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Sunday, September 10, 2006September 11th: Five years later
Five years have gone by in the blink of an eye. Five years later I sit here looking out my window at where The Twin Towers once stood. It seems like only yesterday I was looking at them in the same panaromic sweep as Lady Liberty, her smile always beaming at me from the harbor. Five years later I think about the nearly 3,000 lives that were lost and I still get that dull pain in my heart. I think about that Tuesday, September 11th 2001 and I still cry. I was forced to grow up that day and I wasn't ready, none of us were. Five years later people still talk about how blue the sky was. They still talk about how gorgeous the day was before we got hit.It was spring-like, so breath taking. Even on that day five years ago as people stepped outside of their homes ready to start the work day they were amazed with how beautiful it was.
Maybe it was God's way of shining his grace on us in anticipation of what was headed our way. I've often wondered where God was that day? Did he happen to look away at the moment we were hit? Was his attention diverted by the latest prayer of someone wanting to hit it big in the lottery? I've often wondered when the planes hit did he cover his eyes? Was the horror of it all too much for him to bear?
It’s been five years since the collective heart of New York was broken. Yet we’ve stood with pride through it all. With determination to rebuild and courage in the face of more threats. I wish I could say that with each year that has passed that the heart has healed but it hasn’t. I don't think it ever will, but we stand as resilient, brave and proud today as we did five years ago. On some days the pain is less yet on others it is intense especially when we remember exactly how much we lost. Even now we continue to lose. We are losing our 911 heroes due to illness. The very same ones that endured weeks and weeks of breathing in the toxic stew that was our air. Five years later my father still has nightmares about the rain of body parts that fell from the sky. He still has nightmares of the people some dead, some living flying past his office window. In his dreams he always manages to stick his hand out his window and pull them in to safety. This spring and summer saw the release of WTC movies. I couldn’t watch them it’s still too soon for me but I agree the stories need to be told. No one can forget this wasn’t about buildings being destroyed it was about the murder of nearly 3,000 people. The one constant that has endured and grown in every sense is our pride. We are proud as hell to be mother fluffin' New Yorkers, proud to be Americans.
This past spring also saw the release of the 911 calls made to the city’s emergency switch board. We heard the voices of the dying. Some knew they were going to die others held out hope they’d be rescued. Many of those heroes failed to make it back out, among them two members of my own family. While cleaning out the Deutsche Bank Building near ground zero remains of more victims were found. Granted they were bone fragments but none the less they were still remains and for many of the families it brought some peace. It’s still amazes me that NYC’s Bravest (fire dept.) and Finest (police dept.) knowing the danger they faced still ran into the buildings while others ran out. They knew they faced certain death but were trying to save as many of their fellow New Yorkers as possible before the angels came for them. I know they didn’t do this because it was their job they did this because they were the bravest of the brave. It takes a special person to run into a burning building to face a most certain death when others are running out.
Five years later I find that my heartache is accompanied by anger at times. I am angry that there are still people out there who think that we deserved this,that this was "payback" for this government's policies and actions. Yet the countrymen of those very same people are trying to get into my country because of thier oppressive governments.Five years later they still treat us with contempt, ignorance and hatred.Yet we are called the ones called infidels.New Yorkers will not allow the hatred of some to snuff out the love we feel for our brothers and sisters.
Five years later I will not apologize for my government or for my less than stellar president. I may not agree with certain policies and actions of my government but at least I have the freedom to talk about, yell it out,and even blog about it and not have to worry that I will be dragged away and imprisioned. Call me arrogant if you will but I will not apologize for my "decadent" western ways. I refuse to bow my mother hubbing head. I bow to no one. I am an American, I am a New Yorker born and raised as were my parents. I refuse to apologize for my freedom, infact I revel in all it entails. I refuse to apologize for my New York accent. I refuse to apologize for the middle finger I give everytime Bin Laden releases one of his tapes. Still I do not hate him or his followers because I know that Karma, God and whoever is in charge of this will see that they get what is coming to them when their time comes. They will be reborn into a life where they will have to atone for what they did during this one.
When I started to write this I thought I wouldnt be able to write much about it. I mean five years later what more can I say? I guess I was wrong, my head may have thought it had said all it had to say on the subject but then my heart took over.Today I am angry. I am angry for the families of the 911 victims. I am angry because of all the lives that were lost. Yet I know that this anger will subside it always does. I will meditate and I will remember. I will remember the members of my blood family; I will remember the members of my brotherhood of man family. I will remember the ones I knew, I will remember the ones I never met. I will remember them all as long as I live because I carry them in my heart and there they will remain until the day my heart stops forever.
::Note:: If you've written something on 911 and would like to share it with me and the rest of the heads that read this blog please add your link below. I know it doesn't seem like alot of heads come here but they do. I know this because the stats of this site get e-mailed to me on a weekly basis. My visitors are just type shy...
15 comment from: christina/ohio, Mia, Champ - Love Hound, Charlotte, Mia, Amani, Emory, Eunee, Bonnie B, Cheeky, NuNu™, Aisha, Mia, Spontaneousnessity, Amie,