Mia: Shaken Not Stirred
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Friday, April 25, 2008Keep Your Panties On!
My mom’s bohemian day style of dressing although very tasteful tends to remind me of a hippie social worker or a gypsy. Her personal style is very carefree reflective of her personality; she prefers bright colors, light natural fabrics. She rarely wears pants preferring long flowing skirts down to her ankles with causal pull over shirts and white leather skippy’s. Her auburn curly hair is like PA-POW!, all over the place. She’s just not giving a crap about the latest trends in hair styles, the crazy curls work for her. She is always brushing a fall of loose ringlets out of her eyes, away from her face. My dad thinks it’s sexy as hell when she does that, we know this because he’s always saying it even though my siblings and I wish he'd stop. Mom never leaves the house without her John Lennonesque tinted shades, “Gotta protect the eyes ya know.”
Now you figure with all the detail that she pays to her dress she would know when her underwear is too big for her right?
While walking in the middle of a bustling street I noticed she had slowed down and had begun walking like a geisha girl, small mincing steps. “Ma, why are you walking like that?” I asked. She motioned for me to come closer to her and in a voice barely above a whisper but stifling a giggle, said, “My enagua is falling and taking my panties along for the ride.” “Your piragua (snow cone)?”“ Enagua (half-slip), not piragua!” “Why are you wearing an enagua?”"This skirt is so sheer I needed one." My mom had lost a lot of weight and even though we’d been telling her so she didn’t believe us. Now faced with her slip sliding undergarments she had no choice to believe.
“Oh god Mia my panties and enagua are around my knees right now. If I walk any faster they’re going to end up around my ankles.” Her eyes darted around, “Mia look behind me tell me if my butt is showing.” “Na ma I can’t see anything.” “Okay you walk behind me just in case.” We decided to walk to the restaurant in the middle of the block. The owners are friends of my parents so mom wouldn't have a problem getting into the bathroom. Every step she took was followed by a giggle both hers and mine. Just then my dad decided to call, I held the cell phone up to her ear because her hands were busy holding the bunched up skirt around her knees. “Hey babe I can’t talk right now my panties are falling!” “What?!” “Aye William I have no time to talk. Talk to Mia!” “Mia what the hell is that crazy woman talking about?” my dad asked. I quickly explained the situation to my horrified dad. The thought that his wife’s dimpled ass might be exposed in public seemed to upset him. “Take her to Elle’s! NOW!” he growled at me.
It took us ten minutes to reach Elle’s Restaurant when normally it should’ve taken us 3 minutes tops. As soon as we step into the busy restaurant the people behind the counter called out her name, she waved a greeting heading straight for the bathroom at break neck speed. Just as she had cleared the counter area I saw the look on her face and followed her eyes. The eagle had landed….I could see the lace from her enagua pooled around her skippy’s. I imagined her undies had made the trip too. Making sure no one was looking at she bent down placing her purse on the floor at her feet. She stepped out of her undergarments and quickly shoved them into her purse and ran into the bathroom.
When I walked into the bathroom she was inside a stall cracking up. “Ma, you okay?” “Oh yeah. I’ve got my panties back on and once I safety pin this enagua to my skirt all is good. Jesus these pins are a pain in the ass!” I offered to help her but she said she preferred to do it herself. Several minutes had gone by and she still wasn’t out. Knowing how hard it is for her to do certain things with her hands since her stroke I called out to her, “Ma?” “Keep your panties on nena I’m almost done!” “Woman,” I shouted back, “keeping MY panties on isn’t the problem, that seems to be YOUR problem!” My mother burst out laughing and in between rasped out," remind me to kick your ass when I’m done in here."
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