Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Mr. Pirate Rocker

Imagine sitting in a café in the village sipping on some tea thinking life’s been kind of quiet lately when a tall man looking like a rocker guitar case slung over his shoulder walks past your table. You know he’s a rocker because he’s wearing the standard rocker uniform; black straight leg jeans, red bandana on his head, eye liner, t-shirt, leather boots and his long hair stylishly unkempt. He is wearing a patch over one eye and has a lightning bolt tattooed over his brow bone making it look as if it’s going through his eye. Given his appearance it’s safe to assume he’s not a lounge singer.

ahhhh I get it! Up on stage in a dimly lit club the bolt of lightning and black eye patch create the illusion of the eye socket being empty. Clever very clever…hmmm I like it!

He spots you smiles and nods, you smile back. As he makes his way to the counter he slightly lifts his eye patch revealing his eye safely in its socket despite the menacing lightning bolt and removes his bandana stuffing it in his back pocket. The tourists practically break their necks in the café staring at him. You both look at them and then each other breaking out into another round of smiles and shake your heads. You both know that they’re definitely tourists because come on man this is Greenwich Village in New York in this part of the city his appearance is down right ordinary.

At first he doesn’t seem to mind the staring he ignores it and makes his way to the table across from yours and settles in with his breakfast and paper. After awhile he looks up and he’s still being gawked at. That’s when he flips out. “You know you wake up in the morning happy as hell in love with the world. The sun is shining it’s a fucking glorious day and then you realize your room mate’s crack girl friend ripped you off and all have in your pocket is five dollars but you’re happy and grateful because she didn’t even leave him that much !” His voice getting louder as he went on, “You’re grateful that she didn’t take your guitar or your amp. You try to shake it off and come in here to spend your last few dollars trying to turn your day around. Just when you’re thinking people suck a pretty girl gives you the warmest smile and makes you feel like you’re going to be okay and you feel great. So what if some people are staring at you? Big deal they’ll get their fill and then go about their business and let you enjoy your coffee but noooooo people want to be assholes. You don’t know when to stop. Do you like being stared at while you eat? What the fuck people this ain’t the zoo. The zoo is that way!” pointing towards the window. “What the fuck are you people staring at?! You’ve never seen a man before?! SHIT!!”

Hmmm well ya know buddy maybe where they come from seeing a rocker/pirate sipping on a cappuccino early in the crusty morning is not an everyday thing…I’m just saying…

The tourists look shaken up and someone runs to get the manager. Mr. Pirate Rocker is asked to leave. He refuses. They try to forcibly remove him but it seems Mr. Pirate Rocker works out the dude is incredibly strong. They are going to need reinforcements for this one. It takes 5 guys to budge him and guide him out the door coffee and bagel in hand. They close the door behind him but he sticks his head back in and says, “You all have a great mother fucking day now!” He makes eye contact with you again and winks and smiles. You smile and wink back. He’s going to be fine. Good lord I love this city.

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