Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

A drunk With Tourrette’s


The new building manager and his assistant stopped by our apartment to introduce themselves to my parents just as my mother was arriving home.

The manager was impressed with the view of the city skyline. As they conversed in the study over coffee my mother noticed that the manager and his assistant kept glancing over her shoulder towards the kitchen. Mom didn’t give it much thought. she figured they were just checking out the sunset via the kitchen window. Just before they left the manager and his assistant gave my mom a weird look and then gave what seemed like a look of pity to me.

As soon as they’d left my mother headed into the kitchen to prepare dinner and realized what they’d been staring at and shrieked. Right under the window near the pantry neatly lined up in a couple of rows were 24 empty bottles of liquor. Bottles my dad’s bar owner friend had dropped off to be filled with coquito. He supplies the empty bottles in exchange for a couple of bottles of coquito. Coquito is the Puerto Rican version of Egg Nog, except that it’s made with coconut cream and rum. It’s really smooth, so smooth in fact that you have to be careful because it tends to sneak up on you.

As a rule coquito is only seen during the holiday season. Dad’s coquito is legendary among his friends and they look forward to getting a bottle as a gift from my dad during the holidays. He was supposed to have put the bottles inside of the pantry when they’d been delivered. I guess it had slipped dad's mind.

My mom stared at the bottles and shouted a string of curses that would’ve made even the most jaded sailor blush. Naturally my siblings and I thought it was funny as hell so we all laughed at her making her only curse even more. Dad had just stepped into our apartment when mom whirled around and glared at him.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

“Do not babe me. Didn’t I call and ask you to put those liquor bottles under the kitchen sink?”

“I’m sorry I forgot.”

“Damn it, William! The new manager was here and he saw all of those bottles lined up there. He probably thinks I’m an alcoholic now!”

My father started laughing and reached out for mom pulling her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

“Babe I hate to tell you this but he’s still in the hallway. He heard you cursing he’s probably thinking you’re a mean drunk with Tourrette’s.”

“Shit” mom replied.

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