Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Two stories for the price of one

Every day is an adventure, and every day brings a new story to tell. Today I have 2 of them because the happened back to back in the same place.

My friend and I were sitting in the Park on 59th street enjoying the day and studying for today’s exam al fresco. It was a beautiful day. We were sitting on a bench poring over our notes when I happened to look up. There was this woman sitting right across from me wearing a really nice dress. The only thing was that I am assuming she either must have forgotten she was wearing a dress or she didn’t know how to sit properly when wearing one. Her legs were wide open exposing all her glory to the world and since I was directly across from her “screen” was in my line of view. At first I didn’t say anything I figure pretty soon she’ll start to feel either the suns rays or a draft and close her legs. I went back to my studying. After about 10 minutes I took a water break and looked up. The chick was still flashing me. I sighed and said softly so that only she could hear me, “For the love of God lady close your legs!” She fixed herself and put her goodies away. I’m saying if I had my stuff on display I’d want to know especially with all the pervs walking around with camera phones. Poor chick’s photo could wind up on some porn site. Perhaps I should’ve given her the link to my Public service message for the fashion clueless.

A little while later there was some drama going on with a middle aged couple. They seemed to be having a lover’s quarrel and seemed high on drugs and that is never a good combination. Angela kept staring at them inching closer to them. That’s when the ghetto nena in me came out “Angela mind your own business, that’s why you white people are forever getting killed. Get ova here mind yo’ bidness! ” The last thing you want to do in Central Park is get into the middle of a drug fueled fight between two lovers, sure call the cops but do not under any circumstances attempt to get physically in between them. Oh hell no. If you do that the next thing you know there’s a picture of you posted on the front page of the NY Post with the headline above it “Good Samaritan bitch slapped to death intervening in a lover’s quarrel. Then in tiny letters underneath the photo “ As the nosy biache’s body was wheeled away the druggie couple proclaimed their undying love for each other… story continued on page 2”

The man was squeezing the woman’s face accusing her of cheating on him. Angela was mesmerized she got closer. Oh double hellz no this is not television if that big man smacks you it will hurt for real! You have no brothers I don’t think you’ve been trained in the art of taking a punch! Mind your business just dial 911 and get the po-po out here.

The man walked away from the woman throwing his shirt at her. She then yelled something at him. Why for the love of gawd would you pop crap when he is leaving woman? Do you want to get snuffed out? Unless you know self-defense stfu and let him have the last word !

He stopped, doubled back and punched the puffnstuff out of her. He snatched the cell phone from her hand and threw her bag on the floor. He then picked up his shirt threw it over his shoulder and as calm as could be walked out of the park. The woman staggered and when she took her hand off her face she was bleeding. The man had cut her face with a double edged razor blade in the hood they are called “Gems” favored by the gang bangers of the 50’s and 60’s. A bunch of ladies ran towards the bleeding woman who seemed in shock to help her. We had already called 911 and the police were on their way. While we waited we tried to remember details about the man so we could describe him to the cops.

Angela: He was Latino right Mia?

Mia: No he was black Angela

You sure Mia? He looked Latino to me!

WTF?! You’ve lived here all your life and you can’t tell us apart?!

Mia: (sigh) Angela I know my people when I see them. This guy was a Moreno, he was black.

You sure?

Now I know why Latino men are always being stopped as possible crime suspects by the cops. Heffa’s like this one assume everyone with a little color to them is a Latino!

Yes Angela he was a Moreno. You’re going to have the cops looking for the wrong guy just because you white people cannot tell us apart sheesh man!

we both start cracking up

Mia: Don’t be trying to pin on an innocent Latino!

The police arrived and interviewed the girl who just as my powers of observation had let me to believe was high as a kite on a windy day. Yes they’d been doing the drugs. After they were done with her they spoke to us and took our information. Angela told them that she thought he was Latino I of course disagreed. The woman told them that he was a Puerto Rican I looked at her and straight off the bat I knew she was lying. I theorized that this was not the first time her man had hit her and that she was afraid of him. Of course she is not going to want him busted imagine what he would to her once he got out! Of course the cops doing their job stopped a Puerto Rican who fit her general description…only it turned out to be a Mexican guy walking his dog. That’s right people all us Latinos look alike to the police department.
Finally the chick breaks down the guy who slashed her was actually black, he was a Moreno.
In your face Angela Bam! Think I don’t know my people when I see them. Booyaaaa! I gotta find a way to teach Angela how to tell us apart maybe a chart or something.

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