Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ass Kisser Gum

“You’re a snob, and you’re stuck up!” I laughed at his assessment of me. My boyfriend and I were arguing well actually he was the one arguing I was letting him vent before I spoke my piece. The subject of this particular argument was my refusal to associate with his family. This has been a sore spot with him for the past year.

He’d just returned from his cousin’s barbecue and was angry, “My family kept asking me why you never come over.I keep talking about this wonderful girl I want to marry and they want to get to know you and you won’t even give them a chance! I told them I didn’t know what your problem was and that you can’t stand them!” I shook my head in disbelief. “Did you bother to tell them why I don’t like them?” “I don’t know why you don’t like them.” “What?! Dude are you on crack? You know damn well why I don’t like them. Your family has done nothing but attempt to demean me and talk crap about me.”

My boyfriend is frustrated because he’s finally realized that no amount of brooding, nagging, whining, guilt, pushing, or cajoling is working to get me to do what he wants and it is driving him crazy. He never realized just how stubborn I am. Sure he’d heard rumors but he’d assumed it was just that. Now it was my turn to vent….

“Let me get this straight I’m stuck up and a snob according to you because I refuse to deal with oh let me think here…your aunts who never once made me feel welcomed in their homes because your grandfather constantly held me up as an example for their chicken head daughters to emulate. I’m stuck up and a snob because I refuse to deal with your cousin whose insecurities took over when her man kept using my tattoos as an excuse to keep feeling up on me. The same cousin who talked mad shit about my uncle to your family and why was she talking shit because some friend of hers caught a beat down from my uncle for trying to sell drugs in my building but did she ever bother to mention that part? No she didn’t. I’m a snob because I refused to go to your cousin George’s cook out because when we were first introduced he sneered and rolled his eyes at me like I owed him money?" I felt angry tears building up behind my eyes. "What you’re really asking me to do is to swallow my pride and be a hypocrite. I can’t do that not even for you. As for you buddy if I am such a horrible person why are you with me? There’s the door feel free to use it. “Mia I don’t want to break up.” He took a step towards me and I held my hand out, “Look dude I don’t want to talk to you. As of now you’re on probation.”

He ran off in search of my mother so he could vent. My mom listened to him patiently and then spoke. “Look I don’t mean to offend you but your family is full of shit. All of this sudden concern about them wanting to get to know Mia is bullshit they speak with their mouths not their hearts. Do you want to know why I say this?” “Why ?” “Think back to a couple of weeks ago when we were at your grandfather’s funeral .” “Okay” “How many of your cousins or aunts for that matter approached Mia to say hello? Not one. Although your aunts sure as hell bum rushed my husband a few minutes after we got there to say hello to him, hug him, and thank him for coming. As far as I know they’d only met my husband once while they’ve seen Mia a bunch of times. The only people that approached Mia at all were your mom and step-dad, so please tell me again how much your family wants to know Mia?” “My mom and step father love Mia and he has never liked any of my girlfriends.”

“Here’s the thing kid, " she continued,"you are a people pleaser when it comes to your family no matter what they do to you will bend over to kiss their asses each and every time and it’s obvious that’s what you want Mia to do”. “No” “Don’t interrupt. Yes, that is exactly what you want her to do so that your family will approve of her. I got news for you my daughter doesn’t need your family’s approval. She is better than all of them put together.” He nodded his head and sulked “She’s mad at me now.” Mom laughed “I can’t say I blame her if you would’ve called me a stuck up snob I would’ve made you swallow your teeth but then again my kid is a better person than I am. Oh by the way the way I hear they have a gum for ass kissers it masks the bad breath that ass kissing leaves behind”. Somehow I think that’ll be the last time he turns to my mom for comfort.

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