Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Flaming Bag of Poo


A friend of mine has a lengthy track record when it comes to being broken hearted. I really thought it was going to go down different for her this time. I really thought well maybe this guy won’t take advantage of her vulnerability. She saw him yesterday "the day after" and the guy acted as if she'd taken advantage of him and left him pregnant and alone in a trailer park refusing to take a paternity test. She was really feeling hurt last night.“Should I get the bag of poop ready?” I asked her trying to cheer her up.

I’ve got this whole scenario planned out. I'd fill a couple of bags with my dog’s poop. Hey man he's a BIG dog. Then I’ll call Officer Mike and ask him to drive me and my friend to the offending guys house for a "drive by pooping" Mike will sniff the air “ What’s that smell” he’ll ask because our pit bull Kane does not exactly poo roses it's more like rotting hippo carcass. “ Never you mind officer Mike shut yo’ mouth and just keep driving!” I yell in my best thug rapper gangsta' voice.

As we approach the guy’s house we jump out of the car tucking and rolling holding the bags of poo inches from our faces. On the count of three we simultaneously set the bags aflame and toss the poopatov cocktails onto the bastards stoop running away. Our manical laughter fills the night air as we hight five each other while running away. We jump into the back seat of the running car burning rubber making donuts in his drive way. When he runs out in his itty bitty tighty whities to stomp out the poopatov cocktail I snap a photo as my friend gives him the finger and mocks the size of his package reducing him to tears.

Yeah boy take that!! Don’t eva evaaaa mess with my home girl boyyyyy! So yeah that’s one scenario the other two involves pelting him with water balloons and sneaking into the locker room and sprinkling itching powder all over his jock strap. I know, I know how immature but a girl can fantasize as she wipes away her friend's tears and lets her wipe her booger sprouting nose on the hem of her shirt can’t she?

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Posted by @ 12:38 AM
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