Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Friday, August 04, 2006


It’s not unusual that I will stop by and help out my friend at her job. Especially when she wants to get out early because of plans we’ve made. It was for this reason that I was in the women’s shoe department holding up a pair of black size 7 stilettos when I noticed a pair of eyes studying me. I looked up stared back for a second and then turned my attention back to the shoes mentally calculating how many pairs would be needed to fill out the display. I was still holding onto the shoe when he approached me….”I bet they would look lovely on you” the image of me struggling to walk in the heels makes me laugh, “ Oh no I am not a graceful creature on heels like this. I have a fear of falling off of them.”

Man: You have a beautiful smile…

Mia: Thank you… the secret is in the floss…
I noticed he had a beautiful smile as well. He is actually quite a handsome man.

Man: Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful eyes?

Mia: smiling Thank you.

Man: They really are beautiful eyes.

Mia: Thank you again.
so far I like this guy. He’s good for the ego.

Man: I’ve seen you here before. I’ve seen him here a few times as well. I wanted to talk to you. Are you Dominican , Puerto Rican?

Mia: Puerto Rican

Man:I knew it… I love Puerto Rican women they are so beautiful.

Mia:On behalf of my fellow Puerto Rican sisters I thank you.

For the next several minutes we chat as he follows me up and down the shoe aisle as I fill it up with merchandise. His father is a diplomat from some oil rich nation and he is a graduate student. He seemed very charming and if he had asked me for my phone number at that point and left it at that I honestly would have given it to him. But then he just messed it up for himself and almost ended up with a stiletto embedded in his forehead.

Man:I would love to take you out tonight. Dinner, a helicopter ride around New York?

Mia: I’m sorry I have plans.

Man: If you’re nervous about going out with a stranger I understand perhaps you would like to bring your friend as well. Anywhere you want to go, we can go.

He mentions the name of some chi chi joint that I am so not dressed for and I tell him this.

Mia: Perhaps another time.

Man: I will take you shopping right now you can pick out whatever outfit you want.

Okay dude now you’re creeping me out. The New Yorker in me rears its head. Dude what are you like a serial killer on the hunt for your next victim? Mia, mia don’t be so harsh he’s just trying to be nice. Back in your cage beast.

Mia:That’s very sweet of you but I do have plans for tonight.

For a minute I debated inviting him to join us. It was a big crowd, one more person wouldn’t make a difference the more the merrier I always say. Then the bastard showed his true colors.

Man:I’ll pay you 100.00 to go out with me tonight.

Mia:Excuse me?

He repeats what he had just said. I look in the mirror to see if I can find the “broke ass bitch for rent sign” on my forehead. Nope there’s not one there. Okay the only other thing I can think of is that he must think I’m a hooker. I survey my outfit for the evening….nope… nothing slutty about it.

Mia: Dude you are aware of the fact I’m not a hooker right? If you want a hooker I can direct to the place where they chill at.

Man: My apologies. I am not trying to say you are a hooker. I am just telling you I really want to take you out. I have been here several times looking for you. I just really want to spend time with you.

Mia: Ah ha…. and you think that by offering me money which by the way I am worth much more than 100.00 bucks just to let you know. You think that by offering me money I will want to go out with you?

He continues to apologize but persists in his insistence that I go out with him. The he talks business. He is into Latina women, so passionate etc. He wants a Latina bed buddy and has been checking me out for awhile. He wants me to be his Latina bed buddy. I laugh and tell him to get away from me. He offers me more money, trips; in short he offers to make me a kept woman if I agree to be his lover. He obviously buys into the stereotypical image of Latinas. I blame Hollywood and it’s stereotyping of Latina woman as being perpetually horny. Even in videos we’re portrayed as bellacas. Remember Rob Thomas and Santana in Smooth? The Latin girl was basically feeling herself up throughout the whole song. At this point he’s working my last nerve and the only thing preventing me from beating him down with the stiletto heel and embedding it into his head is the assault charge that I will be hit with and I tell him so.

Before walking away from him I tell him, “You realize they sell women’s clothes and accessories here not actual women right?” The sad thing is that the guy thought he was being suave he’ll never realize hewasthisclose to getting a beat down in the middle of a shoe aisle in a major department store.


Posted by @ 2:42 AM
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