Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The Mighty Kaneosaurus

Four years ago “The Mighty Kaneosaurus” was being used as bait for training other pit bulls to fight when I came across him in Queens. His six month old body was a battlefield of scars and bite marks he even sported a stab wound near his abdomen. It took a lot of work before we were able to win the gentle giant over and earn his trust. Unfortunately we weren't able to resolve all of his issues. Especially the one revolving around his intense dislike of men and teenaged boys outside of our family. For safety reasons whenever any guy comes over to my house we put Kane in a room. He already knows the drill. All we have to say is “Go to bed Kane” and he heads to the room of his choosing. This morning he chose one of the bathrooms. He loves the cold marble floor during the summer I thought or maybe he was just plotting.

Sometime over the weekend my cable modem died a quiet death and Mr. Trevor Trebarker cable man extraordinaire came over this morning to fix my connection and replace my modem. What was so special about him you ask? He showed up on time that's what and actually knew what he was doing. 'Tis a pity he almost ended up the victim of Kane’s issues.

Mr. Trebarker had just finished installing the new modem and was standing in front of my mother’s desk about to test it. Mom was at the kitchen sink rinsing out a glass. She had just turned the tap off when she spotted Kane standing behind Mr. Trebarker. The man wasn't even aware Kane was behind him.

Kane's body tensed up and the hairs along his spine stood on end as he sniffed the cable guy's leg. Kane was rocking a doggie mohawk. The fact that he'd gotten out of the bathroom on his own perplexed both of us. The door had been firmly shut we had both checked it before letting Mr. Trebarker into our apartment. The fact that he’d manage to walk past the living room, past the dining room and into the study area without making a single solitary noise amazed us. The Mighty Kaneosaurus is not known for his stealthy manner.

Not wanting to panic the cable guy or startle Kane mom softly said, “Trevor do not move my dog is behind you." She called Kane to her but he refused to budge. His eyes were riveted on the man. “Hey there’s my good boy” she said using her baby talk voice. Kane can not resist baby talk it’s his kryptonite. While he didn’t move away from Mr. Trebarker he did jump up and down in the spot wagging his tail. He reminds me of a horse rearing back on its hind legs when he does that. “Aww is my good boy Kane happy to see me? Oh yes he is… what a good boy…how the hell did my good boy get out of the bathroom Mia?" mom continued talking in her baby talk voice this time addressing Mr. Trebarker who looked like he wanted to run, “Don’t even think about it Trevor. He gets excited when people run.” Mr. Trebarker turned his head to look at my mother. Kane growled. “Do not look at me or talk to me, keep your hands where they are other wise he will think you are a threat to me and attack you." She said as she slowly walked towards them.

When she reached Kane she patted his head. Kane immediately leaned into my mother rubbing his body against her legs without taking his eyes off of the cable guy. She rubbed his throat then slid her hand to the back of his neck petting him as she continued to talk to him. She slowly slid her fingers in between his neck and collar and began tugging him gently away from the man still chattering away at him. Then Mr. Trebarker moved and Kane tried to charge at him growling. “Kane!” my mother said in a stern voice as she yanked him back. She switched back to her baby voice and Kane’s body relaxed. “Trevor seriously what part of don’t move or he’ll attack didn’t you understand? PLEASE don’t move.” Kane continued to growl at the man, finally with some more coaxing he allowed mom to lead him into the master bedroom. His eyes were focused on Mr.Trebarker the entire time. The man was sweating despite the fact that we had the air conditioner on.

Once Kane was locked inside of her bedroom Mr. Trebarker breathed a sigh of relief. My mother apologized to him but the guy was spooked. Seriously who could blame him? He threw his stuff in his bag and hauled ass out of our apartment without even bothering to see if the modem was working.

Mom called dad at work and quickly explained to him what had happened and my father let out a loud laugh. “I knew eventually he’d get the hang of it. That’s my boy!” My mom switched on the speaker phone. Dad explained that he’d seen Kane several times over the week fit his mouth around the bedroom door knob twisting his head slightly and pulling at the same time trying to get the door opened. “And you didn’t think this was worth mentioning? Carajo, it's bad enough that I worry he’s going to give himself brain damage from ramming his head into the doors to open them from the outside now I have to worry about this too?” she asked. “He’s such a smart dog! Seriously babe how many dogs do you know that can open doors? ”

My mother sighed and looked at me “Do you hear this Mia? Do you hear what your farther is saying?” I shrugged my shoulders mildly “Well ma he does have a point. Come on he opened the door from the inside! That is so cool.” I said. She threw her hands in the air “Wonderful like father like daughter! Here I was worried that your dog would turn the cable guy into a lunchable and we’d end up a 10’0clock news story but instead of sharing my worry you praise your dog’s resourcefulness. That’s just wonderful. Maybe you two can teach him to fix cable modems because I doubt after today that guy is ever coming here again and this connection still isn’t working. ”


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