Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I want to buy you a toe ring

My boyfriend Josh had been sick for several days and none of the over the counter medications he was popping seemed to be helping. The fact that he had unused sick days and personal days didn’t matter to his boss. The boss man was in a foul mood and totally unsympathetic to my boyfriend’s plight he refused to let him leave early to see a doctor. “ You should have taken care of this while you were on vacation!” was his response.

Who the hell can schedule illness and can they teach me ? Please let me know so I can set up my next bout with the flu for a time when I don’t have finals and papers that need to be done.

After work Josh headed straight to the emergency room of the hospital nearest to his job. He wasn’t even there for 5 minutes when the doctors decided that he needed to admitted. After pumping him full of drugs and pain medication they left him alone with his cell phone in a cubicle while they arranged a room for him. I was about to head out to the hospital when I got this call....

Caller: I want to buy you a toe ring.

I stared at the phone. Who the hell was this? Had some slurried voiced person found Josh’s cell phone in the hospital and decided to crank call his fav 5? Then slurried voice spoke again and I recognized it. It was Josh and he was high as a kite.

Josh: I want to buy you a toe ring.

Mia: (laughing) Ok

Josh: I want to buy you a toe ring.

Mia: Ok

Josh: You have pretty toes.

Mia: Okayyyyyyy

That comment reminded me of the time I went on a date with this guy who after noticing my sandal encased feet wanted to take me to home to lick ice cream off my toes, he even offered to let me pick the flavor.

Mia: You don’t have a foot fetish do you?

For a second I imagined my shoes slowly disappearing from my closet hidden away to be lovingly caressed in secret.

Josh: No you just have pretty toes. I want to buy you a toe ring.

Then I remembered he had a 104 point something fever plus was filled with enough pain meds to take down a horse. Stuff like that tends to make a person a tad loopy. Besided this was Josh we were talking about, 2 watered down drinks at the local bar and he’s roasted.

Josh: I want to buy you a toe ring.

I decided it wasn’t the time to tell him I owned several toe rings. He’d probably want me to model them at the hospital.

Mia: Okay

Josh: Mia?

Mia: Yes, Joshua?

Josh: You have pretty toes.

Mia: (sigh) Thank You.

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