Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Holy Monkey, Save Me From Stupid Drunk Bitches

“I’m 23 years old!” she whined sounding way younger. “You’re a 23 year old drunk female with no common sense.” I replied as I reached out for her pinning the guy with her in his seat with one of my patented “make a stupid move and I will punch you in the throat” stares.

“Holy monkey, save me from stupid drunk bitches.” I muttered under my breath as I yanked the female out of the wannabe romeo’s car “He’s Egyptian and Puerto Rican Mia!” she whined when we were a short distance away from his car. “Pfft, he’s a Sparab, big deal all that means is that bi-racial pig.” I shot back and glared at our clubbing companions.

We were out celebrating our friends Tanya’s birthday. Tanya and I’ve been friends since high school and even though our academic careers took us on separate paths we’ve always stayed in touch and remained close with each other. Tanya’s crew however was new to me this was our first time around each other. They were new to the “no one left behind, we stick together” rule I’ve embedded into my home girls aka the drunken fairy coven over the years.

The guy had been hitting on females left and right in the club with no luck until he hit pay dirt with the drunken 23 year old female I was currently gripping onto. His plan was to drop his friend off at his place and then come back for the 23 year old and leave with her somewhere else. I refused to let her go off with him. After he left I asked her crew to keep an eye on her while I shook my money maker on the dance floor. While I was busy being one with the music the guy returned to claim her. “Where is she I asked?” when I returned from the dance floor and was informed that she'd just stepped outside with the guy.

I bolted towards the exit looking for her and the crew followed me. My eyes swept the crowd of cars parked along the club. “What car is he driving?” I asked. They gave their shoulders a collective shrug. I exhaled a deep breath “Wonderful, you let your drunk out of her mind friend leave with a guy you don’t know and no one bothered to find out what his name, check his ID, what he was driving, or to get his license plate?” I asked. God I miss my friends. They seemed to be struck with at least nine kinds of stupid and unable to move. “Don’t you remember what happened to that girl from John Jay? I asked. They remembered the headlines, they remembered the story so there was no need for me to explain but obviously the 23 year old needed a lecture and I was more than willing to provide it.

Are you fucking crazy?” I asked shaking her slightly. “You don’t know this guy from a hole in the wall. How the hell were you going to leave with him?” As patiently as I could I explained to her why I thought that was a bad idea and how he had the aura of horny bastard wanting to score some ass clinging all over him. “I’m not like that she exclaimed. “and how does he know that, and what do you think is going to happen when you refuse him? For all you know he can leave you stranded somewhere. Did he tell you where he was taking you?” She shook her head no. “Look if he was really interested in getting to know you as a person and not just wanting to score some ass he and his friend would have joined us and when the evening was done he would’ve gotten your number and took it from there. In the meanwhile you guys could have danced and chilled here there was no need to whisk you off somewhere. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

My reasoning fell on death ears. I shook my head and informed her that I was not allowing her to go with him anywhere. “I’m not into cock blocking I told her but this doesn’t feel right. “I’m 23 years old she repeated. “Good for you," I said "I’ll get you a cookie for that later. Like I said you’re a 23 year old drunk female with no common sense right now and you're not going anywhere with him tonight not while i'm here. Period.” I'm starting to sound more and more like my mother everyday.

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Posted by @ 11:32 AM
4 comment from: Blogger Just Jane, Anonymous tapsalteerie, Anonymous Darla, Blogger Mia,