Mia: Shaken Not Stirred
Brand Spankin'Thank You
Fancy Yourself The Dog’s Bollocks Do You?
I See Dead People
So Mia, whatcha thinkin’?
Oops My Bad
Bernie Mac, Thanks for the laughter
Nothing says I love and I’m sorry like ink.
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Sunday, August 24, 2008So Help Me God!
I snuggled into my pillow and felt myself smile it was like sleeping on a fabreeze scented cloud.From somewhere deep within my sleep I heard a door knob jiggle and a door slowly creak open. Someone had entered my sacred chamber.
Damn I really need to WD40 those hinges. I heard someone softly call my name, “Pssst Mia-ah, Mia” This better be good someone better be missing a limb or on their death bed. My dog Cleo jumped over me scraping the back of my calf with her cone. Ow!Fucking Cleo and her cone! I heard all 45 pounds of her hit the floor with a thud. My bed is fairly high so high up infact I have to hit it running and jump into it. My parents made a reference to The Princess and The Pea when they first saw it and joked about how much fun it would be to watch me struggle to climb into bed. My folks have a sick sense of humor what can I say?
I tried to pry open my eyes but it wasn’t working. I’d been up all night writing. Inspired into a frenzy of creativity the sandman had refused to pay me a visit until I finished a chapter which happened to be around 6 am. Whoever it was in my room was liked by Cleo because instead of tearing them limb from limb the traitor was jumping up and down in greeting like a hyper Mexican jumping bean.“I don’t know who you are but go away.” I mumbled and pulled the sheet over my head. “Miaaaah” the soft voice croons again, “Go toooo hell.” I croon back. Actually it was more like a three pack a day cigarette croak rather than a soft croon.“Come on Mia wake up. Who the hell is that? “Hey Mia” as the cobwebs begin to clear I recognize the voice, it’s my boyfriend. What the deuce, what is he doing here so early? Who the hell let him in and are they old enough to take a flurry of punches to the kidney without sustaining too much damage? Where are my parents when I need them? I really need to lock my door before I go to bed
“Are you coming with me to my cousin’s barbecue?” he asks. I flip him the bird. I’d told him the night before I wasn’t going and the reason but that’s another post. He sits at my desk and turns the computer on as it loads up he starts humming. My hands feel around my bed for my phone,the cat,or the TV remote control anything I can fling at him across the room. Oh for the love of Mary and her bloomers! Is that bastard singing country music? My hands flay desperately where the hell is that remote or the cat?
“Miaaaaaa” Ah hell that’s it! I shoot straight up in my bed my Elmo t-shirt is askew pulling on me from the left while my body is leaning forward, my curly hair is all over the place,the sheets are tangled around my waist, one of my pj pants leg are riding all the way up to my knee, and I’m balancing precariously on the edge of the mattress. I squint at the clock across the room it was 9 am. Oh my friends I am mad. I point my finger at him my long manicured nail making it look longer than it really is and I shake it at him as I clench my other fist at my side… “So help me God nigga,”his eyes open wide in shock, “Yeah I said nigga, nigga with an ‘a’ not “er” there’s a difference you know.” I hissed. "You said the 'N' word!" “Yes, I went there I uttered the 'N' word whatcha gonna do snitch me out to Al Sharpton? I can do that my melanin challenged amigo I got some color on me and am from the ‘hood!” I rolled my eyes at him and continued my rant kneeling on the bed as I spoke. I raised my hand in front of my face pinching an imaginary grain of salt between my index finger and thumb. “So help me God nigga I am thismotherfluffingclose to considering a poly-amorous lifestyle!”
I let myself fall back on the bed and grabbed my pillow and slammed my head into it trying to will myself back to sleep. “Damn you’re so cranky when you don’t get enough sleep.” He said. My mouth pressed to my pillow I growled,”Poly-amorous life!”
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