Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Johnny, Take Care Of Them Kids

Given what’s been going on with the airlines lately my dad decided that we’d be busing it over to Virginia to pick up my car “The Holy Monkey Mobile”. No one takes an overnight bus trip on a Grey Hound without having some road stories to tell….

We’d been on the road for an hour or so when the Large Angry Morena (black woman) got up to go to the bathroom. As she walked past us her pack of cigarettes was slipping out from the back pocket of her jeans. “Miss,” my dad called out, “your cigarettes are going to fall out of your pocket.” She stiffened up glanced over her shoulder shooting a dirty look in our general direction, searching for the person she felt was obviously checking her ass out and hitting on her. Her attitude seemed to change when she got a good look at my dad and realized that it was the tall attractive middle-aged man that had spoken and not the short older gentleman sitting in front of us. I glared at her and from deep inside my head I felt “The Supremes” aka the voices in my head getting ready to pop shit. The Supremes for this not familiar with me are the nickname I have given my Conscious, Subconscious, and Superconscious…

”Oh hell no! Say word I’m going to have to smack a bitch on this bus!” The Supremes yelled out in unison." Oh lady please as if my dad would hit on you. “Settle down ladies.” I cautioned “this is an eight hour ride and you promised mom you’d behave." "Go put on some pants that fit and this time make sure they’re the size you actually are now and not the size you were back in grade school!", my subconscious snorted as sub and superconscious high fived each other.

The Large Angry Morena stared at my dad for several seconds from underneath her lashes, it was obvious she liked what she saw. Dad looked at her as if she were 3 kinds of stupid and shook his head, it was obvious he wasn't interested. When she continued to stare he leaned his head back and closed his eyes cursing under his breath. She then glanced over her opposite shoulder directly at the seats across from us at her posse. Her eyes were hooded and she curled her lip as she drawled, “Jawnny ! Take care of them key-idsssss.” The way she said tickled me and I burst out laughing. The Large Angry Morena then took a few steps forward glanced at my father again with a seductive smile on her face, and proceeded to walk down the aisle shaking her rather large ass as if were a bowl of jello.

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