Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


Every family has one you know that one person who is the Rock of Gibraltar for the family, an unwavering tower of strength. Everyone goes to this person with their problems, dramas; they seek them out for advice.In my family that rock is my mother.
Last week mom got a call from her best friend my aunt Nora. During a routine check up the doctor had found a lump in my aunt’s breast. As soon as she got home she called my mom and told her what was going on….

Mom: It’s going to be okay pookie lips. This is just a scare. You’ve always had lumpy breasts. In fact I remember the first time I met you. I was like damn that bitch got some lumpy boobies.

Nora: Stupid. That’s why I called you I knew you’d make me laugh.

They talked about the tests that Nora would be having done in the following days.

Mom: Have you told Hassan yet?

Nora: Hassan?

Mom: Yea Hassan your husband.

Nora: No you know how he is he can’t handle shit. I haven’t told anyone I didn’t want to worry no one.

Mom: Oh yeah don’t worry no one by all means say nothing to anyone except the woman who HAD A STROKE. By all means don’t tell the healthy people nada just wait and tell the stroke victim.

and if on cue their comedy routine began…

Nora:Mags what will I do if they have to cut off my breast?

Mom:You will survive babe better to lose a breast than to lose you. Pookie lips it’s not like you have melons for breasts or if your livelihood depends on your breasts. You can’t make them twirl in circles. Thanks to you cutting out of stripper school and missing tassle twirling class we can’t make no money off of your boobies any how.

Nora: But Mags they kept making fun of my hijab!

Mom:Damn ignorant rednecks can’t they just accept a woman and her panuelo (head covering) why must they be so judgmental whyyyyyyy?!

Nora: I know right? Why couldn’t they accept a hijab wearing sister in tassle twirling class son? Why? Now my breast-es-ses might get cut off and I’ll never get the chance to learn how to twirl them.

Mom: They are not going to get cut off. Everything is going to be fine I can feel it. Plus let’s be real here anyway is anyone really going to notice if they are gone? I mean hello they are type small.

Nora: Shut up you just made me spit out my coffee! You talk like you’ve got big boobs! Hello I’ve been bra shopping with you lady!

Mom:Well at least I didn’t have to stuff my bra at Ronda’s wedding in order to fit into that dress. There was a massive shortage of toilet paper in the reception hall bathroom that night. I kept praying to God that no one had to take a dump otherwise we were in big trouble. We would have had to go into your bra. A bra I’d like to point out that already had sewn in padding.

Nora: Mags! Oh man my face hurts from laughing. You’re messed up you promised we’d never mention the bra incident again.

Mom: Yeah well desperate times babe desperate times.

Nora: Mags what if they say it’s cancer?

Mom: We’ll get a second opinion and take it from there. You know cancer is not an automatic death sentence anymore hun. It’s early in the game there is so much that can be done if it is cancer.

Nora: But what if Mags? What if they do have to remove the breast?

Mom: We’ll buy you some fake boobs…bigger better stronger and non lumpy. We will get you superhero boobies!

My mom got a call yesterday from my aunt the results of her biopsy were in. Nora was cancer free. When the call was over mom stayed at her desk unable to move she lowered her head and seemed to be praying. After a minute or so I heard sobbing. It was if a dam had busted open. I ran up to her, “Ma what’s wrong are you okay?” I asked. In between sobs she said, “Nora’s going to be okay. There’s no sign of cancer.”

Until that very moment it didn't occur to me to even think about how scared my mom must have been. Sometimes I forget she's human, I always think of her as a superhero. The entire time she had been joking around and carrying on with Nora she had kept her fear hidden because that’s what Nora needed. Nora needed someone to rescue her from her own fear and that person was my mom. When the call for help came in she put on her cape and came to the rescue.

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