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Thursday, January 25, 2007The Purge
I attract people with issues. Like moths to the light they are drawn to me and will go miles out of their way to seek me out. As the end of 2006 approached I came to the realization that it was time for a change. Before I go on about the purge I’d like to write about the people that made me want to smack fire out of them during 2006….the people that inspired the purge…I guess in a way this is the final purge…
For an entire year I dated a guy with anger and trust issues. The final straw for me was when I found out that he’d been spying on me. That just blew me away because I’d never done anything to make him distrust me in the first place. I hold a BA in Forensic Psychology and was actually paying attention in all of my psychology classes. I know a potentially abusive relationship when I see one. I decided right then and there that there was no reason for us to remain together. I was not going to be the one to pay for all the crap that had gone wrong in his childhood.
Then there was the matter of my best friend Reina. We’d been inseparable since high school. Last year she started seeing a married man, after a pregnancy scare he ran for the hills and their affair ended. Months later she starts it up again. I have never been anything but cold to the guy but despite that the guy likes me. He told me that he knew he had alot to prove to me. Now what on earth does a cheating bastard need to prove to me? That he's a bigger bastard than I thought? I can foresee the game he's going to be playing with her and I am not about to give him my blessing. My response to his plea for my friendship was, "Go suck a dick." Of course deep in the throes of love the chick chose the guy over our friendship. She has this fear of ending up alone and it makes her latch onto the most unworthy guys. She's done this 3 times before ditching me whenever a guy comes into the picture, re- emerging only when the guy has dumped her. Then I’m the one who has to glue the pieces of her back together, only this time I'm done I won't be around when it happens again. I’m not mad at her just disappointed.
Then there was my other friend a sweet, kind, and generous chick. When I started talking to a new guy got a little insecure on me; she feared I’d do a “Reina” and put our friendship on hold over him. I assured her that I’d never do that. I’m able to balance and integrate both. I decided to keep my new relationship a secret for the greater good. I figured I’d take the time to see where the relationship with him was headed before introducing her to him and having her insecurities rear their ugly head.
Several weeks later she met a guy she was nuts about. Care to take a guess at who pulled a “Reina”? I’ll give you a hint it was not the 4ft 11 Puerto Rican chick by the name of Mia. One day towards the end of the semester we spoke in depth about the change in our relationship since she had started dating. She told me she knew she was being a bad friend, neglectful etc. and then asked, “Who else have you told about this?” My initial reaction the her question was WTF?! Then I found it funny because she was actually more concerned about her image rather than the fact that she had turned out to be a hypocrite. “No one” I replied. Honestly the change in her wasn't unexpected it was just surprising considering the amount of time she had spent talking shit about Reina’s actions when she was no better.
Not knowing I had plans with my BF and the girls who were sitting with us she then asked me to chill, the tone in her voice was magnanimous as if she were doing me a favor. She had sensed the a change in me and had mentioned it. I was more introspective and sad,I missed Reina. I really didnt have much to say but rather than take the time to find out what was going on with me she centered our conversations on her and her new boyfriend. “How about we go out tomorrow night?” she asked. “I can’t, I've got plans” “Mia are you making yourself purposely busy because of me?" Implying that I was cutting off my nose to spite my face. I felt the thought bubble pop up over my head WTF?! Chill with the ego trip it's not all about you girl. instead I replied, “No” and bit my tongue to keep myself from telling her what I thought of that stupid remark. I informed her that the plans had been made several weeks in advance, tickets had been purchased. She he looked at me as if I were lying. “Yeah she’s going out with us tomorrow to the bowling party,” interjected one of the girls who had been walking with us. My friend looked less than thrilled.
Then there’s the issue of her using my blog as a scape goat. She tells people that the reason she and a couple of friends of hers are no longer talking to each other is because of a post I wrote.That’s a load of bull.
The post was about her becoming more assertive and me being the better person after her friend had talked crap about me. The reality is that the first girl stopped talking to her because she felt betrayed. It had nothing to do with my post and everything to do with me confronting her. I approached her because I hate hypocrisy. The girl that I confronted and I made our peace. I had nothing against her personally and whatever she felt about me I really didn’t care because we were never tight like that. I encouraged my friend to make peace with the chick but she wasn't able to. The fact that they didn't had nothing to do with my blog.
Now as for her other friend, initially she did get angry over the post because of the way in which I described their friendship. I tell no lies, what I wrote was the truth. However the that is not what broke up their friendship, there were mitigating factors. The fact of the matter is that these girls had been having problems for awhile. At one point they had stopped talking for a year. Everyday I heard the latest installment in their saga from my friend... this chick hasn’t called me, or they didn’t invite me to chill with them. This one or that one said this to me she’d complain angrily. It was petty stuff but I guess if you dwell on it too much and don’t talk about it the petty stuff it wears you down. My post seemed to be catalyst for airing out their grievances. The argument between them escalated to include other things that went down with them in their past. Things they’d been holding onto.
Now months later the chick is claiming that she told me and I love the fact that she said this to my face with delusional conviction…that I shouldn’t have written that. In reponse to that I just gotta say this WTF?! chick is crazy! She must have had that conversation inside of her head because lord knows she sure as hell didn’t tellme anything along those lines. Rather than argue with her I let her continue telling me about the imaginary conversation she had with me in reference to the post. I didn’t interrupt to remind her everyone present at my aunt’s house heard her yelling into the phone at her friend that everything I'd written echoed the way she felt. I know what was said and if she chooses to believe a lie she concocted in order to make herself feel better so be it. I don’t need to assemble the witnesses present at the time just to prove to her she’s tripping. The fact that I know what went down and what she actually said is enough for me.
Still as sad as their break up it was based on the truth on actual events nothing like the drama she initiated between a friend and I which was based on a lie. I had hooked her up with a former boyfriend, a long time friend. After a few weeks he ended it with her. Afterwards she called me to tell me that he had said some less than complementary things about me and my mother while they were dating. My mom didn’t believe it, she even told me “Mia if he had really said those things why didn’t she tell you when he said it instead of now? Let’s say he did say them where was her loyalty to you then? As long as she was swinging off his dick she didn’t feel the need to tell you about this and now because he dumped her she tells you?! Na uh baby something is up there, leave it alone. She’s just hurt over the way it ended between them. You know despite the shit she is talking now she was really into him."
It was one of those rare times when I let my temper get the best of me.
I didn’t give a crap what she claimed he’d said about me it was what she claimed he said about my mama that had my bra all twisted up. No one messes with my mama. I called the guy up and got into it with him. He denied everything she said. He repeated my mother’s theory to me. Sadly I was too mad to think straight I let him have it and hung up on him.
See the thing that irks me the most is that I took her at her word only to have her tell me months later that that he had never said what she told me, that it was her interpertation. Which in my ‘hood is double speak for “Oops my bad I was lying.” I let it go and told her not to worry about it. I mean what could I do knock her teeth out for lying? Even before she told me it had been a lie I tried to reach out to him but he’s not ready to accept my apology. I know I hurt him but I know that one day we will lay eyes on each other again and when we do it will all be forgotten. We’ll even laugh about it. After her "confession" I couldn’t be mad at her because I know it took a lot of courage to ‘fess up to the truth. Yet somehow when she is going around telling people that I caused the end of a couple of friendships I doubt she is repeating the story of how she caused drama between my friend and me with a lie.
So there I was this past New Years Eve standing at my window after several weeks of taking stock of my life filled with the optimism that an approaching New Year sends ahead of its’ arrival and decided that a purging was in order. Every now and then one needs to clean out their emotional “closets” redefine things and get rid of the stuff that doesn’t fit. A week or so later on the spur of the moment I changed my cell phone number. Those who called the house got the new number. Those who didn't got zip. I figure if the need to holla at me they can leave me a message online or at home. The friend who was so worried about me ditching her for a guy? I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days until she saw me on line. The purge was complete.
I wish both of my girls only the best and hope that their new relationships are everything that they’ve dreamed of and more, that they are, “twirling on a mountain top singing The Hills are Alive with The Sound of Music “ type of happy. I think they are both wonderful ladies and don’t regret the time spent with them. I'm not ashamed to say that I miss Reina madly and that the end of our friendship broke my heart. There are times when something crazy happens and my first impulse is to call her. She was after all like a sister to me and even though she drove me crazy at times with her bossy ways I loved her. I've come to terms with the break up and can even understand the reason behind the choice she made. I'd always been her mirror the measure of her conscience and in the end she couldn't stand to deal with my disappointment over the direction she had chosen. She needed to ditch me in order to be able to believe in the lie she'd chosen for herself.
As for the ex bf with the anger and trust issues I wish him inner peace and serenity. Hopefully one day he will be able to over come his issues and find happiness. From each of these people I learned something valuable and will carry it with me for the rest of my life. I'll never forget them. It's just that in order to fully appreciate the good in them I first had to purge the bitter taste they’d left within me. Now that that is done and over with I can look back at our time together with fondness and smile. I wish them all luck on their journey through life. In the meantime life goes and what a wonderful life it is and of course You Live You Learn
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