Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Cap & Gown

Here’s the thing everyone that knows me knows that I am notoriously absent minded. So much so that before I leave my house who ever is around will recite a check list of things I normally forget when I say “Adios people I’m leaving!” “Mia did you remember your... " and sure enough I've forgotten something that was on the list. So yeah I am very grateful that they shout out the list to me.

Now I know damn well that I need a cap and gown for my graduation and I’ve known this for months. Even had a reminder from school as to the date the cap and gown company would be there to take our order. But me being me of course I forgot all about it. Luckily I can order from the company online and get them in plenty of time for my graduation.

I was in the process of doing this when my mother walked over to check them out and she was just fine I swear to all that is holy that she was just fine. The minute I placed my order and it was “official” and the picture popped up to show the gown we’d be wearing my mom spazzed the hell out. She stared at it for a few seconds then all of a sudden her nose turned red. When ever my mom is about to cry she turns into a human version of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. “Ma why are you crying?” I asked. “I’m graduating. It’s a good thing ma. True story!”

I could tell she was choking back tears because her voice was odd fading in and out…she covered her face in embarrassment, “I know, I know. I can’t believe my baby is graduating” by the way I’d like to point out that despite the fact that at 24 I am the oldest of my siblings my parents and aunt Nora insist on referring to me as “the baby”. Ma's voice peaked so high it was hurting the dogs ears…”I’m crying because I am so happy. I’m so proud of you, you little nappy headed ho’!” We’ve been calling each other this ever since the whole Imus mess last week. “I know I’m going to break down at the graduation!”

I looked at her she was losing it big time her face was all pink her lip was quivering; an intervention was needed I had no choice but to flash my boobs at her. Oh yeah that’s something my sister and I do to ma all the time. We wait ‘til no one is around and approach her as if we’re going to ask something and when she looks up at us we lift our shirts and yell out “Ole !” and laugh like lunatics when she covers her face and yells at us to stop. She gets it worse from my brother and father. My bro just straight out moons her. My dad chases her around the house with a sliver of spit dangling from his mouth. It never fails to freak her out. It is so wrong I know but such a joy to watch.

Listen be on the look out May 31st if you hear of a student getting arrested in New York for indecent exposure during John Jay‘s graduation ceremonies chances are it was me and it was because mom was having a melt down and action needed to be taken.

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