Mia: Shaken Not Stirred
Brand Spankin'One of life’s many mysteries
A Wave of Nostalgia
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Hello my name is Mia and I steal fruit
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Monday, November 13, 2006The Beauty Queen & The College Chick
I got a text message from a friend, “Bitches think they won’t get slapped.” Wtf?! What is that all about? Why the ghettofied threat? Who’s a bitch and why are slaps being bandied about? I had just gotten the burning question out of my mind when my friend called and asked me to Google a former Miss Colombia that attends our school. Huh? Why am I googling a beauty queen? Is this school related? Is she a case study in a mental disorder afflicting beauty queens or is this the bitch that is going to be slapped? If so why is she being slapped and what makes her a bitch? I was lost.
I was into my third chorus of “Kyle’s Mom” when my friend called me again this time with the complete story… The beauty queen had called the college chick fat and now the chick was mega heated. I just had to burst out laughing, which in hindsight I guess was not the smartest thing to do. It just added fuel to the fire…
My friend was having some French fries in the cafeteria and somehow the conversation turned to the subject of weight. She is tall and a size 14 but it’s a solid 14 and on her it looks good. As she munched on her fries she lamented per usual on how fat she is. Usually when she does I’ll be there and say to her “Oh stop it you are not fat." Only I wasn’t there that day so it didn’t go down too well for my friend. Instead of giving her ego a boost the beauty queen who is a size 4 agreed my friend was fat and then added, “Don’t you just hate when people walk up to you in the street and tell you that you’re fat?” Personally I took it as the beauty queen being sarcastic with my friend and not as a personal insult. My friend however did not share my view. Oh no the svelte beauty queen went there.
The beauty queen violated one of the commandments of the sisterhood. Thoust shall not call the fat chick fat if thoust are thin.“But why are you so mad? You’re always saying your fat and she agreed with you so what’s the problem?” “I am not fat! She called me fat!” “She didn't call you fat she just agreed with you so what’s the big deal?" She then went off on a cuss word filled tirade. "Relax it's not that serious.", I said. "Aren't you always saying that you’re fat?” “I am not fat though!” “Uh huh…so then why are you always saying that your fat if you feel you're not?"
She was fuming. I tried to reason with her, “Look to a size 4 chick you are fat. “But I am not fat!” “Yes I understand that, but still I see no reason to get mad when you’re always calling yourself fat anyway and she was just agreeing with you.” “ But I am not fat!” “ahhhh I sense a pattern here. Okay we got that already so if you know you’re not fat why are you always saying it?” “ For validation! Okay are you happy? I admit it I do it for validation!” “Well next time you wanna feel validated about your weight don’t do it around a size 4!”
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