Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Next up at bat Mia...

There must be something about my demeanor that screams heathen to people. They’re always trying to convert me. Maybe I should seriously consider having those horns growing out of my head surgically removed. Due to a wicked ear infection I’d been confined to my bed for a couple of days. Finally my medicine kicked in and I was actually able to walk around my house without losing my balance. Since my ear infection prevented me from talking on the phone my friend asked me to meet our friends in a chat room. While chatting with my friends I got a private message from someone who was not in the room with us. The following is a condensed version of a 90 minute conversation. I divided it up because it is kind of long.

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CitiZeN Of ZioN : <<=== just tryin' to be friend. what do you do?

MiA : I’m a psychology student and I mentor abused women.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : interesting . You mean like women that beat up on people? My major is Biblical and theological studies.

MiA : No, women who get beaten on.

(Wait did he say biblical studies? Any money this is going to be a discussion on religion)

CitiZeN Of ZioN : oh the opposite... my bad. what do you tell them?

MiA : Lead with your left, duck and weave. I’m kidding. I help them reach the goals that they’ve planned for themselves.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : what is a patient, intellectual female doin' on aol?

(Baseball announcer enters the room...“ The pitcher approaches the mound….pitching for the Born Again Team is C.O.Z.” )

MiA : boredom

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Do you attend church?

(the pitcher winds up…the crowd leans in to watch the pitch)

MiA : No

CitiZeN Of ZioN: your spiritual?

MiA : Yup but I don’t “do” organized religion.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : ok... but that was not my question... you consider youself spiritual?

(The smell of an attempted conversion is thick in the air.)

MiA : Yes I do.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : ok... spiritual, interesting... tell me what you mean?
if you don' t mind me askin'.

(Here we go…I’m going to have to find a way out of this convo politely…I could tell him I worship Satan…or that I am Wicca but that would be wrong…)

MiA : I’m not a fan of a lot of the church teachings and I believe I don’t have to be in a church to worship God. She’s around me everywhere I go.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : your right... you don't have to go to church to worship God... he is omnipresent.... and you are also right when you say some church teaching are not agreeable..... so what I do not understand is what you say when you said that you are spiritual... would you explain that for me?

MiA: I thought I just did. I believe in God. I do not believe in the church.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: oh ok. interesting. I understand. And I believe you have a calling in your life. Your talents and gifts are destined to serve the Lord. With your intellect, God can really manifest himself in your life to express his Love through you.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : are you a Christian?

MiA : no

MiA : Like I said before I am not affiliated with any organized religion.

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CitiZeN Of ZioN : I am not talking about organization and religion.

MiA : I don’t affiliate myself with any particular religion.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : I do not neither.

(you swim in a sea of lies….I can smell a born again from a mile away)

CitiZeN Of ZioN : I feel you Ma

(oh snizap he’s using an urban term of endearment.. I guess he figures it’s a way in, using it as common bond. We’re both young urban boricua college students. He has no idea I hate strangers calling me “ma, mami, boo, chula, and all that other crap. It breeds familiarity where none exsists.)

CitiZeN Of ZioN : read with your heart... and see with your spiritual eye..... hear my words....

(wtf is he trying to hypnotize me? What next…you are getting sleepy…sleepy… cluck like a chicken!)

CitiZeN Of ZioN : do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ?

MiA : yeah we're on a 1st name basis. We even share a birthday.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : seriously Mia.... do you?

MiA : yeah just as I have a relationship with Allah, Buddha, and Yahweh

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Jesus said that His word is spiritual.

MiA : Jesus said a lot of things . As did other prophets.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Jesus is not just a prophet... he is the son of God.

MiA : That is what you believe. I believe different.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Its not what I believe... its what I know.

(and like the old GI Joe cartoon says, “knowing is half the battle”)

CitiZeN Of ZioN: you said your spiritual... listen with your spirit....

MiA: Listen I see where this is headed. I don’t want to walk down your spiritual path. It’s not my thing and it’s not what was meant for me.

(that should be the signal to end the convo right? Wrong!)

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CitiZeN Of ZioN : your right but anythin' outside of God is not spiritual. please listen to my words....

MiA : Look your God, my God, they don’t need to go by the same name. What is important is that we try to do the best that we can while we are here on earth.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Jesus died to restore your spirit.... to have be born again, not physically but spiritually...

MiA: Nothing was wrong with me the first time I was born.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: sweetheart... no one in the sight of God is good.... not one is righteous... please listen to me....

(wtf? No one is good? What kind of garbage is that? This is what they teach in church? )

CitiZeN Of ZioN: he died to restore our spirits... that was taken from us from the day Adam sinned.... Jesus said I am the truth the life and the way... no one can see the father unless through me.... please listen to me...

MiA: every prophet has said different things. There is no one right path to God. We each have our own individual paths to spirituality. It’s not a one size fits all type of deal.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I know what they said.... there is only one way.... please.... listen…

MiA: so what you’re saying is Jesus is the only way?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes... he is the only way Mami....

MiA: Uh huh.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: i was looking for God... I was searching for him.... and I found him through Jesus Christ....

MiA : That’s great, that you were able to find him when you needed him. But that’s your path not mine.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Can you say that your path would guarantee you a spot in heaven?

MiA: yes I can

CitiZeN Of ZioN : how Mia?

MiA: b/c in the end God doesn’t care what religion you follow.

CitiZeN Of ZioN that's not true.

MiA: God is about acceptance and love not about quotas or religious cliques. In the end it doesn’t matter who you bow down and pray to.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: You are right God is about that.... but you have to be forgiven by God in order for that to guarantee you a spot in heaven.

MiA: Forgiven? I haven’t done anything to be forgiven for as of yet and if I do that’s between God and me. We don’t need no middle man.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: sweetheart... what about the evil the is so prevalent in your heart and all the evil you had done and said in your entire life?

MiA: Evil prevalent in my heart? I’m not saying I’m perfect but I’m not evil either.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: ok... would you mind answering me some questions?

MiA: sure

CitiZeN Of ZioN: thank you.

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CitiZeN Of ZioN: Did you ever lie in your entire life?

MiA: maliciously? No… in avoidance of responsibility for something I’ve done…NO.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes or no be honest

MiA: I am guilty of lying to protect someone’s feelings. I lied to someone by telling them that a shirt didn’t make them look fat because they had issues with low self-esteem and I didn’t want them to be self-conscious all day.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: so you did lie

MiA: Yup

CitiZeN Of ZioN: look deep into your heart... be careful not to lie...

MiA: I am looking

CitiZeN Of ZioN: ok... you never really lied... that's hard to believe....

MiA: don’t judge me by your own habits. You’ve already lied to me once during this conversation when you said you were not affiliated with any religion.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: am not judging.... am asking you to judge yourself. next question....

MiA: who would’ve thought a man could part the red sea or another man walk on water. Yet they claim it was done.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: It was done. I can prove it

MiA: so the same way you can prove it, I can prove I don’t lie

CitiZeN Of ZioN: next question.... did you ever steal anythin' in your entire life?

MiA: nope

CitiZeN Of ZioN: ok.... did you ever cheat?

MiA: nope

CitiZeN Of ZioN: did you ever lust for anyone in your entire life?

MiA: nope. I’ve fallen in love but not lust. I know the difference between the two.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Do you have a heart?

MiA: of course I do and I have the heart murmur to prove it.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: ok... did you ever hate anyone?

MiA: I don’t hate b/c it’s a waste of time, and its just negative energy. Not to mention it produces bad karma. My Buddhist mother taught me this as a child.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Did you ever have pre marital sex?

MiA: Not today but there’s always tomorrow.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: ok... do you ever use God name in vain?

MiA: Nope and that’s why we get along so well I don’t use her name in vain and she doesn’t use mine.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: be serious. were you ever jealous?

MiA: I’m not a jealous person. Again jealousy is a negative energy. Again my Buddhist mother, again bad karma.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: ok....

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(it takes him awhile to come back to me. I imagine he’s poring over the index of his how to convert heathens manual.)

CitiZeN Of ZioN: let me just tell you somethin' about the human heart.... for within' a man's heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean or evil. And that's how God looks at us... God does not look at us on the outside like men does... .God looks at the heart.....

MiA: Okay my turn now. Everything you said was negative. I choose to define people by the good I see within them, the good I see around me. Don’t judge the heart of mankind by the evil attributes of a few because not every one has evil in them.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Everyone does.

MiA:that’s your opinion

CitiZeN Of ZioN: That's not an opinion. Its the truth and from God.
like I said we look at the outside appearance... God looks at the heart. and to say that your a good person.... sweetheart.... please. Don't get me wrong.... you do good deeds... God sees that..... but that does not make us a good person.

MiA: I didn’t say I was a good person nor did I claim to do good deeds. Now if you got the impression that I am a good person and do good deeds then that’s a vibe you’re picking up on your own. I didn't plant it there. You have attempted to paint me with this broad brush when you know nothing of me except that I am human. You have attempted to judge me and label me as a sinner because I don’t share your belief system. If I buy into what you’re saying about the heart of man and it’s true then no one is worth saving.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: EXACTLY!!!! The wisest thing you said!

MiA: But i don’t believe that what your saying is true.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: we are not worth saving.... but GOD LOVES US.... that Jesus pay the price. please... open your heart Mia....

(okay time to wrap this convo up. My friends were discussing anal beads in an attempt to cure a professors tendency to act like he had a stick up his butt and I’d missed the whole hysterical conversation and people wanted to know why I wasn’t talking. )

MiA: Are you happy with your spiritual path?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Yes

MiA: and I am happy with mine. In the end that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter how we worship or who we worship what matters is that we worship if it is in our heart to do so.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Mia please.... Mia... we were created to worship God.

MiA: No we weren’t because if that’s true then we’re nothing but God’s vanity toy with no free will of our own. Then our sole purpose here on earth is to be on our knees 24-07 in worship.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes... but God is a spirit.... we must worship in spirit.... and in truth. The truth, the life and the way is in Jesus.

MiA: for you, that is your truth. Mine is different.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: The cross is the symbol of God's love for his people.... to restore us to him. please listen to me. open your heart... do not harden it. Jesus said those that are willing to do the will of God in their life would know that his words are from God.

MiA: A Buddhist once said look onto all of mankind ignore the differences within embrace them as your brothers and you will want for no more.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes he did. Buddha said that

( Actually Buddha did not say that. My mother was the one that said that. It was something she learned as a result of being a Buddhist and taught it to me.)

CitiZeN Of ZioN: but Buddha... did not pay the price for all the wrong you had committed in your life. Jesus Christ did. Mohammed... killed people cuz they did not want to join his belief which is still happenin' today.

MiA: I’m not going to get into all of the atrocities that were committed in the name of religion by religions against each other. You as a theology student should know this already. What I am going to tell you is this when Jesus was getting nailed to the cross they didn’t tell him "we’re killing you for sins of the world." That mantra was picked up after he died in order to win converts over. Jesus was killed b/c he claimed to be the son of God which offended the religious leaders of his time. Jesus contradicted their teachings and he pointed out their hypocrisy. People were turning away from what they had been taught all their lives to follow him. The politics of religion at the time were not happy with that. They were not going to allow it. That is why Jesus was bought and paid for with silver, that’s why he was beaten the way he was, paraded through the streets and in an act of final degradation crucified in a public place. His murder was a warning to other potential heretics. All of that was politics. The politics of religion.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: That’s not the truth. The new testament was written by eyewitnesses of Jesus.... and tells the truth about why they killed him.... his life story is in there....

MiA: the New Testament was written by men period and men have a way of shaping stories to give credence to their agendas.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: religion, politics, jealousy is what killed religion.... cuz the Lord expose them to who they really are. is what killed Jesus* It was all according to God's plan of salvation for the world.

MiA: Look I am not saying that Jesus was not a great man worthy of followers. On the contrary, his teachings have been admired and recalled by many of the world’s prophets that came after him. I admire his teachings; I adhere to his principles and try to apply them to my own life.

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CitiZeN Of ZioN: think about it... either Jesus was the son of God or a bogus prophet.

MiA: Why does he have to be one or the other? You’re basically telling me that if he was only a prophet and not the son of God then his message is not a worthy one. So tell me who really understands spirituality here? The psychology student who opens her heart to God’s message regardless of the messenger’s station in life or the theology student who only believes the message if the messenger is the son of God? Where’s the unconditional love that I hear so much about from your kind? Whether or not Immaculate Conception comes into play aren’t we all God’s children? See this is why I can not get into an organized religion, it’s too close minded. Jesus was a prophet for some and the son of god to others…accept it and move on...don’t try to bend a persons will to your own because you can not tolerate views other than your own

CitiZeN Of ZioN: you see what am sayin'.....

MiA : what do u believe in your heart?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Mia... is not what I believe is what I know. everyone believe in God... even the devil believe that but does not obey. there's only one name from heaven that the world can be saved... and that Jesus Christ. I know he is the way. I am forgiven.

MiA: I’m happy for you that you’ve been forgiven because it seems to have given you peace at a time when you needed it.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: and you could be to... and God can prove that to you. Supernaturally.

MiA: I have nothing to be forgiven for and I am at peace.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Do you have faith in God?

MiA : my path was decided from the day I was born

CitiZeN Of ZioN: by who?

MiA: God, Karma, the three stooges Larry, Curly, Moe, and Shemp the brother no one really talks about. Whoever is in charge of these things.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Do you have faith in God? answer my question please.... do you have faith in God?

MiA: Yup.

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Do you believe that he could do all things?

MiA: Yes.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes or no

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes or no

CitiZeN Of ZioN: answer the question Mia

MiA: What are you watching Law & Order? I did answer, twice already.

( WTF? Am I on trial here? I sense he’s getting kind or irked with me.)

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes or no

MiA: I said yes

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CitiZeN Of ZioN: please have faith that God is using me to get your attention.... he wants to prove himself to you.

MiA: Or God is using me to get your attention. To make you understand that you need to be respectful and tolerant of the spiritual beliefs of others

CitiZeN Of ZioN: That's impossible.

MiA: why is it impossible?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: You really think God is tolerate of every other belief that is out there?

MiA: yes I do.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I know who God is. He walks with me... talks to me....

MiA: Tell her I said wassup!

CitiZeN Of ZioN: disciplines me like a Father that he is.

MiA: When you’re being judgmental and intolerant towards the religious beliefs of others does he give you a time out… take away your internet privileges ? Look when all is said and done we are worshipping the same god

CitiZeN Of ZioN: no we not. there is only one God. we can not live in peace if we do not have peace with God .Open your heart to Jesus... remember he's alive ,let him in... and watch he proves himself to you. supernaturally.

MiA: my heart has been open to Jesus since the day i was born as it was for Mohammed and the rest of the crew. Here’s where you and I differ. I don’t need God to prove herself to me. I know she exists because my heart tells me so. I don’t need the tangible.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: would you like to witness God's manifestation in your life?

MiA: I already have.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: no I mean... supernaturally.

MiA: Look you don’t know my story or where my faith comes from. Whether you choose to accept it or no I am one of God’s miracles and my life is a manifestation of her will.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: God has a purpose for your life ... your avoiding it.

MiA: Why do say think that, because I am not sitting in a church professing my love for God as I judge those whose views differ from mine?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: You know God is Holy... meaning separate from this world.... he can not tolerate sin....

MiA: So far all you’re telling me is that the God you worship is really intolerant. He rules through fear and intimidation. What the flup?! Is he’s down with the mob? Is his last name Gotti or Soprano? Look I am not deaf to what you’re saying. All I am saying is that we just have different paths we follow.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Mia... I am happy we have this discussion... because if we were not different... we would not learn.

MiA: my point exactly.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I am learning a lot in the past hour. I know you are too

MiA: yup

(I’m learning to take my profile off of AOL that’s what I’m learning)

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I realized a lot about you. your a cool person. I like you.

MiA: thanks

CitiZeN Of ZioN: we can agree to be differ but there is still only one way to heaven and thats through Jesus.

MiA: and that’s what is right for you not me

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CitiZeN Of ZioN: what are you doin' tomorrow?

MiA: I’m going to my aunts house

CitiZeN Of ZioN: time?

MiA: morning

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I wanna invite you somewhere.

MiA: I don’t meet people off aol

CitiZeN Of ZioN: The Brooklyn Tabernacle - Welcome!

CitiZeN Of ZioN: that's fine.

MiA: thank you very much for the invitation to your church though.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I am not thinkin' about you... am worried about your soul.

MiA: My soul is part of the package that is me. My soul is not in danger but thank you very much for caring. Didn’t we just agree that everyone is different?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: yes we did. you know what i realize.... that your heart is Hard... did you realize that?

(Really? That’s the first time I hear that. Usually people say I am soft hearted. However I’ve been hearing that my head is hard all my life.)

MiA: Why do you say my heart is hard? Is it because I won’t be swayed by your words? My heart is not hard. It’s just that I’ve already found my path. I believe in my path, I have faith in my path. I’ve embraced my path and no one can take me away from the path I have chosen for myself. Just as no one should be able to take you away from yours it that’s what is meant to be.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: not at all... you should come to the church and witness God's glory.

MiA: I don’t need to be in a church to see her glory. I’ve seen her glory.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: His presence.

MiA: I am in her presence every day.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: I hear that. remember... God knows your heart and every thought and emotions.

MiA: yes she does and that is why I know I will be fine

CitiZeN Of ZioN: you do not know.

MiA: Well I am 99.9% sure. Let me ask you something. Why is it that that throughout this whole conversation you are the only one that is sure of anything and knows things? You have attempted to debunk everything I profess to know in my heart. I don’t need to believe what you believe in order to be close to God.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: because it is the truth... and the truth shall set you free.

MiA: That is your truth. It works for you. It’s a beautiful thing that your truth brings you closer to your God. But your truth is not mine.

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CitiZeN Of ZioN: Mia please listen to me open your heart. The truth shall set you free

MiA: I’m not a prisoner. I don’t need to be set free.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: your a prisoner once you were born.

MiA: Again your belief not mines. Maybe you were born with shackles. I wasn’t. Shackles are something that we ourselves take on in life.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: cast yourself out yourself.... get your mind off of you.

( I think he’s trying to do an exorcism on me!)

CitiZeN Of ZioN: we are prisoners to sin. you know that its not religion its reality there's no such thing as absolute freedom

MiA: Again that’s your opinion. You needed to be saved for a reason. You were lost and you weren’t free right?

CitiZeN Of ZioN: exactly

MiA: But check this out that is not my life. If you ask me you’re still a prisoner… to intolerance. I am not imprisoned. You attempt to judge me by the person you once were. I have never walked in your shoes so I don’t know what made you the way you are. You have not walked in mine, our life experiences are different. You can never possibly understand who I am or where my serenity comes from and that’s okay because you weren’t meant to. I am someone totally different from you. I’ve always been at peace with myself it was a gift given to me in this life.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: and to say that you are not trapped in sin... you are wrong... deep in your heart. you know what I am sayin' has truth in it.... but your not yielding. that's why I say your heart is hard.

MiA : Of course I am wrong. In your eyes you are the only one that is right about anything but let’s be real here you say my heart is hard because I refuse to follow your path. If I were to accept your message and cast aside all that I have been taught and all that I believe in and follow you then you’d consider me to be good. To be honest with you I don’t care if you think I am good or not. When my time here is over it is not to you that I will answer to. My last worldly thoughts will not be of you or if I fit your criteria of what a good person should be.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: you refuse to receive the truth.

MiA: No it’s you who refuses to receive the truth. The truth is our paths are different. It does not make one better than the other just different. You say you’re concerned over my soul and I thank you for your concern over my soul but it’s doing just fine thank you.

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CitiZeN Of ZioN: your funny... you sound like a little girl... cute.

MiA : Wow that’s amazing, because I don’t allow myself to be swayed by you now you consider me a child? When we started this conversation I was in your words “a patient, intellectual female” no mention of being a child there. Now I am a child. Talk about a complete turn around.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: no no no please.... please... no attitude. am sayin' what you just said was cute.

MiA: I’m not mad. I have an infinite amount of patience.

CitiZeN Of ZioN: Good

MiA: Let me get this straight though okay?

CitiZeN Of ZioN : okay.

(Next up at bat Mia...she walks to the plate…touches her bat to the ground… looks into the bleachers at the fans…she winks and points to the sky…. She assumes her batting stance… cocks her head to the side…the pitcher throws the ball…. Mia swings….)

MiA : My rhetoric makes me sound cute... Young like a little girl. Like a child, a little child? Is that what you’re saying I’m like a little child?

CitiZeN Of ZioN : Yes exactly like a little child !

MiA: Well doesn’t your bible say, “And a little Child shall lead them.”?

(Mia’s bat connects… “CRACK!” the bat breaks in half…the ball sails over the stands out of the ballpark. It’s a home run! It’s a home run! The crowd goes wild. Mia tips her hat to all of the fans as she leisurely circles the bases.)

After that C.O.Z didn’t have anything else to say and our convo ended.

C.O.Z if you’re reading this… even though our paths are different I still respect your devotion to your faith…man you gave it your best shot there’s no shame in that. This song is for you….


Posted by @ 5:41 PM
3 comment from: Blogger christina/ohio, Blogger Mia, Blogger Mia,