog the memory came flooding back to me...

About two years ago I was riding the #6 train home late one night. I was coming home from work oblivious to what was going on around me thanks to my MP3 player and a book I was really into. As we got deeper into my section of the Bronx I looked up and noticed that the once packed train was empty, except for me and this white dude. I didn’t get a criminal vibe off of him so I kept reading. All of a sudden I felt as if someone was staring at me. Have you ever had that feeling? When I look up sure enough the guy was staring at me. I looked the other way and then out of the corner of my eye I noticed he was fiddling around with his zipper area. The mother hubber was masturbating right there in front of me! He was trying to get me to look at him calling out to me. I got up to move down the train I couldn’t get off because the train was moving. As I walked down the car that seemed to get him more excited because now he had a view of my backside. He was having himself a field day. I remember thinking if he comes near him I am going to kick him in his nuts. I was trapped, I couldn’t go into another car because I was in the last one if I wanted to move towards front of the train I had to walk directly past him and he was blocking the aisle with his legs. Which meant I would have had to step over his legs, getting close enough to him that he could touch me or grab me. So instead I stood by the door with my body pressed against the door ready to run out as soon as the train made its next stop.

Finally the train was approaching a stop, as the train pulled into the stop I guess the guy finished his thing b/c he made a loud moaning sound as the door opened I ran out and he leaned his head out the door and yelled, “THANK YOU!!” and don’t ask me why because to this day I have no idea why I did this. I can only attribute it to nerves as I ran towards the subway exit I yelled back at him, “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

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Posted by @ 10:30 AM
3 comment from: Blogger ritzy, Blogger programmer craig, Blogger Mia,

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Music and Partying in New York

Oy Vey! It’s been a really interesting summer in New York music wise. First it’s Matisyahu the reggae Hassidic. Actually he’s really good shades of Snow remember him ? But come on do we really need a another Hassidic Reggae artist. I mean there have been so many already! What next Eddie Murphy playing Jackie Mason off broadway?

And now the monthy “Kill Whitey” parties in Brooklyn. Oh wait did I mention that it's a melanin challanged white DJ that's doing these jams? I don’t whether to be insulted or just throw up my hands and accept that the apocalypse is upon us.

Matisyahu Video

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Posted by @ 11:36 PM
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Put in your own caption...

It's just too easy... Put in your own caption.

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Posted by @ 10:47 PM
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Two Months To Live...pt2

In a post I did a few days ago I spoke about a movie I saw called “My Life Without Me”. The movie inspired me to ask my friends, “You’ve been told you have two months to live but your finances are such that you can’t get away and travel. What eight things would you do?”

The following is our converstation in response to the question…
We all gathered around my dining room table enjoying our meal with my mom at the head of the table.

Mom: Okay so what’s today’s topic ?

Mia: You’ve got 2 months to live. What would you do? Oh yeah no mulah for traveling.

Mom: Hmmm ahhh I see why you took out the option of traveling!

R: Why?

Mom: Because that’s the first thing on everyone’s list, traveling.

Mia: Bingo!

Mia: Ma what 8 things would you do?

My mother sucks in her breath and squints her eyes in a way that makes it look like she’s asleep.I love when she does this because you can see her dimples, the cleft in her chin becomes more pronounced. Her eyes are so chinky that when you look at her from an angle it's hard to tell if her eyes are opened or closed. Many a time my dad has walked into the living room and thrown a blanket over her thinking she's asleep when she's not. My mom had a minor stroke a few years ago so everyday with her is a reminder to me of how precious life is and how lucky I am to have her.

Mom:hmmmmm okay well first of all I’m not even sure if I have 8 things I’d want to do. I wouldn’t tell anyone I was dying.

Mia: That’s interesting, neither would I.

G: why?

R: yeah why?

Mia: I’ll tell you why later…go on ma

Mom: well as I was saying before I was so rudely interupted by the dwarf… I wouldn’t tell anyone I was dying because oh my God can you imagine how that would make them feel? They’d be miserable counting down my days. The last this , the last that.
You’re father would be a mess poor man. He couldn’t handle it when I had the stroke. Definitedly I wouldn’t say nothing to nobody. And Nora my poor pookie face wouldn’t be able to cope with it. Oh yeah and my dad and your uncles Mia. So no I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about it.

Mia: Including me?

Mom: Especially you. You'd be the hardest one to say good bye to.

Mia: So what would you do?

Mom: Let me think on that for a little bit ok?

Mia: Ok R what would you do?

R: Food.

Mia: Food?!

G: What are you from Ethiopia?

R: I love food

Mom: Oh yeah that girl can eat. God bless her!

G: Yeah but food?

Mom: Leave her be it makes her happy.

Mia: Ummm okay, anything else besides food? Lol

I understand R’s obsession with food. Her mom is always on her butt about her weight and making her diet. She watches and criticizes every piece of food R puts in her mouth. She never lets up on her, it’s a miracle she doesn’t have an eating disorder. As a result R stuffs her face when she is not home. That chick can eat! It’s like R what you want on your hot dog and she’ll say a hamburger!

R: Ummm ohh man I can't. No money?

Mia: No money, no dinero baby

R: You need money

Mia: No

R: I need money

Mia: Allow me to repeat myself, NO crajajo. NO dammit! No m-o-n-e-y. Two months to live and no money. Come on what eight things would you do?

R: Watch Buffy.

G: For two months?

Mia: Did I mention you’re going to be dead in two months?

Even though Buffy The Vampire Slayer has been off the air for a minute it’s still her favorite show. She is so stuck in the past. All of her favorite music and movies came out in the 1980’s. I adore this chick we’ve been friends since the 10th grade and over the years I’ve realized she’s not the sharpest pencil but damn she sure can make me laugh.

Mia: Two months to live, eight weeks.

R: Watch Buffy!

Mia: Oh Lord in heaven give me strength…

G: R you’ve seen every episode of Buffy at least 1000 times and you’ve got every season that’s available on DVD too…

Mia: Eight things R…

R: Get my BA

Mia: Two months you have, not years.

R: Learn to drive, make love not war.

Mia: Ok the thought of impending death has reduced you to quoting bumper stickers.

R: This is hard.

Mia: Yup dying is not as easy as they make it look in the movies.

R: I guess I would just go out and make the best of my life for the two months. With no money.

Mia: Can you be specific? Woman two months you gonna die, eight things.. Gosh what would you do, what would you do?

R: there are a lot of things to see that's free …

Mia: True.

R: I can’t, I suck.

Mia: Hey, hey, none of that miss thing what you do in your personal life is no concern of mines. Right now all I’m asking about it eight things you’d do if you only had two months left to live.

R: I can't

Mia: okay well I don’t want to push you if you can’t think of anything.

G: Damn it’s only eight mother fucking things!

Mia: Oh my! Must you be so violent? Shaddup your turn is coming soon buddy.

Mom: Stop picking on R.

R: Oh I know! I’d suck… suck. Suck. Suck.

Mom: Just what I wanted to hear.

Mia: Wait when you say you’d suck, what are you really saying?

R: You know!

G: Mia you know what she’s saying!

M: You’d suck?!

R: Yeah man!

Mia: Are you serious?

R: Yeah

Mia: Oh man this chick has a serious oral fixation. Okay hold on let me wrap my mind around this. Two months to live and you’d spend it on your knees and not even be praying, just sucking? (sigh)

R: Yeah.

Mia: When I get my degree you’re going to be my first patient… free of charge.

R: Yeah whatever, but I’m serious. I’d suck. Make some people happy.

Mia: Whatever my left butt cheek, I’m serious I’m getting you some serious therapy.

G: Jesus man this female is a trip. You’re serious?

R: Yup

Mia: Well you’d die with one strong ass jaw that’s for sure! Probably be able to bench press grown ass men with your jaw.

G: You’re a whore, a whore you know that right?

Mia: She’s not a whore. She just wants to spread some happiness before she leaves.
Ain’t that right girly? There is nothing wrong with making people happy and if she feels the way to do it is on her knees leave her be. I’ll even get her some knee pads.

G: Which one were you in Mia’s post? Whore A, or Whore B? I know you weren’t the prude!

R: I’m not saying.

G: But you were in the post right? Mia which one was she?

Mia: sorry no can do. I cannot reveal my sources.

G: I loved that post.

Mom: I’m going to get some Iced Tea, anyone want some? Anyone, anyone? Now is the time to let me know. You’re a special one R don’t let anyone tell you different.

Mia: What about you G what would you do?

G: I’d go back in time and change my mistakes.

Mia: G I said you have two months to live, I didn’t say you had a time travel machine.
What would you do?

G: I don’t know guess spend more time with my loved ones, with you and the family.

Just then my aunt in law S walked in…

Mia: Yo S you got two months to live what would you do? Traveling is out.

S: Na I wouldn’t want to travel anyway.

Mia: Serious?

S: yeah

G: S, guess what R would do.

S stops and looks at R from head to toe and smiles as she winks at her.

S: Let me guess she’d go on a boning fest!

G: You got it!

S: She’s too much.

Mia: So what would you do S?

S: I’d spend it with P (her son) make it as good as I can for him. Grant him as many wishes as I can and of course record it so he could remember it.

G: (claps hands) Good one, good one!

Mia: What the hell this is family feud you clapping when she answers? What next you’re going to point towards the wall and say ‘Survey says…”

Mom: You’re such a smart ass!

Mia: I wonder where I get it from ma?

Everyone looks at my mom and starts laughing because they know the apple has not fallen far from the tree.

Mom: Oh don’t look at me. I blame it on your father.

Mia: Oh yeah right ma !

G: Oh I’d have a baby!

Mia: you can’t have a baby it takes 9 months.. you’re kicking the bucket in two.

G: Oh yea true I forgot about that. Unless, I was already pregnant, then they could take the baby out as soon as I died.

I put my head in my hands and wonder who are these people and why me?

R: Could the baby live?

G: Yeah they do it all the time. Preemies survive all the time now. Technology is a mother fucker.

R: Really?

G: Yeah

S: Mia was a preemie.

G: You were?

Mia: Yeah.

R: That’s right I forgot about that , she was like 7 months right?

Mom: No, 6 months. 2 lbs ,14 ounces.

R: She was a twin!

G: Mia you were a twin?

Mia: Yeah. She was older than me by a few minutes.

Mom: 9 minutes.

G: What happened? Were you faternal or identical.

Mia: The word’s fraternal G, and no we were identical.

Mom: She died shortly after she was born. Her lungs weren’t as strong as Mia’s.

R: Shut up you’ll make ma sad.

G: I’m sorry.

Mom: No it’s okay. At least we got Mia.

S: Mia tell G what you said last week when R’s mom complained about you taking R with you to keep you company at your appointment.

Mia: Oh.. damn I didn’t want her to keep me company. It was just that her mom was giving her a hard time about her going out so that’s the excuse R used. She told her mom she was going with me.

R: My mom yelled at Mia she was like,” Mia why can’t you just go alone why you need company for? You were born alone you know”.

G: I can just imagine what Mia told her.

Mia: I told her, “As a matter of fact I wasn’t born alone, I was a twin. That’s why I hate doing things alone!”

Mom: Mia! What did she say?

Mia: Nothing ma. I mean what can you say?

G: So ma when was Mia actually due?

R: Damn girl drop it already!

Mom: The girls were due March 27th … I gave birth December 25th

R: you done playing FBI G?

G: sorry I didn’t know I was just curious.

Mom: It’s okay sweetie don’t worry about it.

Mia: Okay now that we got my birth info what things would you do G since you don’t have time to get preggy and have a baby?

G: Ummmm

Mia: So nothing else comes to mind?

G: No. R is right this shit is hard!

Mia: So ma anything yet?

Mom: Yeah…I think I’d just like to kick back and spend time with each of my kids, the family, especially my brothers. Especially M, J, A, and G. I know it would be hard on them I’m all they’ve got since their father died. I wouldn’t change my routine no need to. I’ve had a good life so there’s no need for me to go off running like a nut case. But most definitely I’d like to spend some individual time with my brothers.

My mom has seven brothers her mom died when she was in her 30’s and as a result my mom took over raising her four younger 1/2 brothers. In a sense she is the only mother they have ever known.

Mom: What about you?

Mia: Set up the dark room I always wanted and I’d take more pictures. Not necessarily of me, but you know how I love photography and lately I really haven’t been using my camera as much. I’d hit all the different beaches in NY and Jersey camera in hand just shooting pictures of people and stuff I see. I’d start a journal write down what’s going through my mind, observations, stuff like that so you guys could know I was at peace. I’d also make individual tapes and letters for each of the important people in my life.

Mom: Tapes about what?

Mia: I don’t know, whatever was on my mind at the time maybe something I wanted to tell them but never did. Maybe assure them that whatever differences we had over the years was long forgotten. Let them know how I feel about them and what they meant to me in my life. Talk about the good time we had, embarrassing incidents we experienced together. That kind of crap.

R: Yeah I bet you I know who’d get one of those tapes…

G and R: C

Mia: Yes C

R: I don’t know why. After all he put you through.

G: Shut up R that’s how she is, you know this. If she wasn’t like that you wouldn’t be sitting here now would you? Well would you?

R: No

G: Alrighty then.

R: Yeah but still…

Mia: I forgave him a long time ago so he already knows. We had a long talk before I went out to Egypt.

R: For real?

Mia: Yeah I told him I forgave him. You can’t be with someone for 5 years and not retain some of the love you felt for them. Come on that’s impossible.

G: For you maybe.

R: I can’t believe you let him off the hook. I never would have. You’re a better person than me that’s for sure. What he said when you forgave him?

Mia: He cried. He couldn’t believe that I was talking to him much less forgiving him.I think for him it would have been easier if I had just hated him and if I had slammed the door of our friendship in his face. He could have dealt with that, knowing that I was out there hating his ass for life. But before he was my man he was my best friend. I could never hate him but comes a time when you realize something is not working and gotta let go. He never had anyone walk away from him; it was always him that walked, hell that ran away. I guess that’s why he acted the way he did. He regretted it, I know him he would never intentionally hurt me. His reaction came out of being hurt, payback he's immature like that.Our relationship was like poison to me.

R: That’s it?

Mia: No, he thought it meant I wanted to get back with him but I told him no. I forgave him so we both could have some closure and move on. He asked me to marry him.


Mia: Yeah man. He asked me to get an apartment with him and marry him.

R: Wow. Why didn’t you, I mean you really loved that nigga.

Mia: Because he was never going to change, that’s who he was. I mean he used to try to change for me; he did change in a lot of ways. But you know what he shouldn’t have to change for me, just as I shouldn’t have to change for him. If he wanted to change he needed to do it for himself not just to hold onto me. I couldn’t see myself married to him and living the same life his parents had. Oh hell no!

R: Amazing, have you ever thought what if? What if you gave him another chance?

Mom: Plus she got Justin now.

R and Mia : Jason!!

Mia: Ma his name is Jason, not Justin.

Mom: Whatever you know his name. He knows what his damn name and that’s what counts.

R: So no regrets?

Mia: No man. The time had passed for that relationship, it was time to let go.
Back to the dying thing… I’d also want to spend more time with the family I don’t see everyday but the ones I’m really close. I’d hit all the museums I love so much.

R: Nerd

Mia: Nerd? Are you kidding? I love museums always have since I was little. I’d spend a whole day exploring The Museum of Natural History… that’s my favorite. I’d spend another day at MOMA there’s a painting there by Van Gogh that I love it’s my favorite.

G: Like your cat?

Mia: Yeah a painting cat… There was a famous artist Vincent Van Gogh kind of bipolar if you asked me. He cut off his ear to show his love for a woman and sent it to her.

G: Ewwww sick bastard. I know who you’re talking about, I was just playing. You named your cat after him?

Mia: Yeah because Van Gogh the artist was missing his ear and after we fixed my cat he was missing his nuts. It made sense at the time to name him Van Gogh.

Mom: So you’d spent you’re time in museums?

Mia: Part of it. The rest I would just want to spend exploring New York taking pictures from the Circle Line boat. Riding the subways borough to borough and exploring the different neighborhoods. I’d walk through central park... Revisit all of my favorite areas there. Most definitely I’d hit up the botanical gardens in the park and just shoot a whole roll of film there. I love that place.

R: Botanical Gardens?

Mia: yeah over on 5th ave there’s a spot there where everyone goes to get married. It is so beautiful. It looks like something out of a movie. How many things have I said so far?

R: I think that’s eight so far.

G: seven

Mom: A whole bunch.

Mia: Basically I agree with ma, I’ve had a good life I have never stopped myself from doing what I want to do so I’m satisfied. I mean don’t get me wrong there’s still a lot of things I’d want to do and places I’d want to see. But if I only had 8 weeks to do it in I really wouldn’t enjoy it as much especially if it took me away from my family. I think that at the end I would hope that I had made a difference in someone’s life by being a part of their life.

R: like what?

Mia: Well like maybe listening to someone when all they needed to do was talk. I dunno maybe encouraging someone to make positive changes in their lives.

G: well you’ve done stuff like that with all of us at one time or another.

Mia: Have I really or you just saying that so I’d leave you something nice in my will?

S: I went back to school because of you.

G: I stayed in school because of you when I wanted to drop out, and you’ve always been there to listen to me when I have had problems.

R: Girl I don’t even need to speak on all the shit we’ve been through.

Mia: So I made a difference?

R: Hell fucking yeah.

Mia: Good stuff then. Then that’s it…my life had meaning I accomplished something. So if I was dying, and had 2 months to live I wouldn’t be scared I’d be at peace. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure I’d be sad shoo I’m dying! But at least I know I left something behind.

Mom: so that’s it?

Mia: No, I’d like to visit Canada.

G: Canada? What the fuck is in Canada...eh?

R: Canadian men.

Mia: I don’t know ,but I’d like to visit it anyway.

R: Yeah but you said no travel. No money.

Mia: Canada is a few hours away we could drive out there. I could take pictures along the way.

R: okay I'll allow it cause it's not like you're leaving the country or nothing, but why fucking Canada out of all fucking places?

I wanted to tell R that Canada is another country but I knew what she meant. After all our years of friendship I know what she's trying to say although it may not always be clear to those around us.

Mia: Well because I’ve been close to it, near the border but have never gone in and I remember Lewis Black saying, “That even drunk and on a dare everybody makes it to Canada!”

R: You’re stupid yo!

Mom: So that’s it then?

Mia: Yeah

Mom: Okay so now you know if Mia ever suggests a trip to Canada that means she’s dying.

There’s something special about my house. I don’t know what it is. Someone once told my mother that you can feel the love coming from it. People come and they feel at home, comfortable. They are drawn to it, they like being here. It’s a favorite hang out amongst my friends, and my siblings friends too. Our friends come over and hang out with my mom even when we are not home. I think if I had two months left to live I’d want more moments like these. You know those little moments which at the time seem so insignificant but later on you remember them and treasure them as if they were diamonds.

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Friday, August 26, 2005

Miss Mabrouk is having a sale...

Just in time for back to school shopping Miss Mabrouk is having a sale on Anti-Jihadi Handbags… I don’t know about you but living in New York City we know a thing or two about defending ourselves from terrorist attacks… that’s why 9 out of 10 college girls agree that Miss Mabrouk’s bag is a must have! The other chick didn’t agree b/c she was tight wad and a pacifist.

Ms. Mabrouk says,” Defend yourself against bearded punks with rucksacks - your peacekeeper handbag can terminate every vicious violator of peace and order in your home town.”

Not only are they great for fending off potential terrorists these bags are perfect for foiling the most aggressive of subway gropers while riding the #6 train during rush hour. In an assortment of colors these bags are sure to compliment any outfit ! Made with polished stainless steel the handle is guaranteed to keep their luster and color despite numerous skull bashings. The bags are 100% leather and are easily wiped clean. The interior is scotch guarded for those times when you’re foes brains are a little mushy.

But wait there’s more with if you order within the next 30 minutes Ms.Mabrouk will throw in a free coochie protector! Sure to dissuade the most ardant of suitors! A definite must have for young ladies on the go!
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Please see Miss Mabrouk for ordering info.

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Posted by @ 6:53 PM
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You know that's an Arab name right?

One of my mom’s Morrocan friends whose family had been here for several genarations had a bad experience in terms of dealing with a bigot this morning. Today as she was recounting the incident she asked my mom the following question and as a result had the following conversation which I listened in on.

Friend: How long does your family have had to be in this country and exactly how much blood do you have to shed for this country before you’re considered an American? And I don’t mean a hyphenated American like Mexican- American, Arab- American, Puerto Rican-American. I mean American period.

Mom: First of all there’s no such term as Puerto Rican-American at least I’ve never heard anyone I know referred to as that.

Friend: What do they call you?

Mom: Mrs. Suarez. Na they’ve always referred to me as a Latina, a Hispanic or just plain old Puerto Rican. Unless I was running from a gang of white kids in school determined to kick my ass. Then I was refered to as, "Hey you fucking spik!!"

Mia: You're too much ma!

Mom: What? It's the truth. They also used to call me "Mira Mira" and "Oye". Which are words in Spanish. I don't get it though. Back then they hated us and now they want to be us. Women want asses like J-Lo's ...I hear white people using spanish words in their slang. What's up with that?

Mia: Oh yea I hate that. When they call me Mami or a guy papi or say chica. I just want to slap them.

Mom: Umm hum I hear you on that little one. I hate that too... it's like Latinos are now the "new white" we're what's in.

Friend: So what do they call you guys?

Mom: “You guys”? what are we a moving company? (picks up pretend phone, and mimics spanish accent) " Hello ju guys movers...ju pack ju chit and we move it for ju!"

Friend: You know what I mean! Specifically what do they call you guys the latinos?

Mom: Well they call us Latinos a facinating group of people and damn good looking too! Na, I think they’re refering to us as Spanish –Americans now. I can’t keep up with the wacky world of labeling.

Friend: Spanish- American?

Mom: Yeah I think it’s because the Spanish language is what binds us all even though our cultures are distinctively different. They tend to lump us all together . Then from there they start breaking it down by country I guess.

Friend: So what do you call yourself?

Mom: Magda

Friend: You know that’s an Arab name right?

Mom: I’ve heard rumors. Things were intimidated, clues were left.
No seriously it's been in my family for ever plus a day.

Friend: So how does a Puerto Rican woman born in New York get an Arab name?

Mom: Simple you have Berber and Muslim ancestors that’s how.

Friend: How the hell?

Mom: Okay here’s a breakdown of my ancestry ready?
My mother’s and father’s family originated from Spain…the Canary Islands . Both sides were Guanches decendants of Berbers. Somewhere along the line of them people someone was named Magda and there has been a Magda in every generation since then.
My Guanche family left Spain when Spain “discovered” PR.. there my Guanche ancestors who were all men married Taino Indian women and had lost of babies… those babies grew up to marry more Spaniards and Tainos.
When The US took over Puerto Rico over in 1898 a few of my relatives were sent off to the Indian school here in the US but after graduating they went back to the island had some more babies and then those crazy coo coo kids immigrated here after WWll, and we’ve been here ever since.

Friend: I thought Tainos were extinct?

Mom: Full blooded yeah, half breeds like my family and my husbands no. they even did a study recently in PR something like 68 percent of the island tested positive for Taino DNA. Ask Mia about that she was tested and came up positive for the DNA… she has the results. Why do you think I have such beautiful tanned skinned children?
Friend: Honestly I thought that maybe Mia and Steven were from a first marriage or something since you and your husband are so white and your youngest is white too.

Mom: No, one marriage, same father for all of them. They take after their Taino ancestors in terms of features and coloring.

Friend: So seriously Maggie what do you consider yourself?

Mom: Boriqua baby.

Friend: Boriqua?

Mom: Yup Boriqua aka Puerto Rican.

Friend: Not American?

Mom: It's a very complicated relationship we Boriquas have with the mainland my friend. Yes,I am American because I was born here on the mainland but in my heart soy Boriqua baby. When people ask me what I am the first thing that comes out of my mouth is Puerto Rican the heart over rules the birth certificate I guess.

They continued their conversation as I prepared to leave. My mother didn’t have an answer for her friend’s original question neither did I.

However it did bring to mind something I recently read on one of my favorite blogs. Over at Miss Mabrouk’s blog there was a discussion amongst a few of her readers (myself included) in response to a post she made entitled
“The Dream of Multiculturalism is Over” as soon as I learn to link that post up here I will. For now you have to look in her August Archieves b/c it’s been moved down.
In the commentary section of the post I responded to a comment made by Programmer Craig in response to a comment made my Trevor.
I seemed to have ruffled Craig’s feathers a little when I wrote…never mind just read the following discussion…(Thank God for cut and paste!)

Trevor said...
Oh, I don't think that the dream of multiculturalism is over. But any dreams of coexisting cultures where one culture intends to dominate the others by force are probably on shaky ground.

I don't care what the culture is, it won't succeed in the long-term if it doesn't value human life and human individuality.

Long life and happiness to you.
programmer craig said...
Well, trevor, the european notion of "multiculturalism" is to accept and tolerate the beliefs and practices of immigrants, even when they are directly at odds with beliefs and practices (and laws!) in the host society.

They could go with the melting pot system that's worked so well in America. But I'm guessing the won't :)
Mia said...
Melting pot system? Yeah I guess we have been a little luckier than most nations in terms of that. Although the 2 generations of my family that preceeded me in this country would beg to differ.
And believe me I thank them everyday for making it easier for my generation to be accepted into the melting pot.

programmer craig said...
A little luckier than most? What country do you think does a better job of assimilating immigrants, Mia? I live in southern california, where immigrants are the majority of the population, and I see people living the "American Dream" every day. I work with people who've been in the US less than a year who live the American Dream. I'll freely admit a lot of them don't seem to like the US much, but they're HERE and they are succeeding in life. And I think that's pretty remarkable.
Mia said...
Yeah a little luckier than most Craig. As the grandchild of immigrants I feel qualified to say that. It's not perfect but then again tell me which country is.

My grandfather has a metal plate in his head as a result of being welcomed into this country as an immigrant in the late 1950's. My grandparents (both sides) had to literally fight to be able to walk on certain streets in our city b/c the immigrant welcoming committee was always ready to pounce.

My grandparents and parents weren't allowed to speak Spanish at home or in school b/c The Board of Education and teachers advised their parents that doing that would confuse the child and impede their learning abilities. As if being bilingual would fry their brains. The only reason that programs such as bilingual education even exist in this country is because the young Latinos of my mother's generation like the Young Lords took to the streets and demanded change.

My great grandmother came to this country as a RN and had hoped to find a job as a RN but thanks to a remark by Eleanor Roosevelt made about Puerto Ricans being unclean she instead had to work as a maid in a hotel. Even though Mrs.R later retracted that remark, that one stupid remark stigmatized and stereotyped a generation of Boriquas (Puerto Ricans).

My mom grew up in the 70's and as a child she was chased and beaten in schools when they'd find out she was Puerto Rican. Some parents wouldn't even allow their children to play with her. In high school b/c of her coloring people assumed she was white but one day when a Mexican girl came to the school my mom spoke Spanish to her. The end result my mom was hit with text book and called a "spic" by the other students.

Ah yeah a few years back there were some congressional meetings to decide whether PR should be made a state and one of the elected officials thanked a highly decorated Puerto Rican general for his service in the Puerto Rican Military service... Hello the dumb wad didn't even realize that there was no such thing as the PR Military... The General was part of The American military service period …after all we are a possession of the USA.

Just a few months ago I was ready to pound out a kid who was harassing my Egyptian cousin in school over being a Muslim and an Arab... the nicest thing he said to her was that she was a sand jockey... Trust me the kid almost needed dentures by the time I was done with him.

As I said in my post we are luckier than most in this country when it comes to the melting pot theory and I thank those who came before me every day for making it easier for my generation. And it's true many immigrants are living the American Dream but for everyone who has "made it" there are countless who haven't.

And it's a sad thing to have to admit that in this wonderful country in this day and age I fight discrimination and ignorance a lot more than I should have to. Never mind the fact that I as well and my parents were born here. Never mind the fact that I’ve had countless family members sacrificed in the various wars this country has been part of since WWII. Never mind the fact that I come from a career military family filled with distinguished servicemen/women, or that right now my cousin got accepted into the astronaut program after being in the AF most of her adult life. Despite all that there are times when an ignorant ass will tell me "You sure speak good English for a spic".

So please unless you've walked in the shoes of my ancestors or mine for that matter, don't make blanket statements like all is peachy and hunkey dorey because it's not; ignorance and intolerance is every where, even in our own back yard.
And trust me when you have a last name like "Suarez" you learn that very early in life. I love this country and if I had to I would die to defend it, but the reality of it is that a lot of schmucks when they see me they don't think or say American instead they call me a wetback or a spic. Like I said we have been luckier than most and I stand by that statement, but we still have a very long way to go.

Sorry if I got kinda preachy there ritzy.. and as usual your blog is the bomb diggity Ms.Mabrouk!

ritzy said...
I really enjoyed listening in to this discussion!
programmer craig said...
Mia, I grew up in the 70s also (i'm probably about the same age as your mother! eh... nm that), in New Jersey, which I'm sure you know means I grew up around a lot of Puerto Rican kids. I don't remember the 70s being like that. But again, I say each family has different stories to tell.

I was married to a 1st generation chinese immigrant for 10 years. Her dad came here middle aged with nothing and is now a multi-millionaire. My ex has a MBA from one of the best colleges in California, and makes good money! I also feel qualified to comment on this, you know. We don't have many Puerto Ricans in California, but Mexicans make up about 40% of the population here. Some are gardeners, some work at McDonald's and some work in high tech industries. It's not a free ride, but the opportunities ARE there!

I think we'll just have to disagree about the "a little luckier than most" part. They don't call it the AMERICAN dream for nothing.
programmer craig said...
BTW, I'm a 14th generation immigrant, myself, and they had it wayyyy bad back then!
Mia said...
Yeah Craig I guess you are right in that we’ll agree to disagree about being a little luckier than most. However I would like to point out that growing up with Puerto Rican kids is a lot different than growing up being a Puerto Rican kid. You have no way of knowing what (if) they went through because looking at someone’s shoes is way different than actually living in them.

“BTW, I'm a 14th generation immigrant, myself, and they had it wayyyy bad back then!”

No doubt way back then immigrants had it tough, as did American Indians and they were on their own home turf! When Gen. Miles the very same dude who hunted down Chiefs Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse; the very same dude who captured Chiefs Joseph of the Nez Perces and Geronimo of the Apaches. When Gen. Miles invaded Borinquen on behalf America, none of this melting pot theory was applied to Puerto Ricans. Instead the children Caciques (Taino Indian Chiefs) and Boriqua leaders were shipped off to The Carlisle Indian Industrial School in an attempt to Americanize them. No one was asking them,”Hey you wanna be a part of our melting pot system?” No they were told to confirm, to leave hundreds of years of custom, religion and language behind if they were to be accepted as Americans, be part of the American dream.

Puerto Ricans were granted statutory citizenship to the United States in 1917. Yet three years earlier, on 12 March 1914 the citizens of Puerto Rico opposing this imposition of American citizenship sent a "Memorandum to the President and Congress of the United States" stating, " We firmly and loyally oppose our being declared, against our express will or without our express content, citizens of any other than our own beloved country which God granted to us as an inalienable gift and incoercible right." Even without support of the Puerto Rican people the Jones Act was passed. The Jones Act of 1917 merely granted Puerto Ricans a status of citizenship, which was not equivalent to the constitutional citizenship. This partial citizenship, however, did not prevent the United States from drafting Puerto Ricans into the armed forces during World War I, or from recruiting Puerto Ricans to labor in defense industries during the time of war.

It was illegal to fly our own flag in our own country and remained that way until the 50’s and when finally it was allowed it was because my people rioted for the right to do so. Even then the victory was tainted because we could fly our flag only if we raised the American flag besides it and the Puerto Rican had to be lower than the American flag.

It was illegal to sing our unofficial anthem “Preciosa” because it of these words….
“Preciosa te llaman los bardos…que cantan tu historia. No importa el tirano te trate…con negra maldad. Preciosa serás sin bandera…sin lauros, ni glorias. Preciosa, preciosa te llaman los hijos
de la libertad.”
Translation “ Beloved is what writers call you when they sing of your history…It doesn’t matter if the tyrant treats you with black wickedness…Beloved even without your flag, without laurels, without glories… (He meant this as an attempt by the govt. to erase our history)..Beloved, beloved is what you are called by the sons of liberty”.
Political parties advocating liberty for Puerto Rico were outlawed, their leaders jailed. The FBI spied and kept files on Puerto Rican leaders for decades (they were made public a few years ago).
In 1900 scores of my people were rounded up much like the American Indians were and shipped off the island to Hawaii as a source of cheap labor for the plantations out there. Very few went willingly, they were forced. In some cases entire families were separated.

When my people began immigrating to this country weren’t exactly met with open arms. Despite the fact that agents of the American govt. and industries went looking us as a source of cheap labor, encouraged us to come here. We weren’t welcomed to join the melting pot we had to fight to be accepted … But then again what immigrant population hasn’t?

Except, I don’t recall the immigrants of 14 generations ago being coerced into sterilization. My people were subjected to sterilization as part of a program meant to control over population of the island and free up cheap labor for the American companies. Sterilization was introduced into Puerto Rico in the 1930's and was still going on in the 70’s. The contraceptive methods used by so many today the pill, IUD’s, were tested on my people first. Our women were the guinea pigs for this, with the consent of the American government I might add. By the time they were done 35% of our women had been sterilized. “The increased sterilization of Puerto Ricans becomes more and more necessary as the U.S. industrial plans for the island -plans which profit U.S. corporations, and do not build a future for the inhabitants of Puerto Rico -develop.” This is comes from a report written in the early 70’s for entitled “Opportunities for Employment, Education and Training in Puerto Rico”.

In NYC our communities lacked the most basic services provided to other immigrant communities; adequate health care and routine garbage pick up by the sanitation dept.
For example in the summer of 1969, neighborhoods such as El Barrio in Spanish Harlem were not getting their garbage picked up with the same frequency as the white neighborhoods several blocks away. Our streets were dirty, disgusting, a hot bed for disease. Adding credibility to the then stereotype of PR’s as being slovenly. Pleas to the local government for regular garbage pick ups in Latino communities were ignored. Fed up the citizens of the El Barrio got together to rid the garbage from their communities. It wasn’t until they started erecting barricades of garbage in the streets and mini riots between them and the police occurred that City Hall took notice. The community did not give up and eventually City Hall had to give in and started scheduling regular garbage pick ups in El Barrio and other Latino neighborhoods.

I feel that to be part of the melting pot does not mean that you abandon the customs, language, and traditions of your ancestors. Unfortunately the melting pot doesn’t always subscribe to my theory. A few years ago there was a plebiscite to make Puerto Rico a state. Puerto Ricans voted that they didn’t want to be a state. After that I read of flurries of articles in the media on how we as Puerto Ricans were ungrateful and unappreciative of the opportunity we were being given. About how we were unwilling to make English our official language despite being a part (colony albeit) of the USA, yet willing to take money from the USA. My favorite quote of all time came out of the hearings held on the proposed statehood for Puerto Rico it was by Lolita Lebron, “"People were not born to be slaves, even if those slaves were dressed in gold and ate at the tables of their masters. There was a divine principle underlying the situation: human beings had been created free and should, therefore, move in the direction of freedom. The United States had tried to make young Puerto Ricans forget their language and culture -- to make them speak English and think of themselves as North Americans. They wanted to buy Puerto Ricans with banal things. The United States gave Puerto Rico nothing, exploiting the territory 24 hours a day, while it was claimed that Puerto Rico could not survive without the United States. Puerto Rican heads might be bowed, but they were a people who would rise from their knees.”

Now you may be asking yourself holy crap, Mia does this mini history lesson have a point?! Yes it does….lol
I wanted to illustrate that everyone not everyone is accepted into the melting pot right away. My people had to put up with a lot of crap dating back to 1898 and it has been only within the last 20 years that we have finally been accepted into the melting pot.
It is now that you’re hearing traces of our music creeping into the mainstream, only now that our food is becoming as desired and as accessible as a hot dogs and apple pie. It is only now that our language is blending with yours. Like I said previous generations have made it easier for my generation but there’s still a lot of work to be done. But even with its’ flaws Craig our country is luckier than most when it comes to the success of this.

Interesting discussion don’t you think?

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

2 Months To Live...

I saw this movie My Life Without Me and was totally blown away by every aspect of this film. The plot, the music, the entire cast, the writing, acting, hell even the cinematography. The producers were Pedro and Agustín Almodóvar. I am a big fan of Pedro Almodóvar It was directed by Isabel Coixet, a truly gifted director.

The plot of the flick revolves around this 23 yr old woman, Ann played by Sarah Polley learning she has only 2 months to live. Wait before you dismiss it as one of those boogering “Beaches” movies it’s not. There is nothing maudlin or weepy about this flick.

There’s a scene in the movie when the lead character sits down and writes a list of 8 things she wants to do before she dies. That made me think. Which is always a dangerous thing on my part. If I had two months left to live what 8 things would I do? Then my mind turned to that oddball assortment of people I call my friends and wondered what would they do. I made an informal survey and will be posting up their answers and the ensuing convo around it in a few days as soon as I’m done registering for the fall semester. But in the meantime I leave you with the same question I asked them...
“You’ve been told you have two months to live but your finances are such that you can’t get away and travel. What eight things would you do?”

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She Was Asking For It

Ever since I was a little Mia I’ve been a huge Mel Brooks fan so when I read this in the paper I just had to laugh. Several months ago his wife actress Ann Bancroft died of cancer.

A woman approached him in this restaurant and offered her condolences on the passing of his wife. She told him, “ I know how you feel I just lost my mother” “How old was she?” asked Mr. Brooks. “Ninety-six,” the lady replied. “Well,” said Mr. Brooks, “she was asking for it.”

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Mc Diet

Okay the media needs to stop messing with my head. First they tell us fast food like Mc Donald’s is bad for us that it’s part of the reason that we’re a nation of fat asses.
Remember the documentary Super Size Me? Well just in case you don’t here’s a synopsis: Morgan Spurlock subjects himself to a month of nothing but the restaurant's food, eating it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. A cavalcade of horrified doctors, nutritionists, and obesity experts weigh in on Spurlock's experiment.

Now I’m reading that this woman , Merab Morgan (picture above) says she lost 37 lbs in 90 days eating Mc Donald’s… wait before you reach for them fries read the story Mc Diet it’s not all Big Mac’s and apple pies for this chick. Meanwhile if I even look at a Big Mac I gain 6.5 lbs. Actually I avoid Mickey D’s like the plague I’m allergic to most of the stuff on their menu.

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Malek Was Really Looking Forward To That Fabric

Nora will be home next week and there’s still no sign of the gift laden missing suitcase I sent out there. Last we heard from Egypt Air it got flown to Libya and we haven’t heard from it since. Not a post card, a phone call, zip, nada.

I’m not one to make scurrilous accusations BUT while web surfing I came across this photo of Libyan leader Moamer Kadhafi . The fabric used to make his happy shiny people outfit looks mighty familiar. Kind of looks like the fabric I sent out to Malek.

In light of the missing suitcase’s last known whereabouts and Kadhafi modeling fabric #40188940 from Oriole Textile's fall catalog (silks and satins collection p. 65)I’m having an epiphany as to in whose hand the suitcase landed.

Mr. Kadhafi, if you know the whereabouts of the missing suitcase please e-mail me. No, no, wait as a matter of fact let’s forget about the e-mail. Just put the suitcase back a plane to Cairo no questions will be asked. By the way you have a little shmutz on your cheek. That better not be from the chocolate I sent Rasha’s mom!

I don’t want to make waves or accuse anyone of stealing I just want the crap I sent out to Egypt returned. Peace.

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Posted by @ 2:49 PM
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Monday, August 22, 2005

Camp Conchita

I wonder if Cindy Sheehan got her vigil idea from Concepcion Picciotto? Concepcion aka Conchita has been in front of the Whitehouse protesting presidential corruption and nuclear weapons, since 1981.Holy crap that’s longer than I’ve been alive! Check out her site to get her story.

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Posted by @ 11:46 PM
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Portly Prolific Porn Star Ron Jeremy

Portly prolific penile gifted porn star Ron Jeremy is the new PETA poster boy promoting the spaying and neutering of animals A worth while cause If you ask me. With 1,800 flicks to his credit Mr. Jeremy knows what he’s talking about when he says too much sex is bad for animals.

I recently came acroos a site that’s really helpful in finding affordable spay/neutering services Friends of Animals sells spaying/neutering certificates for $55.00 the way it works is they have a list of participating vets all over the USA. You put in your zip code into their search engine and they find the nearest vet. I gave this service a shot and it’s fantastic. The $ 55.00 I spent on the certificate covered all costs at the vet. My dog was healthy and up to date on his shots.

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Posted by @ 11:40 PM
15 comment from: Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous,

Stay out of the water Nora!

I got this photo from one of my favorite blogs Miss Mabrouk make sure to check her out. The reason I loved this photo was because it reminded me of my dear Aunt Nora who has not been swimming since Eve ate the apple. The closest she comes to it is standing in her mom’s pool in upstate NY.

Miss Mabrouk has an interesting fact posted on her blog about ladies dying in Alexandria every summer due to the weight of their garments in the currents. Man versus nature… nature scores! The reason that this fact interested me so much is that as you read this my aunt Nora is in Alexandria. For the love of Allah stay away out of the water Nora!!

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Posted by @ 8:16 PM
1 comment from: Blogger ritzy,

In The Words of Aunt Nora,"Kifaaya"! Ms. Sheehan

I really don’t discuss politics on my blog that often because so many other people in the kingdom of blog do it way better case in point, Egyptian Sand Monkey and Miss Mabrouk along with a whole slew of blogs and news sources I haunt.

But anywho the big thing seems to be Cindy Sheehan and her stalking of the president. I feel for this woman. I may make jokes about her hair because I’m PMS’ing right now and discovered thanks to Egytian Sand Monkey that there’s river of chocolate in Iraq my ass is missing out on. Damn I knew I should I have gone back to my army recruitment office after they called to let me know they’d found my paper work and if I came back I could leave in a few weeks to basic training. Whewww that was right after I graduated from High School way back in 2000 sure dodged that bullet didn’t I ?

Anyway since everyone and their uncles chimp is making a comment about Ms. Sheehan and Camp Casey I’m going to throw my 7 cents in from Camp Mia (I’m taking inflation into account) . Like I said I feel sorry for this woman, I feel compassion for her pain. She started out with a noble cause born out of her grief. Which seems to be going the way of Hamlet’s grief now. I don’t what it is to lose a child and all that it entails. But I imagine it is a pain that never goes away. If it had been my mom she would have protested the war in her own way and not allowed people to put their hands up her butt and make her into a puppet. But my mom never would have exploited the memory of her child the way Ms. Sheehan unwittingly ( I hope) is allowing those surrounding her to do. In her unbearable grief Ms. Sheehan looked at the poster boy for ADHD and decided it was his fault her son died.

Granted it was Bush The Younger who pushed us into this war under the guise of searching for WMD, however let’s be real here. Her son God bless his soul knew what he was getting into when he signed up for the military. It doesn’t matter if you sign up during a time of peace. The fact is hola! one day we may go to war, and who do you think is going to do the fighting? Certainly not the president and his funky fresh crew. It's all the kids who signed on the dotted line. I was aware of this the day I walked into the recruiting station and began the steps to join the army. As has my family and the many generations of them who have made the military their careers. Fate had other plans for me it seemed.

Ms. Sheehan has let this get totally of out control. There was no need for the circus she has around her to have pitched their tents. All she’s missing is the clown with the red nose and the juggling dwarves. Some would argue that the clown is sitting in the white house and Cheney is the head juggler. Bush should have handled this different from the onset. He should have met with the woman for a few minutes. What’s that when you consider the loss of her child and the pain she must be in. Fine I understand he met with her before but sometimes as grief settles some of may need something extra a little more time. If Ms. Sheehan felt as strongly about this war as my mom she would have never met Bush The Younger at all. She wouldn't have wanted to hear his words of comfort or even demand an explanation. No words of comfort or explanation are going to bring the kid back. My mom wouldn't have trusted herself she would've snuffed Bush The Younger right then and there and gotten her Rican butt hauled off to jail. However not everyone is like my mom some people need to expound on their grief. Some people are swept away by it and cloak themselves in it. I think if he had met with her from the beginning she would have been on her way , gone back home and still had the media circus but at least would have been home and probably mounted a campaign for elected office. She says that her concern is that of a mother. Yet she seems to have forgotten that she has a son who is alive and I’m sure he needs her too.

Oh yeah and another thing if I hear one more person say the soldiers are out there fighting for my freedom I’m going to heffa slap some one. I live in NYC not in Iraq if any soldiers want to protect me please meet me on the platform of 125th street at midnight tonite (downtown)right where the front car of the number 6 train stops. I’m going to be riding into some dangerous train stations which thanks to our beloved MTA and their dumbass rhetoric have no token booth clerks watching the stations. I could use the protection especially late at night.

So in the words of my Aunt Nora when Uncle Hassan and I are beating the crap out of each other as she tries to have a conversation with us , “Kifaaya!” (enough) in the words of my mom when Uncle Hassan and I are arguing over whether Methad stands a chance with chicken head Marwa , “No joda mas na!” ( stop jerking around) now that you’ve returned home due to your mother’s stroke stay there Ms. Sheehan the dead are at peace now it’s the living that need you at the moment.

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Posted by @ 2:04 PM
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First they make us fat and now they kill us

Damn those killer fries to hell! First they make us a nation of fat butts and now they're killing us! Researchers are now saying that

french fries can cause breast cancer

This was first talked about in a 2002 study. When Swedish researchers claimed that acrylamide, well known as a probable cancer-causing agent was found to be present in Mc Donald’s and Burger King fries. Acrylamide is formed in very high concentrations when carbohydrate-rich foods such as rice, potatoes and cereals are fried or baked -- but is not present when they are boiled. Well that shoots down my idea of indulging in fried corn flakes with a side of fries.

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Posted by @ 11:42 AM
1 comment from: Blogger D,

Yeah But How many of Those Little Scented Pine Trees Will You Need To Cover Up The Smell?

The prices of gas are astronomical all over the country. My dad told me he saw a no frills station out here selling it for 3.00 a gallon. Crap that’s more than what I pay for a gallon of milk! So with my car owning financially strapped friends in mind I went on the interweb (my dad’s phrase) and looked up some gasoline alternatives I also read an article that touts the benefits of Cow crap as an alternate source of fuel. With the price of gas soaring I’m sure a lot of drivers would welcome this, but I wonder what will the highway smell like during a traffic jam?

Then there was the article about used cooking oil as a gas alternative. They even have kits for under a 1000.00 that will convert a cars fuel system to allow it to burn grease. I’m not ashamed to admit the thought of driving a car that emitted the smell of French fries as opposed to the smell of cow crap appealed to me. I’d probably be tempted to paint my car in red and yellow and drive around in a Ronald Mc Donald get up.

After reading all that I was left with a realization and a question.
1) Gas Stations would make a killing selling those little pine scented trees. I should def invest in the company that makes them.
2) How many of those trees would it take to cover up the smell of the dung or fry oil?

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Posted by @ 11:04 AM
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My cousin Nadine

This is my 2 month old cousin Nadine. Adorable isn't she? We met for the first time today and really hit it off. I talked and she giggled and smile. Every now and then it looked like she was about to let me in on one of the secrets of the universe.
I have to admit I didnt know what to expect when I heard she was coming over to visit. My cousin was born with Down's Syndrome and the prognosis the doctors gave for her was downright sad. But when I held her today and saw her reaction to me I just fell in love with the chick. I could feel our shared DNA rushing through her. She's amazed the doctors with her progress so far. She holds up her head for a few seconds and kicks up a storm! She's a happy little chick always smiling and cooing.
I see so much of my mom and uncle in her, this family's genes are buff! She was so active it was really hard for me to get a shot of her where she was not moving. I had to wait til she fell asleep to get this one. I can hardly wait til she's a few months older. I've got the feeling me and little Nadine are going to be spending alot of time trolling museums and parks. I can already see me having a wall full of her pictures...lol

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Posted by @ 2:19 AM
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Two Whores, The Prude and Mia...

I was hanging out with friends earlier today, and one of them brought up a post I did on Saturday. It was the one about the whoriest whore who ever whored. My other friend who hadn’t read the post (too busy whoring I guess) was shocked that I’d written a piece on my whoring friends. “It wasn’t a piece just a few sentences and it was in conjunction with an article I read.”, I explained. What followed was one of the funniest conversations that we’ve had in awhile. I usually don’t hide anyone’s identity in my posts but it has come to my attention that one of my whorish friends significant other reads my blog. Henceforth they will be referred to as Whore A, Whore B, and The Prude.

Whore A: So Mia all your friends are whores? How could you even say that?!

Mia: Not all my friends are whores. Jackie is the exception. Oh and The Prude here.

Whore A: You’re saying I’m a whore?

Mia: If the dildo fits you must admit! Oh god man you know you’re a whore we’ve discussed this before! You’re an undercover whore.

The Prude: Undercover?

Mia: Meaning that no one would ever suspect she’s a whore. She’s like superman and his alter ego Clark Kent. By day a mild manner chick but when the sun goes down and a man approaches oooooh watcha!

Whore A: You are so wrong.

Mia: That may be true but I speaketh the truth. Okay okay you’re now a whore in denial. Tell you what I’m going do. I’m going to lay out some scenarios and you tell me whore or virginal. Ready?

Whore A: Ok.

Whore B: I’m down.

The Prude: This should be fun.

Whore A: Yeah take notes you might learn something!

Mia: Imagine this you’re on a blind date 1 hr after the guy picks you up you’re giving him heady moe in the front seat of his car on a deserted side street in the industrial section of The North East Bronx.

Whore B: Whore!
The Prude: Dirty whore definitely.

Whore A: Hee hee that was me.

Mia: Whorish incident number two. I invite you over to hook you up with my ex boyfriend “P” because you’ve got a thing for him . When you arrive "P” is there with another male friend of mines whom you never met before, and who in my opinion is too old for either of us to date. You totally ignore "P" and proceed to dry hump and play tongue hockey with the older dude."P" winds up leaving after you had asked me to invite him! After dinner I excuse myself to do the dishes and when I come back into my living room you and the older friend have my pillow on your lap. I don’t know what was going on there but that pillow was moving. Both you and his hands were under the pillow. And unless one of you was The Amazing Kreskin there was no reason for that pillow to jump around like that.

The Prude: Mega whore!

A: Oh shit!

B: Friggin’ whore!

A: I forgot about that. That was me too!

Mia: Mocks Whore A “Oh shit”… I threw the pillow out by the way. It was my favorite pillow. After I pulled you to the side and told you to chill out with the older dude you locked yourself in my bathroom with the dude. Hello I had to practically knock the door down to prevent you guys from boning in my parents bathroom.

Mia: And now for whorish incident numba tree. Ahhhh the time we had that party when the whore in question’s mom went out of town and the obese purple thong wearing so called virgin yet whorish hopeful interrupted the whore and the high school senior mid hump in the bathroom. What is it about bathroom fixtures that get you amped?

The Prude: Whory whore… that was you again A?

Whore B: Whore of all whores!

Whore A: Oh shit you’re right, I am a whore.

Mia: No my dear you’re an undercover whore .You hide your whorish ways oh so well. Plus you swallow! So hold your whore head up high and be proud of your whorish ways! Not many whores can swallow and not gag. You are the stuff whorey dreams are made of my whorish amiga.

Whore B: Okay so what about me? How am I a whore (laughing hysterically)

Whore A: We don’t have time to list all your shit. We’ll be here all day!

Mia: Okay well you’re what I call a greedy whore.

The Prude: Greedy?

Mia: Yup because she’s bisexual, the whore is never lonely. Men, women, small woodland creatures no one is safe when this puta is around.

At this point they’re all giggling like, well like whores.

Whore B: So what are my whorish scenarios?

Mia: Whatcha want male or female?

Whore B: Hit me with a little of both.

The Prude: Both? What the fuck?

Whore A: Didn’t Mia just tell you B is the greedy whore? I’m telling you bitch take notes!

The Prude: Ohhhhhhhhh man okay I got you.

Mia: Last summer we went to C’s coming out the closet party. There had to be around 20 hardcore lesbians there, lipstick and dykes. They weren’t skimping on the lesbians.

The Prude: Uh huh…

Whore A: What ?

Mia: I shall repeat for those who were too engrossed looking at pizza guy’s ass.
C came out the closet and this crew she hangs out with threw a slumber party to celebrate. C was there with her first official girlfriend.

Whore A: Why wasn’t I invited?

Whore B: That’s when you were hooked up with M we didn’t see you back then.

Whore A: Oh okay wasted a whole year on that asshole.

Mia: No, no, no! The man bashing conversation comes later. We’re on the whorish one now. Focus, girl focus!

Whore A: Stupid.

Mia: That may be true but at least I’m not a whore.

Whore B: You are so wrong…. Ha ha!!

The Prude : Come on back to the story!!

Mia: Impatient little woman aren’t we? Anyway so we get there and it’s like a GLADD convention there.

Whore A: Wait what were you doing there?

Mia: C invited me since I was the first one she came out to. I was there for moral support.

Whore A: Oh that’s sweet.

Mia: Oh niggette please like we all didn’t know back in high school that C was gay don’t act so surprised.

The Prude: That’s true we all were waiting for her to tell us !

Mia: Anyway so we get to the jam and it turns out I’m the only straight chick there.

Whore A: Ha ha!! Didn’t that happen to you before at that little club?

Mia: Um hmm I guess they can sense that in my family you shake a tree and a lesbian falls out.

Whore B: Wait! I want to hear the club story. What was it that happened at the club? What club?

The Prude: Oh yeah I remember this!

Whore B: How come she knows and I don’t?

The Prude: this was way before we met you. It was when we were in our senior year of high school.

Mia: It was some club we got invited to. it was some chicks birthday party.It was known as a gay club but on certain nights it was opened to heteros.

Whore B: So what happened?

Mia: My ex was with us and he and his boy spent the night hitting on this gorgeous bartender. The bartender kept sending us over free drinks so the guys thought they were the shit. Turns out that the bartender was sending over the drinks because of me.

Whore B: Are you serious?

Mia: Yup and the club had this gimmick that you’d pay 5 dollars for a shot but you had to drink it off the bartender. She was practically naked. Anyway so we walk up to the bar because the guys wanted to thank the chick for the drinks and get her number. When we step up to her the guys tell her they’ll buy a shot to drink off of her. She laid out on the bar and put a drink in her cleavage and one her stomach. She totally ignored the guys and tells me, “Here baby this one is on the house”.
I look at the guys and their jaws were touching the bar. I thank her and tell her,” No, That’s okay I’ve had enough. I started walking away next thing you know the chick comes after me and slips me her phone number and asked me to give her a call so we could chill together. I told her I was straight and hit the dance floor after that. My ex was heated. His friend however wanted to adopt me as his little sister and take me clubbing in every single bi-bar bar in town.

The whores and the prude then started laughing and just started hugging me.

Mia: Okay so can we get back to the whoring story?

Whore A: Yeah you were doing B’s scenarios.

Mia: Oh yeah so we at C’s party and until that moment I had always thought B was uncorruptedly straight. Next thing you know B is making out with some big chick.
By the end of the night she had made out and been felt up by every single lesbian there!

Whore A: What?!

Mia: We got the pictures to prove it. The only people she didn’t make out with were C and her girlfriend.

Whore A: Are you serious? She’s got me beat in the whoring department.

The Prude: God Damn B that’s a nigga’s dream come true live porn. Female on female action!

Mia: Yup but it wasn’t pretty let me tell you. Them chicks were HUGE it was like chubby chasers night at an all you can eat buffet. The smallest one was like 200 lbs.

Whore B: No a few of the dykes were thin.

Mia: Who?

Whore B: Remember "J" the one with the red doo rag that was DJ’ing?

Mia: Oh yeah I remember him he kept asking me when I was going to come in and dance with him.

Whore B: Mia that was a girl.

Mia: You’re lying! You’re a lying infidel!

Whore B: No I am not ask “C” that was a girl.

Mia: Swear to God.

Whore B: I swear to God.

Mia: Wow but he, she, it had facial hair! She had a goatee and everything!

Whore B: Yup but she was still a female.

Mia: Freaking amazing!

The Prude: Mia did you dance with her?

Mia: Na man I didn’t come inside. It was too hot in there. The place was packed and they had no AC just a little half assed fan. Plus there were things going on in there that I had no business seeing.

Whore A: So where were you?

Mia: On the fire escape talking on my celly. I was protecting myself.

Whore A: Why?

Whore B: Because they were all plotting on her. When they found out she was straight someone said they were going to turn her out that night and Mia headed for the fire escape.

Mia: You’re damn skippy I did, freaking females were aggressive. Grrrrrrr…

Whore A: That’s it?

Mia: Na man chill there’s more. She makes you look like a virginal whore.

Whore B: Virginal whore?

Mia: Yeah shut up I just made it up. At the time that happened this whore had a boyfriend and a girlfriend and she was playing them both dirty with some other dude.

Whore A: What?

Mia: Yup didn’t I tell you she’s a whore? Didn’t I tell you she made you look like an amateur? I know a whore when I see one. And this girl is queen whore right now. We must give her her whorish props. At the rate she’s going she’s going to have a venereal disease named after her.

Whore A: She’s queen?

Mia: Yup she’s queen you may swallow, gargle, rinse and repeat but you gots nada on this chick !

Whore B and The Prude are laughing like a maniacs by this time.

Mia: B whores on the regular with her mans best friend and her boyfriend doesn’t have a clue neither does the best friends girlfriend.

Whore A: Wait this in addition to the other girl?

Mia: Yup and another guy. We need a score card to keep track of who she’s doing on what day.

The Prude: Damn you’re nasty B!

Whore B: Okay ,okay you got me I’m a whore.

The Prude: Was there ever any doubt?

Mia: No there wasn’t my darling but pound for pound she’s the best whore out there in the land of bisexual whoredom! So hold your head up high you damn ho!

Mia: Oh yeah and lets not forget the time I was in Egypt and all hell broke loose in the land of whore.

Whores B and A together: Huh?

Mia: Ahhhhh my little buttercup whore, you didn’t think I knew about this one? That the entire whorish saga didn’t reach me in Egypt? I found out about it the same night it happened C hit me up with an email about it.

Whore A: ohhhhhhhhh shit do tell do tell.

The Prude: Which one of the skanks was it?

Whore B: Betcha it was me.

Mia: B and C…

Whore B: Told ya!

Mia: B and C decided to hit a club while I was gone and as they were dancing together they started making out on the dance floor.

Whore A: What?!!!

Mia: Yup them there whores broke the 1st commandment of whoring “Thou shalt not whore with each other”

The Prude: Wait, wait what about C how is she a whore?

Mia: Oh that’s easy C is a non discriminating whore… she will do anyone anywhere anyplace.. .out doors in doors on a boat, in a box, in a bush near a rock. But she is no where near their level yet she’s a fledging whore.

They both start laughing at that one.

The Prude : And what about you are you a whore?

Mia: Well let’s review ladies. Do any of you have any whoring incidents to report on me?

Whores B and A: Ummm actually no.

Mia: Yup that’s cause my mama raised me proper. I’m not a whore I just associate with them.

Whore B; That’s it no more whoring scenarios?

Mia: About you or in general?

Whore B: In general.

Mia: Let me see… well there’s L who you don’t know . We went to this club and she met this guy and went to the back alley and did his obese ass.

Whore A: She had to be drunk.

Mia: Na man she was sober he just had good game. Then there’s W who had just met this guy and when he asked if she had any friends told him about me. She invited me to a party they were throwing and when we got there it was just us. I think we were the party. I left real fast. W stood behind and the rest is shall we say whoring history and I heard from a reliable source a few weeks later there were pictures being mailed amongst our friends to prove it.

The Prude : Oh damn that’s messed up.

Mia: Yup and that’s why she’s out of the whoring circle. That’s commandment number 2 “Thou shalt not be trying to pimp out your non whoring friends.”

The Prude: How many commandments are there?

Mia: I don’t know I’m making this crap up as I go along. Work with me girl!

Whore A: Oh what about my new man’s cousin? That was funny.

Mia: I forgot about that. Her stupid boyfriend and his cousin tried to judge me by A’s whorish ways. One night we’re at her boyfriends house and the cousin tries to make moves on me which I totally ignore. Then he tried to get all bold about it and throws on a porno tape. And I looked at him like he had 3 heads, he moves in real close trying to kiss me I put my hand up in front of his face and tell him, “ back it up kid don’t make me snuff you.” And he “ tells me what this doesn’t turn you on?” I say “nope” and just got up and left! The kid was something like 17 years old. You know there is a fine line between whoring and molesting.

Whore A: Wait you would have done him if he hadn’t been so young?

Mia: Oh hell no. Not even if I was drunk, blinded and on drugs. Hell No!

Whore B: Whoa tell us how you feel.

Mia: Na man I didn’t find out his age til afterwards. Whoring is not my style. I may have moments of low self esteem but let’s not get all retarded now!

The conversation then turned to my aunt Nora and her bro- in- law Mahmoud.

Whore A: when is Nora coming back from Egypt?

Mia: In a week or so I have to ask my mom to make sure.

Whore B: Is he coming back with her?

The Prude: Who’s he?

Whore B: Nora’s fine ass brother in law. Hassan’s brother.

The Prude: He’s that fine?

Mia: He’s aight. I don’t know if he’s coming with . His visa hasn’t been approved yet. But his whorish ass is already asking me to hook him up with dirty American women.

Whore B: Really?

Mia: You interested?

Whore B: Hell yeah man he’s cute?

Mia: Whore!

Whore A: Not me he’s not my type. I’m not into Arab men.

Mia: Why not you afraid he’s going to run a jihad on your ass?

Whore B: You crazy he’s mad cute and nice.

Whore A: How you know?

Whore B: I seen pictures of him plus I spoke with him on the phone a couple of times at Nora’s house and I chatted with him a few times online. He called me habibi!

Mia: The boy may dress like a pato but he’s got game.

Whore A: He dresses like a maricon?

Mia: Not intentionally. A lot of the younger guys I met out there dress European style it's kind of villagy if you get what i'm saying. When he gets out here I’m taking his male whore ass shopping and hooking him up. Because the way he dresses now he looks like he could be working the pier in the village and making dollars doing it too!

Whore B: So you are going to introduce him to us aren’t you?

Mia: Yes I am my dear, you’ll get first crack at him before I start introducing him around to the rest of the whory crew. I promised him I was going to be at the airport when Hassan picks him. We're mad tight. We'd stay up mad late discussing politics and what not. He even explained the deal to me about their president Mubarak. Come with me to the airport if you want. Plus I’m going to be taking him to clubs and showing him around the city. He’s cool people.

Whore A: Mia, did he hit on you while you were out there?

Mia: He flirted a little.

Whore B: And details?

Mia: and what helloooo he’s nora’s bro- in- law he’s like family. I just used to ignore his flirting.

The Prude: All you did was discuss politics?

Mia: It was interesting stuff I really didn't know what was going on out there.Hey I needed to expand my horizons.

Whore A: You're such a nerd !

Mia: And you is an ignorant ho' but I still love you anyway. It was interesting stuff.

Whore B: I’m saying though I would have discussed the politics and done him. I can multi-task you know.

Mia: We know this my little whorish buddy.

The Prude: Oh please you're not into politics like Mia is to you multi-tasking means using your mouth and hands at the same time!

Mia: Oh that is so wrong on so many levels. We do not need to go there.

Whore B: Remind me to beat you down later Prude.

We stopped at the fruit stand to pick up some things before we headed home and all of a sudden Whore A started peeling a banana.

Whore A: Yo check this out!

And with that she opened her mouth and shoved a banana down her throat without gagging! Thank you very much!

Mia: Too bad they don’t have an Olympic event for that, man you would win the gold.

Whore B: Whore!

Whore A: That’s Queen whore to you. Bow down you peon!

The Prude: Oh my god you bitches are crazy! Why do I even hang out with you?

Mia: You act like this is news to you.

Whore A: Because you love us?

Whore B: Because you want to be just like us when you grow up?

The Prude: Oh my God Mia you’re not going to blog this are you?

Mia: Oh yes buttercup I am. It’s too good not to publish !

Whore A: You’re using our names?

Mia: Nope, but I will be posting your pics.

Whore B: Liar!

The Prude: For real?

Mia: No I’m playing about the pictures but serious about the blogging. Lucky for you B I deleted those pictures of you at the obese lesbians get together.

Whore A: B you still have those pictures?

Whore B: Na I think C has them though.

Mia: Trust me A you do not want to see them pictures!

We continued to walk and talk and it dawned on me yes my friends are whores. But you know what? They are the best whores they can be and do this country proud with their skank ass adventures. I may write a book about them one day.


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Posted by @ 1:07 AM
9 comment from: Blogger ritzy, Blogger raf*, Blogger Charlotte, Blogger DannieS72, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous,