Wednesday, July 15, 2009

They Grow Up So Fast


My cousin was experiencing one of his versions of nirvana; school was finally over allowing him to spend as much time he wanted in my house. He beamed at my mother ( his aunt/surrogate grandmother) as she placed a stack of pancakes in front of him. Yeah it was heaven, he was having breakfast with three of his favorite females and mom had made his favorite breakfast; banana nut pancakes, bacon, soft scrambled eggs, hot chocolate and orange juice.


“How’s your girl friend?” my sister asked as she began serving herself.

“We broke up.” He told my sister with his mouth wrapped around a fork.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full baby” mom reprimanded as she added a slice of bacon to his plate. The fact that he had a girlfriend never failed to amuse me. She’d won him over with gifts of jumbo crayons and scented markers back in first grade and he’d courted her with home made cup cakes and SpongeBob stickers. Since he’d always spoken about his sweetie only glowing terms I was surprised to hear that he’d ended it.

“Why did you guys break up?” I asked

He looked at mom chewed slowly and swallowed his food before opening his mouth to speak. Then he got this real serious look on his face, well as serious as a baby faced twelve year old could muster.

“I didn’t want to break up with her but I had to.” He replied

“Why was that?” mom asked

“My grades.”

Mom knowingly nodded recalling the call she’d gotten from his mother and the lecture that she’d been forced to give him afterwards.

“What about them?” I asked faking ignorance at the drastic dip his grades had taken when he’d started junior high school. He immediately began to blush and shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about them. He’d always been an honors student and his brief fall from grace had embarrassed him.

“How’d you break up with her?” my sister pressed.

He took a sip of his hot chocolate and sighed.

“I told her I needed some time to myself. I have to focus on school.”

I hid my smile behind my mug while mom pursed her lips and looked away to keep from laughing. My sister just threw her head back and let out an ear piercing shriek followed by laughter.

“Oh my gawd you’re so cute look at you acting all grown!” my sister teased.

He blushed again and glared at her. Mom cleared her throat and gave my sister ‘the look’.

“Junior high school is no joke Caity it’s hard! I have to keep my grades up if I want to get into a good high school. I’ve got to start planning for my future!”

That statement sent my sister into another fit of laughter. Mom couldn’t help herself at that one. She jumped out of her chair and hugged him tightly.

“My little man…oh I love you so much.” She said as she rained kisses all over his beet read face.

“Titi…TITI... I’m twelve years old for Pete’s sake !” he yelled as he squirmed in her embrace. Mom quickly released him and sat back down.

"Plus if if we're really meant to be and she's my soul mate we'll get back together again."

Caity squealed again and mom's jaw dropped open from the shock of what he'd said. I tried not to smile but I failed miserably.

A quick montage of memories ran through my head as I looked at him. He'd been my taste of motherhood. While his parents worked at night I'd been his primary caretaker when he was born. For 4 years he'd been my responsibility. I only relinquished the job when I started college and he began pre-K. From 3 pm until 11 pm his every feeding, bath and diaper change had been my responsibility. I'd introduced him to Dr. Seuss and taught him how to read and how to write. I held back for as long as I could and jumped out of my chair repeating my mother's earlier move.

"Mia! Miaaaaaaaa -ah!" he wailed and his arms went flaying about.

"Oh shut up you!" I said hugging him tighter. "You're always going to be my baby." When I finally released him I gave him an eskimo kiss. Something he'd always loved as a little guy.

"Awwww Mia!" he protested as our noses touched. He may have protested the initiation of the action but I noticed it didn't stop him from rubbing his nose along mine and wrapping his arms around my neck. They grow up so fast.

Labels: family, kids

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Posted by @ 10:25 AM
4 comment from:  Frum,  Mia,  Liny,  Mia,

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Flying Shoes

I was surrounded by mayhem. I was acting as a physical barrier between several teenagers intent on beating the snot out of each other. The few adults present were of no help, it was their kids that were fighting so instead of helping they just made things worse.


My Yeti stepped off the elevator and walked straight into the mini riot. There had to be at least 25-30 people in the narrow hallway and I was in the center of it. The Yeti took one look at the situation and dove right in tackling a couple of boys who’d started a side brawl behind me. The Yeti lifted one of the boys up in a bear hug and carried him straight into his apartment and then came back for the other and ordered them both to remain inside before he really got angry. “Does he play football?” one of the boys asked. “He used to, I replied, “he was a quarter back until he shattered his knee.”

Some of the teenagers and adults started arguing with me. I quickly squelched the most vocal branch of the kiddie’s ‘let’s disrespect Mia’ brigade with a couple of reprimands. It wasn’t that simple with the adults. A couple of women in their early thirties were screaming at the top of their lungs at me. I just knew they’d been trouble makers in school they had that look about them, the kind that rolled their eyes and back talked the teacher. When my dad walked out of the elevator everyone seemed to calm themselves down. They were still yelling and cursing up a storm but no fists were flying and no one was attempting to charge at each other anymore which is a good thing because it had been awhile since my last work out and my arms were starting to kill me from holding everyone back.

Seeing my father there made one woman particularly brave, the woman had no idea the man was my father. People always get thrown off by my appearance versus that of my father. While there is no denying my brother who is the spitting image of my dad or my sister who resembles both sides of the family people get a puzzled expression when it comes to me. My dad is tall, dark blonde, straight haired, olive complected and green eyed. I am darker than both my parents with curly light brown hair with streaks of copper in it and light brown eyes. When friends meets my mom they’ll always comment on my resemblance to her when they meet dad however they have to squint a bit before they find traces of him in my face.

The woman in question was not squinting, she was just mad. She started cursing me out and I reprimanded her, "Why are you yelling at me?” I asked. “I am not disrespecting you. I expect you to give me the same courtesy that I am giving you.” The woman’s sister called out to my father, "Willie you better come over here and get your daughter!" My dad approached me and smiled, "Hey little one,” he said. "Hi pa" I replied. He glanced over and sternly told her, “she seems to be doing fine.”

By this time the kids who'd been involved in the fight were trying to explain to me what had caused the fight. "You don't have to explain nothing to that bitch!" the angry woman who’d gone to high school with my uncle yelled out from behind the teenager. The boy waved her off and continued to talk to me. She charged towards me stopping a foot or so away and launched into verbal tirade. She looked as if she wanted to hurl herself at me with each vulgarity she uttered she stepped closer to me. The angry woman glared at me, oh yeah she wanted to kick my butt, it was so written all over her face. She began removing her shoes.

It’s an old school move, one I had only heard of but have never actually seen. According to the chapter that covers fist fighting among women in the Ghetto 101 manual when fighting in doors women are advised to remove their shoes in order to gain traction. I watched as she slowly toed off her second shoe. I looked at my dad and shrugged my shoulders he looked just as confused as I was. It made no sense to me that she’d taken off her shoes after all I still had mine. All I had to do was stomp on her bare feet and it was a wrap for her.

She tossed her shoes aside and I found myself genuinely smiling at her. Without her shoes she was shorter than me! I rarely come across someone who is actually shorter than me unless they are a member of the lollipop guild or have osteoporosis so when I do I must stop and savor the moment. I gave her an even bigger smile. I was enjoying being the taller one for a change. I quickly snapped out of my euphoria and wagged my finger in her face, “You need to calm yourself the fuck down and back off.” I told her. The crowd was shocked. None of them had ever heard me curse in the 18 years that they’d known me and there’s a reason for that. Even though I may throw a cuss word here and there on the blog in real life I am not a cusser. Instead I use substitute words for cusses for example, ‘mother hubba’ and ‘son of a fish’, well you get the idea. I have to be really, really, really mad before an actual swear word pops out.

She hesitated for a couple of seconds and picked up her shoes and went to stand beside her sister. As the kid resumed his explanation a shoe flew by my face quickly followed by another and landed behind me. I recognized the shoes as they sailed past. Not only was she short but she had crappy aim. Just as quickly the shoes were flung back at her by someone standing behind me. This person had great aim, this person also had strength and obviously this person played baseball from the speed the flying shoes had on them. The shoes hit the woman dead center in her forehead one after the other causing her head to snap back from the impact each time leaving heel imprints on her forehead. “Well that’s going to leave a mark.” I said to no one in particular. I turned to see who had thrown the shoe, it was my uncle. That pretty much calmed the woman down, that and the police officers that had just stepped off the elevator.

“Nice throw.” I said to my uncle as I watched the cops make their way towards us.

He smiled shyly at me, “Yeah well no one throws shoes at my niece.”

“Thanks man.”

“No problem, I figure that makes us even for the time I slapped you across the forehead with the baked chicken.”

I shook my head at him, "It was rotisserie chicken, the fat dripped down my face." I said.

He stepped back and chuckled at the memory, "So I still owe you huh?"

"Damn skippy you do." I replied.

Labels: family, flying shoes

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Posted by @ 2:07 PM
2 comment from:  christina/ohio,  Mia,

Thursday, April 02, 2009

The Thing On The Floor

Something on television reminded me of an incident that happened when I was around 12 years old. My mother’s cousin Yvette and her life partner were moving and the troops in this case her two sisters and my mom were called in to pack up their apartment while Yvette, her partner and the men of the family transported the furniture to their new place.

My family firmly believes in free labor and in dragging their kids with them every where they go and when they can combine the two it’s like heaven for them. This is how ten under aged kids ended seeing that thing on the floor.

Our job was to transport books and knick knacks from the all over the apartment to the adults packing boxes in the living room. Everything was going smoothly until my cousin brought out a metal canister and handed it to her mom. The canister looked like a gag gift, you know the ones that when you screw the top off shoot snakes out at you? You know the ones I’m talking about. Well anyway my cousin handed the canister to her mom ‘Chickie’. The canister didn’t fit in the box Chickie was packing so it was set on the table awaiting the next box that was being set up. Just then Chickie’s sister Marisol emerged from the bedroom with a pair of filigree earrings in her hand.

“I found these on the closet floor. Where’s the box with the jewelry?" She asked.

“They took that stuff already. Those earrings will get messed up in these boxes.” Mom said.

“Oh I know where we can put them!” Chickie said reaching for the canister.

“Where?”

Chickie shook the canister in her sister’s face.

“In here! You hear that? There’s something heavy in here. Knowing Yvette she probably stashes stuff in here.”

All the kids gathered around expecting snakes or something to shoot out of the canister, nothing came out; whatever was in there was stuck. Chickie slid two fingers into the canister trying to pry whatever was in there out. She let out a blood curdling shriek and flung the canister onto the floor. We weren’t ready for what happened next… out popped the biggest rubber dildo I’d ever seen in my life. Granted it was the first dildo I’d ever seen but still even now in my now adult mind it still seems gigantic.

Mom and her cousins froze on the spot. They were speechless. My cousin’s and I warily circled it. We were amazed. Naturally I was the first to open up my yap, “They have pee pees in plastic? You can get that? Why would you need that? Why would you do that?” I asked.

“IN THE ROOM NOW!” one of my aunts yelled.

“I thought Aunt Yvette didn’t like men, why would she need that?” One of my cousins asked.

“IN THE ROOM. NOW. AHORA MISMO!” Aunt Mari yelled her eyes about to pop out of her head.


“Where’s the ballies?” cousin Bobby asked.


NIKI TAKE THEM INTO THE ROOM!” Bobby’s mom aunt Chickie yelled. “AND DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING IN THERE!” she added.

My teen aged cousin Niki leaned down and whispered, “I’ll explain it to you later.” “Let’s go guys”, she said in a louder voice, “you heard them everybody in the room now.” Niki ordered.

We went into the room willingly with huge smiles on our faces. We were dying to grill Niki for information about the thing laying on the living room floor. From the living room we could hear my mom and her cousins arguing in between giggles.

“Pick it up Maggie”

“Oh hell no she’s your sister!”

“Oh bitch don’t give that she’s your sister shit now. Our mom’s were sisters… we grew up 2 blocks away from each other. We spent every single day of our lives together, even now! We’re all sisters!” Aunt Mari exclaimed.

“I’m still not touching it. I was never that fond of Yvette.” Mom said.

“Me neither,” said Aunt Mari, “I was always closer to you than her.”

“Come on Mags pick it up.” Chickie pleaded

“I don’t want to! I don’t know where it’s been!” mom whined at her cousins. No one said anything for a second and then they burst out laughing.

“You know where it’s been!” Chickie said.

“Eww!” one of them shrieked

“Chickie, you should pick it up you’re the one that opened the can. ” Mom said

“Mags should pick it up she’s the oldest.”

Mom mimicked Aunt Mari, “she’s the oldest…oh yeah now I’m the oldest too bad that never worked when we were kids. Mari I’m only a month older than you …you pick it up!”

“I’m not touching it! ” Mari said.

“What was Yvette doing with that thing? Chickie asked

“Chickie, how many kids you’ve got again?” Mari asked.

“Shut up. How big is that thing anyway?” Chickie asked.

“Go get the tape measure Chickie and while your down there measuring it you can put it back in the can.”

“Go screw yourself Marisol” Chickie shot back

“And thanks to your sister’s toy you can do it too Mari” mom said.

“Let’s do paper, rock, scissors whoever loses picks it up.” Mari suggested.

By this time we’d staged a mutiny and Niki wasn’t able prevent us from rushing back into the living room. We all wanted to see who was going to pick up the thing we now knew thanks to Niki was called a dildo and what is was used for. Trust me we all looked at our aunt Yvette and her life partner a little differently after that. Come on we were kids after all.

My aunt Chickie lost. “Tongs, I need tongs!” she yelled. You would’ve sworn the thing was alive from the way she circled it trying to figure out the best angle to grab it from. Aunt Chickie approached the thing on the carpet as if it were going to fly up off the floor at her.

“Hurry up Chickie!” her sister yelled

Chickie squealed and closed her eyes as she shot out the tongs at the thing on the floor. As soon as Chickie had it gripped in the tongs mom and Aunt Mari let out a big whoop. Chickie opened her eyes and hoisted the dildo over her head as if were a trophy she’d won. Mom and Aunt Mari were dancing around her when my father and two uncles walked in through the door.

“What the hell?” one of my uncles exclaimed before he burst out laughing.

My dad looked up at the dildo Aunt Chickie was still holding over her head and narrowed his eyes at the women.

“I swear to God babe I can’t leave you and your cousins alone for a minute can I ?” he said.

Labels: Embarassing Moments, family

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Posted by @ 9:11 PM
4 comment from:  christina/ohio,  Mia,  Amanda,  Anonymous,

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Gin

My mother’s family is big on nick names. My great-grandmother it seemed had a thing for giving her kids nicknames that were in no way connected to their real names. For example my mom has an uncle called “Bolo” but his real name is Aingeru, no one has any idea of how the hell my great-grandmother came up with the nickname of “Bolo” but he’s been Bolo all his life. I have an uncle nicknamed “Tank” but one look at him and the source of the name is obvious, the man is built like one. My mother’s cousin Betsy aka “Chickie” ( no one knows the reason for that one either) called her from the cemetery and she was confused.


“Maggie who the hell is this Alonso person buried with my mother?”

“That’s Uncle Gin. Betsy.”

“I didn’t know his name was Alonso! How the hell did abuela get ‘Gin” from Alonso? ”

“Maybe she had a craving for gin when she was pregnant with him.”

“Mags you know grandma never drank!”

“Yet she had a kid named Gin. Makes you wonder doesn’t it?”

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 12:23 AM
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Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Tradition

There’s a great tradition on the maternal side of my mother’s family. That side of my family is very big on tradition. The tradition i'm writing about today is particulary touching and sweet. One meant to tie us to past generations and remind us of our roots.


The tradition is as follows, every child that is born into the family carries a first and middle name indicative of our heritage. All names by the way are recycled meaning that we are named after one or more of our ancestors. Ancestors that at one time or another settled in Spain and were very, very, amorous and fertile. For example my real name is in homage to the Spaniard and Basque roots. For those tuning in late, Mia has been my nickname since birth. My sister’s name is a shout out to the Irish and French roots, my brother’s to the Scottish roots, and my mother’s to the Bedouins.

My dad is a Nuyorican (Puerto Rican born in New York) of full blooded Puerto Rican descent. Sadly his family abandonded their culture as soon as they set foot in this country. They are so Americanized that they never bothered to continue their traditions in this country. In fact the newer generations don't even understand Spanish. Still pa is very proud of his roots.

My generation on mom's side so far has been very prolific in adding branches to the family tree but they are also Americanized and as such many have forgone the tradition and that worries my mother. As the family historian she worries that future generations will be ignorant of our history.

One of my friends is having a baby and I was discussing the names she had in mind for the little guy with mom when she brought up her family’s naming tradition. Mom expressed her wish that I continue it and just as her grandmother had selected her name, and her great-great-grandmother had chosen my grandmother’s name mom asked if she could select the name of my first born daughter when the time came.


“What would you like to name her?” I asked.

“I was very close to my great-grandmother as a little girl. Remember I told you she was 103 years old when she died? “

I nodded my headed remembering that my mom had told me it was at her feet that mom had first learned of their complex roots and history.

“Isa, right?” I asked.

“That was her nickname, her real name was Isabella de los Ángeles Delissalde ”

“Hey Delissalde! I know that name!”

“Yeah, it's my aunt's name the one we call ya-ya, it’s French.”

"How the hell did she get a nickname like ya-ya from Delissade?"

“ I have no idea. Anywho I’d like your baby's name to be Isabel de los Ángeles.”

I rolled the name around my tongue for a minute. I couldn’t front I liked it. Besides I’d always been fond of the name Isabella. I thought about the name meant in English.

“oh that is pretty…Isabel of the angels. Wow. It sounds better in Spanish ma.

“Yeah it does. You can call her Isa or Izzy for short.”

My boyfriend who until that moment had been quietly listening to our conversation voiced his opinion of the name. He didn’t like it.

“That’s a horrible name.” he said

“This coming from a man whose sister’s name sounds like a nursery rhyme. Clary Mary what the hell is that Sounds like she was named by Dr. Seuss.” she shot back.

“I don't know what my mother was thinking with that name.” He said he prefered a Japanese name for the child he planned on having with me someday.

"Are you of Japanese ancestry?" she asked.

"No"

"I see." she said,and to me those 2 words spoke volumes. Honor your own history seemed to be what she'd really wanted to say.

“Still I wouldn’t name my daughter Isabella de los Ángeles.” he sulked.

Mom flashed him a mischevious look with those intimidating black eyes of hers, “and who said that you’re the one that's going to be the father?”

The look on his face was priceless. I couldn’t help but laugh especially since I knew mom was just messing with him. She'd rubbed her thumb across the cleft in her chin, a tell tale sign that she was suppressing a smile. He blushed and then started back pedaling at tremendous speed.

“No, no, I didn’t mean any disrespect m’am. Mia’s right it’s family history. That stuff is really important I wish my family was into its history like yours is. We don’t know squat about ours.” He said.

Mom arched an eyebrow, “Oh, really?” she said her voice dripping with mockery.

My boyfriend broke his eyes away from hers first. He was shook. I bit my lower lip and watched a dimple form in her cheek. Yeah she was going to burst out in laughter any minute now. She turned her head and pretended to look out the window while she twirled one of her auburn ringlets around her finger. Yeah she was defintely teasing him.Finally her shoulders started shaking and she turned around and let loose a peal of laughter. My poor beau didn’t know what to make of it.

“I’m sorry honey.” She said, “I didn’t mean to scare you like that. The naming of a child is a personal. It's just that in my family it really is a family decision.I was just hoping Mia would continue the tradition. I really am sorry I didn't mean to scare you.”

"You're mean." he said releasing a sigh of relief.

"Na, I just got a wicked sense of humor plus I love seeing you blush." she said as she patted his hand.

I looked at my mom and clued her in on something I’d decided awhile ago.

“I love the name and will continue the tradition ma and I’ll make sure my kids do too. As a matter of fact I plan on giving all of my kids your maiden name as part of their name no matter who I marry.”

My mom has a very unsual maiden name even is Spain it is rare. Documentation has shown that the name is of Celtic origin and that after several generations in Spain the Mc suffix was dropped from it. That would also explain the staggering amount of redheads, auburns, and strawberry blondes in my family. I shot my boyfriend a look daring him to say anything derogative about my choice. Unlike my mom I wasn’t playing around. My mom smiled she hadn’t expected that. Seriously the woman is priceless and her entire name deserves to be handed down from generation to generation and remembered as part of their history,after all she does manage to keep this generation on our toes with her sense of humor and wit.

Labels: family, traditions

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Posted by @ 12:13 AM
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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It Was A Good Day

According to the family grapevine the bad days had been out numbering the good. She hoped he was having a good day. She studied the photo. It was a recent photo and his face still bore traces of the handsome young man he’d been. He was one of the few men she’d ever met in her life whose name suited him. Angel, his name was Angel and next to her grandmother, his mother, he had the prettiest blue eyes she’d ever seen. But it wasn't just his striking good looks that made her think his name suited him, it was his personality as well. He was laid back and had an aura of kindness and gentleness that always surrounded him. In all her life she'd never heard him raise his voice in anger.



He’d always been quick of wit and smile flashing the deep dimples that were the family trademark. He’d taught her how to ride on his ranch when she was a little girl and when he saw that she’d inherited his love of horses he gifted her with a chestnut brown gelding of her own. For as long as she could remember he’d called her La hija de mi Corazon (daughter of my heart).


Mom took in a deep breath and steadied herself as she dialed the number to her cousin’s home in Aragon. Her cousin answered the phone she was happy my mother had called. It would do him good to hear his favorite niece’s voice she said.

“Prima he’s not very strong I won’t be bringing him back to the United States, he’s gotten worse.”

My mother nodded her head as if her cousin could see it on the other side of the phone. She swallowed hard fighting back tears. She’d recently lost one of her beloved uncles, Angel’s younger brother and she knew she’d be losing this one as well.

“I understand prima.”

I listened as my mother’s Spanish took on a different accent from the Spanish she speaks at home to my father. My dad has a hard time understanding Spanish but when she speaks it with the Castilian accent she grew up speaking Spanish with it’s harder for him. As a result she’s adopted the Puerto Rican accented Spanish of his family. Still there are times when she’s unguarded that she has a slight accent. This was one of those times. I love these times. Her Spanish is soothing and gentle.

“I’m going to put you on speaker phone he’s been having a hard time holding onto things” her cousin said.

“’tabien (ok)” mom replied.


“Bendicion Tio Angel ” (blessings uncle)

“Dios y la virgin Maria te me bendiga” ( God and the Virgin Mary bless you), y que los angeles te favorescan (may the angels favor you.)

"Gracias, tio." (thank you uncle)

“Who are you?” he asked.

“She’s your niece Maggie papa.” his daughter said.

“You’re my niece. I’m sorry I don’t know who you are. I can’t remember much anymore. They tell me I’ve been sick.”

“It’s okay Tio I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Whose child are you?” he asked

“I’m Delia’s daughter."

“Delia?”

“Yes. Your sister.”

“Delia, the little one, my sister.”

“Yes.”

“Do you look like Delia?”

“No sir I don’t."


“ You have such a lovely voice. You sound just like mama.”

“Thank you”


There was some noise in the background as his daughter pulled a frame photo off the wall to give him a visual of my mother.

“Here papa this is Maggie.” his daughter said.

“You have beautiful eyes, very dark and you’re very fair. You are the spitting image of mama except you don’t have blue eyes or blonde hair. ”

“Yes.”

“You are very lovely. Oh yes we are definitely related, you look like me.”

“Yes I do.”

“You take after the Irish side of the family just like me.”

“That’s what abuela (grandmother) always said.”

“Whose child are you?” he asked again.

“Delia’s.”

“She had long red hair, beautiful hair. So tiny. Are you small like her?”

“No, I am several inches taller.”

“My mother is tall.”

“Yes, abuela was 5ft 10, very tall tio.”

“I am tall too. Though I think I am shrinking.” he joked.

Mom frowned, she couldn’t imagine her uncle shrinking.

“Is he really shrinking prima?” she asked.

her cousin laughed.

“Ay dios mio, this man! No Maggie he is not shrinking. He’s still 6ft 8.”


“I feel like I’m shrinking or maybe it’s just that I’m old. Old people shrink. We leave this world the same way we came in, small, baggy skin, bald, toothless, and wearing diapers.”

“Ay papa!”

“Hija, Where are you from?” he asked mom.

“I live in the United States in New York tio.”

“Why are you over there? A young woman should not live far from her family, especially her tios. You should come back home to Spain. How can I watch over you if you are over there?”

“It’s okay tio I have someone to watch over me here.”

“A man?”

Mom sighed, her uncle did not remember her being married, and she doubted he’d remember my father or her kids today. The last time she’d spoken to her uncle he had asked about them all, recalling them in great detail.

“Yes, tio I am married.”

“Are you happy mi bella (my beauty) does he treat you well?”

“I am very happy; he is a very good man.”

“I’ll have to meet him. If I don’t approve of him I will bring you back home.”

“Yes sir. I heard my cousins have been calling to check up on you.”

the last time her brother had called he hadn’t remembered him at all and he’d been hurt.

“People call me all the time but I can’t remember them all. “

“That’s okay papa; they all love you and just want to hear the sound of your voice.”

“I’ve been ill.”

“I know” his daughter replied.

“Do you love me too mi bella?” he asked of my mother.

“With all my heart” she replied.

“I know I love you very much as well. My chest feels warm.”

“Are you okay tio, are you feeling sick?”

He laughed it was a weaker version of the deep laugh he’d always had.

“I am fine nena. It’s the love I have for you that is making me warm.”

Mom and her cousin laughed. He was always a charmer.


“Tan Bella que eres mi nina ( you’re so beautiful little girl).Will you come visit me in Spain?”

“If I can tio.”

“I’ll take you riding in the mountains hija de mi Corazon. You always loved horses . We won’t tell mama I let you ride bareback. You know she hates that. Young ladies are never supposed to ride without a saddle.”


Thirty minutes later ma hung up the phone and sat in silence. It was a good day. Tio Angel had remembered her. He remembered how they rode and how they’d painted side by side. He remembered how she’d snuggle in his lap and star gaze. He remembered the charm bracelet he’d brought her as a child and how every year on her birthday he’d added a charm. Most of all he remembered how much they’d loved each other.

Mom was far away in her thoughts when dad approached. “Babe, how’d it go?” he asked with more than a hint of concern on his face. Mom looked up at him and smiled wiping a tear from her eye. “It was a good day, a very good day.” She replied.

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 10:05 AM
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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Apparently I'm Descendended From Asses

My paternal uncle and fiancée recently had a parting of the ways and she moved out taking their toddler with them. My uncle is heart broken.

While visiting his daughter my uncle expressed his doubt to his mother-in-law that her daughter and him would be able to work things out. The mother in-law tried to offer him hope by comparing his situation to what had happened in her marriage.



“You know Mike,” she said, “my husband and I were divorced for five years before we came to our senses and remarried.”

My uncle looked up and down at her thoughtfully as he fed his daughter.

“Of course you guys ended up back together you had no choice! Look at you, you’re old no one else wanted either of you! It was either get back together or spend your old age alone.”

My mother winced and pinched the bridge of her nose. My father barked in laughter but quickly managed to stifle it when he noticed mom glaring at him from across the room.

My uncle’s mother –in- law rolled her eyes at him and excused herself from the room. When she was certain the woman had left the room my mother began to reprimand my uncle.

“What? It’s true none of them could get a date during those five years.” My uncle defiantly shot back at my mother.

My father meanwhile continued to grin at his younger brother like a maniacal leprechaun guarding his pot of gold.

“Don’t encourage him William.” mom said.

My father couldn’t help but giggle.

“But babe you can’t get mad at him for telling the truth.”

Mom glanced at me, “Mia, I hate to be the one to tell you this but apparently you’re descendended from asses.”she said.

Until that moment I hadn’t realized my uncle also has the no filter between his mouth and brain affliction. Now you know where I get it from. I never stood a chance, apparently I’m descendended from asses.

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 1:21 AM
1 comment from:  Anonymous,

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Cake

This is what happens when you leave a 2 year old, my cousin Nadine the baby of our family and her dad alone with her cake. Did I mention that his is his only child, the apple of his eye, and he finds everything she does amusing? Did I mention I feel the same way?

Labels: cousin, family, nadine

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Posted by @ 9:07 AM
3 comment from:  christina/ohio,  Anonymous,  Mia,

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Tiny But Deadly

It was around 10:30 pm last night and my little sister had gone up the block to the store with a friend. Ten minutes later my brother’s cell phone rang and he tore through the living room pulling a shirt over his head with his two buddies Chimmy and Immigrant running behind him. “What’s going on?” my mother asked “Caity just called some guy is harassing her up on the hill. I’m going to get her.” I dialed my sister’s number and she picked up on the second ring, “What happened Caity?” I could hear some commotion in the background a guy talking to her. “Get the fuck off me! Don’t be touching me I don’t know you! ” She barked at him. “Where’s Stevie?” “He just left.” “Aight, I’m walking down the hill right now. Mia I’m going to hang up I need my hands free just in case. These chicken heads are talking mad crap. ” “Caity where’s Gia?” “Right here, they’re not messing with her just me.” “Give her the phone.” Gia got on and gave me a quick run down. They were being harassed by 3 guys and 2 girls. One of the girls lived in our building. Gia added that they were not in any danger unless you consider 3 guys whining like bitches because Caity wouldn’t give them the time of day dangerous. “Gia, where are you now?” I asked “We’re on the block already, under the big tree. I can see Stevie. I’m going to hang up now see you in a few minutes.”



I recounted what Gia had just told me to my mother. She nodded her head and made her way to the living room window, no doubt to see if she spotted the kids between the dense green afro the tree in front of our window was rocking. “That’s the last time she leaves this house at this hour without one of us. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

She glanced out the window to the parking lot below us. A fight was about to break out. Four girls stood illuminated under the lamp post arguing back and forth. Two girls broke away and began a half-hearted hair pulling contest. The other two continued to argue and when the smaller one made an attempt to walk away the other girl yanked her back by her hoody and slapped her across the face. All hell broke loose when the little one reared back and punched the taller girl in the face. The other two girls immediately stopped fighting to watch the girls and then one ran into the building.

As the taller girl tried to fight back the smaller one started raining haymakers on the female. “Oh my god what the hell is going on tonight?” my mother asked. “Pa is getting dressed now he’s going downstairs. He tried to call Stevie and Caity but no one is picking up. Most likely they’re in the elevator.” My mother nodded her head her eyes focused on what was going on in the parking lot. “Maybe your dad will know who those girls belong to and he can get their parents.” “True.” “Wow that little one can fight.” She said. My mother’s head tilted to the side something had caught her attention; the little one smashed her forearm across the taller girl’s face sending the girl staggering backwards. Then the little girl delivered a drop kick that sent the taller girl sprawling onto the ground and she stomped on her shoulder. “Oh my god! I know that move…your uncle Tank does that.” Slowly a look of fear crossed my mother’s face, “Mia was Caitlin wearing her cream and pink hoody?” I nodded my head. The taller girl got up and lunged at the small girl but she was ready for her. The little girl held her fists in front of her face bobbing and weaving around the girl looking for an open spot she danced to the side of the tall girl and delivered two rapid fire kicks to the back of the tall girl’s knees knocking her back onto the ground. “Shit! That’s Caitlin fighting! Where’s Steven?” My mom yelled. I dialed his number again as I slipped on my sneakers.No one picked up.

My mother’s eyes scanned the parking lot. On the opposite side of the lot in the darkest area ringed in by dense trees in between two parked cars she found what she was looking for, six guys were fighting mom couldn’t tell who they were but suspected it was Steven and his friends. “William! Those are our kids fighting down there!” My father looked out the window his hand landed on my shoulder, “Let’s go Mia.” My mother moved to join us and he pointed a finger at her, “Maggie stay !” My mother’s temper is legendary the last thing we needed was her down there as well.

The guy looked worn out as we ran into the parking lot he had taken a serious pounding he looked as if he couldn’t take anymore. Steven however looked like he could go a few more rounds. Finally Steven threw a punch that knocked the guy out. He bent over and picked the guy up and leaned him against a car. The guy couldn’t stand straight so Steven sat him on the ground with his head between his knees. The guys’ friends ran out of the parking lot to get away from the beat down Chimmy and Immigrant had been dispensing to them.

Spotting my sister still swinging away on the other side my father yelled, “Caitlin stop!” The tall girl was on the ground again and put her hands up as if in surrender shaking her head back and forth. Caitlin looked up and relaxed holding her hand out to help the tall girl up. The tall girl grabbed onto Caity’s hair. That seemed to have given Caity an extra boost of energy because she head butted the girl in the face. When the tall girl fell back she really went to town on her ass. She pinned her shoulders to the ground with her knees and let loose a flurry of rapid fire punches all over the girl’s face, satisfied that the tall girl was staying down Caity got up.

Someone had called the cops; the police siren could be heard making its way closer towards my house. My little sister was walking towards us when she looked back at the girl. The girl was trying to get on her feet staggering and almost fell. Caity walked back towards her and steadied her. “Take her home.” She said as she handed her off to the girl’s friend. The girl was a mess. In comparison Caity had one red blotch on her left cheek from where the girl had slapped her with her cell phone.

I know it was wrong but I was so proud of my little sister. I’ve always worried about her. Growing up I was the tomboy the one who played football, stick ball, handball with the guys and rough housed with my uncles. Caitlin had always been this little delicate thing who preferred gentler things like designing clothing, sewing and painting. She was accessorizing her own wardrobe by the age of 8. I didn’t start carrying a handbag until my 20’s. It seemed my uncle Tank had been worried about her too and had recently started giving her self-defense lessons on the down low.


Several minutes after we made our way into our apartment an ambulance arrived for the girl Caitlin had beaten up. Fifteen minutes later the police knocked on our door. The four cops were the biggest buffest cops I’ve ever seen it was as if the NYPD had picked them out of some superior genetic gene pool. Caitlin came to the door when mom called her and cops seemed shock when they saw her little petite self. I guess they expected a big bully type of female. “She’s the one that was fighting?”One of the cops asked my parents incredulously. “This little thing? How old is she?” “17” my mom replied. The big burly cops just melted when they saw her. She looked up at them with her doe eyes and then hung her head down in shame. You could see the “awwww” expression on their faces.

Caity explained what had happened: the guy 22 years old had been trying to “holla” at her and when she turned her back on him to walk towards our brother he pushed her. When Steven saw that he charged at the guy punching him in the face and they’d started to fight. His friends jumped in and that’s when Chimmy and Immigrant jumped in as well. Caitlin was trying to cross the parking lot to make it into our building and get our dad when the tall girl and her friend attacked Caitlin and her friend.

After hearing Caitlin’s version of the story the cops seemed more protective of Caitlin. One of the officers pulled her face up to see the damage to her face. “I never would have hit her but she hit me first.” The other’s shook their heads and one said, “I can’t believe she did all that damage to that girl by herself. She is so little.” “Don’t fall asleep on my girls” my father proudly said “They’re tiny but deadly.” The officer looked at my brother and told us “the guy is not interested in pressing charges against you. In fact he’s saying he was attacked by four guys from up the hill.” Steven shook his head, “No sir, no one but me hit him and I only did it because I saw him pushing my sister. He has no business putting his hands on my little sister.” “How old are you son?” “19, sir.” The cop slapped Steven on the back and the other cops laughed. “I would have done the same exact thing if I had been in your shoes. Don’t worry about it.”

Caity was the one in trouble the officer added the girl’s mother wanted to press charges against Caitlin. After hearing the catalog of damage inflicted by my sister I could understand why. Caitlin had not only given the girl two black eyes and knocked out one of front teeth but she had also managed to fracture her nose according to the officer. The elevator door opened and the girl’s mother stepped out charging towards Caitlin, “Oh hell no.” my mother said and charged to meet her. The cops formed a protective ring around Caitlin. They weren’t about to let anyone touch her. The woman was adamant she wanted Caitlin arrested on the spot. She finally backed down when the police officers informed her that if they arrested Caitlin they were going to arrest her daughter as well. We have to bring in Caitlin to the precinct to talk with detectives tomorrow.

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 10:20 PM
4 comment from:  Unknown,  Anonymous,  Mia,  DannieS72,

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Miss Beverly

We were on the way out of the parking lot when I turned around to check on my car and spotted the outrageously drunken woman popping wheelies in her motorized wheel chair. Mom, my brother and I stopped to watch her maneuvering her chair around the parked cars. “Should she even be driving that thing?” I asked. “I have no clue.” “Seriously ma isn’t that like drunk driving?” My brother laughed,“Let me go get her”, he said as said as he jogged towards her.

“Hey Miss Beverly!” he called out to her. “Hey Steven how y’all doing, where your mama at?” she shouted back in her thick southern accent. Steven jerked his head towards where we were standing. “She’s right over there Miss Beverly." Miss Beverly turned her chair towards us and waved with one hand as she balanced the chair on its rear wheels, “Hey Miss Maggie, Hey there little Mia!” “Miss Beverly,” my brother said, “it’s awfully hot out here why don’t I take you inside?” She shook her head and attempted to wave him away nearly falling out of her chair. Oh yeah she was polluted, she was blotto. “Na don’t you worry about me boy I don’t even feel the heat no more.” “Miss Beverly,” he pleaded, “Miss Angie was looking for you earlier. Please let me take you upstairs to her.” she shook her head again reminding me of a mischievous child especially when let out a laugh and squealed “Tag!You’re it!”

Miss Beverly took off and Steven quickly gave chase “Aw come on Miss Beverly don’t make me run my feet hurt!” “Whoa look at her go!” I said as she deftly avoided my brother giggling like a maniac. “Miss Beverly please you’re going to hurt yourself!” Steven yelled. My mom doubled over in laughter and yelled “Go Miss Beverly go!” “You is never gonna catch me little boy I just charged my battery!” Miss Beverly taunted. “Mom don’t encourage her!” Steven whined. Mom wiped a few tears from her eyes. “Oh man I swear that is too funny! Hey Mia do you think I should call the security guard and have him shoot out her tires?”

Labels: family, new york, special moments

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Posted by @ 12:26 AM
3 comment from:  Deanna,  Anonymous,  Mia,

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Triplets

My mother had just introduced the petite blue eyed blonde at her cousin’s wake to my father for the third time that night; she had also introduced him to two separate men twice. He looked at the glass of wine in her hand and reached for it. “Babe I think you’ve had enough.” “What are you talking about?” “I think you’ve had too much wine.” “Honey I haven’t been drinking wine my aunt knows I hate the stuff this is grape juice.” He sniffed the glass, it was grape juice. “You’ve been drinking grape juice all night?”She nodded her head. “Well I think someone slipped you something because you keep introducing me to the same people over and over again. That’s the third time you’ve introduced me to that blonde.”

She looked up at him and chuckled. “Babe my cousin is a triplet.” “What?” “I introduced you to a set of identical triplets and the guys are two sets of identical twins. The clue should have been when I gave their names. You weren't paying attention were you?" He gave her a guilty smile. "You're messing with me right Mags?" She shook her head and handed him her glass. “Here hold this I’ll be right back.”

Several minutes later she returned with the set of triplets and two sets of twins. "Oh shit" he said just before she re-introduced them. He stared in amazement at the multiples. "We got them on sale at Cosco." my mom joked. One of the twins winked at her, "Yeah our family believes in buying in bulk." One of the triplets laughed, "Our parents were into coupon clipping buy two kids get the third one for free!" The cousins all high fived each other as they laughed. Dad pulled my mom out of the arms of one of the twins and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head and asked, "So your entire family, pretty much smart asses like you huh?” The twins, triplets, and mom looked at him and answered in unison “Yes!”

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 7:17 PM
2 comment from:  Anonymous,  Mia,

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Poke...Poke...Poke

Poke…poke…poke…

--Ouch! Cut it out!

I turned in my seat and to observe the action going on behind me and stifled a laugh. They were at it again.
Poke…poke…poke….poke…

--Ow! Will you stop?

Poke…poke...

--Stop!

Poke…poke…poke…

She narrowed her eyes and spoke through gritted teeth.

--I. Am. Going. To. Snuff. You.

Poke…Slap slapslapslap

-Ouch damn you hit hard you animal!

Slap

--I told you to leave me alone.

Complete and utter silence for about a minute

Poke..poke…poke…

--What the fuck am I the only person you know in this car?

-No, but you’re the only one with the cute little elf ears.

The SUV filled with laughter. Those in front were glad that the dueling duo were in the back by themselves.

--Seriously you’re working my last nerve I’m going to put you in a headlock.

-You wouldn’t dare.

--Poke me again and watch what’s going to happen. Swear to my mother.

-Don’t swear to mommy she’s dead.

--I swear to my half of mom!

-Not cool

She let out an exasperated sigh.

--How about dad?

-Okay that’s cool.

--Fine I swear to daddy.

---Hey no swearing to me. Leave me out of it.

--Well tell your son something.

---Something.

Poke…poke..poke..

--Daddy!

---Leave your sister alone.

--Yeah you bastard leave me alone!

-I’m not a bastard mom and dad were married when I was born.

I watched as his hand slowly inched towards her thigh in pinch mode, she pretended not to notice.

--Yeah well being a bastard is not necessarily a status of birth it’s also a state of mind.

-What?

--Did I stutter, were the words too hard for you to understand?

-What?

-- I think you’re a bastard therefore you are.

More laughter

She looked down at his hand which was now resting on her thigh

--If you pinch me it is so on.

Pinch…Slap

-Ay!

--That’s what you get for pinching me.

-Well don’t call me a bastard.

--You’re right I’m sorry. We have no solid proof that you’re an actual bastard. You were adopted after all. Found in a dumpster.

Pinch

--Ouch!

Slap

- Ha! Totally worth it.

Slap

-Take it back I’m not adopted. Plus you look too much like me anyway for that to be true. Take it back or I’ll pinch you again.

--Fine pain in the ass, you’re not adopted but I don’t look like you, you look like me I’m older than you remember that little brother. I don’t know why they had to go and have another kid.

---You wanted a little brother

--I also recall wanting a motorcycle for my birthday and yet I never got one of those did I daddy?

---Are you two going to keep this up the entire trip?

--Ah I won’t if you tell the poisoned demonic fruit of your loins to stop picking on me.

---Poisoned que?

-She said demonic fruit of your loins dad. She’s calling your stuff evil and funky pop.

Their father had no choice but to laugh.

--Not so little brother.It’s not daddy’s fault. He was having an off day when he made you. I am calling you evil. You’re the anti-Christ. Rosemary’s Baby has nada on you.

poke

--Keep it up. I am going to kill you in your sleep tonight I hope you realize that .

-I can’t help myself you’re too cute when you’re mad. Are you mad? Huh are you really mad at me sis?

she laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

--No

-It’s the dimples isn’t it? You can’t stay mad at me because of my dimples.

--No it’s just my parents taught me to be patient with the feeble minded.

poke...poke..

--Daddy!

--- Mira demonic fruit of my loins leave your sister alone.

Laugher…two minutes of silence…

Poke...poke... She’d decided to ignore him…poke…poke….poke…. he would not be ignored…poke…poke…poke…. She looked out the window and sang along with the radio…poke…poke…poke…poke…she rolled her eyes moving away from him…he kept sliding besides her on the seat until she was pressed up against the door…poke…poke…she jumped on him and true to her word put him in a headlock. The more he struggled the tighter she gripped.

Grunt…

--Come on say it!

-argggh gah

---Let go of your brother.

--come on say it you damn anti-Christ!

his hands were flaying, his legs were kicking, and he was turning red but he refused to give in as he struggled against her. The driver laughed.

-argggggh

--say it now ! Don’t act like you don’t have it memorized ‘cause you know you do. You’ve said it often enough. Come on you know what comes next. Say. It.

-gahhh

---Let go of your brother. NOW.

She relaxed her grip on him but didn’t totally unwrap her arms from him.

he started giggling

--Fine. Now say it

-You’re the queen of the universe.

giggle

--And?

-I’m a lowly peasant unworthy of licking the mud off your shoes.

-Peasant? I thought it was peon?

--I don’t remember I could’ve sworn it was peasant.

-Hmm

satisfied she released him and sat back

--You hurt me.

-Aww I’m sorry girly man but I warned you.

-Girly man?

she shrugged her shoulders

--Yeah that was kind of weak.

---You two okay back there?

-Yeah daddy we’re fine.

---Okay then

Poke…poke….poke…poke…

-Oh for the love of sweet baby Jesus cut it out !

Poke…slap…poke…Slap…slap..slap

--Ow!

she lunged at him again raining slaps on him wherever she could catch him, the more she slapped the harder he laughed.

-Yeah boy how you like that? Huh how you like me now?

Slapslapslap

The car stopped and their father whipped his head around pinning them still with a death stare and shook his finger at them. Hey I know that look mom gives me the same look.

---Am I going to have to come back there? Because I will and I promise you won’t like it. I’m making a list here you two and you know what’s going to happen when I reach the end of that list!

The terrible two stopped and looked at each other bursting into laughter at the same time and high fived each other.

--Oh shit dad broke out the list! When was the last time he threatened us with the list Maggie?

-Ah like 1976 , ‘77? Na it was ’78 !

again they shouted in unison. God this was scary it was like they shared a brain.

-That party in Spanish Harlem! Remember we snuck out through the attic and shimmied down the drain pipe?

---I still haven’t forgotten that one.

Uncle Joey winked at mom and draped his arm over my mother’s shoulder

-Neither have we right sis?

--No

----Grandpa were they always like this?

---Worse. I tell you nena I barely survived raising those two.


I turned back in my seat and faced my grandfather he had a big smile on his face. These were his children, his pride and joy, the result of his marriage to my grandmother. My mom’s other brothers the ones she raised are her half-brothers from grandma’s second marriage. This uncle is the only one old enough to have grown up with mom. She is his big sister while to my other uncles she is more mom than sister.

This uncle is old enough to remember her as a child. The love between them is way different she is his big sister, his partner in crime as he calls her. When they are together like this it’s easy to imagine them as kids. It was us against the world my uncle Joey always says. My granddad was a teen dad and raised his two children with no one’s help. He refused to give his children up to either side of their family. In many ways he grew up with them too. I watched his face as he laughed at their silliness today. In his eyes they were still his babies not the 46 yr old mother of three and certainly not the 45 yr old grandfather of one. In his eyes they were still his little boy and girl.

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 6:29 PM
4 comment from:  Anonymous,  Mia,  Anonymous,  Mia,

Friday, August 08, 2008

Nothing says I love and I’m sorry like ink.

My brother Steven did something so totally unexpected I choked up and my little sister straight out bawled. Like my bro and mom she’s highly emotional. To fully understand the significance of the moment I have to layout some background.

For two years my brother was head over heels in love with a girl that my little sister despised. I really didn’t know the girl so I accepted her with no problem. However because they all went to the same high school my sister had more insight into her than I did. Yet it was hard to believe the conniving picture Caity painted of the girl when she came across as so innocent.

My mom sat the three kids down time after time to discuss the animosity between the girls.During these talks the girl would claim she had no problem with Caity and make it seem as if Caity’s problems with her were one sided. At first we thought maybe Caity was a bit jealous after all her and Stevie had always been best friends, always been joined at the hip, and now with this girl in his life he had no time for Caity. My brother naturally took his girlfriend's side.


Soon to be 17 yr old Caitlin has a sweet and bubbly personality and is undeniably pretty.She inherited my mother’s fair skin,porcelain complexion, dad's dark blonde hair and thick dark lashes. Like me she has amber colored eyes except with hers you can see flecks of green in them. She has a beautiful figure, petite an inch taller than me with a tiny waist and generous hips. Caity, thank god is innocent enough not to take advantage of the power she has over teenaged boys and grown men. I have seen Caity literally smile her way out of any trouble she’s gotten into without meaning to. She's also an aspiring designer and creates a lot of her own styles. I took notice of the fact that whenever Caity changed her look a few days later my brother’s girlfriend would show up rocking the same look,hairstyle, or color hair. That made me rethink my jealousy theory or rather who was actually jealous of who.

It started slowly,vile nasty rumors spread about my sister in the school.One of the rumors even had her working as a drug dealer in the local playground. The source of the rumors always seemed to be my brother’s girlfriend and her mini crew of divas. The rumors would always make their way to Caity yet we could get no one to actually admit it to my brother’s face. I guess they feared censure from the popular crowd and a beat down from my brother.

Then the big one hit a myspace page was dedicated to my sister, it was awful. When I saw it I was livid and something in me just snapped. Until that moment I had not realized what Caity was going through because she'd kept it all to herself. My mom contacted myspace and they qicky removed it but just as quick another one popped up. At first we had no idea who had created the pages and my bro was threatening to dismember whoever did it. Caity meanwhile kept insisting that it was his girl doing it. I finally believed it when a picture of Caity popped up on that page was kept on the portable hard drive of the family computer shortly after the girlfriend asked to use it. That’s when I got involved and just let my brother have it when he refused to accept the mounting evidence against his girlfriend and her mini crew. Things even got a little tense between my bro and I when I sided with Caity. The pages suddenly stopped when my mother threatened to involve the girl's mother into the equation. It seems that the girl's mom knew exactly what she had spawned and didn't buy her daughter's innocent act.

Long story short last year was pure hell for my sister. The relationship between her and Steven was strained and she was always on edge. Her grades suffered; sometimes my mom would find her crying in her room. During that time the once ultra independent kid clung to mom and me. My father was highly disappointed in him and told him so often. Finally my mom transferred Caity into a new school and her grades picked up again. The rumors still persisted but my brother began to slowly open his eyes.

Several months ago he and the girl broke up. It turned out everything Caity had told me but refused to tell my bro about the girl turned out to be true. Now he was feeling stupid he was seeing it all for himself first hand. He apologized to Caity and she accepted, she’s never been one to hold a grudge. Their relationship got right on track as if nothing ever happened. I think he finally understood the lecture my parents had given him about his role as a brother to two females and it humbled him.

He came home last Friday with a new tattoo, a Celtic cross embossed with my name and Caity’s name on it. It was his way of apologizing to us and making sure he'd never forget his role as our protector again. As soon as Caity saw the tattoo she jumped into his arms and started crying. He hugged her so tight I thought he was going to crack one of her ribs or something. When he set her back down on the floor his eyes were all teary. My mom had been watching them and now brushed a couple of tears away from her face. He had them add her and dad’s name as well when it was done he said because he realized that his treatment of Caity had affected them as well. He was sorry. Mom and Caity started crying harder. Like I said they’re the emotional ones of the family. I’m the cool one. I looked at the tat and despite the lump in my throat acted casual. “That’s really nice Stevie.” I said and turned away before he could see my eyes tearing up. Nothing says I love you and I’m sorry like ink.

Labels: family, tattoos

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Posted by @ 11:15 AM
7 comment from:  Mia,  christina/ohio,  Anonymous,  Anonymous,  Mia,  Anonymous,  Just Jane,

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Why Are You Bitch Slapping The Driver?

My uncle Brad is a tall guy, a big guy the best way to describe would be NFL linebacker big. He’s also an intimidating guy. He's a I will rip off your arm and beat you with it and then shove it where the sun doesn’t shine type of guy. If you’re ever foolish enough to cross him you do it at your own risk. But like all of the men in my family he is a gentle guy with a soft spot for those unable to take care of themselves.

My mom was in front of our building catching up with a friend when my uncle spotted her from across the street, “Hey ma!” he shouted at her, “Hey baby! Have a good day at work!” She shouted back as he made his way to his SUV he laughed at that. “I’ll try, I love you ma!” he said blowing her a kiss “Love you too my wittle Bradacus.” He giggled “Aww ma!”


Brad works with teenagers at a center trying to keep them on the right track and pull them out of gangs. With gang numbers on the rise across America (it’s not just an urban thing) the work he does is important.His work days are rarely easy, my uncle is a street legend in these parts thanks to his hell raising days when he was younger. If you’re the one to take him down it gives you street credibility to the max with the wrong people, specifically the ones my uncle is trying to keep your from. Because of that there’s always some young wannabe thug thinking he’s a bad ass trying to make a name for him self by challenging my uncle’s authority. It’s only when they see Brad’s beast up close and personal that they back down and become the most compliant of kids. He keeps a tight leash on his beast rarely does it show its head out in public.

Brad climbed into his SUV his head touching the roof of the car and kept is eyes on the “Access-a-ride” vehicle parked in front of him. It was a mini bus the type used to transport the disabled and elderly back and forth to appointments. An elderly lady approached the bus and the driver got out to help her. My uncle didn’t fail to notice that when the driver reached for her the woman flinched as if she were afraid. Instead of driving off he turned his car off and lowered his head to watch them. After several minutes Brad got out of his vehicle and climbed into the bus. Shortly after the bus began rocking back and forth. The rocking bus caught my mother’s attention, she excused herself from her friend and she crossed the street to see what was going on. Standing at the entrance of the bus she shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest and in a casual tone addressed my uncle…

-Brad honey why are you bitch slapping the driver?

Without letting go of the driver he turned his head to look at mom and smiled sheepishly.

-- Hold on ma.

He turned his attention back to the driver and slapped him up a few more times. I noticed he never used his fist he opted for the open hand slap instead.

Oh okay he’s not trying to beat him into unconsciousness. I thought to myself not like the time he’d caught up with the abusive boyfriend of a friend and knocked him out cold...for a few days.

--Give me your phone.

The driver hesitated and Brad cuffed him upside his head. The driver did as Brad ordered. Mom shifted on her feet and cleared her throat.

-Brad

--One more minute ma.

-Now Bradley Christopher

Brad winced. He was in trouble she used his first and middle name.

--Ma I’m sorry I don’t mean to be disrespectful one more minute, two at the most. I promise.

Brad handed his cell phone to one of the passengers and instructed them to call the police.He looked through the driver’s company phone finding the number he wanted. He dialed it and handed the phone back to the driver.

--Call your supervisor.

When the driver disconnected the call Brad got into his face.

- I don’t want to beat you in front of my mom and niece but I will, probably not as bad as I would if they weren’t here but trust me it is going to be bad. You can call your supervisor from here and explain what happened before the cops pick you up or call him from the hospital while you’re handcuffed to the bed waiting for your teeth to pass through your stool. It’s your choice but I’m telling you my man if we have to go that route I’m really going to get mad.

He turned and winked at me.

--Hi Mia baby

He leaned into the driver and placed his forearm oh his chest. I had to smile I knew he was just toying with the driver. The guy was no match for Brad which is why he’d been slapping him instead of punching him. I stuck my head into the bus and pinky waved at him.

-Hi Brad

--Did Tankie give you the monkey I sent for your car?

-No I haven’t seen him yet

My uncle nodded he knew my uncle Tank would be around later on to check up on mom like he always does and drop off the monkey.


--You register for your classes yet?

-Yup

--That’s my baby girl

He smiled at me again and turned his attention back onto the driver.

--Okay time’s up. So what’s it going to be?

The driver made his call and left a message for his supervisor to call him immediately and to send another driver to the location. Brad patted the driver on the head,

--Good boy. Now sit still because if you move from there or try anything stupid I will knock you the fuck out. Oh my bad ma I’m sorry.

-It’s okay now what’s going on?

It turned out that the driver had been shaking down his elderly passengers for months. At first it started with him asking the passengers to loan him a few bucks here and there which he never paid back. Now he wasn’t even trying to hide what he was doing under the guise of a loan. He was straight out shaking them down and they’d all been too afraid to say anything. Brad had confirmed it that morning when he watched his elderly neighbor board the bus and saw the driver grip her fragile arm a little to rough for his liking. When Brad had approached the bus he heard the driver threatening her about the money.

When he was done with his explaining to mom she looked at the four elderly passengers in the back and they all confirmed the story just as the police car turned onto our block. In what can only be described as obvious panic the driver attempted to strike Brad. Mom gasped.

-Don’t hurt him Brad!

Brad smiled at her as he held up his meaty fist.


--I got this ma don’t worry.

The crunch caused me to wince; the sight of the blood gushing from the driver’s nose did nothing for my empty stomach. I stared at Brad and shook my head.

-Brad!

--Ma he deserved worse he’s lucky you were here.

He stared at the driver and asked if he was okay. Satisfied with the muffled response he instructed the driver to thank my mother for the fact that he was still able to walk. Then he made room for the police to board the bus.

Labels: family

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Posted by @ 8:34 PM
4 comment from:  Anonymous,  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Unknown,  Mia,

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

It's Tearing Up My Heart

I literally popped up in my bed singing N’ Sync’s “Tearing Up My Heart at the top of my lungs. I have no idea what I was dreaming about but judging from what was coming out of my mouth at 7 am Sunday morning that song was part of the soundtrack.

Throughout the day I kept humming the song much to my boyfriend’s annoyance. He’s got issues with boy bands. At one point he even towered over me hoping to intimidate me into silence with his “Yuri Sonofabitchkovitch” stare (see photo above). Ha!I laugh in the face of danger! I fart in its' general direction!

Finally as the day slipped into evening the dam in my head burst and the flood of lyrics poured out of my mouth...

“It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too….”

He jumped up and threw his hands up in the air... “No Mia no noooooo!” he begged. That just made it worse I started singing louder…

“ Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers …”

“Mia shut up!”

“Things are getting out of hand
Trying too much, but baby we can't win ….”

By this time my parents and my sister had started shouting out their encouragement. My BF just groaned putting his head in his hands. “Don’t encourage her!” My little sister started singing the chorus as she danced over to me…

“Baby don't misunderstand
What I'm trying to tell ya
In the corner of my mind
Baby, it feels like we are running out of time…”

My bf shook his head back and forth and covered his ears as if he were in pain. When my brother skidded into the room and started singing as well I thought Josh was going to have a coronary. I got up from my chair and stood next to my brother and sister and the three of us launched into N’ Sync’s signature choreography as I continued to sing with them backing me up…

“Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down on my knees
I can't take it anymore
Tearin' up my heart and soul
We're apart I feel it too
and no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you …”

When we were done my parents broke out into wild applause as we took our bows. My bf sat as if in shock the poor guy didn’t know what to think. ”Mia don’t ever do that again please I beg you.” He finally said. “Keep messing with me big man and so help me God almighty I’ll start singing New Kids on the Block.” I shot back. “You wouldn’t dare!” he barked out. I threw my head back and to sing….

The right stuff
The right stuff
First time was a great time
Second time was a blast
Third time I fell in love
Now I hope it lasts
I can see it in your walk
Tell 'em when you talk
See it in everything you do
Even in your thoughts

You got the right stuff, baby

Labels: family, music

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Posted by @ 8:40 AM
3 comment from:  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Mia,  Anonymous,

Friday, June 20, 2008

I Never Realized He Was Listening

My brother (yeah that's him in the pic) approached my mother in the kitchen as she prepared dinner. “Ma I need to talk to you about something important but please don’t get mad.” I started to head out of the kitchen but he stopped me. “Mia stay I might need you.”

Mom looked up at Stevie and palmed his cheek with her hand “I can’t promise you I won’t get mad Stevie but if I do get mad I’ll just walk away and we’ll talk about whatever it is when I’m calm s’okay?” He nodded his head. He took a deep breath and then said, “Ma Jai is pregnant. I got her pregnant before we broke up last month.”


Her hand shot out like a martial arts master and grabbed my brother by the front of his t-shirt twisting it managing to get some of his chest hair caught in the clench. She dragged him down to her face, “Are you insane, you’re kidding right? No way in hell would you be dumb enough to get that girl pregnant. No way in hell. Especially with all the talks we’ve had and the fucking endless supply of condoms in the bathroom cabinet. No way.” “Ma…” “Steven William” “Ma you’re pulling out my chest hairs.” “I don’t care; wait until you see what I’m going to do to your balls.” He burst out giggling, “Mommy I’m kidding! I’m kidding! No one is pregnant!” She released him and smoothed his shirt down and pushed him away from her.

She leaned back on the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. "Spill it Stevie what is it you really want to tell me?" He reached down and pushed her curls out of her face. “Ma I want to join the marines after graduation.” My hands shot out in a repeat move of my mother’s. “Are you insane?! There is a war going on Steven. A. War. Iraq, have you heard of it?” I began to shake him, “What about college, what about becoming a fireman?" My mother stepped in and loosened my grip on him “Let him go Mia. You're going to give him shaken Stevie syndrome.”

The three of us headed to the dining room for a long talk with me glaring at him the entire time. He gave us his reasons for wanting to join but all I heard was blah, blah, and blah, and yadda, yadda. He told us his plan on becoming a fireman and college was not abandoned just postponed for a bit. This is just something he felt strongly about and had wanted to do for awhile and could not move onto one stage of his life unless he completed this one. None of his friends were supportive about his decision but he didn’t care because what mattered to him was our opinion. The look on my face said it all. He seemed distressed by my reaction which I guess he totally didn't expect. Mom reached over and patted my hand, "It's time to let go Mia. He's not a baby anymore. We've got to let him grow up." "No we don't." In the back of my mind I still see him as that adorable curly headed toddler that followed me everywhere and would jump on me every chance he got just to shower kisses on me.I reminded my brother that they will shave his head. His half way down his back beautiful hair will be a thing of the past. He shrugged his shoulders.

My brother looked at me and made his famous puppy dog face, "Mia please?" "Just give me some time to get used to the idea Stevie." I tell him. I decide right then and there that wherever my baby bro is stationed I will follow. “Does pa know about this? “ I asked. “Yeah he does," my mother replied “we spoke about this a couple of weeks ago.” My brother was shocked “You knew? He asked. “Yup, since you never asked him not to tell me he told me.” Steven chuckled, “I should have known. So what was that all about in the kitchen?" “You started it. I was just messing with you. I give as good as I get. Can't help myself.”

It took me a couple of days but in the end while still a bit wary I threw my support behind Steven because it’s what he wants and because the little chit keeps throwing my words back at me. Be a leader not a follower... Live your dream don’t let nothing get in your way no matter how hard the struggle. I never realized he was listening. I really need to keep my mouth shut around that kid.

Labels: brothers, family

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Posted by @ 9:54 AM
8 comment from:  Goggles Piasano Ritardo,  Unknown,  Anonymous,  Mia,  christina/ohio,  Anonymous,  Mia,  Mia,

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Is It Because I Look Mexican?

My grandfather & me.

My mom’s father grandpa Raymond had taken his dog “Ralph” out for a walk with my brother Steven when he was stopped by the police. The young officer stepped out his patrol car and swaggered over to where my grandfather was standing.


--Excuse me sir?

-Yes officer how can I help you?

--Do you speak English?

My grandfather tightened his grip on Ralph’s leash and took a step towards the cop.

-Didn’t I just answer you in English?

--Sir I need to see your ID.

-Why?

The officer arched his eyebrows at my grandfather and looked towards his partner who had just stepped out of the patrol car and was walking over towards them. My brother put his body protectively in front of grandpa not fully trusting the officer with our grandfather. Grandpa placed his hand on Steven’s shoulder and told him to step back. Given our police departments history with minorities lately he didn’t trust the officer around my brother either.

--Sir your ID please. I need to see it.

-Why? Is it because I look Mexican? I’m not an illegal Mexican I’m Puerto Rican. I’m a legal citizen.

Steven chuckled.

---Abuelo (grandfather) you don’t look Mexican!

--Yeah to you but you know how it is with white cops all big headed Hispanics look Mexican to them. Thank god you didn’t inherit my melon otherwise you’d been deported at birth.

The cop smiled he obviously found grandpa amusing but he had a job to do so the smile was short lived.

--No sir it’s not because you look Mexican. It’s because of your dog.

Grandpa looked at my brother as he pulled out his wallet and handed the officer his ID as well as Ralph’s license.

-See Stevie, he isn’t denying I look Mexican.

The officer checked the ID and looked at my grandfather.

--What’s this about officer?

--Your dog sir, it took a dump over there and I’m going to have to give you a ticket.

Grandpa looked at the officer and then looked at the spot where the officer claimed Ralph had done his business.

-Officer my dog hasn’t done his deed yet.

--Mr. Quills I was watching your dog for awhile. I witnessed your dog squatting over there just now. He took a dump.

-It’s Quiles (key-less) not quills and my dog just took a leak not a dump.

Grandpa waved the empty poo bag several feet away from the cop’s face.

-If he had done his business I’d have put it in this bag. That’s why I have it; I clean up after my dog.

--I saw your dog squat sir.

-Look officer I don’t like to advertise this because my dog has a reputation to protect with the other dogs in the neighborhood and you know how judgmental those pit bulls can be, especially about St. Bernards. My dog squats when he pees, he’s gay. He thinks he’s a girl.

The cop’s partner chuckled he was obviously enjoying himself.

-Officer the poo in question is so old and dehydrated it’s practically dust. You’ve been watching me since I got here true?

The officer nodded his head.

-Well then you must realize that if my dog had taken that poo the poo should be fresh and moist. Why don’t we go take a look at the poo?

My brother laughed wondering how many more times grandpa could work the word poo into a conversation without cracking up.

--Sir we don’t have time for this.

-Sure you do. I’m retired and you get paid by the hour. Let’s go take a look.

Reluctantly the cops walked over to the poo with my grandfather.

-See it’s all dried up and look at the size of it come on that’s like Chihuahua poo. Look at the size of my dog he’s over 100 lbs. The beast craps like a horse. My dog didn’t do that.

The other officer took a look at the poo and shook his head.

---Chris I hate to admit it but he’s right. No way that came from his dog. It’s been there for awhile.

--Fine Mr.Quiles you win. I’ll let you off this time but next time clean it up.

-Let me off? My dog didn’t do it so how are you letting me off?

--Next time clean it Mr. Quiles.

Grandpa waved his bag in the air again.

- Look officer I'm not carrying this bag around in hopes of catching a last minute sale. I carry this for a reason and if my dog had done it I would’ve cleaned it without having to be told.

As my grandfather and brother walked away the other officer called out to him….

---Hey Mr. Quiles before you retired were you a lawyer?

-No worse than that I was a single father who raised a couple of smart ass kids.

Labels: family, grandpa, smartass

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Posted by @ 9:02 AM
6 comment from:  christina/ohio,  Anonymous,  Mia,  DannieS72,  Anonymous,  Mia,

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Bathing in the blood of virgins

My parents live to tease each other. Not only is it fun to watch but at times it proves to be educational as well as was the case on this particular day. All we had wanted was some advice and instead ended up with a history lesson….

The table had been cleared of dinner dishes and my sister and I were just wandering around the dining area and living room waiting to have a word with our parents about one thing or another. Caity would go after dad because he can never say no to her and I would talk to mom because I needed some advice on certain expenses I was planning. My father was going over the monthly bills with my mother when she handed him the bill for her insurance premium. He looked it over and teasingly said “You know babe the day you kick over I’m going to a wealthy man.” Mom gave him the evil eye while trying to unsuccessfully suppress a smile. “I have no intention of dying before you do, au contraire ma cher it’s you that will kick the bucket before moi! “How you figure?” he asked. “Simple if you take genetics into account.” “What?” Okay let’s do the math...how many funerals have we been to for your family since we’ve been together?” As he did the mental tally she walked over to him and ran her fingers through his hair, “Well how many?” “A lot” he conceded. “Face it man your people are dropping like flies! Now in the 26 years that we’ve been together with the exception of my mom, how many people from my side have died? Go on take your time I’ll wait while you add it up.”

She looked up at the ceiling and playfully drummed her fingers on the table, he caught her hand and brought it to his lips and gave it a quick kiss before she snatched it away and flicked his fingers with hers, “Don’t try to distract me hombre. Well how many?” He sighed and said “None” “What was that?” and sarcastically added, “I couldn’t hear you; your eyes distracted me. How the hell do you get them to change colors like that?” He let out a laugh and said, “Thank you. I have no clue and the answer was none.” “Of course the answer was none! Hello my people don’t die, they refuse to die in fact they’re almost immortal. You need to drive a stake through our hearts to get us to shed this mortal coil baby.”

My dad got desperate at the sight of my mother launching into her victory dance. Refusing to accept defeat he tried to change the subject, “Wait that’s not fair your people originated in Aragon!” Mom looked at him as if were stupid, “ Huh? What does that have to do with anything ?” The Aragon comment caught my sister’s attention. “That place is real? Isn’t that the place of legends, St. George and The Dragon and that mythology stuff?” my little sister asked. Mom looked at her dumbfounded, “What the heck are they teaching you in school? Yeah Aragon is a real place. It wasn’t made up and before you ask no the dragons aren’t real.” “Wait I thought your family was from the Canary Islands?” “My mother’s side is from the Canary Islands, my dad’s great grandfather moved to the Canary Islands before immigrating here but my dad’s family originated from and the majority stayed living in Aragon. A few spread out over Albacete and Andalusia and the rest of Spain.” At the mention of Albacete my father saw an opportunity to tease mom some more and jumped on it like a cat on a can of tuna fish. “Caity that’s where the Don Quixote is from, that’s why your mom’s peoples are kind of crazy must be something in the water there. ” “Yeah, yeah we’re always tilting at wind mills I’ve heard the jokes before don’t make me jack you up pendejo.”


He seized the opportunity to creep away from his losing argument and give us a history lesson, “Your mother’s family had history kids. They fought under King Sancho IV and were given a coat of arms and everything.” It was all a little bit too much for my sister who was getting hyper on the info overload, “We have a coat of arms? Are you serious?!” “Yeah I have a copy of it in one my files. I’m sure you’ve seen it.” Mom described the coat of arms to my sister it turned out she had seen it several years ago. “Oh I that I thought it was a logo to something.” “Well I guess in a way it is a logo, it’s my family logo.” My sister thought about what mom said and then asked, “They were like knights and stuff?” “Na not that I know of at least it’s not mentioned in family history. What I do know is that my family fought in several campaigns against the Moors for the king, which is kind of funny when you look at it because some of my family were shacked up with Moors in Albacete.” “Sleeping with the enemy, huh ma?” “Knowing your mom’s family Caity they were doing more than just sleeping.” My dad added laughing. “Good one, good one I’ll give you two points for that one hon.”


“So ma..” I interjected, “what are you ___ of Aragon?” I asked totally mispronouncing her first name in the process and choosing to leave out her entire name out of the conversation for fear of massacring it as well. Na more like Maggie of the upper west side and Park Slope, Brooklyn now relocated to El Bronx. Now back to the real subject at hand…your dad losing this argument. ”

She cleared her throat and recited a list of ancients in her family while my dad kept time to her list by shaking his head back and forth. I found out that day that there are quite a substantial number of people in her family close to and over 100 years old. Oddly enough they were all from the Aragon side of the family, her paternal side. The woman was not wasn’t playing around when she said those peeps were practically immortal! When mom was done with her list and dad had admitted defeat ma jumped up and yelled, “Ta-da! To the victor goes the spoils!” and flipped pa the bird as pa tried to protest the victory.


Mom’s family has great genes. They all look fantastic for their ages my grandfather who is in his sixties looks decades younger than his age. My mom in her mid 40’s is constantly being mistaken for a 30 something. Between you and me I think that family is bathing in the blood of virgins or made a deal with the devil something’s up with those people. Especially my great- great aunt Eva; not only is she bathing in it but she must be drinking it too. Somewhere in the back of this woman’s closet is a picture that gets older and older while Eva herself maintains a youthful appearance. The woman is in her 90’s and looks 30 years younger. Not that I’m trying to start any rumors or anything but umm Eva always seems uncomfortable whenever I sprinkle garlic on my pizza. I’m just saying…

Labels: family, history

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Posted by @ 10:02 AM
1 comment from:  DannieS72,