Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The horror of it all

Mom’s friend asked that the link for some photos be sent to her myspace account.We'd never seen the friend’s page before so we had no idea what was on it. Mom gave me the url and that’s when it happened. I went blind. I stared at the page in horror and let out a huge “OH SHIT!” as soon as the lady’s page loaded up I was greeted by a photo of 43 year old woman in practically no clothing. Think a cross between a dominatrix and Liza Minelli in Cabaret straddling a chair.

Mia: Oh my flipping gawd, my eyessss, my eyesssss!!! Lordy lord have mercy!!

I felt my retnas burning and detaching themselves from my eyes. I’d been blinded.

Mom: Mia what happened?

Mia: The horror oh woe is me the horror of it all! Woman for the love of all that is sacred and holy shield your eyes !

My mom leaned over and saw her friend’s photo and started laughing.

Mom: Hooooooo shit!

Mia: To say the least.

Mom: No wonder she didn’t want you seeing this.

Mia: Yeah well I wish I hadn’t.

Mom: So do I. I'm afraid you'll be scarred for life. Go Liz!! Who knew she had it in her? (laughing) Now we know how she got all them kids. (laughing harder)

It wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t been my mom’s friend. I mean there’s a certain image you have of your elders. Liz as a dominatrix Liza Minelli clone was not an image I ever expected. Yet somehow it has been seared into my brain forever. For the love of leather and whips this is a MOM! It took a minute or so before I was able to see again but the damage has been done I don’t think I can ever look at this woman’s face again without thinking "Cabaret". This one's for you Liz...

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