Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, July 16, 2007

The Fischer Himmel Wedding

Love is a beautiful thing my people. Saturday, 7.7.07 was a big day for my gentle giant in a small wedding ceremony she married Carl the duck sauce to her egg roll.

The thing about weddings is that there is always so much more going on than just the wedding there are side stories going on all over the place. Of course Jackie’s was no different…

Story #1:Follow The Trailer People

I had originally intended to take a friend to the wedding because my BF had to work that day. It didn’t work out that way. For some reason that I couldn’t grasp her family wanted only couples to attend the wedding. If it had been anyone else I would have just skipped the wedding but this was Jackie’s wedding and I was not going to miss it. So instead Joshua took the day off and I threw on some war paint (make-up) and off we went to Floral Park NY…

Because everything was in close proximity the wedding party and guests had no need of cars once we reached Floral Park. We were able to walk from Jackie’s house to the ceremony and then to the reception from there. The walk through Floral Park reminded me of wedding parties I had seen in Egypt making their way through the streets in full wedding regalia, all we needed was some trilling and traveling music. Someone asked which way we were going and Joshua said, “Just follow the trail of people.” Little did we know that this sentence would be a source of potential drama later on.

At the reception one of the tables (groom’s family) across from us kept staring at Josh and not in a warm loving way if you get my drift it seems the eyeball daggers being aimed at Josh had to do with the "follow the trail of people" remark earlier in the day. Being the smart chick she is Jackie wanted to avoid any fights since the combination of a misunderstanding and free flowing booze can be toxic to any social event. She pulled me to the side and asked me about Josh’s remark.

Jackie: Mia did Josh say follow the trailer people?
I burst out laughing because honestly that sounded like something I would say…it seemed someone had heard wrong complained to the groom’s mother about what they thought they heard and she in turn complained to Jackie….

Mia: (still laughing) No . He would never say anything like that. He’s not that type of person now me on the other hand you know…(laughing) What he said was," Follow the trail of people".

Of course me being a smart ass I wanted to add well if they felt the shoe was a fit in terms of trailer people that’s on them but I didn’t. Instead to prove my point I called Josh over and without going into details asked him to repeat the remark…

Josh: Follow the trail of people.

Satisfied Jackie went off to tell her mom-in-law that the person had heard wrong. Later on the mother-in-law apologized to Joshua for the misunderstanding.

Story #2: There’s Puerto Ricans Around Hide Your Wallets.

Everyone was outside waiting for the bride to emerge so we could make our way over to city hall. One of the guests in an attempt at humor remarked to another guest that the wedding looked like a Mexican wedding. Uhhh, no it didn’t. Latino weddings are a beautiful explosion of music, flowers, and intricate colorful decorations and while this wedding was beautiful in itself I saw none of the traditional hoopla of Latino weddings on the street that day. See the thing is the Mexican wedding remark wasn’t met as a compliment it was meant as a dis.
Oh my the clever white girl made a funny! Ha! Ha frigging ha! Excuse me while I slap her laugh along with her.

The chick was so slow that she didn’t even realize she was actually insulting one of her own peeps after all it was their wedding. The other guest knew that I was Puerto Rican and spotting me a few feet ahead of her remarked, “You know there’s Puerto Ricans around hide your wallets. They like to steal.” By the way I guess I should mention that I was the only Puerto Rican other than Josh at the wedding. Ha-ha no inappropriately dressed heffa with huge stain shaped like Russia on shirt Puerto Ricans don’t do the wallet thing that’s some other ethnic group. We Puerto Ricans prefer to steal cars, and to stab you with our switch blades so get your stereo-types straight beeotch.

What the two idiots didn’t realize was that the guy standing behind them was my BF. Joshua sized up the situation and took into consideration the following…
1. It was excruciating hot and humid and I get kind of cranky in that weather. So please for the love of God if you value your life don’t do anything stupid in my presence.

2. My cute shoes were scraping the back of my foot. I wanted nothing more than to take off that damn left shoe and if you gave me a good enough reason I’d beat your ass down with said shoe.

3. My temper. I’m Maggie’s daughter ‘nuff said.

Taking that all in Josh decided to keep what he heard to himself at least until we left the wedding. Ahh yes smart move on his part. Very smart. The last thing anyone needed was the sight of me beating some chick down in the bushes with her own camera.

Story # 3: If You Hurt Her I Will Kill You.

I’ve known Jackie now for about nine years. We’ve stood by each other through some pretty rough times. I was a bit apprehensive about Jackie meeting Joshua because she has never ever liked any of my past boyfriends. The thing with Jackie is that there are no “do overs” you only get one chance with her. If she doesn’t like when she first meets you that’s pretty much it she’ll never like you no matter what you do. Even if you were to run into a burning building and save a shit load of adorable fuzzy handicapped kittens her opinion wouldn’t change.

Finally Jackie came over and had a mini convo with Josh without me.When their convo was over he said nothing, and she went about tending to her guests. On our way home he told me that she had told him she threatened him,“ If you ever do anything to hurt her I will kill you.” And when he looked into her eyes he could tell she meant every word she was saying.

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