Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

In celebration of lovely lady lumps


Someone once told me that walking into my house is like walking into a sitcom. I’m starting to think they were right. This morning at 8:00 am my baby sister 14 yr old Caitlin was getting ready for school…

Caity: Mommy have my boobs grown?

My mother walks over to Caity and stares at her little mosquito bites.

Mom: I dunno kiddo they look the same to me but then again I don’t stare at your boobies very often. They got laws against that stuff you know.

Caity: Ma for real I think they grew. This shirt used to fit me looser in the front.

Mom: Maybe it shrank?

Caity: It fits the same everywhere else.

Mom: Mmmm … come here let me see.

She stares at the mini diva’s chest as she sips her morning coffee.

Mom: You know what Caity-Bird I think you are right. Your lovely lady lumps look like they’ve grown a bit. Have you been spraying miracle grow on your chest?

With that my sister point to her chest and begins to sing the Black Eyed Peas “My Hump” and starts belly dancing, mom joined in singing and dancing as well….I just stood there staring at them laughing. It was too early for this…

Mom: ¡Mia ven aca nena! Come dance with us we’re celebrating Caity-Bird’s lovely lady lumps!

Of course I can’t resist a celebration and I jump in and start dancing as well. My little bro Steven who is 16 ½ walks by ….

Stevie: What the heck?

Caity: We’re celebrating my lumps!

Stevie: What?

Mom: Caity’s boobies grew so we’re celebrating. Come on and dance!

Stevie: Woman that ain’t nothing to celebrate. It just makes my job harder.

Mom: C’mon baby dance for mommy…

Just then we all start singing in unison, “What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps.”

My brother joins in and starts doing the booty hop making all of us crack up. My mom’s younger brother walked into the living room to see what the commotion was all about with my little cousin Pico in tow…

Uncle: WTF are you doing?

Mom: Celebrating Caity’s boobs growing

My uncle started laughing…

Uncle: Should we really be celebrating that? I miss the days when she was in diapers.

Stevie: See that’s what I’m saying tio!

Mia: Hey man we all gotta grow up sometime!

Uncle: Be quiet I still haven’t forgiven you for growing up.

Mom: Shhh dance with us.

Uncle: No…

Mom: Ayyyy party pooper come on Pico dance with titi.


My cousin ran into the living room and started doing the booty hop with my brother sending his father into a fit of laughter. After watching us for a few seconds my uncle joined us. He did a quickie standing still version of the cabbage patch. The dancing went on for less than a minute everyone had to dash off to school but not before my uncle proclaimed, "God the women in this family are crazy."

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Posted by @ 12:22 AM
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