Saturday, August 27, 2005

Two Months To Live...pt2

In a post I did a few days ago I spoke about a movie I saw called “My Life Without Me”. The movie inspired me to ask my friends, “You’ve been told you have two months to live but your finances are such that you can’t get away and travel. What eight things would you do?”

The following is our converstation in response to the question…
We all gathered around my dining room table enjoying our meal with my mom at the head of the table.

Mom: Okay so what’s today’s topic ?

Mia: You’ve got 2 months to live. What would you do? Oh yeah no mulah for traveling.

Mom: Hmmm ahhh I see why you took out the option of traveling!

R: Why?

Mom: Because that’s the first thing on everyone’s list, traveling.

Mia: Bingo!

Mia: Ma what 8 things would you do?

My mother sucks in her breath and squints her eyes in a way that makes it look like she’s asleep.I love when she does this because you can see her dimples, the cleft in her chin becomes more pronounced. Her eyes are so chinky that when you look at her from an angle it's hard to tell if her eyes are opened or closed. Many a time my dad has walked into the living room and thrown a blanket over her thinking she's asleep when she's not. My mom had a minor stroke a few years ago so everyday with her is a reminder to me of how precious life is and how lucky I am to have her.

Mom:hmmmmm okay well first of all I’m not even sure if I have 8 things I’d want to do. I wouldn’t tell anyone I was dying.

Mia: That’s interesting, neither would I.

G: why?

R: yeah why?

Mia: I’ll tell you why later…go on ma

Mom: well as I was saying before I was so rudely interupted by the dwarf… I wouldn’t tell anyone I was dying because oh my God can you imagine how that would make them feel? They’d be miserable counting down my days. The last this , the last that.
You’re father would be a mess poor man. He couldn’t handle it when I had the stroke. Definitedly I wouldn’t say nothing to nobody. And Nora my poor pookie face wouldn’t be able to cope with it. Oh yeah and my dad and your uncles Mia. So no I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about it.

Mia: Including me?

Mom: Especially you. You'd be the hardest one to say good bye to.

Mia: So what would you do?

Mom: Let me think on that for a little bit ok?

Mia: Ok R what would you do?

R: Food.

Mia: Food?!

G: What are you from Ethiopia?

R: I love food

Mom: Oh yeah that girl can eat. God bless her!

G: Yeah but food?

Mom: Leave her be it makes her happy.

Mia: Ummm okay, anything else besides food? Lol

I understand R’s obsession with food. Her mom is always on her butt about her weight and making her diet. She watches and criticizes every piece of food R puts in her mouth. She never lets up on her, it’s a miracle she doesn’t have an eating disorder. As a result R stuffs her face when she is not home. That chick can eat! It’s like R what you want on your hot dog and she’ll say a hamburger!


R: Ummm ohh man I can't. No money?

Mia: No money, no dinero baby

R: You need money

Mia: No

R: I need money

Mia: Allow me to repeat myself, NO crajajo. NO dammit! No m-o-n-e-y. Two months to live and no money. Come on what eight things would you do?

R: Watch Buffy.

G: For two months?

Mia: Did I mention you’re going to be dead in two months?

Even though Buffy The Vampire Slayer has been off the air for a minute it’s still her favorite show. She is so stuck in the past. All of her favorite music and movies came out in the 1980’s. I adore this chick we’ve been friends since the 10th grade and over the years I’ve realized she’s not the sharpest pencil but damn she sure can make me laugh.


Mia: Two months to live, eight weeks.

R: Watch Buffy!

Mia: Oh Lord in heaven give me strength…

G: R you’ve seen every episode of Buffy at least 1000 times and you’ve got every season that’s available on DVD too…

Mia: Eight things R…

R: Get my BA

Mia: Two months you have, not years.

R: Learn to drive, make love not war.

Mia: Ok the thought of impending death has reduced you to quoting bumper stickers.

R: This is hard.

Mia: Yup dying is not as easy as they make it look in the movies.

R: I guess I would just go out and make the best of my life for the two months. With no money.

Mia: Can you be specific? Woman two months you gonna die, eight things.. Gosh what would you do, what would you do?



R: there are a lot of things to see that's free …


Mia: True.


R: I can’t, I suck.

Mia: Hey, hey, none of that miss thing what you do in your personal life is no concern of mines. Right now all I’m asking about it eight things you’d do if you only had two months left to live.

R: I can't

Mia: okay well I don’t want to push you if you can’t think of anything.

G: Damn it’s only eight mother fucking things!

Mia: Oh my! Must you be so violent? Shaddup your turn is coming soon buddy.

Mom: Stop picking on R.

R: Oh I know! I’d suck… suck. Suck. Suck.

Mom: Just what I wanted to hear.

Mia: Wait when you say you’d suck, what are you really saying?

R: You know!

G: Mia you know what she’s saying!

M: You’d suck?!

R: Yeah man!

Mia: Are you serious?

R: Yeah

Mia: Oh man this chick has a serious oral fixation. Okay hold on let me wrap my mind around this. Two months to live and you’d spend it on your knees and not even be praying, just sucking? (sigh)

R: Yeah.

Mia: When I get my degree you’re going to be my first patient… free of charge.

R: Yeah whatever, but I’m serious. I’d suck. Make some people happy.

Mia: Whatever my left butt cheek, I’m serious I’m getting you some serious therapy.

G: Jesus man this female is a trip. You’re serious?

R: Yup


Mia: Well you’d die with one strong ass jaw that’s for sure! Probably be able to bench press grown ass men with your jaw.

G: You’re a whore, a whore you know that right?

Mia: She’s not a whore. She just wants to spread some happiness before she leaves.
Ain’t that right girly? There is nothing wrong with making people happy and if she feels the way to do it is on her knees leave her be. I’ll even get her some knee pads.

G: Which one were you in Mia’s post? Whore A, or Whore B? I know you weren’t the prude!

R: I’m not saying.

G: But you were in the post right? Mia which one was she?


Mia: sorry no can do. I cannot reveal my sources.

G: I loved that post.

Mom: I’m going to get some Iced Tea, anyone want some? Anyone, anyone? Now is the time to let me know. You’re a special one R don’t let anyone tell you different.


Mia: What about you G what would you do?

G: I’d go back in time and change my mistakes.

Mia: G I said you have two months to live, I didn’t say you had a time travel machine.
What would you do?

G: I don’t know guess spend more time with my loved ones, with you and the family.

Just then my aunt in law S walked in…

Mia: Yo S you got two months to live what would you do? Traveling is out.

S: Na I wouldn’t want to travel anyway.

Mia: Serious?

S: yeah

G: S, guess what R would do.

S stops and looks at R from head to toe and smiles as she winks at her.

S: Let me guess she’d go on a boning fest!

G: You got it!

S: She’s too much.

Mia: So what would you do S?

S: I’d spend it with P (her son) make it as good as I can for him. Grant him as many wishes as I can and of course record it so he could remember it.

G: (claps hands) Good one, good one!

Mia: What the hell this is family feud you clapping when she answers? What next you’re going to point towards the wall and say ‘Survey says…”

Mom: You’re such a smart ass!

Mia: I wonder where I get it from ma?

Everyone looks at my mom and starts laughing because they know the apple has not fallen far from the tree.

Mom: Oh don’t look at me. I blame it on your father.

Mia: Oh yeah right ma !

G: Oh I’d have a baby!

Mia: you can’t have a baby it takes 9 months.. you’re kicking the bucket in two.

G: Oh yea true I forgot about that. Unless, I was already pregnant, then they could take the baby out as soon as I died.

I put my head in my hands and wonder who are these people and why me?

R: Could the baby live?

G: Yeah they do it all the time. Preemies survive all the time now. Technology is a mother fucker.

R: Really?

G: Yeah

S: Mia was a preemie.

G: You were?

Mia: Yeah.

R: That’s right I forgot about that , she was like 7 months right?

Mom: No, 6 months. 2 lbs ,14 ounces.

R: She was a twin!

G: Mia you were a twin?

Mia: Yeah. She was older than me by a few minutes.

Mom: 9 minutes.

G: What happened? Were you faternal or identical.

Mia: The word’s fraternal G, and no we were identical.

Mom: She died shortly after she was born. Her lungs weren’t as strong as Mia’s.

R: Shut up you’ll make ma sad.

G: I’m sorry.

Mom: No it’s okay. At least we got Mia.

S: Mia tell G what you said last week when R’s mom complained about you taking R with you to keep you company at your appointment.

Mia: Oh.. damn I didn’t want her to keep me company. It was just that her mom was giving her a hard time about her going out so that’s the excuse R used. She told her mom she was going with me.

R: My mom yelled at Mia she was like,” Mia why can’t you just go alone why you need company for? You were born alone you know”.

G: I can just imagine what Mia told her.

Mia: I told her, “As a matter of fact I wasn’t born alone, I was a twin. That’s why I hate doing things alone!”

Mom: Mia! What did she say?

Mia: Nothing ma. I mean what can you say?

G: So ma when was Mia actually due?

R: Damn girl drop it already!

Mom: The girls were due March 27th … I gave birth December 25th

R: you done playing FBI G?

G: sorry I didn’t know I was just curious.

Mom: It’s okay sweetie don’t worry about it.

Mia: Okay now that we got my birth info what things would you do G since you don’t have time to get preggy and have a baby?

G: Ummmm

Mia: So nothing else comes to mind?

G: No. R is right this shit is hard!

Mia: So ma anything yet?

Mom: Yeah…I think I’d just like to kick back and spend time with each of my kids, the family, especially my brothers. Especially M, J, A, and G. I know it would be hard on them I’m all they’ve got since their father died. I wouldn’t change my routine no need to. I’ve had a good life so there’s no need for me to go off running like a nut case. But most definitely I’d like to spend some individual time with my brothers.

My mom has seven brothers her mom died when she was in her 30’s and as a result my mom took over raising her four younger 1/2 brothers. In a sense she is the only mother they have ever known.

Mom: What about you?

Mia: Set up the dark room I always wanted and I’d take more pictures. Not necessarily of me, but you know how I love photography and lately I really haven’t been using my camera as much. I’d hit all the different beaches in NY and Jersey camera in hand just shooting pictures of people and stuff I see. I’d start a journal write down what’s going through my mind, observations, stuff like that so you guys could know I was at peace. I’d also make individual tapes and letters for each of the important people in my life.

Mom: Tapes about what?

Mia: I don’t know, whatever was on my mind at the time maybe something I wanted to tell them but never did. Maybe assure them that whatever differences we had over the years was long forgotten. Let them know how I feel about them and what they meant to me in my life. Talk about the good time we had, embarrassing incidents we experienced together. That kind of crap.

R: Yeah I bet you I know who’d get one of those tapes…

G and R: C

Mia: Yes C

R: I don’t know why. After all he put you through.

G: Shut up R that’s how she is, you know this. If she wasn’t like that you wouldn’t be sitting here now would you? Well would you?

R: No

G: Alrighty then.


R: Yeah but still…


Mia: I forgave him a long time ago so he already knows. We had a long talk before I went out to Egypt.

R: For real?

Mia: Yeah I told him I forgave him. You can’t be with someone for 5 years and not retain some of the love you felt for them. Come on that’s impossible.

G: For you maybe.

R: I can’t believe you let him off the hook. I never would have. You’re a better person than me that’s for sure. What he said when you forgave him?

Mia: He cried. He couldn’t believe that I was talking to him much less forgiving him.I think for him it would have been easier if I had just hated him and if I had slammed the door of our friendship in his face. He could have dealt with that, knowing that I was out there hating his ass for life. But before he was my man he was my best friend. I could never hate him but comes a time when you realize something is not working and gotta let go. He never had anyone walk away from him; it was always him that walked, hell that ran away. I guess that’s why he acted the way he did. He regretted it, I know him he would never intentionally hurt me. His reaction came out of being hurt, payback he's immature like that.Our relationship was like poison to me.


R: That’s it?

Mia: No, he thought it meant I wanted to get back with him but I told him no. I forgave him so we both could have some closure and move on. He asked me to marry him.

R: WHAT?!

Mia: Yeah man. He asked me to get an apartment with him and marry him.

R: Wow. Why didn’t you, I mean you really loved that nigga.

Mia: Because he was never going to change, that’s who he was. I mean he used to try to change for me; he did change in a lot of ways. But you know what he shouldn’t have to change for me, just as I shouldn’t have to change for him. If he wanted to change he needed to do it for himself not just to hold onto me. I couldn’t see myself married to him and living the same life his parents had. Oh hell no!

R: Amazing, have you ever thought what if? What if you gave him another chance?

Mom: Plus she got Justin now.

R and Mia : Jason!!

Mia: Ma his name is Jason, not Justin.

Mom: Whatever you know his name. He knows what his damn name and that’s what counts.

R: So no regrets?

Mia: No man. The time had passed for that relationship, it was time to let go.
Back to the dying thing… I’d also want to spend more time with the family I don’t see everyday but the ones I’m really close. I’d hit all the museums I love so much.

R: Nerd

Mia: Nerd? Are you kidding? I love museums always have since I was little. I’d spend a whole day exploring The Museum of Natural History… that’s my favorite. I’d spend another day at MOMA there’s a painting there by Van Gogh that I love it’s my favorite.

G: Like your cat?

Mia: Yeah a painting cat… There was a famous artist Vincent Van Gogh kind of bipolar if you asked me. He cut off his ear to show his love for a woman and sent it to her.

G: Ewwww sick bastard. I know who you’re talking about, I was just playing. You named your cat after him?

Mia: Yeah because Van Gogh the artist was missing his ear and after we fixed my cat he was missing his nuts. It made sense at the time to name him Van Gogh.

Mom: So you’d spent you’re time in museums?

Mia: Part of it. The rest I would just want to spend exploring New York taking pictures from the Circle Line boat. Riding the subways borough to borough and exploring the different neighborhoods. I’d walk through central park... Revisit all of my favorite areas there. Most definitely I’d hit up the botanical gardens in the park and just shoot a whole roll of film there. I love that place.

R: Botanical Gardens?

Mia: yeah over on 5th ave there’s a spot there where everyone goes to get married. It is so beautiful. It looks like something out of a movie. How many things have I said so far?

R: I think that’s eight so far.

G: seven

Mom: A whole bunch.


Mia: Basically I agree with ma, I’ve had a good life I have never stopped myself from doing what I want to do so I’m satisfied. I mean don’t get me wrong there’s still a lot of things I’d want to do and places I’d want to see. But if I only had 8 weeks to do it in I really wouldn’t enjoy it as much especially if it took me away from my family. I think that at the end I would hope that I had made a difference in someone’s life by being a part of their life.

R: like what?

Mia: Well like maybe listening to someone when all they needed to do was talk. I dunno maybe encouraging someone to make positive changes in their lives.

G: well you’ve done stuff like that with all of us at one time or another.

Mia: Have I really or you just saying that so I’d leave you something nice in my will?

S: I went back to school because of you.

G: I stayed in school because of you when I wanted to drop out, and you’ve always been there to listen to me when I have had problems.

R: Girl I don’t even need to speak on all the shit we’ve been through.

Mia: So I made a difference?

R: Hell fucking yeah.

Mia: Good stuff then. Then that’s it…my life had meaning I accomplished something. So if I was dying, and had 2 months to live I wouldn’t be scared I’d be at peace. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure I’d be sad shoo I’m dying! But at least I know I left something behind.

Mom: so that’s it?

Mia: No, I’d like to visit Canada.

G: Canada? What the fuck is in Canada...eh?

R: Canadian men.

Mia: I don’t know ,but I’d like to visit it anyway.

R: Yeah but you said no travel. No money.

Mia: Canada is a few hours away we could drive out there. I could take pictures along the way.

R: okay I'll allow it cause it's not like you're leaving the country or nothing, but why fucking Canada out of all fucking places?

I wanted to tell R that Canada is another country but I knew what she meant. After all our years of friendship I know what she's trying to say although it may not always be clear to those around us.


Mia: Well because I’ve been close to it, near the border but have never gone in and I remember Lewis Black saying, “That even drunk and on a dare everybody makes it to Canada!”

R: You’re stupid yo!

Mom: So that’s it then?

Mia: Yeah

Mom: Okay so now you know if Mia ever suggests a trip to Canada that means she’s dying.


There’s something special about my house. I don’t know what it is. Someone once told my mother that you can feel the love coming from it. People come and they feel at home, comfortable. They are drawn to it, they like being here. It’s a favorite hang out amongst my friends, and my siblings friends too. Our friends come over and hang out with my mom even when we are not home. I think if I had two months left to live I’d want more moments like these. You know those little moments which at the time seem so insignificant but later on you remember them and treasure them as if they were diamonds.

Labels: 2 months to live, friends

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