Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Pay Back is a Short Woman Named Mia

Oh good you’re awake!” mom said as she entered my bedroom.
“Barely” I mumbled.
“I got this message at 5:30 this morning. It’s obviously for you.”
“Me?” I asked as she thrusted her phone at me.

Several months ago I gave my mother my cell phone. Occasionally s she gets a call or a text message here and there from people who I haven’t heard from in close to forever.
I read the message...

“Mi amore I miss you so fuckin much.
Hope u alright n god I wanna go back home.
Oh mia mia mia u gotta stop torturing me like this
When you gonna let me marry u”

“Well?” she said as she handed me a cup of coffee. The woman is a goddess she knows I can’t think without that first cup.

I took a sip and then slowly shook my head, “I have no clue who this is.”

“Are you serious, just how many men other than the Yeti want to marry you?”

“That have this number?”

“Mia honestly!”

“What ma can I help it if I’m popular?”

She gave me “the look”. I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a big smile.

“Ma I was joking… swear to God I was joking!”

She walked away shaking her head mumbling she’d raised a miniature female Casanova. That by the way is so far from the truth in glows in the dark. I messaged the number back and included my new number. A few minutes later I got a call.

“What do you mean who is this?” the English accented voice said.

“Hey! What do you mean what do I mean? You know what I mean. That’s not your number and you messaged my mother’s cell phone!”

“Yeah well darling I left my phone back home in London and I couldn’t remember your new number and I couldn’t go another two weeks without talking to you. I figured your mum would give you the message.”

“Where are you anyway?”

“ Dubai, I told you weeks ago I had to make this trip.”


“You forgot?”

“Yeah I did. Sorry. So how’s the trip?”

“Bloody awful. I am bored out of my mind and I miss you terribly.”

“Dude you’re in Dubai how could you possibly be bored?”

“Easy, all my hosts do is eat and pray. I’ve gained weight, my jeans are fitting me tight and my bloody forehead is getting rug burns from touching the carpet every time I pray.

“Well some women find that sexy. The rug burn on the forehead thing. I’m not saying I’m one of them mind you. ”

“Mia I can’t believe you didn’t know it was me! How many men do you have proposing marriage?”

“At my old number or this one?”

He let out an exasperated sigh.

“Why do I bother asking?”

“Because you live for my smart ass replies?”

“That was a rhetorical question Mia.”

“Oh well that my friend was a rhetorical response.”

His laughter rumbled over the phone and as I listened to it I couldn’t help but laugh as well. Even though my infatuated friend had my mom mistakenly thinking I was a some sort of player I was glad to hear from him. Besides payback is a short woman named Mia.

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