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Thursday, October 26, 2006This is getting to be a habit
I recently took up jogging because you never know when the need to out run a crazy mob armed with pitch forks and torches is going to come up. I like to plan for the future. Tuesday night Angie and I head out to my neighborhood track to run a few miles. You know in my ‘hood you don’t see Latinas running. If you do come across one the assumption is she’s trying to out run an abusive boyfriend, the cops,or a gang of females ready to tear her butt up. So as a public service to keep people from giving themselves whip lash by trying to see who we’re running from I decided it’s best if we ran at the track right across the street from my house. Everything was going great until it was time to leave. We walked over to the exit…it was locked…with a padlock and a chain. Locked, locked in this is getting to be a habit. I’ve lived in this ‘hood for 15 years I’ve sprinted the track, played tennis, and handball there at all hours of the day and night and that was the very first time I ever saw a lock on that gate.
Angie and I didn’t have our cell phones on us so dialing for help was not an option. We weighed our options; scaling the fence was an iffy thing it was about 35 feet high and to be honest I’ve been lax in my commando training. Luckily for us the tree lined street across the field is a popular spot for EMS to take their breaks. We waved them over and explained our situation. They laughed. Then they loaned me the phone to call home and explain what was going on because by this time we’d been trapped for over an hour and I thought my mom might be wondering where the hell I was plus I knew my dad would get me out. No one picked up the phone in my house and mind you everrrryone was home. My brother was on the phone with his girl friend and was ignoring the call waiting feature of our phone. I told the EMS guy to stick around because his services were going to be needed, I was going to kill my brother as soon as I was set free. He laughed, it seems I'm a very funny person during stressful situations. Must be why i'm always being invited to funerals. I tried calling my cell phone which I had left on the dining room table. I have a really annoying ring tone for Halloween, it’s a woman’s blood curdling scream and my mom hates it. I figured if I kept calling my phone it would annoy my mom so much she’d pick it up, she didn’t.
EMS couldn’t get us out so they called the cops and that’s when I almost got arrested. One of the officers a woman had a huge “respect mah authoratay!” attitude. I'm thinking she was picked on alot at school and the police uniform is now her security blanket or maybe she's just a natural born bitch I dunno. She asked me what was I doing in there. I would’ve thought that Angie and I dripping sweat in our running gear would’ve made it obvious…we were knitting of course! ” (1) I’m ova ‘ere waiting for the rest of my compadres so weez coulds ahhh carry out dis here hit. (2) figuring out a route to run mega kilos of cocaine through here...and finally; (3) waiting for the mother ship to take me home to planet “slap-a-bitchy-cop.” Those are the responses that flew through my head (sigh). I had to bite my lip to keep from saying them out loud. The officer and I then started bickering back and forth because I am not one to stay quiet when I feel someone is out of line. Angie had to step in and tell me to shut up because it was becoming apparent the officer wasn’t feeling the Mia; cuffs and a summons book were being reached for, arrest was being threatened. She probably would’ve scaled the fence summons book in her teeth just to get to me at that point. I think I saw traces of foam around her mouth. The other officer and the EMS workers thought that the cop was being a prick and said so.
I was finally able to get a hold of my mom. I quickly explained to her what had happened. My mother laughed like a raving lunatic. She even asked the EMS worker to take a photo of me behind the fence. They were all laughing. They all took turns on the phone with my mom hearing her laugh which in turn made them laugh harder. I’m glad I made their night.Another police squad was called to the scene so now we had 2 squad cars , 4 police officers, 2 EMS (Emergency Medical Services )workers, and one ESU (Emergency Services Unit) van. Obviously it was a slow night crime wise in The Bronx.
I recognized one of the newly arrived officers and covered my face with the blanket EMS gave me. He recognized me too he just couldn't put his finger on where he knew me from. I kept singing in my head, “dooooon’t ray-cog-nize meeeeeeee”. I had met the police officer before. He led a friend of mine on and after he got what he wanted ditched her and then tried to hook up with me a few weeks later. He didn't know she was a friend of mine. I shot him down in a not so nice way. I believe the term Officer Frodo was used due to his lack of height and the fact that he reminded me of a hobbit. I did it out of love for my friend I didn’t appreciate the game he ran on her. Don't get me wrong I wasn't interested in him and would have told him so.Only I never would've called him Officer Frodo and gone into my best Lord of The Rings impression, " my precioussss, my preciousssss." Now he was there standing before me and I was covering my face. He kept advancing towards me and staring. His staring was annoying me and I began to mutter, “keep it moving Frodo there’s no ring for you here…keep it moving." Look sometimes I just can't help myself, plus I was hungry, tired and cold so please cut me some slack.
When ESU arrived they tried to track down the master key for the lock. There was no master key. Now we know why the damned track was never locked at night there was no key. Then they tried to bust the lock open with a sledge hammer. When that didn’t work they whipped out a huge chainsaw and everyone started laughing at the sight of it. That’s when they all whipped out their camera phones and started taking pictures. Three and a half hours later we were freed.
Labels: Embarassing Moments
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