Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

He Whose Name Must Not Be Mentioned


Just as summer began I broke up with a guy I had been seeing for a year. My mother was ecstatic! He hated my mom and my mom despised him as well for too many reasons to be listed here. The people closest to me weren't too crazy about him either. Still when I came to mom and asked her if she wanted me to break up with him she told me no. She wanted me to break up with him for my own reasons not hers and she didn’t want me to always think back on my relationship with him and have any “what if’s” in the back of my head. She had no doubt the veil would be lifted from my eyes and he'd be history. She also added that she would no longer speak ill of him to me because it just prolonged the agony. That instead of alerting me to his flaws everyone's displeasure with him only served to make me feel sorry for him and act protective towards him because I've always rooted for the under dog.

In order to keep her word my mom needed a place to vent.She set up her own blog entitled, “ My Daughter Is Dating an Idiot and I hope I Survive It.” The blog gave her and my friends a place to vent. She posted a photo of him as part of her logo that ran on an interactive java script and allowed visitors to draw on the picture. Many times readers would blacken his eyes, his teeth, add horns to his head and those were the nice things! My friends were merciless! The blog was hysterical I can’t front my heffa Jackie loved it. Once I broke up with the guy my mom took it down.

Now here’s the thing I have a habit of remaining on good terms with all my entire ex’s we’re cool like that and most importantly they are cool with my family like that. However this one guy was different. Just the mere mention of his name pisses my mom off. So when he called my house yesterday to talk about something that was going on in his life she wasn’t too thrilled. …



Mom: Hello-oh

Ex BF: Mia?

My mom and I sound identical on the phone to the point where even my father can’t tell our voices apart. Mom thought she recognized the voice and looked at the caller ID and saw my ex’s name but she still wasn’t sure if it was him or his dad because his dad would often call my house when he needed to get in touch with his son.

Mom: No. This is not Mia. To whom am I speaking to?

Ex BF: Jason

Mom: What can I do for you?

Ex BF: Can I speak to Mia?

mom paused and thought about it for a second

Mom: No

Ex BF: Oh okay

Mom: Good-bye

After a couple of minutes she started feeling bad and called out to me.

Mom: Mia, He Whose Name Must Not Be Mentioned just called.

Mia: Who Jason? Jason called?

Mom: Shhhh dammit child didn’t I just say He Whose Name Must Not Be Mentioned? Well yeah the thing that came to dinner called. He wanted to speak to you and I told him no.

I had to laugh because my mom has never done something like that no matter how much she has disliked someone.

Mia: Are you serious you told him no?

Mom: Yup. I feel bad now call the bastard back if you want. His number is on the caller ID.

after speaking to him a for a few minutes I returned to the living room

Mia: Mom Jason just proposed to me. I told him yes.

As soon as the words left my mouth I started laughing.


Mom: You think that’s funny? Come here I’ll show you something real funny. only by the time I am done I’m going to be the only one laughing. I’m not so sure you will.

Mia: Damn ma you dislike Jason that much?


Mom: Nena what have I told you? Don’t say his name he’s like Bloody Mary if you say his name 3 times he’ll appear! Hence his title “He Whose Name Must Not Be Mentioned !”

Granted I now see what it was she disliked about him and I am grateful to her for letting me discover it on my own. However I still get a kick out of teasing her by mentioning his name every now and then.

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