Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, July 14, 2008

But How Big Are Your Breasts?


Okay before I begin this story I need to mention for clarification purposes that I have average size breasts they are a little more than a handful but then again that depends on the size of the hand. Now onto the story….


A couple of nights ago as I was stepping out of the shower I got a call from a friend I hadn’t seen in several months. She was having dinner in my neighborhood and wanted me to meet up with her and her boyfriend. This would be the first time I was meeting her boyfriend and she had a feeling he and I would click. I quickly pulled my curls back into a ponytail threw on a pair of jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, and walked the short distance to the restaurant.


The restaurant is a mega popular one and is always packed. Despite the fact that they brought the property adjacent to them and expanded the place tables are hard to come by so a lot of the customers end up eating at the counter. I hate the counter because the counter stools are a little more than waist high to me and I look like kid climbing up and sitting up high on them my feet swinging a foot or more from the floor. As I hopped onto the stool her boyfriend looked at me and and asked “How tall are you 5ft?” I was about to reply when my friend answered for me, “Actually she’s 4ft 11 but with sneakers she’s 5ft.” I nodded my head in agreement and twisted my body on the stool to face him. He looked at me wiggled his eyebrows and said, “So you’re 4ft 11 but how big are your breasts?" I don’t know which of us was more stunned my friend or me. I felt my face flush red in embarrassment.

”Oh hell to the no!” “No he didn’t! Go get him Mia!” Ach! The guy had succeeded in awakening the wrath of The Supremes. The Supremes as I’ve mentioned in my blog before as what I call the voices in my head…CONSCIOUS, SUBCONSCIOUS, AND SUPERCONSCIOUS… , “Eh what did he just say?”

My hands at my side clenched into fists and I felt the venom gathering at the tip of my tongue. I glanced at my friend who looked flabbergasted and then I looked at his face and sniffed at the air there was no malevolence blowing in the breeze or in his eyes the guy was just trying to be funny. I swallowed my venom and decided to play along.

Glancing down at my breasts I slowly covered them with my hands and pouted and pretended to cry. “Thank you for reminding me how small my breasts are.” I whimpered making my lip quiver. “No, no I’m not looking, I didn’t look I’m just saying.” He protested as he rubbed the back of his neck and looked really uncomfortable. “I dated a girl who was 4 ft 11 and she had double f’s!” he offered. I slowly slid my arms over my chest to offer “the girls” more coverage and continued my little scene, “Well I’m not a… oh gawd!” I removed a hand from my boob and peeked at it. “I’m not a double nothing!” I whimpered and raised a hand to my face hiding my eyes behind it, “J-just give me minute, I’ll be fine.” I said turning my head away pretending to sob and wipe a tear away with my pinky.

I couldn’t keep it up anymore the look on his face was priceless I had to laugh. I placed my hands on the counter and leaned in “I had a friend like that in high school, Laurie, same height as me and she was like triple something halfway down the alphabet. We used to call her “coconuts.” I said in a conspirator’s whisper. He covered his eyes and laughed in relief. While his girlfriend was used to my antics he wasn’t, I’m sure he didn’t know what to make of me until I started laughing.

There ya go crisis averted! I informed The Supremes now stand down ladies!

As the evening went on we really hit it off. I realized he just had a typical frat boy sense of humor which I happened to love and get. We both impressed each other with our with the ability to keep up with each other and a few times ganged up on his girl only to back down and howl with laughter. My friend was beaming all night,”"See I knew you two would hit it off!" she said. At the end of the evening he leaned over to me ,"Keep in touch make sure you call her more often I’d love for us to hang out again.” I told him it was on her to keep in touch not me and as he walked backwards facing me he stage whispered, "I’m gonna make sure she calls you."







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