Friday, January 29, 2010

Touché


My best friend Jackie and I have known each other since forever. To an outsider reading our Face Books or eavesdropping on our conversations our affection for each other is not an obvious thing. Why post words of encouragement or send hugs via an app when an insult will do just as nice?


Our insults are not limited to FB we also text each other through out the day in between our phone calls. I thought I’d share some of our text messages from the past week. The messages are in their entirety.

Monday

Mia: I'm cold whore

Jackie: We already know you’re a cold whore

Mia: Touché


Tuesday

Mia: Sloreeee

Jackie: Fuck youuuuu

Mia: Not nice

Jackie: Eh whatevaaaa


Wednesday

Jackie: Bitch!!!

Mia: I’ll shank u


Thursday

Mia: Bitxh
You’re such a bitch the c didn't even want to be next to u

Jackie: Fuck you


Friday

Jackie: You're a miniature bag of whore

Mia: Lol aww good things come in small packages

Labels: friends, jaclyn, text messaging

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Posted by @ 7:23 PM
8 comment from:  Anonymous,  lani,  Mia,  Anonymous,  Darla,  Vivaciousx3,  christina/ohio,  Mia,

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

XO...XO..Clark Kent

My eyes swept around the court room I was excited to be there. It was my first time in court as a forensic social worker and I got to sit in the lawyers section. Since court hadn’t began yet the court room was buzzing with conversation. Several feet in front of me a lawyer stood busily texting away on his blackberry. He glanced up at me realized I was on the job and smiled turning his attention back to his texting.

He was tall and dark haired, with a broad chest, strong square, flattering wire rimmed glasses perched on an aquiline nose, slight cleft in his chin, and bore an uncanny resemblance to Clark Kent. His resemblance to the fictional comic book character didn’t go unnoticed by my official unoffical supervisor.


Whatever he was texting seemed intense given the look on his face as he read his messages and responded. I nudged my official unofficial supervisor and began narrating Clark Kent’s messages. Well at least what I imagined him to be texting …

“Batman, my bad didn’t see bat signal from here.
No windows in court room.
X0 X0, Clark Kent”

My official unofficial supervisor giggled softly. Clark Kent frowned when Batman responded. He looked around and pounded the keys on his blackberry…

“Can’t save world, stuck in court.
No telephone booth to change in.
X0 X0, Clark Kent”


The next message came in quickly and Clark Kent seemed frustrated. I continued my narration with my official unofficial supervisor’s encouragement...


“Call Super Girl she owes me one.
You da’ man.
X0 X0, Clark Kent”

My official unofficial supervisor snorted. Her hand flew to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her laughter. “X0, X0, Clark Kent!” she snickered from behind her hand.

The next message came and Clark Kent paused for a minute seeming to think about his response before he responded…

“Wonder woman; don’t bother to send invisible jet no parking here. I’ll cab it when I’m done. BTW can I borrow your magic lasso for my date with Lois Lane tonite?
X0… X0, Clark Kent”

My official unofficial supervisor let loose an attention grabbing peal of laughter. When she turned to look at me she had tears in her eyes and was holding her side. “Stop Mia stop!” she gasped. “I can’t take no more…X0 X0… Clark Kent!” One of the court officers had been watching us and approached us…

“You ladies having a good time?” he said with a smile on his face.

“X0… X0, Clark Kent!” My official unofficial supervisor blurted out as she leaned into me.

I patted her back with a perfectly straight face which seemed to send her over the edge even more.

“There, there, woman calm yourself…X…0…X…0… Clark Kent.” I said just as the judge entered the court room.

Labels: clark kent, court room, internship, legal aid, text messaging

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Posted by @ 11:56 AM
1 comment from:  frum,

Friday, April 04, 2008

Ignorance is Bliss

I don’t even want to know what the hell is running through my friend’s minds when they text message me. Frankly it scares me, which is why I don’t ask. I just go with the flow. Guay was at work the other day and took the time to ask me this thought provoking question…




G:Hey what would u dress ur vigina in if you could?

Mia: My que?

G: vigina

I stared at my phone… WTF?! Is she serious? I knew what she was trying to spell but decided to mess with her.

Mia: What?

G: Virginia

Mia: What about Virginia?

G: What would u dress ur Virginia in if you could? Lol

Mia: Virginia’s a bit of a slut so I guess anything slutty would do. It’s on her.

I guess I should mention neither Guay nor I know anyone by the name of Virginia so if I’ve offended any Virginia’s reading this..ooops my bad.

G: LMAO NOOOOO what would u dress your vijina in if you could?

Note to self purchase a dictionary for Guay at Barnes & Noble, remember to use her employee discount for said purchase.

Mia: My what?

G: Your vagina, VAGINA

Mia: My vagina is very well thank you for asking. She sends you her best.

G: LMAO NO! I’m asking if you what would u dress ur vagina in if you could dress it in an outfit?

Mia: Dude,if it were big enough to dress in an outfit that would be scary.


I didn’t even want to now why Guay was inquiring about my vagina’s clothing preference. Sometimes especially where Guay is concerned ignorance is bliss.

Labels: text messaging, vagina

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Posted by @ 12:11 AM
4 comment from:  christina/ohio,  Darla,  Anonymous,  Mia,

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Let it go to voice mail I’ll check it when I’m good and ready

I responded to a my friend's text message the other day and quickly realized that she was not the one texting me instead it was a guy she'd recently started seeing.

Unfortunately the guy doesn’t know me and no one warned him about my sarcasm. Rumor has it he’s afraid to meet me now.

G’s Phone: Hey Pedro said if u and Josh wanna come bowling manana
who the hell is Pedro? I searched my brain for the answer and then remembered Guay mentioning him.

Mia: I can’t this weekend mid-terms start Monday. I’ve got some studying to do and I’m tutoring again. We can all do something next weekend, that would be cool okay?

G’s Phone: Ok sooo we can do something next time sugar tits lol. Sounds keen lol:-D

Keen? WTF? she never says keen. Sugar tits yes. Keen no. Obviously who ever it is has heard Guay call me sugar tits and think it’s cool for them to do so as well. Obviously they’d missed the memo on who’s allowed to call me sugar tits.

Mia: Who is this?

G’s Phone: Guay

Mia: Uh no it isn’t. Identify yourself.

G’s Phone: This is Guay lol :-)

Mia: and I’m the good witch Glenda. Look I know it’s not Guay. Guay would stab herself in the eye with a hot fork before she ever used the word “keen”. Who is this?

G’s Phone: It’s Pedro

Mia: Where’s G?

G’s Phone: Watching TV

Mia: Okay and why do YOU have her phone?

unlike me Guay has a lot of crap to hide and this guy hanging onto her phone could only create drama for her with her baby’s daddy or one of the other guys she’s messing with. Yeah my girl is a player with a tight game and she’s never been busted but this jack ass holding onto her phone is not a good omen. Plus I know the female she doesn’t relinquish control of her phone like that to anyone unless she’s getting sloppy now.

A few more text messages were exchanged and it became obvious to me the guy wasn’t giving up the phone. I ended the flurry of messages by informing him that I’d call Guay later on. A few minutes later Guay called and explained that the guy had been installing some ring tones for her. “Yeah so why the hell is he text messaging me acting like he’s you?” “I don’t know.” “Tell him to chill with that, that’s not cute.” “Oh yeah and what’s the deal with him calling me sugar tits?” “What?!” “He called me sugar tits. Tell your boy to calm himself before I end up punching him in the face Guay. You and me cool, you and me we do sugar tits. Me and him no cool, me and him we no do sugar tits. Let him know the deal. ” “I’ll handle it Mia.”

The next day I texted Guay about some books and once again Pedro responded. Now he was getting to be annoying. I felt something shift inside of me oh oh smart ass Mia was taking control of my phone…


Mia: Oh I'm sorry did I text you? I swore the phone I texted was Guay’s. My bad.


G’s Phone: Diz is her phone :-)

common sense should have told the bastard to hand over the phone to Guay but common sense seemed to be in short supply on this day.


Mia: Oh I’m sorry Pedro. I keep texting Guay and YOU keep replying. Obviously something must be wrong with my phone b/c I keep getting you instead.

G’s Phone: No diz is her phone lmao :-D

dude those little smiley faces are not serving to placate me, on the contrary they are irking me.


Mia: Oh ok so I guess her SIM card must be in your phone cause you keep replying. Silly me for not realizing that silly, silly me.


G’s Phone: No its her phone lmao :-D



Mia: Uh huh I see Guay hired a secretary to dictate her thoughts to tell her I’ll call her later. By the way what time do you take lunch? I’ll be sure to call while you’re on your break.


A few minutes later I get a message…

G’s Phone: Yo sugartits!

so help me God that better be Guay b/c if he’s using it I will hop in a cab to Guay’s house right now and kick him in the nuts. It turned out it was Guay and he had her phone b/c once again he was installing some new ring tones. “Yo Guay you know if he’d stop text messaging me he’d get it done much sooner.”



Like I said my life is an open book, nothing to hide here. How ever my privacy is to be respected. The only way a male would ever be allowed to answer my phone is if I had a bullet wound and were unable to lift my arm to answer the phone myself and the ring tone tells me it’s my mama. Other than that don’t touch my phone fool, let it go to voice mail I’ll check it when I’m good and ready.

Labels: text messaging

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Posted by @ 11:01 AM
4 comment from:  Mia,  DannieS72,  Unknown,  Mia,

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

My apologies to little people

Sometimes when you’re a tad cranky you should just avoid text messages. Case in point... I had arrived early at school in order to get in some studying before my final. I text messaged my friend to find out what time she’d be arriving at school because we met every day at different times and I wanted to know more or less what time I should be heading out of the library on that day in order to meet her on time.

My friend has a habit that whenever she is asked something instead of just giving you a straight answer she wants to know the reason you’re asking the question. Usually it doesn’t bother me but I wasn’t Little Miss Mary Sunshine on this day and the smart ass side of me took hold of my fingers and typed back… “ Because I fear for your safety. A band of crazed not so merry midgets has taken over the campus and I just wanted to warn you those tiny bastards are murder on the knee caps.” My apologies to little people every where.

Labels: little people, text messaging

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Posted by @ 10:22 AM
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