Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Bros Before Hoes

I caught her in a lie and brought it to her attention the more she tried to cover that one lie up the more were revealed. I was heated I hate being lied to. I was hurt …I hate being lied to. It wasn’t a big lie in the grand scheme of things no empires were toppled, no one got an eye poked out, and nations didn’t go to war over it. But none the less it was a lie…my best friend lied to me….just in case I didn’t mention this. I hate being lied to.

I was sulking about it yes I have my moments of sulkiness.

--Get over it

I looked up to find my mother staring at me and shaking her head. I felt a lecture coming on.

-what you mean get over it ma? She lied to me, she never lies to me!

--of course she lied to you. I don’t blame her. She looks up to you and you hate her controlling boyfriend. How is she going to tell you that she cancelled her plans with you because he doesn’t want her hanging out without him being present?

I sucked my teeth.

-she could’ve just told me that.

--No she couldn’t.

-Uh huh

--Nuh uh,it would have just added fuel to the fire Mia. She wants you to like him Mia.

-Bros before hoes ma that’s all I’m saying. Bros. Before. Hoes. Swear to God I’m getting that shit tattooed on my forearm. Bros before hoes.

She took a deep breath…oh yeah the lecture had arrived and from the look on her face she wasn’t too happy about it and not to be disrepectful or anything but neither was I.

-- Stop measuring her by your standards she is not you.Stop judging her.

-I’m not judging her.

--Mia have you ever been lonely?

-I’ve been lonely.

She arched her eyebrow at me and shook her head.

-Being alone and being lonely are two different things Mia. Anytime you have been alone it’s been your choice, you’ve ended the relationship. Yeah you’ve been alone, sure you’ve taken sabbaticals here and there from dating but you were never really alone. Because each time you took one of your breaks there were at least two or three guys sniffing around you lighting candles at a sacrificial altar somewhere in the hopes that you’d re-enter the dating world and go out with them.

-That’s not true.

--Girl let’s not do this. Let’s put modesty to the side and speak frankly. You’re a very lucky woman. Men are attracted to you; shit women are attracted to you. You have never ever lacked for attention. People are drawn to you; you’re like the cool kid at the lunch table back in high school. Not everyone is that lucky. You shouldn’t be embarrassed by it.

I rolled my eyes at her.

-- Fine you may not think that there’s something special about you but there is.

-Ma, please.

--Ma nothing. I have to say this no matter how much it embarrasses you in order to get the next point I’m going to make across. Right now despite the fact that you have a boyfriend who wants to marry you there’s a certain man in Brooklyn that worships the ground you walk on. That man would cut off his arm to be with you. You know this and I know this. There’s the two professional divers…the fireman…the cop… and the Uni kid and that’s this year alone. I’m not even going to go into the past.

-Fine ma. I get it I’m lucky.

--I want you to think about what I’m going to ask you carefully Mia answer truthfully. Have you ever been lonely Mia so lonely your heart aches, so lonely you’ve lost hope that you will ever find someone to love you?


--Exactly but your friend has. Have you ever had to play the role of Goddess on your knees in order to get a man to notice you or take your number?

-a what?

--Goddess on your knees.

I thought about what she was saying for a second the visual flooding my thoughts. I got what she was saying.

-Holy monkey lady where do you get this crap from?

She waved her hand dismissively at me.

--Answer the question Mia have you ever had to play the goddess on your knees role in order to keep a man’s attention?

-Hell no

--Your friend has. What happens to her once she gets off her knees Mia after the men get what they want?

-They bounce.

--and what happens to her?

-she acts like it’s all good.

--is it?

-No it’s a front she puts on. I know she hurts.

-Now let’s move on to this guy. He is sticking around; he is the first guy to stick around after she’s risen from her knees so of course she’s crazy about him. Sure the guy is a jerk and you’re worried about her. But nena this is not your call, you’ve got to let her make her own mistakes the way I’ve allowed you to make yours. That way she’ll learn.

-But that’s just the thing ma she never learns! She hops from man to man never taking the time to learn nothing she keeps making the same mistakes over and over again.

--Loneliness is a cruel hearted bitch Mia and some people will do anything to keep her away from them.

-Ma if it was just her I wouldn’t give a fuck but the baby is involved in this. She’s actually trying to cut the baby’s real father out of the picture because of her boyfriend ma. I had to scream on her because of that. I don’t want the baby paying for her mistakes. I see enough of those kids at the clinic.

--I’m glad you spoke to her about that but in the end Mia it’s her kid. She’s going to do what she wants and yeah it’s messed up that the kid will pay for it but what can you do? It’s her life, she loves him.

-Ma she’s settling!

My mother laughed and shook her head at me.

--She’s not settling Mia. He is the one that’s settling.

-I don’t think so.

--Yeah he is. Right now as we speak he’s trying to change 101 things about her. If he really loved her he wouldn’t feel the need to change anything on her at all. Is she asking him to change anything about himself?


--Aha she thinks he’s perfect just as he is but obviously he doesn’t feel the same way about her. He is settling she is not what he wants in a woman but doesn’t want to be alone so he’ll take her and shape her into what he wants.

-She’s fine the way she is there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s pretty, she’s smart, generous, sweet, and she’s funny. She is perfect.

--To you she is Mia because you love her but honestly how many people take the time to know her like that? How many people look beyond her weight issues and take the time to see the wonderful person she is?

-That’s their loss.

--No Mia it’s her loss. Loneliness nena.

-So she’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over because of that and I’m supposed to stand by and act like it’s all good?


Just then I got a text message from my friend. She was apologizing for lying to me. She went on and on about how much I meant to her and she understood why I didn’t like the guy but to please give him a chance. I showed the message to my mother who arched her eyebrow at me in expectation of my answer.


-Fine. I surrender. Bro’s before hoes. You think I’m playing right? I am so going to get that tattooed on my wrist or something.

--Cabeza dura nargas blanditas.


--It’s a something my dad was always throwing my way about my stubbornness Mia. Hard head makes for a soft ass.

-Woman what is that supposed to mean?

She sighed

--I have no idea but after giving you the goddess on her knees thing I felt like I should say something mommyish.

I just had to stop for a second and stare at her and laugh. The woman kills me each and every time.

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