Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Miss Beverly Rides Again

Our neighbor Miss Beverly, a wheel chair bound woman prone to popping wheelies when tipsy, had gotten bagged by the cops. She'd been drunkenly chasing squirrels on her way home from a friend's barbeque. In lieu of a summons the cops decided to impound her motorized wheel chair over night. Since her son was stuck in mid-town traffic my uncle volunteered to fetch Miss Beverly back home from the precinct.

My uncle was met by Miss Beverly’s nephew when he parked in front of our building. After hearing about her latest antic the nephew reached into the SUV for Miss Beverly and attempted to lecture her. It was no use though he couldn’t keep a straight face. As he adjusted her in his arms he sniffed the air and frowned.

“Aunt Beverly did you pee on yourself?” he said as he walked into the lobby.

Miss Beverly cackled and nodded her head. “Sure as hell did!”

Her nephew was outraged thinking that she'd been the victim of neglect while at the precinct. Miss Beverly quickly assured him that that had not been the case.

“I wet myself on purpose.” She proudly exclaimed.

“Why would you do that?” her nephew asked.

“Well, nephew," she said looking up at him, "when they couldn’t get a hold of my son they was talking about locking me up in a cell with them other prisoners.”


“I watch television; I know what those prisoners do to new inmates!”

Her nephew stared at Miss Beverly with a look of utter confusion on his face. Miss Beverly let out an exasperated sigh.

“Think boy, think! I made water so none of them would want to come near me!” she said and rolled her eyes as if he should’ve known this.


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