Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Pat Robertson has spoken!


Ahhh yes Virginia there really is a Santa Claus. I looked under my tree yesterday and wayyyy behind the Teddy Ruxpin look- a-like bear reading the nativity story was a box and within that box was a story. Oh ho ho ho ho praise be to bejeezus my friends not just any story ‘twas a Pat Robertson story! I felt oh so loved! Anyone who knows me knows that Pat Robertson aka the soothiest soothsayer that ever lived is my man! Throught out the years he has been responsible for a great share of my belly laughs. Let’s re-cap shall we? Here are some of my personal favorites from the man who once declared that Scotland was a "dark land overrun by homosexuals."


  • 1985: Pat claims that he used his powers of prayer to steer Hurricane Gloria away from Virginia Beach, Virginia and his company's headquarters.


  • 1998: Pat stated that allowing "Gay Days" to occur at Disney World could result in variety of natural disasters to strike Orlando, Florida, including the possibility of a meteor strike.


  • 2005: Dover, Pennsylvania residents were informed by Robertson "if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to god." This was due to the fact that the school board in the town had rejected the idea of teaching the intelligent design theory in its public schools. 2005 was a banner year for him he also called for the United States to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. A statement he later denied making.


  • Ahh but enough of the past let's see what good ol' Pat is up to now! Well it seems that God’s offical spokesman Pat Robertson took time off from his power weight lifting to get some 411 straight from the Lords mouth as to what we could expect in the new year. As y’all know God and Pat arethisclose they were frat brothers way back in college. So ummm naturally anytime God has something he wants to announce to the world he contacts Pat they light up a fat blunt and in between the smoking and the munchies God fills Pat in on his plans. The thing that gets me is that for some reason God never has nothing nice to report to Pat; you know like ummm in 2007 there will be peace in the Middle East, enough food to feed the masses and hollywood celebs will finally wear panties. Nada like that instead God always paints pictures involving doom and gloom. If you ask me God and Pat could use some little happy pills.

    Anywho according to Sooth Sayer Pat God told him in that in September that there’s going to be a terrortist attack on the US resulting in a mass killing . I guess much like June is the time for weddinggs and graduations September has been designated by terrorists world wide as the official month for attacks, Okay maybe it’s just me but WTF?!!! September, terrorist attack? Didn’t we do this already? It’s like dejavu all over again. Me thinks Pat has been watching re-runs. He also believes that the attack will be nuclear eventhough God didn’t make any mention of that. So consider yourselves warned people. Pat Roberston has spoken!

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