Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Drunk Mexicans With Weapons

A couple of days ago Rebecca was discussing her concern over safety issues in a specific neighborhood in Queens, “There are drunk Mexican people that constantly are fighting and with weapons.” That’s a direct quote by the way. Is that the coolest statement or what? It just screams with vivid imagery.

I immediately imagined marauding bands of Mexicans in Queens wearing huge sombreros some sporting Frito Bandito mustaches. In one hand they carry a bottle of mezcal with the worm in it, in the other hand a pistolera. They also have a mariachi band follows them playing theme music where ever they go. I’ll be honest with you after that remark everything else was a blur I couldn’t stop laughing. All that kept running through my mind was ”Drunk Mexicans with Weapons”. It sounds like the title to a Quentin Tarintino/ Robert Rodriguez flick.

The plot: Drunk Mexicans hanging around Roosevelt Ave in Queens harassing unsuspecting gringos on blind dates oh yeah and they’d have ninja skills. Gary Busey and Cheech Marin would play good cop and bad cop tracking the drunk Mexicans . Marin a Mexican himself would carry the shame of what his people were doing and because of this was extra belligerent toward all Latino immigrants.

A secret covert agency within homeland security headed by John Travolta would dispatch their best assassins played by Sandra Bullock and Yaphet Kotto to NYC to take care of the marauding Mexicans. It seems that the drunk Mexicans spooked a nervous black market arms dealer posing as landscaper in a van. The first time arms dealer not being familiar with that area of NY had no ideal that the Mexicans spotting the van with the landscapers for hire sign would be drawn to the van looking for work. The dealer thinking that they were undercover officers posing as drunk Mexicans ran off leaving the unlocked van behind. The Mexicans now have in their possession a new cache of weapons but what they don’t know is that hidden in the handle of several of the weapons are vials of a chemical engineered virus strong enough to wipe a country off the face of the planet within weeks. Certain terrorist organizations would kill to get their hands on this and in fact will. They’ve also dispatched their own people to NYC to track down the Mexicans. However they were being held up by airport security because they flew into Kennedy and La Guardia Airports with cosmetic items and shampoo bottles in their suitcases. They didn’t know about the security ban on these items. Now the race is on to see who will reach the drunk Mexicans first.

The tag line would be; “ They’re drunk. They’re Mexicans. They’ve got weapons.” Drunk Mexicans With Weapons” starring Antonio Banderas, Gary Busey, Sandra Bullock, Salma Hayek, Cheech Marin and Yaphet Kotto . Music by the Gypsy Kings and Los Lobos coming to a theatre near you.

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