Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Hand Sanitizer

We’d just finished having our eyebrows done when “T” informed me that she wanted to stop by a store before our next stop because she needed to purchase something. I was thinking more along the lines of some gum. Turns out she was talking about stopping in an adult store for a pocket rocket

As soon as we entered we spotted the artistically displayed pastel colored dildos on the counter nearest the door. "T" reached out to touch one and then quickly pulled her hand back when she saw a drag queen in an outrageous paisley dress approaching us. “Honey, it’s only a rubber dick. It’s not going to hurt you, don’t be afraid to touch it.” The drag queen said over her shoulder as she opened the door to leave.

“T” has this sweet innocent face and if you had to go by the looks of her you’d be hesitant to ever drop an “F” bomb around her for fear of hurting her feelings. In reality the girl is a freak. In fact she has a PhD in freakology. I however must have the word bellaca stamped on my forehead because despite the fact that "T" was the one peering into the glass display case loaded with personal massagers, hand cuffs, edible underwear and candy flavored lubricants the sales clerk addressed me.

“T” tore her eyes away from display case long enough to explain to the clerk what she was in the market for. While the clerk showed "T" all of her merchandise she flirted with me. I can be kind of dense when it comes to people hitting on me so I didn’t realize it right away. When it finally dawned on me that she was indeed hitting on me I dismissed it telling myself that it was my imagination.

The clerk laid her hand over mine, “I’ll be right back baby I’m going to get something from the back” she said to me.

“Dude, she is hitting on you!” "T" said when the clerk was gone.

“Really?” I replied

“Damn you are so slow.”

Before I could make with the witty comeback the clerk showed up with her purse and pulled out a personal massager from it.

“This is my toy." she said as she strapped it around her denim clad hips and then switched it on . “The massager rests on your clitoris and you press down on it."
She then reached for my hand and pulled it towards her “personal area”. We waged a little tug of war for my hand. I attempted to pull it away while she placed it on her massager.

“Feel the massager vibrating?”
"Yup sure do…can I get my hand back now?"

She held my hand tighter and applied more pressure to the massager.

“See you can control the degree of your massage.
“Wonderful, can I get my hand back?” I said as I attempted to regain custody of my hand.
“I call my toy Mia”

I yanked my hand back so hard the clerk almost fell into the display case. I held my hand up and muttered, “handsanitizerhandsanitizerhandsanitizer” several times.

“Mia?” "T" said as reached into my messenger bag and squirted Purel all over my hands.

“Yes, her name is Mia.” the clerk replied with smirk on her face.

I wasn’t sure if the name was a coincidence or if she had heard "T" call me by name and was just messing me. I quickly decided it was a coincidence.

"T" looked over at me, “Did you hear that M…”
“ Woman, hand sanitizer!” I cut in before "T" could say my name.

"T" decided against that massager and purchased another one instead. As we walked out the store the clerk called out to me, “Have a nice day Mia, hope to see you again!”

"T"’s eyes opened wide and her mouth formed a perfect “O”. I felt myself blushing and gave the clerk a tight lipped smile and pushed "T" out the door. "T turned around to face me her mouth was still open and I just knew she was going to say something.

“ Hand. Sanitizer. Please. ” I said.

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