Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Stranded in The Bathroom at Nassau Coliseum

Friday night my friend and I went to see My Chemical Romance play at the Nassau Coliseum. When the concert ended we made a bee line for the bathroom. The bathroom was packed and we had to wait on line for several bladder busting minutes for an empty stall. Finally it was my turn and just as I was about to enter the stall 2 tall snooty looking chicks cut in front of me. "Excuse me" I said, "there’s a line here." One of them the taller one gave me a dirty look and slammed the door in my face. As she locked the stall she said, "Wait bitch!" I looked incredulously at the door… oh hell no this heffa did not just skip me, close the door in my face and call me a bitch? WTF?! That gringa must be outta her damn mind. "Alright I got you outside." I said and I waited for them to come out of the stall. I was so irked I no longer needed to use the bathroom.

The Nassau Coliseum janitorial staff must keep a supply of courage pills stocked right next to the extra roll of toilet paper because all of a sudden from within the stall the 2 chicks could be heard popping crap…

Girl 1: I shouldn’t wash my hands and slap her with my urine hand in her face when we get out.

Girl 2: (imitating me) I’ll meet you outside. Whatever bitch. I’m shaking in my boots.

I even had to laugh at that one, come on it was funny.

Girl 1: I’ll stick my boot up her ass.

Girl 2: Good thing I took those kick boxing classes!

It seemed that My Chemical Romance weren’t the only ones that could pull a crowd. A small audience had gathered to see what was going on. I stood outside of their stall for 10 minutes listening to all the garbage they were spewing. I guess they thought I would get tired and leave. They didn’t know I have an infinite amount of patience. I wasn't about to leave. The crowd in the bathroom kept looking towards the stall shaking their heads and laughing. It was obvious to everyone the ladies were afraid to come out of their stall.

Girl 1: She’s still there?

Girl 2: That’s her feet right there.

Ahhh so my feet were giving me away. I stepped back the view of my feet blocked by a wall.

Girl 2: Yeah as soon as I come out the stall I should put my boot up her ass!

”Ohhh” I said and chuckled. Your boot up my ass...I don't think so white girl. I began to slowly remove the first of my six earrings as they continued to talk shit. By the time I got to my large hoops it was obvious to every one there what was going to happen. Anyone who has seen urban themed movies or has lived around minorities knows what time it is when a Latina starts taking off her earrings and putting her hair in a pony tail; someone is getting their assed kicked. A drunk girl approached me and said, “Oh you’re going to fight?! I’m so excited!” and began jumping up and down. I guess they don't see much action down in the 'burbs.

Since they could no longer see my feet and several more minutes had gone by the dynamic duo assumed I had left and felt safe in finally coming out of the stall. By this time 20 minutes had passed since they'd stepped into the stall. They went straight to the sink to wash their hands and took no notice of me as they walked past me.

I walked over to where they were, squirted some soap onto my hands and began washing my hands. As I finished rinsing the soap from my hands I turned to them and casually said, “So what's up with all that smack you were talking in the bathroom stall huh?” The look on their faces was priceless! The color drained from their faces as it dawned on them that I was the chick they had cut in front of. Their eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of their sockets and roll onto the floor. “Oh excuse me you thought I had left ? Well you know what they say when you assume…” Every time I took a step towards them they stepped back. We looked like a bad 80's music video. The one who had talked the most all of a sudden seemed to go mute. Her friend was now the mouth piece. She apologized told me that they were drunk.

Okay let me get this straight you were too drunk to realize that you had cut the line, too drunk to realize that you were popping smack yet somehow are sober enough to realize that you’re going to get your ass whupped and are sober enough to apologize in order to prevent that from happening? WTF? What happened to the kick boxing classes, the urine soaked slap, the boot up the ass? I was so looking forward to all of that.

Finally when there was no where left for them to back into the mouth piece started shrinking herself into her friend. I swear is she could have scampered up her shoulders and hid like a bush baby in her hair she would have. The mouth piece said they didn’t know there was a line (sure they didn’t) if ten females standing in a row with their legs crossed doing the pee-pee dance wasn't a tip off then I don't know what is. I reminded them of what they had said as they slammed the door in my face. I lectured them about their rudeness and poor judgement.

As I continued my lecture it became evident that they were scared shitless despite being way bigger than me and not knowing that I had a friend with me. I looked into their faces. They kept apologizing over and over again. I felt so bad for them. I shook my head in disbelief… “I'm really sorry. We’re really sorry.” said the main crap talker. Mia what can you do? You just gotta let it go. I thought to myself. I smiled at them,“All right ladies that’s all I wanted to hear. You have yourselves a nice night.", and walked away. When I walked out everyone who’d been hanging out in the bathroom waiting for a fight to break out left with me laughing at the girls and mocking them.

I stood just outside the bathroom talking to my friend and a girl we’d just met during the concert about sharing a cab to the train station. We waited there for awhile before the cabs started showing up. Meanwhile the dynamic duo were still in the bathroom afraid to come out. I guess they were waiting for me to leave the building. As I turned to leave I felt as If I should’ve knocked on the door and let them know I was leaving; I didnt want to leave then stranded in the bathroom at Nassau Coliseum but I didn’t want to panic them again. For all I know they spent the night in that bathroom.

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