Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Ride of The Valkyries



After studying, writing, and researching I’m in bed by 1 am and up at 6 am just to start my routine all over again. Every single moment of my day is spent focused on school. My body is being fueled on orange juice, croissants, caffeine, and power naps.

The semester is almost over and in between creating study guides, tutoring, studying for exams and putting together research papers my fellow students and I are hanging on to our sanity by a thread. Our final GPA’s will determine if we are booted from this highly competitive and intensive program. In an effort to spread his special sadistic brand of sunshine into our lives one of our professors has just hit us with a last minute research paper and had the cojones to stipulate that it be no less than 10 pages, this is on top of the six we’re already doing for our other classes. Naturally his had to the one on one of the most boring subjects. “The Effects of Technology on Social Work” Shoot me. Now. Please. I can finally understand why psycho chick has threatened this particular professor’s life. It took all the strength I had not to jump over my desk and karate chop him in the throat.


Once upon a few weeks ago my dreams arrived as vibrant mini movies complete with kick ass soundtracks. These days they arrive as written words on countless reams of paper in MLA format no less complete with citations and bibliographies. My friends are threatening to put “Have You Seen This Girl?” posters all over the city if they don’t see me soon and my uncle out in Brooklyn has threatened to make my intestines into a jump rope and hold a double dutch tournament with them if I don’t show my face at a family dinner.

The other day my boyfriend made the mistake of interrupting me while I was studying to complain that I’ve been neglecting him. I looked up at him and threatened to stab him in the face with my yellow highlighter if he continued to whine. The sight of a 4ft 11 chick with a halo of wild curly hair charging at him like a crazed Valkyrie in an old faded Elmo t-shirt and sweats must’ve shaken him because the big guy slowly backed out of my room with a frightened look on his face. “For God’s sake try some decaf!” he shouted towards my room when he was safely away from it. “Kiss my ass Sasquatch!” I shouted.

My study partner fell asleep during one of our late night study sessions. As her gentle snores filled the room I found myself walking over to her with my battery operated Dove SkinVitalizer ( a facial cleansing massager) switched on. I pressed it to her forehead and as if exorcising a demon yelled out “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU ! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU ! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” She jumped up arms flailing all over the place scared as hell. I stepped back and howled in laughter wiping tears from my eyes I was struck by the look of utter confusion on her face.Oh this is too good. I thought to myself.

“Mia what the fuck was that all about?!” she asked still shaken from the scare. “What?” I asked innocently. “THAT!” “What are you talking about?” I said trying to match the confused look on her face. “You know!” “No, seriously I don’t. If I did I wouldn't be asking what would I?" She narrowed her eyes at me. I could tell she was confused, not really sure if she had dreamed it or not. "You must have had a bad dream or something…sheesh school’s really getting to you huh?” I said as I backed up supressing a giggle the massager hidden behind my back. I managed to convince her that it had been only a dream. Luckily for me she didn't look into a mirror otherwise the shiny and buffed circle on her forehead would've given me away.Actually now that I think of it I missed my true calling in life, I should've been an actress.


Wagner’s Ride of The Valkyries is not a bad theme for this semester. I am so ready for this semester to end.


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