Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Today's WTF?! moment: Fatima Bowles

Fatima Bowle's jacked up eye

Today’s WTF?! moment is being brought to you by a court system gone bonkers. It all began 23 years ago in the idyllic setting of a kindergarten classroom. Little did 6 year old Fatima Bowles realize as she walked to John Wayne Elementary school on April 6, 1984 that tragedy would befall her.

The scenario: It was recess and Fatima’s teacher Ms. Zimmerman had stepped out of the classroom for a minute to check on two students who had gone to the bathroom and were gone in her words for “too long”. Fatima was minding her own business probably trying to decide between the rubber mail carrier and the school nurse finger puppets when misfortune reared it’s hideous booger picking head in the form of Frank A. (cue dramatic music)… that bastard! Frank threw a block 10-15 feet across the room and it hit Fatima in the eye. As a result of being clocked in the eye with the block Fatima needed surgery for a lacerated cornea and spent a week in the hospital. Clearly this was in the days before insurance carriers started getting stingy with the dollars because now a days you give birth on a Monday and barring complications your butt is outta there by Tuesday afternoon.

A year later Fatima’s mom decided to sue the city on the grounds that the block thrower “Frank A.” was a known bully and that the school failed to protect her child from him. The suit went no where because Fatima’s lawyer died and then in a bad move the city failed to petition to have the suit dropped. Now 23 years later Fatima has decided to continue with her suit and got the a-okay from a judge. WTF?!

Fatima now claims that the block caused permanent damage to her eye. Fatima needs to get over this let's be for real now. She claims she suffers from blurry vision and migraine headaches. Holy crap! Blurry vision? Maybe Fatima needs glasses and it has nothing to do with being binged in the eye by a block. Headaches? Tylenol is not a multi-billion dollar business because headaches are a rare and uncommon thing you know. Besides Fatima has 2 kids and works at Mac Donald's of course she's got headaches! Have you ever been to Mickey D's during a rush?! Pop a couple of Tylenol’s wash it down with a Mac milkshake and get over it damn! This suit is ridiculous… Why not sue the kid himself or Ms. Zimmerman for leaving the class unattended? Oh yeah wait they don’t have millions.

As long as Fatima is suing maybe she should sue the manufacturer of the blocks her classmate threw at her. After all shouldn’t they have had the foresight to know that somewhere a hyper kindergartner would be flinging their blocks across the room? Why weren’t those blocks made of fabric with rounded fabric edges and stuffed with goose feathers? Why didn’t the block manufacturers have the foresight to realize that those damn wooden blocks hurt when they are flung at you? Huh?

Reading about Fatima Bowles has made me realize that I too have a profitable law suit in the making! I was harassed in kindergarten. His name was Reynaldo and at the age of 5 he looked more like a 5th grader than a kindergartner and he had a crush on me. Reynaldo used to chase me around the playground and try to kiss me, once he even forcibly hugged me! Good gravy I was being sexually harassed at the age of four!I remember an incident where my teacher Miss Lorenzo caught Reynaldo looking up my poofy pink dress as I stood on the platform of the jungle gym. From then on I refused to wear dresses to school. As a matter of fact I was so affected by that incident that 20 yrs later I still refuse to wear dresses! Yeah that’s right Reynaldo is the root of my dress phobia, blurry vision and migraine headaches! I'm sure some lawyer some where is willing to take my case and the courts will grant permission for me to press on with the suit.

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