Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Friday, August 18, 2006

My gaydar failed me...


Several friends and I were sitting in the cafeteria discussing our various body piercings when one of my friends mentioned to the group that I had my twins pierced. The one male classmate that was chilling with us a gay guy asked if he could see my twin piercings because he’d never seen one “live and in the flesh” before and I said, “Sure.” Wait, wait don’t be making that face! I’m not a candidate for “Girls Gone Wild” I figured it was okay with him because he was gay.

My friends formed a protective wall around so that I could show the gay kid my boobs without flashing the entire student body. I opened the top buttons of my blouse and pulled my twins out of their protective enclosure for a brief second and showed him the piercings. He stared and asked a couple of questions about them. As I started to cover them up he asked if he could see them again and I obliged him.

Ordinarily that would be the end of the story except that I just found out that my gaydar failed me. The kid is not gay…I repeat for those hard of hearing…the dude is not gay . My friend Wendie told me he has a girl friend back at home….
Mia:yeahhh right she’s probably his beard . He probably hasn’t come out to his family yet.

Wendie:No he's straight.

Mia:You know you could’ve told me that before I showed him my lovely lady lumps Wendie!

Wendie: I thought you knew!

Mia: Wendie wtf?! Heffa you’ve known me since I was 14 when the hell have you ever seen me flashing my tatas ? I thought he was gay! The dude is more feminine than most girls!

Wendie:I thought you knew he was straight.

Man let me tell you between you and me the other peeps who read this blog I never really liked Wendie…nope didn’t particularly care for her back in high school either. I thought she was just messing with my head. I mean hola! Walking like a duck, quacking like a duck, having feathers and bill like a duck… does not equal being bull frog well at least not in my mind.

I told the story to my mom…

Mom::Did he compliment you on your boobs?

Mia: Yeah he said I had beautiful breasts… hmmmm oh crap .

Mom:Uh huh...Was he staring at just the piercing or the entire surroundings?

Mia:Everything…

Mom: And when exactly did he ask to see the piercings again?

Mom::When I was putting them away.

My mom started giggling like crazy.

Mia:Ma?

Mom:Yes kiddo?

Mia: oh shit. it just hit me. Damn I’m slow.
He wasn’t gay was he? Was he ma? Ma? Was he gay? Oh please say you think he was gay. Ma?

Mom: Ummm I’m gonna have to say no sweetie.

Mia: oh shit. There I am arching my back… posing like a porn star so that his GAY ass could get a good look at the piercings and it turns out he is straight. Wow.

Mom: Yeah man you flashed a straight guy.

I put my head down into my hands…

Mia: Oh man he wasn’t gay. My gaydar was broken.

Mom:Sure was, but look at it this way you made him very happy guy for the day at least!


I don’t care what mom and Wendie say dude was gay! At least that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself so that I can sleep at night without shame.

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Posted by @ 1:40 PM
7 comment from: Blogger christina/ohio, Blogger Louise, Blogger 15/09, Anonymous Nina, Blogger Aldara, Blogger Mia, Blogger DannieS72,