Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Insert Your Own Joke

I was watching the local early news yesterday when a story struck me as funny, hysterical actually. A row of stores had burned down in Queens.

The reporter on site stood in front of the smoldering stores interviewing one of the business owners in front of his business. As the man spoke about the loss of his business I noticed the smoke tinged sign behind him and roared with laughter. His business was a psychic reading place. Insert your own joke here ‘cause lord knows I did.

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Posted by @ 10:00 AM
3 comment from: Blogger Ritardo Garsiferis Anvil the White, Blogger christina/ohio, Blogger Mia,

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Holy Monkey, Save Me From Stupid Drunk Bitches

“I’m 23 years old!” she whined sounding way younger. “You’re a 23 year old drunk female with no common sense.” I replied as I reached out for her pinning the guy with her in his seat with one of my patented “make a stupid move and I will punch you in the throat” stares.

“Holy monkey, save me from stupid drunk bitches.” I muttered under my breath as I yanked the female out of the wannabe romeo’s car “He’s Egyptian and Puerto Rican Mia!” she whined when we were a short distance away from his car. “Pfft, he’s a Sparab, big deal all that means is that bi-racial pig.” I shot back and glared at our clubbing companions.

We were out celebrating our friends Tanya’s birthday. Tanya and I’ve been friends since high school and even though our academic careers took us on separate paths we’ve always stayed in touch and remained close with each other. Tanya’s crew however was new to me this was our first time around each other. They were new to the “no one left behind, we stick together” rule I’ve embedded into my home girls aka the drunken fairy coven over the years.

The guy had been hitting on females left and right in the club with no luck until he hit pay dirt with the drunken 23 year old female I was currently gripping onto. His plan was to drop his friend off at his place and then come back for the 23 year old and leave with her somewhere else. I refused to let her go off with him. After he left I asked her crew to keep an eye on her while I shook my money maker on the dance floor. While I was busy being one with the music the guy returned to claim her. “Where is she I asked?” when I returned from the dance floor and was informed that she'd just stepped outside with the guy.

I bolted towards the exit looking for her and the crew followed me. My eyes swept the crowd of cars parked along the club. “What car is he driving?” I asked. They gave their shoulders a collective shrug. I exhaled a deep breath “Wonderful, you let your drunk out of her mind friend leave with a guy you don’t know and no one bothered to find out what his name, check his ID, what he was driving, or to get his license plate?” I asked. God I miss my friends. They seemed to be struck with at least nine kinds of stupid and unable to move. “Don’t you remember what happened to that girl from John Jay? I asked. They remembered the headlines, they remembered the story so there was no need for me to explain but obviously the 23 year old needed a lecture and I was more than willing to provide it.

Are you fucking crazy?” I asked shaking her slightly. “You don’t know this guy from a hole in the wall. How the hell were you going to leave with him?” As patiently as I could I explained to her why I thought that was a bad idea and how he had the aura of horny bastard wanting to score some ass clinging all over him. “I’m not like that she exclaimed. “and how does he know that, and what do you think is going to happen when you refuse him? For all you know he can leave you stranded somewhere. Did he tell you where he was taking you?” She shook her head no. “Look if he was really interested in getting to know you as a person and not just wanting to score some ass he and his friend would have joined us and when the evening was done he would’ve gotten your number and took it from there. In the meanwhile you guys could have danced and chilled here there was no need to whisk you off somewhere. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

My reasoning fell on death ears. I shook my head and informed her that I was not allowing her to go with him anywhere. “I’m not into cock blocking I told her but this doesn’t feel right. “I’m 23 years old she repeated. “Good for you," I said "I’ll get you a cookie for that later. Like I said you’re a 23 year old drunk female with no common sense right now and you're not going anywhere with him tonight not while i'm here. Period.” I'm starting to sound more and more like my mother everyday.

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Posted by @ 11:32 AM
4 comment from: Blogger Just Jane, Anonymous tapsalteerie, Anonymous Darla, Blogger Mia,

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I Passed Their Test

Our session was minutes away from being officially over. My patient had just made a major disclosure about the permanent medical impact of her sexual activity on her life. There was no way I was going to end the session on time. Freak it I thought I’ll skip lunch, this is important. My stomach growled in protest. I had skipped dinner the night before too exhausted to eat and had dashed out of the house without breakfast. It had really been looking forward to lunch. I’ll grab a croissant and some orange juice on my way to campus when my shift here is over I thought to myself.

She sat back in her chair and stared into my face. She’d been hearing voices all morning that much I’d figured out since she kept asking me if I’d heard them as well. Whether she’d made the stunning confession out of her own free will or if it had been at the urging of one of the voices remained unclear to me.

I noticed the twitch in her face, the way she tilted her head as if listening to something. Her voices were with her again and they were obviously interested in what my reaction to her statement was going to be. Her body was tense as she attempted to drill a hole into my face with her stare. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. “Do you think I’m a whore now?” she asked with a trace of hostility in her voice.

I leaned forward in my seat and gave her an equally gimlet stare.

“No, I don’t." She seemed shocked.

She sat back deep into her chair and breathed deeply. Her hands uncurled and she placed them face down on her thighs.

“Did you think I would?”

“Everyone else does.”

“I’m not everybody else. Do you think you’re a whore?”


“Then who cares what the hell anyone else thinks. You know why you did what you did. You were in love right?"

She nodded her head.

I told her she wasn’t alone in her situation. Many have walked in her shoes and until the end of time many more will walk the same path with the same results. That’s what support groups were for I explained.

“They have support groups for this?” she asked incredulously. I nodded my head and smiled.

"They have support groups for everything. People are not alone as they seem to think. How about I find you a support group, would you like to meet other people in the same situation?”


I moved my chair besides her and opened my lap top and we surfed the net. She was amazed by the number of support groups available to her and began talking to me about her situation. I was the first person she’d opened up to about this she’d informed me. I thanked her for her trust.

“Sex doesn’t always hold the same meaning for men as it does women. It’s not your fault the guy turned out to be a jerk. You live and you learn right?”

She nodded her head again.

“I really thought you were going to think I was a slut.”


She patted my desk with her hand. I turned in my seat and looked at her pointing at my desk.

“Who am I to judge you? Do you think that because I sit on that side of the desk that I’ve never made my share of mistakes? Honey trust me I have made my share of mistakes. Big ones. Huge. Take me off the pedestal you’ve place me on because you and I are not so different. I’m human just like you and unless I ever develop the power to raise the dead I have no right to judge you or anyone else and even then I’d hope I’d be wise enough not to. ”

She laughed, she was definitely more relaxed. She tilted her head listening to the voices and she nodded her head in agreement with them. I guessed I had passed their test. My stomach growled at me. I owed it big time.

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Posted by @ 11:11 AM
4 comment from: Blogger Just Jane, Blogger Mia, Anonymous Darla, Blogger Mia,

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Twenty-Three Years

My grandfather was staring at my mother. He’d been giving her ‘the look’ which she was trying to ignore ever since she’d returned from the cemetery. “I don’t know why you go there.”Mom sighed before replying, “Someone has to go and stomp on the ground and make sure she doesn’t dig herself out.” Her twisted sense of humor has always been her defense mechanism. My grandfather was not amused; he rolled his eyes at her. “Her anniversary is not for a few more days” “I know daddy but I figured if it rained I wouldn’t be able to go and I wanted her flowers to be there on her anniversary.”

Twenty three years ago today at 11:15 pm my then 22 year old mom had her world shattered when the phone rang and she was told her 37 year old mother had just died.It wasn't only her world that was destroyed, my grandfather was rocked to his foundation. He’d always been a paragon of strength throughout his life but when faced with the loss of the woman who’d been the love of his life he couldn’t cope. Despite the fact that they gone their separate ways while my mother was a child they never divorced each other. Despite their many differences over the years the one constant thing about them was their love for their children, and their love and lust for each other that never seemed to die. They just couldn’t live together. The past was always an insurmountable barrier or so my mother had always thought.

“We were getting back together, did you know that?”, My grandfather asked my mother as she placed a cup of coffee in front of him. My mother was shocked by her father’s revelation. She knew her parents had been talking to each other on the phone everyday ever since she’d given birth to me. She knew that occasionally grandpa took grandma out to lunch. She’d even blushed a time or two when she’d seen the way her parents had looked at each other when they thought no one was looking. Her and her brother joked about it all the time. Still the news that they’d planned on getting back together had stunned her. “We had it all planned. That’s why I brought the house. We figured you and your brother would give us lots of grandchildren. The house was always going to be filled with them. We were going to grow old together just like we’d planned on doing when we were kids. We were going to surprise you guys with it on Christmas."

My mom smiled at her father. Something in her brain clicked. “So that’s what this is all about…you’re angry at her for leaving you again. That’s why you’ve never gone to her grave in all these years?” My grandfather sat silently staring into his cup of coffee. “Ah yeah that’s what it is.” My mom said. She excused herself and several minutes later came out of her room carrying several ancient looking black and white composition notebooks. She placed them in front of her father. His eyes opened wide when he flipped one of the books open. He looked at the page and placed his open palm on it. “This is your mother’s handwriting.” Mom nodded her head. “I think you should have them. Do me a favor; wait until you get home to read them. ” My grandfather shrugged his shoulders and flashed his dimples. I’d always wondered why my grandfather never remarried. He’s never been at a loss for women chasing after him. In that moment as he stared at his wife’s handwriting I finally understood why. He was still in love with her.

She’d given him her mother’s journals. I was familiar with the contents. They were love letters, poems, and musings about her life, and about him. I’d read them a few times they were a testament of her undying love for him the last entry had been written the day before she died. He’d known about the journals but had never expressed interest in seeing them so mom kept them locked away. Her father’s revelation made her realize he needed to see them.

This morning on her mother’s twenty third anniversary my mother went to the cemetery accompanied by her brothers. My grandmother’s grave is always well attended. Each and every time I’ve gone by I’ve found flowers on her grave from one of her many nieces, nephews, siblings, friends, and children. Her grave never lacks a floral arrangement especially on milestone days like her anniversary or birthday so it was no big surprise to find flowers on the grave. Except that today it looked as if a flower shop had exploded red carnations grandma’s favorite flower, all over her grave. There were no less than a dozen bouquets of red carnations placed around her grave. My uncles stepped up and read the cards aloud to my mother. They were from her father. Each and every bouquet held a sentiment expressing his still undying love for her and his sorrow at losing her. Several of my uncles openly wept.Until that moment they'd never realized the depth of his emotions for their mother.

My mother asked her brother for his cell phone and called her father, “Daddy I’m at the cemetery. Thank you.” “ Those were her favorite flowers, her bridal bouquet was red and white carnations. No matter how much your grandmother tried to convince her to go with another flower my woman wasn’t having it. She was so stubborn just like you.” “Abuela used to tell me that all the time when I was a kid.” She replied. “ Did you know I was ten years old when I first met your mother? I couldn’t stop staring at her when I first saw her in the playground. I’d never seen hair that red before or dimples like hers. I was a goner." He began laughing as he recalled the time she had dyed her hair black to match his just to piss him off after he'd called her "red" one time too many for her liking.(see photo above) "God she was something else. Maggie, she had the most beautiful eyes. The same color as Mia’s. She was the first girl I ever kissed.”

My mother laughed as he continued. It had been twenty three years since he'd spoken about her with laughter in his voice.

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Posted by @ 5:59 PM
2 comment from: Anonymous Darla, Blogger Mia,

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Karma Police

My professor came into class looking pissed off yesterday. “I am livid.” he announced to the class in his cool upper class British accent as he handed me an exam paper. I briefly looked up from my notes and nodded my head at him and said, “You sure do look it. “ “I am Mia, I am quite livid.” “Why?” I asked.

He explained that he was on one of the computers in the library retrieving the class exam from his email and printing it out when he left his seat for a second to check on the printer. When he returned there was a student sitting at the computer. “Excuse me miss but I’m not done yet.” He informed the student. The girl looked up at him and rolled her eyes, “Well I’m using it now.” “But I wasn’t done.” “Tough, I just logged you out and I’m logging in right now” she said as she typed in her password. “But I was doing something really important and my email account was opened.” “Like I said, I already logged you out” she said and dismissed him with another vicious eye roll.

“Why didn’t you come and get me?” one of my female classmates asked. The professor by the way is a hunk so naturally the females in my class fall all over him and would gladly fight his battles just to get on his good side. “Oh there was no need for that I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around.” “She probably thought you were a student.” I said. My professor is only a couple of years older than me so it’s easy to mistake him for a student. “That occurred to me as well Mia.” He said as he leaned over to look at my notes.

A thought crossed my head and I began chuckling. “Why are you laughing?” he asked as he smiled at me. “If the Karma police are truly kind maybe she’ll be one of your students next semester” He smiled widely and added “Now there’s a thought”. “Promise me if she is you’ll take a picture with your cell phone when she realizes you’re a professor and not a student and email it to me. I want to see the reaction on her face.” I said. He placed his hand over his heart as laughed and said “I promise.”

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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Dannie, You Rock My Socks!

Everyone has that one person in their life that they admire the hell out of, the one person that they consider their own personal hero. I’m lucky I’ve got a few of those in my life. My pseudo older sister Dannie is one of my heroes actually she’s the only person outside of my family to have that distinction. Seriously how can you not love someone who encourages you to hump your way across Europe before settling down and offers to keep you supplied in care packages of condoms so you can do it safely?

Several years ago at the age of 33 Dannie went into the hospital to have a brain tumor removed and suffered a stroke. I won’t get into the details of everything that happened afterwards that’s --> her story to tell<--

My job in life is a simple one…I am Dannie’s brat. I torture her with obscure pop songs that linger in her mind for days. I call her "oh great slanted one" and accuse her of “hittin’ the sauce” because of the limp that the stroke left her with. I’m forever telling her to “lay off the sauce lady!” I tease Dannie because I love her, a person like Dannie comes along once in a lifetime and I’ve been blessed with the gift of her friendship and do not take it for granted.

She went skydiving a couple of Sunday’s ago and recently sent me this video of the whole thing. All I could say as I watched the video was “Holy Monkey!” over and over again. The great slanted one is indeed my hero. I love you Dannie you rock my socks.

PS: Just because I know you “love” this song so much and I haven’t tortured you with it in a minute…besides it’s our song….

Wig Wam Bang

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Posted by @ 10:31 AM
3 comment from: Blogger DannieS72, Blogger Mia, Blogger Mia,

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I Hope It Goes Over Well

One of our clients was rehearsing a song she planned on singing that evening, the evening of Chol HaMoed (Jewish holiday) for our financial patrons at a dinner in their honor.

As soon as she began to sing about Jesus washing her sins away I was mesmerized. The beauty of her voice was indescribable, it gave me goose bumps. One of the counselors at the clinic approached me as I watched, “Beautiful isn’t it?” I nodded my head. “It’s always been one of my favorites.” I replied.
“I hope it goes over well.”
“Why wouldn’t it?
“She’s singing a gospel song…they’re all Jews .”

He looked at me from the corner of his eye and we both burst out laughing.

Oh, Happy Day


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Posted by @ 10:57 AM
3 comment from: Anonymous frum, Blogger Mia, Blogger christina/ohio,

Friday, October 10, 2008

Ram on a Mountain Top

My boyfriend was mad at me I mean he was heated. We’d just returned from the mall and had bumped into a group of his friends. One of them had invited me to a party and I was refusing to go. I wasn’t fond of his crew back in high school and now that I’d met them again as adults I recalled my exact reasons for not hanging out with them while in high school. I was saddened to see that they hadn’t changed.

My boyfriend and I have two distinctively different personalities. I love him deeply, he is without a doubt one of the kindest gentlest people I have ever met and he is a great boyfriend. The only thing is that he has a hard time accepting the fact that I am a fiercely independent person. I like having a life and friends apart from him and encourage him to do likewise. He on the other hand feels differently. “I hang out with you and your friends all the time!” he shot at me. He’s a very passionate when it comes to arguing. He comes from a family of drama queens. I’m more laid back we don’t do drama queen in my family. We make crack jokes on drama queens. I don’t argue I state my case and keep it moving. “Number one you like my friends, number two I never make plans for you when it comes to hanging out with us. I don’t force you which is what you’re trying to do with me. It’s on you if you want to accept my friends’ invitations or not. If you don’t I’m totally cool with it.”

He pressed his argument again, “Well you can go you know it is a Saturday.” “I don’t think so I just signed up to volunteer on the suicide hotline. My weekends are booked.” He looked at me and just totally lost it. I actually had to stifle a laugh when he said to me, “You know Mia you’re like that one ram on top of a mountain top.” People I have no clue as to what he meant by that but judging by his facial expression it was not meant as a compliment. However I can’t lie the visual in my mind was one of beauty.


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Posted by @ 2:28 PM
3 comment from: Blogger Tapsalteerie, Blogger DannieS72, Blogger Ritardo Garsiferis Anvil(Gar's Evil Twin by the way just so you know),

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I Wonder If Hallmark Makes a Card For That?

Hand to God I love my friends the fact that they feel the need to share even the most intimate details of their lives with me cracks me up. The fact that they’ll often wake me up in the middle of the night because they can’t wait to do so makes me love them even more. Ordinarily I would’ve let the call go straight to voice mail but this was the third time it had rang…obviously it was important.


Were you sleeping?

Of course its 4 am on a school night dude!

(He snickered)

Shut up, just ignore that. I’m ashamed of myself for even saying that. What time is it out there?

It’s 9 am

Right, I’m going to so remind myself to call you at 4 am London time.

Well yes that’s why I called now I figured you’d be home. It seems I can’t reach you lately. A bloke can take that personally you know.

Sorry you’re not the only one that’s told me that. Life’s been hectic lately. What’s going on is everything okay?

Fantastic! I called to share some good news with my favorite American.

Oh snizap I love good news hit me with it.

I had a threesome last night!

A threesome?

(I had to laugh)

And you called to share the news with me? I am so honored, really I am.

You should be you’re my best mate the first one I thought to about this.

I think we need to get you some more friends then.

You'll always be my first choice, can't replace the best.

I thought you were going to settle down this year?

Well the one girl I want to settle down with is in New York and has a boyfriend and is taking forever for her to move her bum out here.

That whore.

You know Mia all you have to do is set your boyfriend to the side and I’d commit to you. It’s not like I haven’t asked you to marry me.

What and deprive you of your bachelorhood and living out your fantasies? I would never be so selfish!

What are some of your fantasies?

The most dominant one right now involves me getting at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My body tingles just thinking about it. Whoo hoo lordy, but enough about me and my twisted fantasies. Let’s get back to your news. You know the question begs to be asked…were they females?

He laughed so loud I actually had to yank the phone away from my ear.

It’s because I’m in London isn’t it? That’s why you ask?

Uh yes.

You know I have offered to show you what a real Scotsman wears under his kilt lass.

You don’t wear a kilt.

I would if you wanted me to.

Oh hush it you. Without getting into graphic details my man how did the threesome come about?

Two Filipina girls in my uni approached me about it.

Get out, the ones that have been flirting with you since last semester?


Did you use protection and did you pay or was it a freebie? Economic times are way too hard now adays to be throwing money away like that.

No, I did not pay and yes, I used protection!

Good boy. Well then there’s not much for me to say except congratulations on living out a common male fantasy.

Thank you

I wonder if hallmark makes a card for that?

You’re killing me.

Lord knows I try.

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Posted by @ 11:31 AM
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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I guess she really did hate those boots

The mall parking lot was nearly empty when the elegantly dressed woman emerged limping from the store. The physical pain of every step she took was etched on her face.When she reached the edge of the steep side walk she seemed hesitant to step off.

She shifted her weight onto one leg and then the other looking like a ghetto fabulous flamingo in her straight leg jeans and 6 inch stiletto heeled boots.She looked up and down the sidewalk as if she were looking for something to lean on. She exhaled a deep breath when she saw the phone booth on the opposite end of the side walk she was standing on. The look on her face said it all there was no way she could make it to the booth.

Spotting me sitting inside my car a few feet in front of her she called out to me,“Miss?” she called jangling her keys in the air as she continued to do her flamingo stance. “Miss? Could you please help me ? I can’t get down from here. ” she said and held out her hands. She was breaking my heart she sounded as if she wanted to cry. “Sure thing M’am, let me lock up my car.” She slid her arms over my shoulder and I helped her step off the sidewalk. “Put your weight on me” I instructed her. “Could you walk me to my car ?”she asked, “it’s right there.” Her car was parked a couple of rows away from mine and judging from the condition that she was in she was in no shape to walk it alone. She handed me her keys and I walked her to the car leaning her against it as I opened the driver’s side door.

She flung herself into the sear and practically cried with joy, “Oh my god, oh my god I hate these fucking boots!” she shrieked as she began unzipping them. She threw them onto the ground and reached for something under her seat. After making sure she was going to be okay I headed back to my car. As I drove past her I saw her sitting on the ground pulverizing the boots with the crow bar she’d pulled out from under her seat. She looked up at me and waved.The look on her face was one of pure joy as she continued to smash the boots. I guess she really did hate those boots.

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Posted by @ 9:50 AM
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Monday, October 06, 2008

Don't Be Afraid To Take a Chance Kid

My mother and I were discussing some of our most embarrassing moments when my father said that nothing that ever happened to us could top his most embarrassing moment. His “moment” occurred the first time he ever met my maternal grandmother, twenty- something years later it still makes him blush.

When my father met my mother she had her own apartment on the upper west side of Manhattan half a block away from Central Park. She’d had the small one bedroom apartment since she’d been 17. Her father allowed her to get her own place on the condition that she had to live within walking distance of one of her parents and that said parent have the spare key to her apartment. Despite the fact that mom was financially independent she caved in to her father’s demand just to set his mind at ease. Mom chose to live in the same neighborhood as her mother. My grandmother pretty much entered the apartment whenever she felt like it. Every night when my mom arrived home from work around 1:30 am she’d find dinner on top of the stove courtesy of her mother, Delia.

Then my parents started dating. After witnessing her parent’s turbulent marriage my mother had commitment issues. As long as the relationship felt casual to her she was willing to continue it. “Enjoy what we have today. I’m not making any guarantees that I’ll be around tomorrow.” was her mantra in their relationship. Whenever a relationship got too serious for her she’d run away. My father was a very patient man. He’d fallen in love with my mother the first time he’d laid eyes on her and decided right then and there that she was “it” for him and he was willing to stick around no matter how long it took for her to realize he was “it” for her.

My dad a rookie cop back then would spend every waking moment he could with my mother. During the day he’d call her and even switched over to the night shift just so he could pick her up from work and take her home every night. Even though they were intimate he could never convince mom to sleep over his apartment nor would she let him spend the night at her place. One night while in her apartment with him nature took its course and mom s heart softened. My dad was feeling really happy as he snuggled up with mom in her bed. She had decided to let him spend the night; he was starting to break through her defenses. As they drifted off to sleep they heard a key jiggling in the lock. Delia was having trouble with the door because mom had put the top lock on something she only did when she was home. There was no key for that lock it had been lost months earlier and mom still hadn’t hired a lock smith to replace it.

Mom shot up in bed and panicked. As she handed my dad his uniform she instructed him to hide in the bathroom. My dad wanted to meet my grandmother but seeing the stubborn look on mom’s face he caved in. He wasn’t about to risk their relationship over her fear of commitment and he already knew that if he were to meet her parents it would make her feel like as if their relationship was getting serious and he knew her well enough to know that she would end it between them the minute she felt that happening.

Delia entered the apartment and if she noticed something off about her daughter she didn’t let on. She hung around for about 30 minutes and while there managed to casually walk through the apartment depositing things she had purchased for my mother along the way. When my dad heard her near the bathroom he stepped into the tub and drew the shower curtain. Delia opened the bathroom looked around and put several rolls of toilet tissue under the sink and a tube of toothpaste on the counter and then closed the door. My father meanwhile had been reverently praying that she not throw open the shower curtain.

Finally Delia kissed her daughter good night as she walked towards the exit as she turned towards my mother and said, “You can tell the police officer it’s safe to come out of the bathroom now. I’m leaving.” My mother was struck speechless, “I saw his shoes under your bed. What’s his name anyway?” “William. How do you know he’s a cop?” “During the 60’s and 70’s being arrested was my way of life. Trust me I know cop shoes when I see them.” My grandmother then walked back towards the bathroom and opened the door talking to the shower curtain, “Nice to meet you William I’m sorry if I scared you.” My dad stepped out of the shower and offered his hand to my grandmother, “Do you love her?” she asked him. “Yes. I’m going to marry her when she gets over her fear. ” he replied. “And if she doesn’t?” “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take her anyway I can get her.” She nodded her head and handed my father her spare key “Here I don’t think I’ll be using these anymore sweetie.” As she walked by my still speechless mother grandma told her, “Don’t be afraid to take a chance kid.”


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Posted by @ 4:50 PM
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Saturday, October 04, 2008

Tiny But Deadly

It was around 10:30 pm last night and my little sister had gone up the block to the store with a friend. Ten minutes later my brother’s cell phone rang and he tore through the living room pulling a shirt over his head with his two buddies Chimmy and Immigrant running behind him. “What’s going on?” my mother asked “Caity just called some guy is harassing her up on the hill. I’m going to get her.” I dialed my sister’s number and she picked up on the second ring, “What happened Caity?” I could hear some commotion in the background a guy talking to her. “Get the fuck off me! Don’t be touching me I don’t know you! ” She barked at him. “Where’s Stevie?” “He just left.” “Aight, I’m walking down the hill right now. Mia I’m going to hang up I need my hands free just in case. These chicken heads are talking mad crap. ” “Caity where’s Gia?” “Right here, they’re not messing with her just me.” “Give her the phone.” Gia got on and gave me a quick run down. They were being harassed by 3 guys and 2 girls. One of the girls lived in our building. Gia added that they were not in any danger unless you consider 3 guys whining like bitches because Caity wouldn’t give them the time of day dangerous. “Gia, where are you now?” I asked “We’re on the block already, under the big tree. I can see Stevie. I’m going to hang up now see you in a few minutes.”

I recounted what Gia had just told me to my mother. She nodded her head and made her way to the living room window, no doubt to see if she spotted the kids between the dense green afro the tree in front of our window was rocking. “That’s the last time she leaves this house at this hour without one of us. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

She glanced out the window to the parking lot below us. A fight was about to break out. Four girls stood illuminated under the lamp post arguing back and forth. Two girls broke away and began a half-hearted hair pulling contest. The other two continued to argue and when the smaller one made an attempt to walk away the other girl yanked her back by her hoody and slapped her across the face. All hell broke loose when the little one reared back and punched the taller girl in the face. The other two girls immediately stopped fighting to watch the girls and then one ran into the building.

As the taller girl tried to fight back the smaller one started raining haymakers on the female. “Oh my god what the hell is going on tonight?” my mother asked. “Pa is getting dressed now he’s going downstairs. He tried to call Stevie and Caity but no one is picking up. Most likely they’re in the elevator.” My mother nodded her head her eyes focused on what was going on in the parking lot. “Maybe your dad will know who those girls belong to and he can get their parents.” “True.” “Wow that little one can fight.” She said. My mother’s head tilted to the side something had caught her attention; the little one smashed her forearm across the taller girl’s face sending the girl staggering backwards. Then the little girl delivered a drop kick that sent the taller girl sprawling onto the ground and she stomped on her shoulder. “Oh my god! I know that move…your uncle Tank does that.” Slowly a look of fear crossed my mother’s face, “Mia was Caitlin wearing her cream and pink hoody?” I nodded my head. The taller girl got up and lunged at the small girl but she was ready for her. The little girl held her fists in front of her face bobbing and weaving around the girl looking for an open spot she danced to the side of the tall girl and delivered two rapid fire kicks to the back of the tall girl’s knees knocking her back onto the ground. “Shit! That’s Caitlin fighting! Where’s Steven?” My mom yelled. I dialed his number again as I slipped on my sneakers.No one picked up.

My mother’s eyes scanned the parking lot. On the opposite side of the lot in the darkest area ringed in by dense trees in between two parked cars she found what she was looking for, six guys were fighting mom couldn’t tell who they were but suspected it was Steven and his friends. “William! Those are our kids fighting down there!” My father looked out the window his hand landed on my shoulder, “Let’s go Mia.” My mother moved to join us and he pointed a finger at her, “Maggie stay !” My mother’s temper is legendary the last thing we needed was her down there as well.

The guy looked worn out as we ran into the parking lot he had taken a serious pounding he looked as if he couldn’t take anymore. Steven however looked like he could go a few more rounds. Finally Steven threw a punch that knocked the guy out. He bent over and picked the guy up and leaned him against a car. The guy couldn’t stand straight so Steven sat him on the ground with his head between his knees. The guys’ friends ran out of the parking lot to get away from the beat down Chimmy and Immigrant had been dispensing to them.

Spotting my sister still swinging away on the other side my father yelled, “Caitlin stop!” The tall girl was on the ground again and put her hands up as if in surrender shaking her head back and forth. Caitlin looked up and relaxed holding her hand out to help the tall girl up. The tall girl grabbed onto Caity’s hair. That seemed to have given Caity an extra boost of energy because she head butted the girl in the face. When the tall girl fell back she really went to town on her ass. She pinned her shoulders to the ground with her knees and let loose a flurry of rapid fire punches all over the girl’s face, satisfied that the tall girl was staying down Caity got up.

Someone had called the cops; the police siren could be heard making its way closer towards my house. My little sister was walking towards us when she looked back at the girl. The girl was trying to get on her feet staggering and almost fell. Caity walked back towards her and steadied her. “Take her home.” She said as she handed her off to the girl’s friend. The girl was a mess. In comparison Caity had one red blotch on her left cheek from where the girl had slapped her with her cell phone.

I know it was wrong but I was so proud of my little sister. I’ve always worried about her. Growing up I was the tomboy the one who played football, stick ball, handball with the guys and rough housed with my uncles. Caitlin had always been this little delicate thing who preferred gentler things like designing clothing, sewing and painting. She was accessorizing her own wardrobe by the age of 8. I didn’t start carrying a handbag until my 20’s. It seemed my uncle Tank had been worried about her too and had recently started giving her self-defense lessons on the down low.

Several minutes after we made our way into our apartment an ambulance arrived for the girl Caitlin had beaten up. Fifteen minutes later the police knocked on our door. The four cops were the biggest buffest cops I’ve ever seen it was as if the NYPD had picked them out of some superior genetic gene pool. Caitlin came to the door when mom called her and cops seemed shock when they saw her little petite self. I guess they expected a big bully type of female. “She’s the one that was fighting?”One of the cops asked my parents incredulously. “This little thing? How old is she?” “17” my mom replied. The big burly cops just melted when they saw her. She looked up at them with her doe eyes and then hung her head down in shame. You could see the “awwww” expression on their faces.

Caity explained what had happened: the guy 22 years old had been trying to “holla” at her and when she turned her back on him to walk towards our brother he pushed her. When Steven saw that he charged at the guy punching him in the face and they’d started to fight. His friends jumped in and that’s when Chimmy and Immigrant jumped in as well. Caitlin was trying to cross the parking lot to make it into our building and get our dad when the tall girl and her friend attacked Caitlin and her friend.

After hearing Caitlin’s version of the story the cops seemed more protective of Caitlin. One of the officers pulled her face up to see the damage to her face. “I never would have hit her but she hit me first.” The other’s shook their heads and one said, “I can’t believe she did all that damage to that girl by herself. She is so little.” “Don’t fall asleep on my girls” my father proudly said “They’re tiny but deadly.” The officer looked at my brother and told us “the guy is not interested in pressing charges against you. In fact he’s saying he was attacked by four guys from up the hill.” Steven shook his head, “No sir, no one but me hit him and I only did it because I saw him pushing my sister. He has no business putting his hands on my little sister.” “How old are you son?” “19, sir.” The cop slapped Steven on the back and the other cops laughed. “I would have done the same exact thing if I had been in your shoes. Don’t worry about it.”

Caity was the one in trouble the officer added the girl’s mother wanted to press charges against Caitlin. After hearing the catalog of damage inflicted by my sister I could understand why. Caitlin had not only given the girl two black eyes and knocked out one of front teeth but she had also managed to fracture her nose according to the officer. The elevator door opened and the girl’s mother stepped out charging towards Caitlin, “Oh hell no.” my mother said and charged to meet her. The cops formed a protective ring around Caitlin. They weren’t about to let anyone touch her. The woman was adamant she wanted Caitlin arrested on the spot. She finally backed down when the police officers informed her that if they arrested Caitlin they were going to arrest her daughter as well. We have to bring in Caitlin to the precinct to talk with detectives tomorrow.


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Posted by @ 10:20 PM
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Thursday, October 02, 2008

Doe, a deer, a female deer

I was walking across my straight out of little house on the prairie campus with a classmate when I spotted a deer feeding.

Mia: Oh look at Deer!

Classmate: A what?

I pointed to where the female deer was grazing ahead of us

Mia: A Deer!

Yeah I get hyped like that, it’s not exactly like Deer’s roam free in the streets of The Bronx. I pointed to the deer again.

Mia: Look over there dammit it’s a deer!

Classmate: What the fuck are you talking about?

Mia: It’s a doe

Classmate: A what?

Mia: A doe, a female deer!

my companion finally spotted it and smiled. I waited a heart beat and couldn’t resist. The song was running through my head. I began to sing…loudly

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow Sew
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Doe!

Classmate: What the fuck was that?

Mia: It’s from The Sound of Music

Classmate: Mia, you so are weird.

Do, Re, Mi

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Posted by @ 12:02 AM
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