Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Origami bird

I had been having a pretty fantastic week but of course given my streak lately I wouldn’t be Mia if I did not have at least one embarrassing moment to report….

The professor was talking about how research has proven that men are easier to hypnotize than women. Without even thinking about it I muttered under my breath, “that’s because they are idiots.” No one was meant to hear that. In fact the only person that heard was Angela who was sitting right next to me but that’s because she has bionic ears. As soon as she heard what I said she let out a big laugh. The thing is Angie doesn’t just laugh it’s more like a combo cackle-giggle-wtf was that? Laugh. The professor stopped his lecture and looked at Angie and asked her what was so funny. Now she could’ve said. "Nothing" or kept her mouth shut but nooo she didn’t, instead she gleefully repeated my comment and made sure to give me credit for it. Remind me never to commit a crime in Angie’s presence the girl will drop dime on me in a millisecond, God bless her soul.

The moment she spoke everyone gasped and then there was deadly silence. All air was sucked out of the room. Time seemed to be affected. Like a fight scene out of The Matrix, everything seemed to slow down. I swear I could see myself leaving my body and flying through the air my hands raised in a martial arts position, the “Oh hell no this bitch didn’t” claw. I envisioned myself rendering Angie mute with one swift judo chop to the throat. I heard a few people mutter that they couldn’t believe she had just done that. No one could believe she shouted me out least of all me. My head dropped and my hands went to my face. Then the class began to laugh, the professor fumed, Angie smiled, I turned beet red and even went deaf for a quick second. The professor’s eyes were locked on mine when he said, “Can we get back to the intellectual conversation? Since I am a man it will take me longer to process it.”

The professor was not a happy man. If looks could kill I would’ve been laying on the floor sporting a toe tag.I shifted in my seat. For the rest of the class I was treated to a series of not so nice looks from him. I alternated between thinking I really should carry some duct tape around for my mouth to that the whole situation was hysterical. I thought about wanting to rip Angie’s vocal cords out and make an origami bird out of them and send it sailing out an open window.

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