Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, September 29, 2008

All Is Fair In Love and War

My father was trying to hug my mom last night when the family pit bull Kane ran up between them. Every time my dad attempted to touch my mother Kane would push him away with his body and demand my mother’s attention. This reminded my dad about a former rival and he joked that Kane better not go all Wally on him or he’d meet the same fate Wally had.

All is fair in love and war they say. Once upon a time my father had a rival for my mother’s affections. His name was “Wally.” As soon as he realized Wally was competition my father went out of his way to win Wally over but Wally wasn’t having it. Wally’s antagonistic attitude towards my father ultimately led to his death.

Wally had been my mother’s pet rabbit, a gift from my father actually. He was a little itty bitty thing when mom got him and for a couple of years Wally had mom to himself. When my parents set up house together jealousy reared its’ fugly head every time my father approached my mother Wally would make a loud thumping noise with his foot as a sign of aggression towards my father. Eventually it escalated to the point where Wally would ‘box’ dad with his front limbs and bite him. I guess I should mention Wally wasn’t exactly “Thumper” sized he weighed 18 lbs and stood at 3 ft on his hind legs. Wally was a Flemish Giant Rabbit the largest of all rabbit breeds Flemish Giant’s can weight over 20 lbs . Things got so bad between them that mom would have to cage Wally while dad was home.

One morning while pregnant with yours truly mom was in the loo with a killer case of morning sickness, as mom finished paying homage to the porcelain god Wally stood by her feet watching her. Wally never strayed far from mom whenever he was loose in the apartment. My dad unaware that Wally was loose went into the bathroom to check up on mom. As soon as he entered the bathroom Wally shrieked and then launched at him. He bit my father’s ankle and my father swears to this day that the rabbit growled at him. As my dad fled the bathroom he yanked my mom outside with him and slammed the door in Wally’s face. Wally retaliated by continously slamming his body against the door and trying to escape by chewing on the bathroom door.

Mom thought it was hysterical and couldn’t stop laughing. It reminded her of the killer rabbit scene in Monty Python’s Holy Grail movie. My father was not amused. Once mom went back into the bathroom Wally calmed himself down and allowed mom to pick him up and cuddle him. Wally however had scared the pellets out of my father. It was finally decided by dad that Wally had to go. Mom refused to part with Wally and dug in her heels until my father pointed out that Wally’s possessiveness of my mother could prove to be dangerous to the baby once it was born. My father promised to find Wally a good home with a rabbit breeder friend of his. He even introduce mom to the breeder and was promised that Wally would live out his life happily with other rabbits.

Last night as my father told us the story of Wally he let it slip out that Wally had been actually slaughtered for stew several days after leaving my mom’s care. My mom was livid and refused to talk to him for the rest of the evening. This morning when he woke up for work there was a huge foam shaving cream “W” on the bathroom mirror. Something tells me that mom has declared war on the old man. I look forward to the pranks that are headed his way in the name of Wally.

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