Sunday, March 12, 2006

Winner by TKO is “Superficial”


I dislike superficial people. They piss me off; I guess it’s due to “fat kid” flashbacks. I was a fat chick (200 lbs) as a teenager. I started losing weight at the age of 15 finally dropping it all off by the time I was 17. When I was 15 ½ I met a wonderful kid named Patrick. He looked beyond all the extra poundage. He was my first boyfriend. In later years after we’d broken up, we’d still hang out together.It gave him an almost perverse pleasure to brag his friends who were attracted to me that he’d been my first boyfriend. Occasionally while partying on a slow night for him I’d make him look like “big daddy” to other females by laying a kiss on him. Nothing seems to make a guy more desirable to wenches especially superficial wenches than a semi-popular chick laying a kiss on a dude. I guess they figure they are missing out on something.

The people I’ve noticed that are the most superficial around me are guys. Don’t get me wrong I do know some superficial females as well; but mostly it’s the guys, and it’s always the ones who could least afford to be superficial. Go figure. These are the ones that want the trophy girlfriend yet lack the looks to bag one. However they are blessed with personality and enough macking skills to draw females to them. The only problem is that the beautiful model/porn star type of females they lust after are not interested in them. They want to be "just" friends with the superficial boys. I have to admit there have been a few times when beautiful model/porn star chick has been interested in superficial boy but after closer inspection we’d find that trophy girl was:

1)Drug addicted
2)Psycho
3)Untalented Stripper looking for a sugar daddy
4)Woman living off of welfare looking for a father for her 3 kids all of whom had different fathers.
5)In the closet lesbian who were really after superficial boys home girl.
6)Internet whore

Sometimes they were a combo of the above, a few times they were all six! Superficial boy is always surrounded by females that adore him,but he can not see the forrest for the trees. Some may be carrying around a little extra poundage but they are still attractive and more importantly smart, kind, and all around wonderful human beings. The superficial boy doesn’t want that. He holds out for the trophy chick,which explains why superficial boy spends a lot of time alone at home.

I have a friend who recently arrived from Egypt. He is a wonderful guy; loving, caring, generous, funny. Did I mention he’s wonderful? Our families would love for us to hook up but I don't see him like that. Being new to this country I figured he needed to make some friends. I tried to hook him up with a friend of mine, he didn’t find her attractive. He said she was nothing like me. I found that funny considering that he wasn’t attracted to me when we first met, and for reasons unsure to me made sure I knew it. I was too dark, (mind you he’s the same color as me)I abhor make-up and high heels. I love jeans and sneakers and like my hair I am short. He likes his women in high heels, with hair dyed in colors not found in nature. He likes them to dress as if they were going to go clubbing at a moment's notice. He likes them white looking with lots of make up. Their weekly Lacombe budget alone must exceed my monthly cell phone bill. One day when he spotted my tattoos he told me, “I could never get with a girl like you.” To which I replied, “don’t stress it papa, you could never get a girl like me.” Several weeks later after he had gotten to know me he was singing a different tune. He admitted he was attracted to me and attempted to hit on me. He made several valiant attempts at seducing me. I told him, “don’t you ever try that again.” He got the point and we’ve been friends ever since. However I know he still longs for the trophy girl. The problem is that when I flash his photo around to girls he would be attracted to he is not their cup of tea. Score round one for superficiality. I think we may need to go the route of an arranged marriage for this dude if this keeps up.

After my girl got dumped I suggested she needed a transition guy. You know the guy you date after a painful break up to get over the hump. I offer to hook her up with a guy I know who would be the perfect transition guy. He got dumped in January and is looking not to get serious with anyone just yet. She asks me how is he as a person and I tell her about him. Not once did she ask me how he looked. In turn the first thing he asks me is what she looks like, is she fat, does she have big boobs? What size are they?

WTF?! How the hell should I know? Shoot man it’s not like she’s asking how big your penis is! For God’s sake you’re only going to chill for a minute to see if you click. Wtf are you worried about if she’s fat? That shouldn’t matter. Once upon a time you were fat with big droopy man boobs in need of a bra and I didn't hold that against you. I looked beyond that to the sweet person you were. When did you become this superficial bastard? Was I asleep when this happened?

Just for the record she had average size boobs and like most American is carrying around 10 extra pounds. Well because of that the superficial boy hesitated and along came this non-superficial guy with a killer personality who positively adores her and swept my girl off her feet. The date that was supposed to happen this past Friday between superficial boy and my friend didn’t happen. She cancelled it out of respect for gorgeous non-superficial boy. They are now officially “talking”. I guess now superficial boy can join the ranks of our older crowd of superficial guy friends. The ones quickly approaching middle age living in their parent’s basement their looks and hairline quickly fading while they troll the internet for available single trophy girls all the while bemoaning their loneliness. The fight is over. The judges’ scores have been tallied and it looks like the winner of today’s fight by TKO is “superficial”.

Labels: relationships

Posted by @ 12:11 PM
2 comment from:  Emory Mayne,  Mia,