Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I Wonder If Hallmark Makes a Card For That?



Hand to God I love my friends the fact that they feel the need to share even the most intimate details of their lives with me cracks me up. The fact that they’ll often wake me up in the middle of the night because they can’t wait to do so makes me love them even more. Ordinarily I would’ve let the call go straight to voice mail but this was the third time it had rang…obviously it was important.


Hello

Were you sleeping?

Of course its 4 am on a school night dude!

(He snickered)

Shut up, just ignore that. I’m ashamed of myself for even saying that. What time is it out there?

It’s 9 am

Right, I’m going to so remind myself to call you at 4 am London time.

Well yes that’s why I called now I figured you’d be home. It seems I can’t reach you lately. A bloke can take that personally you know.

Sorry you’re not the only one that’s told me that. Life’s been hectic lately. What’s going on is everything okay?

Fantastic! I called to share some good news with my favorite American.

Oh snizap I love good news hit me with it.

I had a threesome last night!

A threesome?

(I had to laugh)

And you called to share the news with me? I am so honored, really I am.

You should be you’re my best mate the first one I thought to about this.

I think we need to get you some more friends then.

You'll always be my first choice, can't replace the best.

I thought you were going to settle down this year?

Well the one girl I want to settle down with is in New York and has a boyfriend and is taking forever for her to move her bum out here.

That whore.

You know Mia all you have to do is set your boyfriend to the side and I’d commit to you. It’s not like I haven’t asked you to marry me.

What and deprive you of your bachelorhood and living out your fantasies? I would never be so selfish!

What are some of your fantasies?

The most dominant one right now involves me getting at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My body tingles just thinking about it. Whoo hoo lordy, but enough about me and my twisted fantasies. Let’s get back to your news. You know the question begs to be asked…were they females?

He laughed so loud I actually had to yank the phone away from my ear.

It’s because I’m in London isn’t it? That’s why you ask?

Uh yes.

You know I have offered to show you what a real Scotsman wears under his kilt lass.

You don’t wear a kilt.

I would if you wanted me to.

Oh hush it you. Without getting into graphic details my man how did the threesome come about?

Two Filipina girls in my uni approached me about it.

Get out, the ones that have been flirting with you since last semester?

Yes!

Did you use protection and did you pay or was it a freebie? Economic times are way too hard now adays to be throwing money away like that.


No, I did not pay and yes, I used protection!

Good boy. Well then there’s not much for me to say except congratulations on living out a common male fantasy.

Thank you

I wonder if hallmark makes a card for that?

You’re killing me.

Lord knows I try.





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Posted by @ 11:31 AM
3 comment from: Anonymous frum, Blogger Ritardo Garsiferis Anvil(Gar's Evil Twin by the way just so you know), Blogger Ritardo Garsiferis Anvil(Gar's Evil Twin by the way just so you know),