Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

This One's for Dannie

My beloved Dannie embarrassed the crap out of her husband this weekend. Dannie’s story reminded me of something that happened between my parents a few weeks ago… Dannie this one’s for you…

A few weeks back my dad’s cell phone was giving him trouble and in order to hear the caller he had to put it on speaker phone. My mom forgot all about this. She called him up at work during his lunch break. Only this dark, cold, rainy day he had not gone out for lunch he instead he and his boss were having lunch in the front office of the ware house along with a couple of the secretaries, some of the warehouse workers, and a guy from shipping. My dad neglected to tell my mom this when he answered his phone and put her on speaker….

Dad: Hey babe wassup?

Mom: Listen hon I need you to do me a favor. Could you please stop at Duane Reade before you come home? I just came from Rite Aid and the don’t have what I need.

Dad: Sure no problem there’s one by the bus stop. What do you need?

Mom: Women's supplies, a massacre just hit the house.

Dad: What?

Mom: The girls and me all got our periods at the same time! We’re early and running low on pads. Rite Aid was out of the ultra light skiiny thingys Caitlin uses and they don’t have the weave wing thingy’s Mia uses…

Dad: Maggie Maggie Maggie I’ve got you on speaker phone!

Mom: and?

Dad: There’s people here!

Mom: Oh…hello everybody! Anyway hon I need you to pick up a pack of pads for each of us…

Dad: I repeat Maggie there are PEOPLE here!

Mom: and? Your daughters and I have our periods, our menstrual cycles, our menses …. It’s a beautiful thing man it means no one here is knocked up! You should be jumping for joy!

Dad: Maggggggie for the love of God! There are people here. Mark, the secretaries, some of the guys…

Mom: Ayyyy por favor William gran mierda (big shit) they are all adults they get their periods too. Well okay they guys don’t but their wives, girlfriends, and daughters do and you know damn well that the secretaries do.

Dad: Maggie I’m hanging up.

Mom:Embarrassed you much did I?

Dad: I’m going to go jump the roof top now…are you happy now woman?

Mom: Depends. Will you be jumping off before or after you pick up the pads?

Dad: Good God woman you’re killing me, you’re killing me here. I’m hanging up now.

Mom: Wuss.

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