Monday, May 08, 2006

Silly String birth control


For some odd reason my friends always want to discuss intimate details of their sex lives with me. They often tell me things that leave me shocked, confused or gasping for air due to heavy fits of laughter. The following conversation falls into all three categories. Her name has been changed because too many people at school read this blog. I was on my laptop working on a paper when I got an instant message…


Friend (12:22:16 AM): i fogot to tell u

TwinkleToezMia (12:22:18 AM): what?

Friend(12:22:28 AM): i did a demenstration of that form shit to k

( WTF obviously this chick never won a spelling bee)

TwinkleToezMia (12:22:37 AM): what?

Friend (12:22:46 AM): u know that stuff that gets hard in ur poop to block sperm

TwinkleToezMia (12:22:55 AM): WHAT? LMAO

(Did she just say something about her poop? Wtf?!)

Friend (12:23:00 AM): yo that shit got full with air and it flew

Friend (12:23:00 AM): lol

Friend (12:23:04 AM): and it got all over us

Friend (12:23:05 AM): lol

(I have no idea what the hell this chick is talking about I am so confused)

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:09 AM): what’s that?

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:16 AM): foam?

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:27 AM): ur poop?

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:33 AM): spermacide?

(the picture that is forming in my head is not a pretty one)

Friend (12:23:34 AM): poo poo

(poo poo? I think she means vagina but I am not sure, well at least that’s what I hope. I'd hate to think that at her age she’s messing with her own feces. )


TwinkleToezMia (12:23:37 AM): oooh, lmao

(yeah okay I was right it poo poo in her special little world means vagina. Why not just say vagina what are we like ten years old and practicing cuss words out in the playground?)

Friend (12:23:38 AM): ayee nena

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:44 AM): I’m like wtf u put it in your butt? LMAO

Friend (12:23:48 AM): lmao

Friend (12:23:49 AM): no

(I still have no clue as to what she’s talking about but I know it’s a form of birth control )

TwinkleToezMia (12:23:51 AM): u never showed me what the doctor gave u

TwinkleToezMia (12:24:11 AM): well does it work?

Friend (12:24:15 AM): lmao

Friend (12:24:26 AM): that shit flew all over the bed all over his shirt

Friend (12:24:27 AM): lol

Friend (12:24:30 AM): my shirt

Friend (12:24:31 AM): the bed

Friend (12:24:33 AM): the wall

Friend (12:24:35 AM): the mirror

Friend (12:24:40 AM): my pic frame

Friend (12:24:45 AM): it was soo funnny

Friend (12:24:47 AM): I WAS DYING

( I picture the magic bullet flying all over the room like an escaped helium balloon in it’s prime. )

Friend (12:25:09 AM): yo if u were there u would have been dying too


TwinkleToezMia (12:25:10 AM): LMAO WTF

(I’m not sure if I am picturing the correct thing )

TwinkleToezMia (12:25:17 AM): u gotta show me this crap

Friend (12:25:26 AM): yeahh

Friend (12:25:27 AM): yoo
Friend (12:25:30 AM): i think i did it wrong

Friend (12:25:45 AM): cuz yo that shit flew like a torpedo

Friend (12:25:54 AM): that shit could have taken out an eye

(the image of her wearing an eye patch at school and having to explain why she looks like a pirate sends me into a fit of laughter)

TwinkleToezMia (12:26:09 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:26:47 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:26:55 AM): it was soooo fucking funny man

Friend (12:27:04 AM): that shit got on his neck n face

Friend (12:27:07 AM): on my face

Friend (12:27:11 AM): yo it flew eveyrwhere

(wtf was she throwing her birth control at him, like silly string?)

TwinkleToezMia (12:27:26 AM): LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:27:37 AM): I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT UR TALKIN ABOUT LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:27:53 AM): LMAO

Twinkletoezmia (12:28:01 AM): Is it the diaphram?

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:08 AM): look it up on the internet please

( I still have no clue as to what form of birth control she’s talking about, just then something shiny distracted her and she changed the subject)

Friend (12:28:19 AM): I GOT A FUCKING HICKEY

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:22 AM): where?

Friend (12:28:26 AM): IM MAD


TwinkleToezMia (12:28:29 AM): where?

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:35 AM): don’t let ur mother see it

(Even though her mother is well aware that she is sexually active she doesn’t need a visual reminder of it. Especially when you consider she hasn’t left her house all day so that meant that the guy came over while the mother was at work. Stuff would get fugly with a quickness! )

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:39 AM): tell her it was me, I bit u LMAO

( I was not thinking clearly when I said that)

Friend (12:28:43 AM): it on my fucking tit

(where was this child raised in a back alley some where? It’s breast..repeat after me breast only thugs and trash use those vulgar terms )


TwinkleToezMia (12:28:44 AM): na chill man she prob think we lesbians. Lmao


TwinkleToezMia (12:28:46 AM): oh thats nada

( I figure that unless she walks around her house topless or flashes her mom like I’ve been known to do to mine she’s fine. Na she’s not the type to flash her mom. The hickey will not be discovered.)

Friend (12:28:48 AM): it looks black and blue though

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:51 AM): oh ok well i didn’t do that

TwinkleToezMia (12:28:52 AM): DAMN

Friend (12:28:58 AM): he bit me

Friend (12:29:16 AM): it fucking hurts

TwinkleToezMia (12:29:25 AM): lol damn

TwinkleToezMia (12:29:31 AM): does he have buck teeth?
Friend (12:29:51 AM): no

TwinkleToezMia (12:29:53 AM): lol ok

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:08 AM): the thing u used was it a diaphram?

Friend (12:30:17 AM): no nigga

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:18 AM): i wanna see it now

Friend (12:30:21 AM): it's a form

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:27 AM): FOAM OR FORM?

Friend (12:30:31 AM): that u stuck up ur pussy hold

(wtf? How vulgar! She can’t say the word vagina preferring to say poo poo instead but she can say p____y? )

Friend (12:30:37 AM): foam

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:41 AM): ooooo LMAO

Friend (12:30:41 AM): and it gets hard

(wtf is she sticking up there spackling compound?!)

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:41 AM): HA

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:42 AM): LMAO

(The mental image of the foam flying all over her room making a mess all over the place and winding up in her eye just killed me. I couldn’t stop laughing. I was crying and gasping for air in between my fits of laughter)

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:43 AM): OK

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:46 AM): LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:47 AM): OMG

Friend (12:30:48 AM): clear

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:48 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:30:49 AM): lol

TwinkleToezMia (12:30:49 AM): LMAO

TwinkleToezMia (12:31:21 AM): Were u finished when that happened?

Friend (12:33:14 AM): noo we were done he was already leaving

Friend (12:33:19 AM): and he was like what's that

TwinkleToezMia (12:33:20 AM): oh ok

TwinkleToezMia (12:33:21 AM): LMAO

Friend (12:33:22 AM): and i showed him

I still have no clue as to what foam she was talking about but as cluesless as I was it felt good to laugh like that. At that particular moment I really needed it the paper I was working on was stressing me out. Thanks friend!

Labels: Embarassing Moments, friends

Posted by @ 8:44 AM
7 comment from:  DannieS72,  Mia,  Mr. Khurram,  Aisha,  Fouad,  Emory Mayne,  TotallyHappened,