Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Wake up and smell el café con leche

I am the first girl he’s asked out since his girlfriend shipped out. Sitting there talking to me makes him feel as if he were cheating on her, he feels guilty. I smile at him," Relax it ain't that serious.I'm not interested in hooking up anyone.We can be friends. A person can never have too much chocolate, money or friends.” He seems surprised by my attitude.

As it always is with the broken hearted the conversation steers towards the one who broke the heart. The broken hearted always need to talk, even if you’ve heard the lament over 100 times you must listen as if it’s the first time you’re hearing it. How is it that the saying goes?...There but for the grace of God go I.

I ask him to tell me what’s on his mind. He is hesitant at first, I tell him aprovechate ahora (take advantage now) I’m a shrink in training in another couple of years you’ll have to pay me the big bucks to listen to you. Tonight for the price of a Snapple my ears are all yours. I pull my iced tea close to me sigh and sit back in my chair to listen. His eyes are full of pain, his jaw tightens up and he stares at the cubes in his glass. His whole being just screams heartache. I think back years back when my own heart was broken. Crap did I look like that?

Two years ago the woman he is so in love with was shipped out to war. He hasn’t heard from her since she left. Wtf is she missing in action or something? He hasn’t heard from her family either Okay she’s not dead. If she was someone would’ve told him.

I ask where was she shipped out to he’s not sure it was either Iraq or Afghanistan. Wait she didn’t tell him? She never wrote him to let him know where the heck she was ? OMG this poor bastard…he is clueless, heart sick over a love that was all in his head… wake up kid you were dumped! Part of me wants to tell him dude you know they give people in the military leave so the can visit their family right? Surely in two years she must have had leave. Don’t you think she’s been home to visit her family a few times? I say nothing keeping my thoughts to myself.

“I heard she had gotten married to some guy she met out there but until I don’t hear it from her myself I wont believe it. You know how rumors are. ” Yeah sometimes they actually contain a kernel of truth. I won’t believe it until I hear it from her.” Damn you’re one of those guys you need pictures painted for you. Hell-oh mister man you were dumped. Wake up and smell el café con leche. You were given the boot. I find myself angry at this woman. This is just too cruel. Why didn’t she just throw rocks at him and yell for him to get away from her ? I’ve seen it done in movies all the time. It always works with dogs, horses and the occasional elephant. “ Ahhh I see so you want closure.” I can’t look at him anymore I focus my gaze on my straw.” “Yeah.”

I think he’s actually afraid of closure and what it means. It’s easier for him to hold on to the illusion that she is still his. After all how hard would it be to go to her family’s house and inquire about her? Not very hard at all. I think he is afraid of what he will find out. He’s afraid he will have to accept it all …she never loved him as much as he loved her.

The next day I get a phone call from him thanking me for the offer of friendship. We talk briefly and after hanging up it hits me this was his last call to me…the guilt of having been attracted to another female is too much for him. Maybe he should consider becoming a monk.

How is it possible that if she loved him at all she could leave and never look back, never give him a second thought? How could she leave him twisting in the wind like that? She’s been gone for two years and still he remains faithful to her. Imagine feeling guilty over having an iced tea with me. In my short lifetime I have inspired many feelings but guilt has never been one of them. I am in the very least incredulous at this man’s love for this woman. He needs to accept the truth but it is obvious he can’t handle the truth at least not tonight, not from me. I haven’t known him long enough to state the obvious. He loves her with all his heart, he holds out the hope she will return for him someday in the meantime he acts like he’s alive but he is not. Two years ago she left and never ever wrote him one letter. Two years later he clings to the hope that she is still his, he still calls her his girl friend despite the fact that she is most likely another mans wife.

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